When they think about Italy, they would say Buongiorno, pizza, and the famous coliseum of Rome. And maybe all other things that follow by pinched fingers—imitating the Italian gesture.

But for me, it was my sanctuary. A place I could begin my life again.

When I found out that I was pregnant nearly eight months ago, I thought my life was over. I've come to a decision that I shouldn't continue my pregnancy since it wasn't really part of the plan. I don't want it. I have no intention of keeping it.

I had that in mind, on the verge of doing it before I decided to keep it and fly to Italy when I've got the chance to stay there. It was hard that I'm doing all of this alone. Taking up the responsibility since I can only support myself.

Located in the south of the Italian peninsula, in the central Mediterranean Sea, I found a home in Sicily. This island suits me. No one would guess that I was here. No one would know that Jacinta Alessa—myself, obviously, just vanished.

And that's fine for me.

"Jacinta," pagtawag sa akin ng owner ng bar na pinagta-trabahuan ko ngayon. NIlingon ko naman siya na nasa bar counter. Tinungo ko siya ro'n dahil panigurado'y may balita siyang kailangang ipaalam sa akin.

"Si', capo?" (Yes, boss?)

Napangisi naman ito. Hindi naman kasi ito sanay na marinig akong magsalita ng kanilang lenggwahe. Natutunan ko lang naman dahil sa araw-araw na nandito ako sa bar.

"I do understand you," he said. "Don't force yourself to speak Italian."

I chuckled, shaking my head. "No, I don't mind. It's my way of learning the language as well."

He nodded. "Good to know that. Sono felice per te. But I have to tell you something, what month is your pregnancy now?" he asked, creasing his forehead. (I'm happy for you.)

Bahagya naman akong napahawak sa tiyan at hinagod ang kaumbukan nito. "Sono quasi otto mesi. Why do you ask, Ale? Does my pregnancy have to do something to what are you going to tell to me?" (I'm nearly eight months.)

I was hopeful inside that it wouldn't be the reason why. I've been working in his bar for two months now and I'm happy with what I'm doing.

Napakamot na lamang ng ulo si Alessandro at napangiwi. "As much as I want you to work here, I just couldn't let you do it when you could possibly give birth anytime soon! And I know much you need this job. I just couldn't let you do it... maybe after you gave birth, you can have your job back."

Napabitaw na lamang ako nang malalim na hininga. "I love this job, Ale."

"I know, I know." Inabot naman nito ang kamay ko. "I'm just looking after your safety. You should stay at home and have some rest. I'll bring fruits to your house later. And oh, don't drink wines again."

Nanlaki ang mata ko sa sinabi niya. "It was just one time, Ale!"

He smirked, shrugging off. "How would I know? You might do it again when I'm not around."

"Whatever, Ale." I rolled my eyes. "So, do you mean, this would be my last day working here?"

He nodded at me. "Si cara."

"Okay, then I'll make this the best of my days."

"Yes, you should do that. If you need something else, you can find me at the storage room."

"Okay, ciao."

"Ciao." (Bye.)

When Alessandro excused himself to go to the storage room, I continued what I was doing earlier. When I arrived in Sicily and needed a job to support myself, Alessandro came like a knight in shining armor to me. I needed the money for my birth and whatever I needed after that. But I know I haven't saved up that much. Sicily is expensive, even for locals.

Residing in one of Sicily's provinces in Palermo, I have a relative who lives here. Hindi ako close sa kanila. Ni hindi nga kami nagkauusap noon. Just last year when I found out that I was pregnant, I contacted them and asked process to get into Sicily. Obtaining a visa and residency permit, I was able to stay in Sicily without a problem. Though all the money I have save up when I was working back in Manila is now all gone. I have to use it so I can be here.

It's just a little sacrifice and sooner this will end, maybe I can finally have my life back.

May lumapit naman sa bar counter at nagtanong kung anong masarap na inumin ang pwede kong ibigay sa kanya. He's wearing a blue collared polo tucked in on his paid pants. I offered him one of our bestselling wines and then he asked for one glass of it and then tasted it. He took one sip and then emptied the glass just a quick second. He smiled at me when he put the glass back on the countertop.

"E ' un bel drink," he said. "How long will you be open?" he asked. (That's a lovely drink.)

"We're open until one in the morning."

"Okay, okay," he said, nodding his head. "Portero 'qui i miei amici piu' tardi. Mi aspetto che tu ci serva, va bene?" (I'll bring my friends here later. I'm expecting you to serve us, alright?)

Tumango na lamang ako sa kanya. "Sure, go for it!"

"Here's your... tip." This gentleman handed me over a hundred euro which is shocking for me. "Ci vediamo dopo." Kindat pa nito sa akin. (See you later.)

"Oh, wait, signore. When will you come in here later?" I asked.

He looked at his wristwatch. "Probably around eight."

"Sure, I'm around until nine. Ci vediamo, signore"

When he left, I just realized I didn't get his name, but I think that would be fine for me since he will be visiting the bar again later with his friends. For someone like me, who was just working here for about two months surprises me that some customers intended to leave some tips to the servers. I usually kept the personal tips. Alessandro is aware of it, we just can't take the general tips for the bar,

I told my boss about it and he was happy that I got that tip. I also said that I should put half of it for the bar since I just served the man and Alessandro said I should keep all of the tips for myself since it could help me for my birth. It would totally help me. Iniisip ko pa lang sa araw na manganganak ako, pakiramdam ko lulubog talaga ako sa utang.

I've left the country without anything, just me and my growing stomach. I don't have any idea if my baby would be a girl or a boy. I didn't have the chance to go to the doctor and get an ultrasound because, at that time, I was saving up for my visa. And it costs me so much.

I just don't know what would happen after this day. Alam kong hindi dapat ako tumigil at kailangan ko pa ring maghanap ng pagkakikitaan. Maybe there are some jobs that doesn't need too much physical movements.

As time goes by inside the bar, it gets busier. I stayed behind the bar counter so I can sit on the stool from time to time. Hindi naman gano'n kalobo ang hitsura ng tiyan. I can still hide it behind the robe I have and with that, it wasn't easy for people to notice that I am pregnant.

And I guess, that what was happened earlier. The Italian gentleman is clearly hitting up on me. He didn't notice my baby bump so maybe behind his intentions later, it could be something. Or maybe I'm just assuming, but most of them are doing that kind of gesture towards women. It wasn't that hard to distinguish it from others.

The bar is open until one in the morning, but Ale told me only to work at nine. We're opening by four in the afternoon. Working five hours a day is enough—I guess because it doesn't tire me. I woke up late in the morning and can still do what I need to do.

Ten minutes before eight, I prepared myself for their arrival. Nag-aabang lamang ako sa bar counter. Nagse-serve sa ilang customer habang hinihintay ko sila. I'm looking forward to them. Dahil kung galante magbigay ng tip ang italyanong iyon, siguro gano'n ang kayang gawin ng mga kaibigan niya.

I believe that man isn't generally from Sicily. He sounded more like from Northern Italy. I could easily distinguish their accents sa araw-araw ko ba naman silang nakahalalamukha. Minsan, hindi rin talagang maiiwasang matiymepuhang malditang italyana at manyakis na customer.

Even though I've received those kinds of treatments, I didn't mind them all. I just kept thinking about what I could possibly do to my baby when the time comes he or she comes out of this world. That's all that matters now.

When the clock hits eight in the evening, they haven't arrived yet in the bar, but ten minutes later, the man who come up to me earlier entered the premises following behind him are his friends.

I am intently looking at their arrival, counting them all, until I noticed the last man who entered the bar. Wearing long sleeves rolled all over his elbow and white khaki pants. He's just so good delivering himself to show off. Agad-agad akong napatalikod at saka ko tinawag ang isa kong kasamahan na siya muna ang pumwesto sa bar counter. She gladly took my position and I immediately went to the backroom and took a deep breath.

Merda.

"Jacinta!" pagtawag ni Ale sa akin nang makita ako sa back room. Nanlaki naman ang mata ko nang magtama ang mata namin. Napuno rin naman ang pag-aalala ang mukha nito. "How are you? Are you okay? Are our guests arrived?"

Tumango ako sa kanya. "Yes, they are there now."

"Okay, good! But what are you doing here?"

Mabilis akong nag-isip ng dahilan upang matakasan lamang sila. Hinimas ko ang aking tiyan at umaktong medyo nasasaktan. Tumapon ang tingin ni Ale sa tiyan ko at sa mukha ko. Hinawakan niya ako sa balikat ko.

"What do you need? Do you want me to take you to the hospital? Are you giving birth now? Oh, Lord! Tell me, Jacinta!"

"No, no. I'm not giving birth right now," pagpapakalma ko sa kanya. "But I think I need to go off early now. I feel like I need to take a rest."

"Of course, you should! Do you want me to call someone for you?"

I shook my head. "No, but thanks. I can take care of myself and please, if those guests were looking for me, just don't say that I am pregnant. Say that there's just an emergency, is that alright?"

"No worries. I'll take of them. You should go home now."

I nodded. "Grazie, Ale."

"I need to go now and see our guests."

When he left my side, sandali kong ikinalma ang sarili ko. Literal na naramdaman ko na ang sakit sa tiyan ko. Though I know I'm not giving birth at this early. This is just a contraction. I exercise breathing in and out for a few seconds and then I felt suddenly okay.

Before I leave the bar, sinilip ko nang mabilisan kung anong nangyayari sa bar. Si Ale ang nag-serve sa kanila at mukhang hindi na naman ako hinahanap no'ng lalaking nakausap kanina. Hindi ko rin nagawang alisin ang tingin sa lalaking kasama niya. I wish I didn't see him today or forever. I hated it.

I snuck out on the back door and find my way out. I am just walking towards my auntie's home. As soon as I arrived there, dali-dali rin akong tumungo sa kwarto ko at humiga sa kama.

Maybe it was the right decision that Ale relieved me of my job and today was my last day. I wish I would never see this man again. Fuck him. Kung kailan okay-okay na ako sa buhay ko rito sa Sicily, saka siya biglang magpapakita.

Though I know he didn't come here for me. Asa pa ako.

But my priority is, he can't know I am pregnant. He doesn't deserve to know it.

#BirthOfLiesInSicily #BOLISPrologue #WTS9