You know what? It's actually hard to realize you might not be straight.
Why? Because society and everything around you since you were born, has always been telling you and teaching you that liking boys and being straight was normal.

Most importantly, you wanted,  no, NEEDED, to be considered normal. You didn't want to be a freak, of course you didn't! Who in its right state of mind would ever wish to be the weird freak of their friend group? NO ONE. That's who. For this very simple reason, everything that could lead to you not being normal was either eagerly misplaced for something else, something more normal, erased from existence, or pushed deep down in a place you never wanted to go nor see again. Where all your bad memories and unhappy moments were kept hidden. Somehow you unconsciously locked those thoughts in a room far far away, so deep and so down, that they could never escape from it.  Or at least you thought and hoped so.

Because of course, things were not going to turn out the way you imagined or wished them to. One day, these thoughts and little actions and simple things about you that made you everything but normal would come out,  and explode right there in your face. Destroying your life as you knew it.

By creating this fear of anything different, anything not normal, they were almost forcing you to like boys or simply be straight,  because you needed to fit in their mold. You needed to be like them in order to even wish or dream to ever be considered normal. And since you craved that feeling of acceptance,  you were willing to do anything and everything to achieve that. Even if it meant lying to yourself for years or worse, decades!

Those little things that made you different could be as small and simple as finding girls cute (but thinking everyone saw them that way), hate it when your girl best friend chose a boy over you for that one project (but you simply thought back then it was because you wanted to be with the boy), or even the need you always felt to be closer to them, to hug them (or more like one in particular- but you always thought you were simply lacking attention).

Looking back at your young self when you know the truth is quite frankly funny actually. Everything starts to make sense, everything suddendly falls into place, just like the pieces of a perfect puzzle.

Those little things appear for what they really are; a crush, jealousy, and of course, a crush again. If those things were to happen about a boy, you would've immediately recognized them for what they were. But since they had the audacity of being about a girl, they became inexistent to you. Your subconscious had already pushed them so far away in, refusing to knowledge them for what they were, even somehow convincing you they actually never existed or simply weren't what you initially thought. That wasn't a crush, everyone thinks girls are cute. You weren't jealous of him for being with her, you were the one who wanted to be with him! Everyone wanted to hug their friends. It was normal.

You simply could not be gay. EVER. Therefore, no reflexion whatsoever on that matter was needed. You were normal  because you were straight  and that was final. There was nothing and no one who was ever going to change that. You were wrong. So, so much wrong. Haha. How could you possibly ever think something as stupid and foolish as that?