Leandro was waiting on the drive as we came in. I hadn’t let go of Sheldon’s hand since he took his last breathe. So many people were dead because of me and I was starting to wonder how many more would die? The nameless faces that had perished last night in the pub had not been my friends or my family, and in that way their passing although sad hadn’t been personal. But Raphael had killed my cousin who was trying to protect me. A monster hadn’t killed him, I had. I had dragged Sheldon into this the moment I asked him to find out about Emma and Micah and now he was dead.

Michael stopped the car and Leandro opened the door. I didn’t move. They both tried to talk to me, but none of their words got through. I held on to Sheldon’s hand until Michael literally dragged me out of the car. I cried, even screamed as two security guards appeared with a body bag. This wasn’t happening to me. This had to be a dream. I had to wake up.

Sheldon was lifted out of the car and placed inside the bag. I staggered away from Michael unable to watch my friend being thrown into this cotton coffin. Michael tried to follow me, but Leandro called him off. My pink track suit was soaked in his blood. The sneakers he brought me was also dreanched in his blood. Rage, grief and crushing sadness tore me up inside. I ran away from the house into the gardens and found an old apple tree to sit under. I closed my eyes and pretended I wasn’t a vampire. I pretended this was the tree in my back yard and at any moment my Mom was going to call me in to have dinner. I opened my eyes and Leandro was stood in front of me.

“This is all my fault.” I said clawing at my own skin.

Leandro snatched my wrists restraining me, “Selfish girl, you think those people died for you?”

“I let it happen, I dragged them into it.”

“Vampires were dying way before you came along.”

“But this was my fault. I know it was my fault.”

“Emma did not die for you. Sheldon did not die for you. That gang did not die for you. They died so that those creatures would be destroyed one day.”

“But it’s me they want. Micah won’t stop killing until he has me.”

“That isn’t your fault Lorna.” Leandro said.

I struggled to breathe, every muscle inside me seemed to ache, I felt so drained and weak. Leandro gathered me in his arms and took me round the back way, sparing me the view of the bloody corsa. He handed me over to Michael he took me upstairs into the bathroom.

“I want to be left alone.” I said bluntly as Michael started running a bath.

“Yeah I know baby but you are covered in blood.” He said.

“I don’t care.” I replied.

Michael took my clothes off and gently placed me in the warm water- I had no idea why, I didn’t deserve to be looked after. I deserved to be exiled and shunned. The bath water turned pink as Michael scrubbed off the blood. He bagged my bloody clothes in bin liners.

“Leandro had some clothes brought over for you. I didn’t know if you wanted the blue PJs or the pink night dress?” Michael said.

“Do you even fucking care that he is dead?” I asked flatly.

Michael’s hands dropped to his side and he stared at me. There was no hate in his eyes or offence at my words. Instead there was only sadness and remorse. I turned my head away and stared at the bath water. Michael threw the blue PJ’s to the ground and chose the pink night dress. He lifted me out of the bath and dried me. Putting on my night dress he took me to our bedroom and laid me against the bed.

“I’m sorry, Lorna.” He murmured quietly.

I didn’t speak. I just lay there silently waiting for the sun or exhaustion to take me away. Michael stayed with me keeping close but giving me enough distance. I closed my eyes and saw Sheldon’s lanky figure in my head sat in his parents villa swearing at me while slinging back the tequila. Pain tore through me and buried my face into my hands crying. This was all my fault. Michael lay helplessly next to me unable to console me. I lay there crying in the darkness until blackness fell over me and passed out.

Waking was not a pleasant experience. My whole body felt like it had been hit by a freight train. I sat up and the mattress squeaked. The bedroom door opened and Michael speeded in. He sat next to me in an instant his hand stroking my hair and making soft shushing sounds. I didn’t want to be fussed over. I didn’t deserve it. Michael pressed a kiss against my shoulder and said,

“Don’t cry. This wasn’t your fault.”

“I dragged him into this, Michael. I dragged that gang into this too and now they are all dead. You even said it the other night- I led Micah back to the pub, this was my doing.”

“Lorna you are not a murderer!”

“No, I’m a coward who hides behind people gets them killed because I am so fucking useless.” I cried.

“Lorna, you’re a baby vampire. This whole world of shit and pain has been landed on you because of a boy you once knew. Adult vampires who are hundreds of years older than you, have cruelly forced you to go down this road they wouldn’t tread themselves. Don’t berate yourself. This isn’t your fault.” Michael said.

There was nothing Michael could do or say to console me. I hid my face into my pillow and tried to suppress a I sob. Digging my claws into the mattress pure raw grief bubbled inside my throat and I wanted to scream. Hot tears were burning my eyes and my body was shaking. Michael moved off the bed and paced restlessly across the bedroom floor. He raked his fingers through his hair and admitted starkly,

“Lorna, you’ve got stop this. I can’t stand seeing you in this state, mentally torturing yourself over Sheldon’s dumb fucking choice to drink silver. Please baby, stop.”

I stopped crying and slowly sat up on to the edge of the bed. Michael crossed the room and knelt down in front of me and took my hands into his and stared straight up at me.

 “Do you know how much I love you? My life stops the moment you walk out of a room or out my sight. Do you have any idea what that’s like? Lorna it’s like you have the most important piece of me and the moment we separate you take that piece and I can’t feel anything inside. My whole world is black until you return. I love you so much that I am going to make this promise to you,” Michael said never once looking away, “I swear to you that I will hunt Micah down and I will kill him for the pain he caused you.”

Tears streaked down my face and I swept my hand through Michael’s hair and tilted my head down and kissed him urgently on the lips. My heart hammered in my chest and my ears. I loved his so much. I leaned back and opened my eyes. Michael’s eyes were still shut, he was still savouring my kiss. I loved him so much. Letting go of his hand I lay on the bed and stared up at the ceiling, tears spilling from eyes. I still missed Sheldon.

“Lorna, I’m going to grab something to eat downstairs and I want you to come with me.” Michael said softly.

I didn’t move.

“Lorna, come on.” Michael pulled me up and looped his hand around my waist. I leaned into him and walked slowly out of the room down the stairs and through the hall into a beautiful modern kitchen extension. French windows opened on to the garden and Michael sat me down on a chair next to them. The soft cool breeze and the fresh night air was calming against my skin and for a brief second the grief subsided. Michael walked over to the refrigerator and pulled out a bag of blood. Tearing it open he poured it into a glass. I didn’t have much of an appetite and when Michael placed in front of me I tried to ignore it.

“You need to feed.” Michael said.

“I’m not hungry.” I replied.

Michael sighed but did not push me, he placed the glass on the table next to me and sat down. Leandro walked into the kitchen and asked Michael, “Will she eat?”

Michael shook his head.

“Can I have a word with you?” He asked Michael.                

Michael glanced at me before nodding. He left the kitchen with Leandro leaving me to stare out over the garden. I could see hills and farms and the lights from other houses beyond the gardens. It was deathly quietly and pitch black in comparison with London’s light pollution. I wish I could enjoy the peace of night. Looking out over the gardens I saw the moon’s reflection on the calm surface of the lake at the bottom of the garden. I didn’t realise there was a lake in the grounds. Mesmerized and in need of a distraction I aimlessly stood up and in bare feet stepped through the French windows into the garden. It must have rained earlier that evening because the grass was damp and everything seemed to shine in the wetness. Venturing into the blackness towards the lake I passed pretty flower beds and well pruned hedges.

“I heard a vampire was killed last night.” The women’s voice came out of nowhere and made me freeze. I looked to my left and saw Patrick standing by a long metal gate between the hedge-row that separated the garden from the road that ran past the estate. A woman was stood on the other side of the gate speaking to Patrick; her car was parked by the gate on the grassy verge of the road.

Initially I didn’t respond, the subtle reference to Sheldon’s death made go static. Patrick had his hands in his tweed jacket and shook his head,

“Some young vampire named Sheldon. He was Emma’s cousin, very gifted in the area of information technology. Tragic really, he had been drinking silver and couldn’t heal from the bullet wounds quick enough.”

The conversation was innocuous enough to make me consider slipping around a large hedge and carry on walking. I wasn’t really paying attention to their exchange of words until Patrick said something that caught my interest.

“Where’s my money?” He asked.

I stopped and ducked down beneath the hedge. It had caught my interest because Leandro and Patrick had been fight over money the night before. I heard the woman sharply exhale through her teeth making an irritated hissing noise.

“Where’s Micah?” She replied.

My stomach lurch and I fell forward on to my hands knees.

“You knew that our aim was not to capture Micah. It was to get Lorna into our custody.” Patrick replied.

“Lorna does not control the army. We need Micah because he controls the army. When we get Micah, we get our v-types back and we can sell them on making us both very rich.”

“I fully appreciate that and all my efforts are focused on getting Micah.”

“Patrick, I don’t think you do fully appreciate the situation, I have several competing buyers who are anxious that a deal be made soon. But without the goods I cannot make a deal and the longer this process takes the increased risk that my buyers will lose interest or lose faith in the deal and drop out. This is our money Patrick that you are jeopardizing and if the government finds Micah before you do then we are going to lose a fortune.”

“I know, I know, but I need more money and more time.”

“I have been very generous and very patience with you Patrick! I lent you my V-4s to help you get this Lorna and I did it because I thought it would bring me Micah. But what happened! You let them loose in some Camden pub and they end up slaughtering a gang of punk vampires. We are drawing to much attention to ourselves.”

“No one suspects anything. Everyone believes that Micah sent those V-4s to the pub. No one knows I had anything to do with it.”

The grief I had felt early on for those poor souls in Skull’s gang drifted away and was replaced my anger, rage or more precisely revenge. I had been blaming myself for the gang’s death and it was Patrick. Sweet, well-mannered Patrick turned out to be the snake in the grass. I kept my cool and carried on listening.

“Even so those V-4s had a substantial sum value. I can’t keep giving you money for nothing Patrick.” The woman snapped.

“Listen to me, Lorna is the key, she is already working with a government V-0 to acquire Micah. Micah has already made contact with her. I can guarantee that Micah will seek Lorna out again and when he does we can recapture him.” Patrick said confidently.

Their words stuck in my ears like hot tar that burned and bled. I crawled back towards the house unable to breathe.