Honestly. I don't know where in the world most of you are or what the rental housing market is like over yonder, I can only speak (and with some authority having spent considerable time in the industry) about our situation here. And it's fucked.

You know by now we moved from our beloved coast back to the burbs just over two years ago this month. Various reasons; dad's declining health, nearness to my brother and his family, University looming for one or possibly both sons...

The relocation to this townhouse was a breeze in terms of the process. The Agency knew my brother so all I did was walk in one day, fill in the Lease Agreement, sign, hand over the necessary upfront costs and grab the key. Done, in a half hour.

Not this time around. My brother has been away most of the past couple of months since we were given 'Notice to Vacate'. Our lease was up and the agency knew we were looking to relocate to a single-level home since mum's health issues have made climbing stairs difficult. Can't blame them for wanting more secure, longer-term tenants.

Mum too is overseas, her first trip in a very long time. As are my brother's family, including mother in law and brother in law... and ALL of our closest friends. (It's the annual winter migration back to the old country- anyone who can, does, and most of those we know can and do, year in year out.)

The boys, dad and I are IT. We have, in effect, no other family or family friends here right now. Dealing with this alone has been a challenge but dealing with so-called 'Property Managers'... You know me!

So picture the me you know staring down (not literally down since I don't wear heels) a 20-something in a too-tight suit. (Both male and female versions.) It's no different really to that time I walked into a McDonald's and asked for "A triple cheeseburger, no meat patties no cheese please." THAT quickly escalated to the Supervisor and then the Manager joining in with much scratching of heads, whispering and folder-consultations. (They couldn't figure out what to charge me and how to process the sale since there was no "button"...)

Things were very different down on the coast too. You dropped into the Real Estate Office, picked up a key leaving a fifty as security for it, you looked over the property at your leisure, filled in a single form and... yeah, came back the next day, signed the Lease and moved in.

The city is a different creature...

The conversation at every 'Open for Inspection' when we actually liked the house? (Don't get me started on the duds and the enhanced photos- one kitchen had a two-inch wide crack in the plaster, and, the double-brick wall behind it, from floor almost to ceiling; we could see light!)

Me: "We want this place; I can have the necessary funds to secure it in your account tomorrow. Let's do it."

A chorus of them: "Fill in one of these forms for every person who will occupy the premises and drop it in to our office complete with 100 points of ID and references for every application. We will then process them and let you know."

Me: "You're not hearing me. I need to make this as easy and speedy as possible. I don't have time for processing multiple forms in a queue. I can transfer the funds  and even pay more to secure it right now!"

A chorus of them with various pursed lip and frown and even some daring uppity-like expressions: "You still need to... fill in one of these forms-" (I will spare you re-reading the rest.)  

Me: "Hey! I know you think you're doing your job, representing the Landlord. But you're not. You have a live one here! You don't need to process half a dozen or more unsuitable applicants and waste time standing around handing out forms. I'm trying to help you!"

A chorus of them with now definitive superciliousness: (sorry, always wanted to use this word- it means arrogance but by MY reckoning) "We have a process and we treat all applications on their merit. I am afraid you still have to... fill in a form for every-"

ME: "Listen here. I have two teenage sons as you can see (you usually can't for reasons explained later) and two elderly parents, one of which is currently overseas. I am the only one with sufficient photo ID. I just need my name alone on the lease. I can fill in your form here and now, you can take a pic of my ID and the money can get transferred, along with an email from my brother confirming his guarantee. You'll be a hero, with a solid tenant and more money in everyone's pocket because- hey! Let's up the rent by twenty dollars a week! Boom. Job done."

A chorus of THEM, now at the "Who the fuck this bitch think she is?" stage: "Yes but you can't prove any of that until we process the applications and we can only do that if you fill them all in. The quicker you... fill in a form for every-"

ME: "Hey! You in there! If you process the forms as you say on their merit alone, I will lose this place. You're gonna get three pensioners and two dependent students, three of which have NO photo ID. And our combined on paper monthly income is almost the rent itself. On paper, you're gonna cost me this house!"

A chorus of THEM, now at the "She's clearly delusional!" stage: "Once again, we can only go by what is in the forms." (They drop the tag of "... fill in a form for every-" right about now and try to ease past me.)  

ME: "You realise you're in a dead-end occupation right? I mean there's nowhere to go from Property Manager. Unless you move into... sales? Ahhh... I see the gleam. Well here's something for you to think about: Every prospective tenant you look down your nose at because of the fact they ARE a tenant, every prospective tenant you discount on paper due to your process- sooner or later they'll be buyers, some of them. And they'll also be sellers... and, potentially, Landlords. What you gonna do when you are sent to get their listing and they recognise you huh? You really want to be sitting across from me trying to list my property one day? Do you?" (Punk)

Yeah... I go that road. My sons are in the street and standing by the car at this point, pretending they aren't with me.

It's not the Agents' fault, I get it. It's a combination of poor, out-dated training (You are working for the Landlord, never forget it) and the "Great Aussie Dream" of owning your own home. Property is status here- never mind the fact rents have almost surpassed mortgage repayments due to the low interest rates. If you don't 'own your own home' you are in effect 'worthless'. And because of this, you need to prove that you deserve a property to rent. Kinda like applying for a loan- given to you only when you can prove you have enough assets to not bloody need it in the first place.

There's a stark difference between walking into a property as a potential buyer/investor and 'golden-goose' seller and... walking in as a prospective tenant. The former get red carpet. A Champagne experience. Features are pointed out, enthusiasm is hot and willingness to please and expedite are... awesomely high.

Walk in as a tenant, you are left to roam on your own-  well in fact, your ID and phone number is recorded at the front door... in case you come back and rob the joint?  The Agent (allowing 15 minutes there and a 10 minute drive/set up at the next one) stands at the door handing out forms on your way out. Questions? Wait in the queue to get told in turn to attach them to the application form.

I spent three weeks trying to secure one particular house. It was THE one in terms of space, location, and amenities. This battle because it... lacked a dishwasher. Six weeks later, it still sits there, empty. Agents don't care; it's not their fault if the suitable tenant hasn't surfaced- right? They open it; they stand guard at the door letting no 'unidentified/undesirable' persons through. They hand out forms. They process forms. They do their job. The Agency earns a decent amount in prolonged advertising, they're not going to pull up the Property Manager if it sits empty week after week- right?

"This is my email address, can you please ask the landlord if I can install a dishwasher at our expense? It will add future value to the property and we are willing to offer an extra thirty dollars a week to ensure we secure it. Can you let me know if he agrees ASAP please?"

"Have you filled in an application form-"

"No I haven't! I am not going to waste time nor disclose personal details if the answer is NO on the dishwasher."

"You need to... fill in a form for every-"

"Oi! A simple yes or no to the dishwasher! If it's a no, then we're not interested!"

"There's a process. Fill in the forms and I will ask when I present them, after checking your details."

"Why do you need to check our details out if the answer comes back NO to the dishwasher anyway?"

Which came first the chicken or the egg, continued via voice calls and emails thereafter and yeah... That one escalated to the Head Property Manager and the Agency Owner. Turns out, the Landlord didn't want one installed. Nor was he interested in getting an extra thirty dollars a week apparently? The fact he's lost thousands as it sits awaiting that one family who are staunch believers in hand-washing dishes... or the fact his Agents didn't politely slap him on the head and say "Listen, you're not gonna get a better deal than this one!"

Why am I not being 'compliant'? Why am I arrogant in turn and dismissive of them and antagonistic? (All comments thrown at me by the way- apparently I need an attitude adjustment?) Why am I risking OUR future security? Because- because I see the hopefulness in those other faces at inspections: Families forced out of the buyers' market since the average mortgage sits at 700k here (exclusive of the 10-20% deposit needed as 'proof of savings') so they are caught in the rent trap- where rents are mortgage repayments only not their own, since rents are so high they disallow the possibility of saving for that damn deposit!

I also see the resignation on their faces. I see them trying to impress these 20-somethings, as though they've been pronounced guilty/unfit simply by walking through the door and the onus of proving their innocence/fitness is on them. I see the arrogance, the discrediting, the judgements pronounced by these youngsters who hold the future security of these people in their hands... And I bleed for them.

Sure, there is an undesirable element. There are some who fail as tenants- we see the highly publicized horror stories. But like everything else in life and in what passes off as news, we only ever hear about the bad few. The good (many) never make the news or online gossip circles. (Where's the titillation and justification in goodness and propriety?) So the many are tainted by the actions of the few.

I have been throwing $700+ a week consistently at these properties- as have many, many others. (We need space, as do other growing families and  4-5 bedroom homes are at a premium.) That's considered serious money here. That equates to way above average incomes and for some, their entire income (and many times that of a Property Manager's, bitter irony). That also equates to hard-working people who have earned these salaries with their time and their efforts. And THAT entitles them to some measure of respect. They have just as much right to the red carpet and champagne treatment as buyers/sellers/investors do.

Without tenants, the economy would collapse. Now there's a sobering thought. But it's not one taught in any Property Manager course.

I give those Property Managers the hard time they give others, back. If today fails, we may well end up homeless (not without a roof over our heads, just without a home for a bit.) But, having withstood the arrogance of the industry; flipped a finger at it, on behalf of the many.

Today, I am taking in a single application in my  name to a Real Estate Office. On Saturday, a harried young woman in a too-tight suit and heels handed me one whilst telling me "You only have a few minutes; I have to go open another one." I liked that. Her honesty. We also liked the house, despite it being over-priced- thus we being the only ones turning up at her 'open' and her rush to get to the next one which I assumed had better prospects of being leased?

On leaving, I asked THE telling question: (usually the precursor and usually side-stepped as being none of my business- but telling in terms of how an Agency performs) "Have there been applications already submitted?

"One... but it was rejected unfortunately." (Ahhh... the sweet, sweet sound of genuine regret without any... superciliousness?)

Hallelujah!!!

I believe, I found myself that ONE Property Manager who's not yet lost their humanity.

I can work with her.