Call me odd, but I have noticed these particular words and phrases that creep into our vocabulary and by default into our living and these words suddenly become necessities? By this I mean they influence our thinking and our behaviour, and even our reactions to the world around us?

I recently stumbled across the phrase 'sandwich generation' - and yes, I am it. Someone has coined this phrase to describe ME: A middle-aged person who is 'balancing' their own life with caring for both teenage children and elderly parents.

So yeah, apparently I am sandwiched between the needs of children born later in life and parents living longer lives? And I live within these two extremities - or rather I 'function' within them - and really (they say), by the time I am 'free' of both sets of responsibilities, I will be 'too old'  for whatever in turn?

Until I came across this, I had assumed it a normal state of being. Or rather, a particular set of circumstances in which I had found myself, and within which I lived a normal life?

Apparently not however - since this phrase defining me has introduced the possibility that MY life really halted when I gave birth to my children and will resume again once my children are grown and my parents are gone? The in-between years - the years I am living now - are not my own?

It begs the question: Can an individual only ever 'own' their life if they are not encumbered by either parents or children? And is the truly free person the solitary person? For even without both the above, we eventually seek others, be they partners, lovers, friends, spouses...

And why the emphasis on analysing and placing labels on 'life-stages' - again, yet another phrase coined to describe the passage of living? Why do we meddle so much and interfere and try to define, confine, describe, ascribe... every natural state of being and turn it into a 'buzz word'?

And even when we are solitary, when we are totally on our own, without connection to others, we call it - or it is often 'described' as - being lonely? A state we strive to change - we bemoan and curse, we wish to also 'unencumber' ourselves from - by gaining attachment to new others?

I hear it a lot: "It must be hard for you, looking after both children and parents?" And "Do you ever have time for yourself?"

What is this 'self' they talk of though? Is this self not intertwined with other selves, and does this self need 'time' within which to function apart from others? The questions confuse me. Only because they have surfaced see, only because they exist now, where once there was no 'buzz word' and therefore nothing to question? Once a concept is 'born' it automatically raises questions!

Are there moments when a 'sandwich' such as I am, reaches a point where everything is screaming for time out - time without responsibility and duty and constraints placed on every hour of my day? Perhaps not so once... but truth be told, seeing this phrase and hearing so much about it in the process, has raised concerns.

And I have to wonder if these concerns are largely manufactured - by-products of the sciences - rather than a natural consequence of the life I am living? If men of science had not created this 'condition' within a 'life-stage' within my life, would I now be pondering? Worrying that by being this 'sandwich' person I am somehow denied 'self-time' and that this is necessary?

Look at all these questions! Really, one after the other, one leading to another, and I am expending energy and time processing each one - further adding to my assumed burdens?

Every time I take either parent to the hospital, the same series of statements ensue: "You need to look after yourself as well." "You need to ensure you have some 'me time' and rest." "It must all be very difficult for you."

And every time, I find myself defending myself?  The absurdity of this confounds really. I end up reassuring a series of strangers that yes, I am perfectly fine, yes, we are coping, yes, I get rest and no, no, no, I am not depressed, nor do I need "to talk to someone" or "join a support group." At times more energy is expanded in interrogating me than in helping either parent? There are the inevitable meetings with Social Workers and Shire Services, where the same things are regurgitated because they have to 'do their job'. Really, try as I might to duck appointments, having had dozens of them over the years, they nab me every time. Parents cannot be released see, unless I have these 'talks'.

I tell them every time, they should be focussing on others - perhaps those who would actually benefit from all the little services they are happy to provide? Those living alone, those incapacitated, those frail, those ill? But this 'sandwich' situation apparently raises flags and when flags are raised, the troops rally - never mind that the travelling circus of social service workers has performed a dozen times before with the same outcome? "It's part of the procedure," I am told in turn every occasion.

What use to say to them that a mere hundred years ago, this was 'normal life' not an anomaly or a condition or a definition? Generations lived together and looked after each other and there were no concerns for 'alone time' or 'me time' or need for interventions and inquisitions? What use to say for centuries - since MAN emerged one might add - families were extended groups, and there were no nursing homes and supported retirement villages and high-needs care units? (Apparently the 'right' thing to do is to park them there?)

What use - and I have tried - to say that they are causing me more unnecessary angst by their meddling than by the life I live? For if something is repeated often enough, if one hears something often enough it becomes accepted, despite the outward protests? They are damaging me. They are creating conditions which I do not have, and should not have. And really, their labelling of me is an extra burden I now must carry?

Life is what life is. My life is this - for now at least. It may be something else tomorrow, next week, next year. It was something else before this. For now, I live it as I find it. Why is this so difficult to accept? Why am I 'assumed' to need support and for support to be thrust at me over and over - like I have no strength, like I am some fragile 'sandwich' which may fall apart if not wrapped and carefully handled?

More importantly, why is this life not assumed MY life? Why has my life become a definition for a 'prison term' where I cannot be paroled until those sharing this 'prison cell' with me are either released into the world or released from life? Why am I supposed to 'secretly lament' my lot, and why must others be obligated to 'feel sorry' for me?

I get pitied a lot see. I get the "Poor you!" thrown at me. Discussions ensue about the 'things' I am missing out on like extended holidays, and the 'things' I am burdened with, like endless medical appointments and extra responsibilities and - yeah - the whole 'single mother' thing is also apparently a pitiful condition...

I get some 'praise' as well. "What a nice person you are - putting your own life on hold..." and, "It's very selfless of you, to devote your life to others..." and "Most people wouldn't be able to cope, you must be very strong..."

Pity and praise, when really, both are unnecessary and unwarranted? I am neither pitiful nor praise-worthy. I am both a mother and a daughter. Why is this something that needs singling out, pointing out and why must it become a discussion? Whenever I am asked "So what do you do?" I must brace myself for the pity and the praise and that look of... 'Thank God I'm not you...'

"So you all live together then?" This is the one which most offends me. The tone of voice see: Like it's unnatural? Like there is something 'wrong' with three generations living under the same roof? My boys have never known a life without their grandparents (dad suffered his major stroke when they were very young) and you know what? They are better for it. Trying to 'define' this advantage however raises eyebrows and brings forth remarks like "Yeah, but you three have never been a family on your own?"

I can never understand their implications. Have we missed out - the boys and me - on some 'thing' or 'things' which only ever manifest without the grandparents present? Privacy? That's brought into question a lot. But privacy to do and be what - a family unit? We ARE a family unit, and we function within this unit the way every 'conventional' family does. The fact that there are two extra people does not make it any more or any less 'perfect'.

So I wonder - drifting within this classification - whether we've screwed this up too. In our quest to 'dissect' everything and 'label' everything and 'create' these buzz words in the process... are we victimising people unnecessarily and manufacturing 'concerns' and 'conditions' in order to confuse and divide and again - in the process - justify 'positions' and 'occupations' and reasons for others to manipulate what was once a natural state of being?

This IS my life. I live it the way I would live ANY life. I function within it exactly as everyone else within theirs: There are good days and bad days; laughter and tears; arguments and discussions... I don't have a 'problem' with it, really. But I am supposed to, see? I am supposed to harbour 'resentment' and 'angst' and a sense of 'unfairness' - these conditions are presumed to exist within me, thus the pity and praise?

Still, I have been forcibly conditioned over the years to question... Last night, dad fell again. Why I am up all night every night, checking on him. I had to call the ambulance. This in the middle of my trying to sort out a very difficult situation online with a friend. And that situation arose because I had stated that I needed some 'time out' from everyone and everything see, after 'losing' two people close to me within the space of several days and one of them being younger than me?

So my supposed 'needed time out' as was suggested to me by 'professionals' went awry... And I now have to question: Did I really need it and was it worth it?

P.S. Please refrain from voicing pity/praise (lol)