It all began with a very exciting prospect, four months ago. Dylan was invited by his University to apply for inclusion to a trip to South Korea, mid-September. Out of many applications, he was successful and received one of the 10 allocated spots. We were all excited for him because this was not only his first overseas trip, but also to a country he'd wanted to visit due to its strong IT industry.

Of course, having never travelled outside of Australia before, he needed a passport. Being born here and also having his original Birth Certificate on hand, he logged on to the Australian Immigration site and downloaded the appropriate form.

That's where the nightmare began. Seems the laws in this country were changed shortly before his birth, meaning that now, simply being born here does not guarantee one an Australian Citizenship? So he had to prove that one of his parents had either been born here (provide their original Birth Certificate) or provide evidence that one of his parents had been a Citizen at the time of his birth.

Problem number one: he had stopped all contact with his father and did not want to resume this contact. Problem number two: I had lost my Citizenship Certificate.

So... the odyssey began. I downloaded the necessary "Proof of Australian Citizenship form", filled in all the appropriate sections, took the needed photos, supplied all the required identification and then had everything verified by someone in a suitable category of professions who had known me at least a year. Then I sent it all off. This was three and a half months ago now.

We waited the approximate time stated and when nothing arrived in the mail, I began to call. Call waiting times exceeded two hours on every occasion so I duly left my number and was advised that "I would not lose my place in the cue and someone would contact me within blah blah hours." No one did. On the fourth occasion, I chose to wait, listening to the delightful tinny tune interspersed with "We apologise for the delay, someone will be with you shortly". Shortly stretched to almost 3 hours whereupon a human voice finally answered? I got excited! I began to explain- "It is being processed, we have a backlog and you cannot jump the cue," I was told rather rudely, half way through my explanation.

We waited some more. Yet another call, yet another voice but this time, he had a suggestion! "Instead of waiting on yours, why doesn't your son apply for his directly to Immigration, since he has his Birth Certificate?"

"That's all we have to do?"

"Yes. He fills out form 'blah blah' and then pays $190 by credit card. Between the two applications, you can use whichever comes back first to get his passport."

Ha! Suddenly we had a faster option! So we duly filled in Dylan's form, took photos again, attached his ID, and Birth Certificate had everything verified by the same appropriate professional who had also known Dylan for a year, and sent everything off via express post. It was received by the Department of Immigration on the 30th of June.

We waited. The money on both credit cards remained untouched. After several weeks – this now being mid-August, Dylan received a bulky envelope delivered to our door by the postman. He signed for it and opened it... to find all his paperwork returned and a rejection letter attached. His application for Citizenship had been denied due to his failing to provide adequate proof that he had not left Australia from his date of birth to the necessary 10 years following, which would have automatically made him a Citizen. Apparently?

There had been nothing on the initial application form stating that we had needed to provide this proof? Yet here we now were, searching for all his childhood school photos, report cards, and anything else that would 'prove' he had been here during the decade in question. We had most years covered from kindergarten upwards but lacked anything from birth till the age of four... since he'd not yet entered the school system?

Another phone call. Another long wait. It seemed – when I finally got past the by-now very familiar tinny tune and spoke to a human, that without adequate proof, his application could not proceed.

I questioned how Dylan was able to get a Driving Permit, a Proof of Age Card, Centrelink payments, a Tax File number and even a substantial Student Loan – given his non-Citizen status? I was told "No, he IS a Citizen; he just has to prove it?"

My "But if he IS a Citizen then WHY does he need to prove it?" was met with "We cannot confirm his Citizenship status without proof."

My "But you just said he IS a Citizen so you should have this proof already?" was met with, "He still needs to provide it on the form."

My "But you are the Immigration Department, you would be the first to know if he resided out of the country during that ten year period – since he'd either have been issued with a Passport by you or been included in either my or his father's passport, both of which had expired since neither of us HAD travelled out of the country?" was met with "We still require proof from him."

Round and round, me arguing, the man-machine at the other end repeating the broken record "need of proof". Meanwhile, Dylan was floating about "stateless" as he called it, since he could neither leave the country nor be deported anywhere else? Many jokes were created – hey we had to laugh since the other alternative was to jointly bang our heads against a brick wall at the absurdity of it all?

I did briefly consider sending the man-machine two large suitcases, one full of all Dylan's kindergarten and Primary School crude drawings and attempts at English and Maths and the other full of photos (hundreds of photos) showing him at various vacation spots around the country and some spaghetti sauce covered face ones sitting on his high chair... but the postage right? We did strongly consider sending him this one though:

So I resorted to asking for my brother's help. Ordinarily, we rarely use our family name to get special attention or preferential treatment. Dylan was stressing by now however and was getting pressured from Uni? His ticket had already been paid for. My brother immediately appointed one of his Managers to help us out.

Here's where Fate intervened in an unexpected (and unforgiving) way. Noel - the appointed Manager - could get Dylan's Passport within 24 hours. But he struck an unanticipated problem with his contact at Immigration: Instead of treating Dylan as just another kid needing immediate access to proof of Citizenship (something he does often and is usually rubber-stamped on the spot) he mentioned Dylan was my brother's nephew? He should not have name-dropped because this particular contact was miffed with my brother, since his son... anyway, can't say too much on that front. So we struck out. We had his Passport covered but no way to speed up either his Citizenship or mine?

Noel then suggested I contact Dylan's father, as a copy of his Birth Certificate was our fastest option now. Oh boy. After asking permission from the boys, I advised Noel to set up an appointment for the following Wednesday - for his Passport - feeling fairly certain his father would not object to providing the needed Birth Certificate? A difficult task ahead but I put all feelings aside and made the call.

I got my mother-in-law on the phone. Their father was apparently "at work". I asked if I could pop around (they live 10 minutes away) and pick up the Certificate. Problem one: She claimed she could not remember where his Certificate was or even if he still had it – this despite me telling her I'd seen it and knew where it was kept. Problem two: She launched a tirade about me not giving her access to her grandkids and why should she help now, without seeing them or getting our phone number; both of which the boys had insisted they did not want me to act on. I kept cool and passed on their wishes, but she became even more irate, to the point of me saying I will hang up now and call back the next day to see if they'd located it?

Next day I made the second call (after a rather stiff drink). Same procedure, a long and abusive tirade and no, they could not find it. I hung up on her. We were now at crisis point. The Passport appointment was cancelled. I had one option left: Redo another application and camp out at the Melbourne Immigration Office until I was seen by someone who could either fast-track my first application which was still being "processed" or act immediately on the new one for an added fee? (I hoped?)

Dylan refused to accompany me when I informed him of what I was planning.

"You're going to act all crazy again, arguing and fake crying and I don't want to see that again. Ever!"

"No, I'll be calm, promise!"

"No, you will be the same as every other time, arguing over and over and I'll be kicking you and you won't listen!"

The kid was right. That was exactly what I had been planning on doing. I think his greatest fear was me being dragged away by Security? Or the Police? Or those people in white coats? I had reached the point where common-sense had been overtaken by the insanity of trying to instill this common sense in others? He'd witnessed this before...

It was then I had a sudden thought: Why not go straight to the top, rather than waste time with some tired person-machine behind a desk, dealing with just another irate minion (me) in a long queue? So I Googled the contact details of our Federal Minister of Immigration in Canberra. I spoke to an Aide there who was very sympathetic (!) and advised me that this was a common problem. I explained that had Dylan's application been returned in a timely manner or had mine been processed in the anticipated time-frame, we would not have reached this crisis point? He said that although the Minister himself could not act directly with me, I could approach our local area Liberal Representative, who would liaise with the Immigration Minister on our behalf?

I contacted our local Representative. Her assistant asked me to email all of Dylan's paperwork and a letter explaining exactly what had happened to date. Oh I name-dropped like crazy in that letter! Told her who my brother was, explained we had his, my father's and mother's Citizenship Certificates (meaning why would one kid (me) NOT have become a Citizen during the same Ceremony) told her of my close association with her counterpart down on the Peninsula, even mentioned my friendship with the then Mayor, and Dylan's Young Citizen of the Year Award for his contribution to the Community... I pulled out all stops. (Didn't show Dylan the letter since I knew he'd never consent...)

I received an email early the next day, where I was advised that they would forward Dylan's documents directly to the Minister. Hooray! That was last Thursday. Friday, Dylan and I returned from the snow to find another email, this one asking me to re-apply for proof of MY Citizenship, as this would be the faster option of the two according to the Minister?

So once again, I filled in yet another form, attached the photos, attached copies of my ID and had everything duly verified. I then scanned and emailed all the documents to my local Representative. Yesterday... I received an email back, stating everything had been passed on to the Immigration Minister and that "fingers crossed" we should receive a response very quickly. (Not sure what "fingers crossed" means in polispeak, but I responded with profuse thanks and eternal gratitude? Can't hurt right?)

It is now the 31st of August, and Dylan is due to fly out on the 16th of September. The University is awaiting his passport so they can proceed with booking accommodation in South Korea and have been (understandably) hounding the hell out of him. Poor kid is reluctant to leave the house every morning, such is his trepidation, and you know how unfazed he is usually!

Bureaucracy, you suck, with your forms and your nonsensical procedures. Mindless minions behind desks and lacking all common sense, you suck even more. To think I almost had to reach the Prime Minister's Office (that had been my very very last option, flying to Canberra and raising the necessary ruckus there?) for such a simple, even mindlessly simple task!

The way of the world... Yes, this has been a long-winded story, and may be perceived as a whinge on my part? But... What does it say for us as a people, when a young man confronts the fact he is 'stateless' and must prove his 'statehood' in an age of such intense interlinking and cooperation between all Government Departments? More importantly, what does it say for us as a Nation, when birth on this soil (Australians all let us rejoice for we are young and free) no longer affords you the right to belong to this Nation? When and why did the tables turn, making us 'guilty until proven innocent'?

***EXTRA EXTRA EXTRA... Read all about it... sigh. I just received a call from the Department of Immigration advising me they have processed BOTH our Citizenship applications (huh?) and that they will personally email the Passport Office so we don't have to wait for the actual printed Certificate(s) to arrive in the mail...

In other words, mine was not needed... bu hey, I have a Certificate for next year now, when we do the same thing for son number two right?