We recently moved back to the city after spending eight years down on the Mornington Peninsula. You've probably never heard of it but it's a little piece of heaven.

A large calm bay on one side, with an endless procession of large container ships and cruise liners heading for the distant port or the very narrow Heads... Rolling hills, dozens of wineries, cows, horses, and sheep in lush paddocks, and yeah, kangaroos, echidnas and other native animals.

On the ocean side, huge sandstone cliffs and pounding surf; rock pools, and the odd whale or two passing every winter, heading north.

My children's Primary School was directly opposite the beach. Sport included long bike rides on the path along the shore, sailing, swimming, water safety, and cross-country running. They'd often bring home these colourful certificates: "Congratulations, you came 37th in the triathlon." Or, "Well done, you finished 24th in the cross country run." I have a whole collection of these. We had quite a laugh, unpacking them at the new house.

Neither son was into sports. They tried karate, table tennis, soccer, basketball - my oldest boy even joined the local football team for a season. He sucked at it. The team sucked. Not only did they not win a match all season, they also failed to score a single goal. Big fat zeros week after week, in freezing rain and ankle-deep mud.

Sometimes I stood on the rail surrounding the field, near the coach. Often I was the 'orange' mum, handing out oranges cut into quarters, during the breaks in play. My son I think was around twelve at the time. The 'coach' was father to one of the players.

I've always been competitive by nature. As is my brother, who has now reached the pinnacle in his chosen field. I'm not one of those mums however who insist on filling up their children's free time with extra-curricular activities. Their lives are their own, not mine to regulate.

Here's what bothers me: Mediocrity is now not only acceptable, but also encouraged. The school does this, with their colourful 'awards' and 'ribbons' for EVERY participating child. The coach? "Now listen here guys, we're playing against one of the strongest teams. You won't win, but get out there and have fun." I actually heard him say this!

Eager young faces drooped. How the hell do you play a game you are told you will lose in advance? Where's the fun in that? I pulled the coach up, after hearing several versions of this defeatist dribble.

"Um, shouldn't you be encouraging them to win? You know, firing them up, inspiring them maybe? They haven't won a bloody game for weeks!"

"It's not about winning at this age!" He was reprimanding me! "That's why we don't start showing a ladder until they're over fourteen." (A ladder shows where the team sits during the season, including wins/losses, points/goals and other statistics.) "It would upset them, seeing other teams higher on the ladder."

"It is about winning you moron!" I actually said that. My son was constantly receiving the message: It's not about who wins, it's about having fun. It bothered me. I understood the fun part but what about the satisfaction of winning? What about the inspiring urge to win, to feel pride in improving?

Of course he quit at the end of the season, after lining up to get his 'participation trophy' and his 'not missing a game' award. I don't think he saw the fun of it like the coach had promised?

So. When did we start treating children like they will break or need therapy if we don't applaud and award their mediocrity and shield them from disappointment? I remember when I was growing up, there were only ever three ribbons: First (blue), Second (red), Third (green). You either won and got a ribbon and a trophy or you lost and got nothing. Suck it up, try harder next time, that was the message then.

Now everyone gets something. "Congratulations, you finished last." In and out of school, the message is the same: Good on you, you're awesome, here's your reward for failing.

I think ahead and wonder where the future leaders, the innovators, the free-thinkers will come from. Certainly not from this bunch of highly decorated and yet appallingly mediocre kids.

Not from the teachers who write "Great effort" and ignore the dozen or so spelling mistakes or miscalculations. Nor from the coaches who say, "It's okay. You lost the game, but you had fun losing, right?"

Life is not always fun. Life is often tough; full of pain, loss, suffering and tragedy. Life is also filled with adventure, beauty, wonder and mystery. These kids were ill-equipped to handle the first and ill-prepared to seek the latter.

"But I can't hurt his feelings!" one teacher said when I pulled her up on an essay with several ignored mistakes written by my youngest son. I asked her to cross out the "Well done!!!" and instead highlight the errors and tell my son he needed to bring it back with the mistakes corrected. She refused. "It's not about the errors, it's the fact he tried his best!"

How could she ever know what my son's "best" was, if she continued to praise his less than best? And my son? Could he ever discover his potential, stagnated as he was on a mediocre rung?

My oldest boy on the other hand, got detention for correcting his English teacher. True! He put his hand up, to point out that a word she'd written on the board was incorrect. She didn't like that. Called him an "upstart" and a "smart alec" in front of the class. She denounced both his intelligence and his initiative... He also got detention for putting one foot on a garden bed, which was 'out of bounds', in a system where obedience was valued more than knowledge.

I pulled them out of school and out of all 'supervised' activities. Unschooled them as such; leaving them in charge of their own education.

Have I ruined their lives? If their lives were destined to be lived in cubicles, where their mediocrity continued to be encouraged and lauded, and where obedience and unquestioning adherence to the 'rules' mattered more than creativity and initiative, then sure, I have.

If however, freedom of thought, freedom of choice and the courage to question, seek understanding and explore life beyond the cubicle leads them to wondrous adventures and endless possibilities, then I say screw the system.

Mediocrity is not okay right now. Or ever.