𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝖘𝖊𝖛𝖊𝖓𝖙𝖊𝖊𝖓
all about appearances

✦

The Christmas lights strewn around his room, a Christmas tree in the corner with bulbs covering it – lit with its own colorful mixture of lights, and the countdown with the days until the celebrated holiday all foretold two things: one, Leo loved Christmas and two, it was the most wonderful time of the year. And yes, he knows that he's sappy to call follow the old song and call it the most wonderful time of the year, but it was. There was something about all the festivity, bright lights, and cheer that could make anyone feel warm and, really, who didn't like a good Christmas movie?

         He knew that it might be a bit over the top and that his room was much more decorated than any other place in the house since Nadia didn't like all the hassle of spending so much time and money on decorations that would only be out for a month and then having to take it all down so soon, but Leo didn't care. He got his own artificial tree and his own Winter Wonderland and that made him content. Especially more since last year he hadn't been able to decorate at all because at the time 12 Grimmauld Place was not meant to have any cheer at all.

         Or, at least, it looked that way, what with the macabre outlook of it. And Leo was forbidden from decorating since it wasn't really his room or house even though he was living there for about an entire year, but whatever. He just had to go all out this year to make up for lost cheer the prior year and that was just fine with him because he loved the way his room looked. And if it weren't for Nadia forcing him to take everything done once January hit, his room would look like this year-round.

         But while he loved Christmas, Nadia was indifferent to it and Maia simply did not like the season. She said it was more about commerce than cheer and she never really was happy with anything anyone got her because it wasn't hand picked by her (and the one year Leo tried to let her pick, she threw a hit), but she never told anyone what she wanted so it was all guessing game that they ultimately failed at. Leo told her on more than one occasion that he wasn't a mind reader and couldn't possibly know what she wanted, and her response was to roll her eyes and scoff.

         Nancy looked onto the room with displeasure, her chin turned up a little like Remelda used to do. It made his heart when he thought about his dead aunt, and even though to see that his own mother did the same thing to haunt him. He was sure it was just a product from their upbringing if they both did the same exact thing.

         "I don't see why you take pleasure in all of this," Nancy commented, though not unkindly. While her expression should that of disgust, her tone edged more on the line of curiosity.

         Leo smiled easily at her. No one around him understood why he liked the holiday so much besides his grandpa, who he helped decorate the house with. His granddad was too old to do it on his own and Leo was more than willing to help the old guy out and spend some time with him. His grandpa always knew how to cheer him up.

         "It's festive," Leo told her, "Everyone in the muggle world celebrates Christmas. It's a huge deal and, well, I love it. Everyone's happier and kinder and there's so many bright lights and little songs to sing. It's my favorite time of year."

         "Hmm," was Nancy's reply as she went to touch the bulbs on the tree, only to have the objects go through her hand, causing her an instant of sadness before she shook it off, "We never celebrated Christmas."

         "But you had Christmas break," Leo frowned. He knew that wizards didn't place as much importance on the holiday – any muggle holiday, for that matter. There was no cheer for Easter or St. Patrick's Day or anything in between, but he was sure there was some celebration.

         Nancy smiled at him, but she had this look telling him oh you're so naïve darling. "Yes, we did, but no one truly traded gifts or sang songs. The Malfoys always held a party Christmas Eve and everyone would come. Well, anyone with some sort of value and upholding status. It wasn't very much because of the holiday, though, it was to show off your children and your wealth for everyone to see."

         Leo frowned at that. He imagined Christmas as a time with family, as a time with laughter and cheer, pulling a popper and having a nice cup of hot chocolate with the people he loved most. Not some cold party to show off how grand your life was. "Really?" he asked.

         "Of course," Nancy nodded, "The Blacks always got the mid-year party, and the Carrows had the pleasure of hosting one right before we all went back to Hogwarts. Of course, there were other parties, but those were the big three. Only the highest of the class got to attend."

         "Our parties are very different," Leo noted, still frowning from what she had said.

         His mother gave him a kind smile. "I know, dear, you've told me as much," she said nicely, "But your life is much different than mine was. Yours doesn't seem to care about blood status and wealth...mine did and there are different customs when you value that above all."

         He turned away from her, turning over her words in his head. He didn't like that, he didn't like the fact of a cold Christmas with no laughter, no quality time with family. But he was sure that Nancy probably didn't have the greatest relationship with her family, just as Remelda never spoke of her parents for that was much too complicated.

         "LEO! JASPER'S HERE!" he heard Nadia yell from downstairs and his eyes widened.

         He looked at the ghost of his mother, uttering out, "You need to disappear!"

         "What? Now?" she asked, and he nodded.

         "Yep, someone's gonna be coming up to my room and you can't be here," he whispered to her, watching as Nancy huffed but did make herself go thin into the air. He grasped at the ring around his neck when he went to the door, opening it and smiling as he saw the blond-haired boy coming towards him.

         "Hi," he smiled at Jasper, feeling his mood lighten at the sight of his friend and his heart flutter when he saw the boy smiling back at him.

         "Hey," Jasper replied easily, a light mirth in his eyes as he came to Leo's bedroom door, "I hope you don't mind that your mum let me up."

         "Nope, I don't mind at all," he quickly shook his head before opening up his room and allowing entrance for Jasper. "Come on in."

         Jasper did as told, walking into the room and looking around at all the decorations and polaroid pictures he had up on his wall. "Festive," the blond boy commented as he walked around.

         Leo felt himself blush and he looked down to try and mask the red on his cheeks from Jasper. "Thanks," he said bashfully, "I, uh, Christmas is my favorite holiday."

         "I can tell," Jasper said, an edge of amusement present in his voice, "It's nice. My parents don't decorate like this."

         "Well, mum doesn't do this, but you probably noticed that when you walked in," Leo awkwardly mentioned, feeling out of place because this was the first time he had allowed one of his friends into his house and now he felt as if he was being analyzed, "I just like to go above and beyond."

         "It's cute," Jasper assured him and he felt his cheeks go aflame again, "Totally a Leo thing to do."

         "Oh? Is it being a 'Leo thing' good?" he asked, feeling his heartrate increase because he wanted it to be a good thing, he wanted Jasper to laugh and say yes because it was important even though it wasn't.

         Jasper smiled at him, pearly whites showing and it was almost blinding, but he found that he liked it. "It's always a good thing," he said casually, though he looked away when he said it, "You're just such a good thing."

         "Well, I like to think of myself as a person, actually," Leo joked, feeling as though it was all he could do because he was so red and so out of place because it almost sounded like he was flirting.

         And then Jasper laughed, and Leo thought it had to be the best sound he had ever heard. A full laugh, head going back a little as he let himself go, and Leo just shuffled as Jasper came down from his high and walked close to Leo.

         "Definitely a person," Jasper agreed with him, bringing his hand to cup Leo's cheek, "Otherwise I wouldn't be able to do this."

         Before Leo could even think, Jasper's lips were touching his own and he felt like he was positively melting because not only was it his first kiss, it was with Jasper. And while it wasn't perfect, he was inexperienced at best and Jasper was guiding him gently, Leo thought it was perfect. Perfect for them, and for who they were, where they were, and everything else.

         So he brought his hand to cup the back of Jasper's head and held him close.

✦

         But while Leo went through his winter break on a high, Maia was riding a low. Her hair was dangling in front of her face but she didn't dare move her hand and stray from her poised position to bring the piece behind her ear. Demetri's hand was clasped on her shoulder, holding her tightly and forcing her to look forward where she saw the torture of a Ministry official for information.

         She didn't know their name, or what information the Death Eaters wanted from him, all she knew was that she had to stop herself from flinching every time the man screamed. Her eyes fluttered to the edge of her peripheral, so that she could catch a glimpse of Demetri's expression, to see that he was almost pleased with the scene before him.

         For her, it was a scene of the greatest form of violence, of torture and death, for him it was work. For him, this was pleasure. He was at peace with this cruel punishment, but Maia was not, yet that did not matter.

         She looked on, staring at the scene, not allowing herself to look away for that would be a sign of weakness – a sign for punishment to be delivered. She did not want a wand or hand to be raised against her, for it had not in the months she had been with them, and she determined to make it through until the end without a mark from them. So she looked, did not flinch, and allowed herself to pool guilt and disgust in her chest where no one could see it.

         If she looked the part, looked as though she was at peace, then they would not suspect otherwise. After all, it was all about appearances in the end.

         "You've made good progress, yes?" Demetri asked her in a low voice, his eyes not leaving the twitching body before them.

         "Of course," Maia whispered back to him, "Draco and I are well on our way to securing a passage and eliminating Dumbledore."

         Demetri's lips curled up slightly and his eyes left to look into her eyes, and she saw the pride bleeding through to her. He was proud of her, he liked this. He was all for the murder of her headmaster, his own when he attended Hogwarts, he was all for the destruction of her second home. He was proud that she was well on her way towards murder, he was proud that she was following after him onto the path of darkness with Voldemort and death.

         He was proud of her. The same way that Nadia was proud of her when she was sorted into Ravenclaw, or when she had high marks on her exams, or when she sought for the greatest knowledge in the world. He was proud of her because he could see himself in her. He could see how he had created her to be this...and he liked it.

         The daughter he wanted to murder, the daughter he wanted dead, now brought him pride. For he was training her to be a murderer, and he was proud that she was taking to it so greatly.

         Just as Nadia liked seeing Maia become a second version of herself, her influence covering Maia's origin, Demetri molded her into being the daughter he wanted to get rid of all those years ago.

         "Amara, you excel past any expectation we place on you," he said, and that same pride in his eyes could be found in his tone. She wanted to look away, because she was not Amara, and she did not want to exceed his evil expectations, but she stayed blinking up at him. "The Dark Lord will reward you and Draco greatly when you complete your mission. My valiant diamond could one day be the right hand of our Dark Lord."

         She wanted to scream at him that her name wasn't Amara, that she was not his valiant diamond, but the screams stayed stuck in her throat. She could not lose control, she could retaliate, she only had to nod and act like she wanted to be Voldemort's right hand.

         Act like she wanted to rise through the ranks and be his valiant diamond, a cursed name. A cursed position.

         "I'm just here to service him," Maia told him, hoping to express in some way that she did not wish for this future Demetri wanted to create for her.

         "You are too humble, Amara," Demetri shook his head, taking it the wrong way, which was probably better in the end, if she was being honest. "Yes, he will be as proud of you as I am now."

         Maia swallowed. She did not want Voldemort to be proud of her, he didn't want Voldemort to think anything of her. She didn't want to exist to him, she simply wanted to be Maia Greene forever in her nice house with her twin brother and a loving single mother who was beginning a relationship with an Azkaban escapee. That was all she wanted, but life never gave her what she wanted anymore.

         Someone cleared their throat between the pair, and they both looked back to see a woman who Maia had forgotten the name of. All she could remember was that she had the last name Holloway, sister to a man who was murdered during the Tri-Wizard Tournament along with Cedric Diggory. She was sure that the woman had been under scrutiny after the betrayal of her brother to the Death Eater cause, but she seemed to rise above it. Her devotion was true while her brother's was not.

         She was a cold looking woman, with lips always pursed, and with a nod of her head, she beckoned Demetri away from her. Before he followed, Demetri looked at her. "Go find Draco. You two can plan more."

         Maia nodded at the instructions, waiting for him to leave fully with the Holloway woman before standing up herself and going in search for Draco. She was sure that he was in his bedroom, and when she traveled up the grand staircase in the Manor, knocking at the door, she was correct when Draco opened it.

         "Demetri wants us to plan more," she told him before moving into the room.

         He hummed, obviously wanting to say something about that, but he kept the comment to himself. They both knew it was for the better. There were eyes and ears everywhere, and every word the two uttered was sure to be recorded by someone around. He then nodded and Maia found herself sitting on one of the chairs he had positioned near the window.

         He took the other one, staring out the window to the gloomy sky rather than face her. She didn't take it to heart as she did the same. "Is this what you do all day?" she asked, thinking that he would be out or doing something else instead of just staring out the window. Though, as she thought about it more, this was probably the perfect place.

         "It's either this or having to watch who is screaming," Draco answered her plainly, "At least with this I can get schoolwork done."

         "And here I thought you were over school," Maia said, trying to alleviate the mood, though her joking tone did nothing, "Well, that's what everyone else says."

         Draco shrugged. "We have bigger problems than finishing Transfiguration, but that doesn't mean I want to fail," he answered, and she nodded.

         She felt a bit of envy that he could ignore all the piling schoolwork in favor of just focusing on their mission. It wasn't as if the Malfoys or anyone else in the manor cared about grades when they were starting a rebellion, but that was not the same for Maia.

         She had to make sure everything looked fine and normal. She excelled in classes in the previous years, so she had to do the same now so that they wouldn't be suspicious. Her mood was already off-putting enough, she knew that, so falling behind in classes would be the final straw which she could not allow to drop.

         "Did you tell Demetri about the amulet?" Draco asked her and she shook her head.

         "I just said that we already have plans in motion," Maia told him, "I thought leaving specifics for later would be best."

         Draco nodded, seemingly in agreement to her thoughts, and she didn't say anything more on the topic. They were never really talkative together, thought this was almost unbearable. Both were afraid to speak, just in case someone heard something wrong and exposed them. They had to be careful about the words that left their mouths, so leaving silence between them seemed like the best choice.

         If they had to speak, then only a few words to get their message across, and nothing more. They stared out at the cloudy sky, it was more ugly than beautiful, and said nothing. The only thing disturbing the silence was screams from below, and neither could hide their flinches at the noise, but it didn't matter. Neither commented, just looked out and waited for winter break to be over.