I am only writing this because I had what you'd call an argument with Dylan. You'd call it an argument because the two of us were in the car and I mentioned I was writing about phobias and how many I'd unearthed, and he said, "Mum, it's just a word, so you can attach itto anything. And that's what they've done." His special brand of logic made me look at what I'd written in a new way. I did go on to argue the validity of some versus the sheer absurdity of others but he remained adamant. So our voices rose and my mum in the back seat said, "You're mother and son, it's not good you keep arguing this way." (Not understanding the content due to her limited knowledge of English, she assumes we are arguing 'like normal people' rather than having a heated 'philosophical debate'?)

So I went back and revisited that loooong list of phobias; testing my son's theory... that it was simply a word tacked into every possible 'thing':

According to the site, "The word phobia is Greek, therefore any word that is connected to it should be Greek. To coin a new phobia name, it is proper to follow this rule... And accorsing to the author: "On The Phobia List, I only use names that appear in a reference book."

So "phobia" is a Greek word meaning 'fear'. Very simple so far. But then I came across this: "If you are interested in sending a phobia name to me, please send the reference for it. If it's one that you've created, let me know. And if it's just for fun, thanks. I can always use some fun."

Of course the site is 'sponsored' by the usual 'phobia-cured' MD peddling the usual cures. I'd missed it in my first read, but son and I always look for the 'follow the money' trail and yep, I found it in my second reading.

So here's my new dilemma now: Are ANY phobias real? Are only some real and some manufactured to induce anxiety and thus compel one to seek help or ease the fear? Like you read Agrizoophobia and you remember that time walking in the woods with your parents when you came across a wild something or other and years later you go, "OMG! No wonder I was frightened of that something, I have Agrizoophobia, fear of wild animals!"

And that time you were having a peanut butter sandwich and the damn thing got stuck to the roof of your mouth? Remember you tried dislodging it with your tongue first and then panicking and sticking a finger in there trying to unstick it? Well if you think about this every time you have a peanut butter sandwich, you are NOT alone! You belong to a group of others sharing Arachibutyrophobia. You have a phobia!

Then when dining out at a swanky Chinese restaurant - the moment the waiter approaches with those long sticks usually covered in a napkin - and you cower, you sink lower in your seat, and your little voice says, "Could I have some cutlery please?"... Because that one time, you used chopsticks and the piece of honey chicken ended up in your neighbour's lap... and you lost that lucrative deal you'd spent weeks putting together and yeah, he ended up with an oily sesame encrusted stain on his crotch? The reason you can no longer even bear to look at those long plastic sticks is because of your subsequent Consecotaleophobia.

Now the number 666 evokes all sorts of reactions... The conspiracy nuts have their theories, the Bible enthusiasts have theirs, in maths it is the sum of the first 36 natural numbers (go look it up, I hate maths) and for those who like a flutter, well it is the sum of all the numbers on a roulette wheel. It can also mean "everything goes smoothly" in Chinese? Yet there are people so afraid of the number after 665 and before 667 that they are identified as Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobes. I repeat - with a sly grin just in case of any sufferers out there - Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia is real! Never mind that you cannot twist your tongue around a bunch of consonants including three (!) xs in one word to tell anyone about it, you are suffering from this, for real!

There's one for the blokes too - keeping it funny here, so bear this in mind - when you've had the perfect date, wined and dined and talked the night away and then! The question is asked by her: "Would you like to come in for a coffee?" Suddenly the world tilts because... because that little voice starts yacking... "What if..." and you swat it away, "Not gonna happen!" and it persists, "Yeah but remember that time?" and you valiantly insist, "Not this time! Bugger off!" and the woman of your dreams waits... You dear friend are in the grips of Medomalacuphobia...Yeah, that's something you can always fall back on. Sounds far more impressive than the usual "I'm sorry... this hasn't happened before, must have been the wine?"... Unless of course you also suffer from Methyphobia - this being fear of alcohol - in which case... go with the usual?

And your poor doctor! You know how you hurt your back, and you're in agony and you rush to her seeking relief? Finally you get to sit in the chair alongside her desk and you say "Give me something! Anything!" And she pauses... and you're trying to justify your pain, "It hurts bad doc!" And she still hesitates, having taken forever to print out the prescription and now you're thinking she's thinking you're 'doctor shopping' because you have a habit and you protest, "Hey it's for real, you're my only doctor!"... It's not you! Poor woman is struggling with Opiophobia is all! That's the fear of prescribing needed pain medications for patients - so just shut up and let her process it!

And spare a thought finally for that neighbour of yours. The one who peeks out of the window, and if outside, hurries head down without eye contact when you pass her and skips cracks on the pavement and wipes anything before she touches it and waits till there's nothing on the horizon in either direction before she crosses the street and never speaks in case she stutters and... hides from the sun yet never goes out after dark and only wears clothes made of cotton and watches furtively around every corner... Poor woman is just taking precautions! She suffers from Phobophobia, she is afraid of developing a phobia see? She's NOT crazy. She just fears phobias! ALL phobias!

Seriously, I could add to this list ad finite... it just keeps growing. The ridiculousness of some aside, and in a time when everything begs for identification and a label and... everyone is pressured to fit in somewhere, to seek attachment to a group or a term or a condition... we are somewhat spoilt for choice? So much so we are compelled - rather the white-jacket wearing ones are compelled - to keep pumping out newer, better, more fitting descriptions for what were once unnoticed things, mostly taken for granted?

The formula for phobias is rather simple, so simple any of us can create one: Take a word, translate it into Greek then attach 'phobia' at the end of it. Voila! You can now lay claim to a phobia of your own. Here's my example: Trapezophobia. Yep. I might just submit this one in... there's bound to be at least one person out there who hesitates at the chair, breaking out in cold sweat and experiencing heart palpitations and trouble breathing when confronted by... a table? No fear, I now gots them covered!   

Go ahead, try it. Plenty of things still left to fear! I want to see some examples below!

And speaking of Greeks, the race responsible for burdening us with all these phobias, they have a saying - so go ask Siri or Cortana or whoever else you seek vocal advice from on your piece of hardware, to explain the following: "Tο εχουν παραχέσει."