"Oh, there you are, Perry!"

Perry chatters. Home, sweet home.

He's not sure when the last time he was home this early was. The boys must have just gotten back from school no more than 10 minutes ago, and they're still eating their after school snack — pie today, though that's no surprise. He takes a whiff. Doonkelberry. Nice.

"And what have you been up to today, Perry?" Phineas asks.

Perry chatters again. Even if he could admit that he could talk, it would be a pain in the ass to explain to the boys that he just stopped an evil scientist from giving people white shirts. You can't exactly say that to an ordinary citizen with no context, but, honestly, Perry barely understands the context himself.

In hindsight, though, it was rather enjoyable. He might be slightly biased, given that he was expecting to want to pick his own eyeballs out, but still. Doofenshmirtz may be an absolute idiot, but he's interesting, and that's something a lot of his foes can't say.

Is there a file for him at OWCA? Maybe if Perry gets some downtime later, he'll check it out. He's really interested in why he was forced to wear his brother's dresses as a kid. It's going to bother him until he figures it out.

"So, boys, what did you do today?" Linda asks.

"Oh, we helped the janitor fix a leak in the gym ceiling," Phineas tells her.

"The gym ceiling?" Linda repeats. "The one that's 20 feet off the floor? And how did you manage that?"

"Oh, it was easy," Phineas says. "The ladder wasn't big enough to reach the ceiling, so we took some old parts from the abandoned janitor's closet and made it fly."

"Oh, did you, now?" Linda shakes her head, amused at their imagination for all the wrong reasons. "Well, I'm sure the janitor appreciated that."

It's times like these that exercise all his restraint, which leaves him with a grand total of zero self-control when he's left alone with Monogram or some evil villain. If he can't tell Linda that they doubtlessly really did invent a flying ladder at school, he's going to use his pent-up thoughts as fuel to roast Monogram harder.

"Mom!" Candace yells, her voice almost overshadowed by her feet stomping on the stairs. "Where are my earbuds?"

"On the washing machine," Linda says without looking up. "You left them in your pocket again."

Candace just groans and heads to the bathroom...

And she trips over Perry on the way over, landing flat on the floor and probably leaving Perry a nasty bruise in the process. He growls, annoyed, and once again, it's a miracle he can't speak in front of his host family, or Phineas and Ferb would be learning a lot of words they're too young to hear.

"Stupid mutt," Candace mutters, pushing herself to her feet.

Though glaring would give away too much of his identity, he can't help but give her the briefest look of disdain. He's the stupid one? He was just lying here! He didn't do anything! She's the one that walked right into him.

"Candace, you know better than to talk to Perry that way," Linda says condescendingly.

"What? It's not like he can understand me anyway," Candace pouts. She looks at him pointedly. "Stupid. Little. Meat. Brick."

Perry chatters, and though it seems mindless just to prove her point, he's actually pretty annoyed. If only she knew...

"Oh, c'mere Perry." Phineas picks him up and puts him down in his lap. "You're not a stupid little meat brick. You're the smartest platypus I know."

"He's also the only platypus you know," Candace deadpans before walking away.

"Well, still." Phineas pulls him into a hug. "You're the best, Perry."

Perry chatters again, but this time, it's a happy chatter. He may come off as an asshole who hates everyone he meets, but that's because there are so many people in his line of business that he can't help but hate — or, more often, is legally obligated to hate.

That's why he likes coming home. He likes the time off, even if it doesn't last long, to just hang out with his family. He would do anything for them, they would do anything for him, and he couldn't ask for anything better.