Life. Life is a strange and mysterious concept. It can be wonderful, yet cruel at the same time. I used to think that life was all about having a happy family with bright future and career plans, but then fate had other plans for me.

Or a rocket. A life that was planned from the moment I was born… boom! Gone.

My parents’ untimely death shattered my world, making me see life in a totally different light. I was now alone. Loneliness became my constant companion, and I struggled every single day trying to make sense of it all. After some time you get used to it, you embrace it, still it becomes a part of you, consuming pieces of your old self.
But here I stand, in an environment I’d never dreamt of seeing myself in, trying to make the most of the fact that I’m still alive. I wanted to discover a new sense of community. I discovered a world of comrades, people who were all fighting towards a common goal. It was a different kind of family, but a family nonetheless.

Training for long hours, waking up before the sun was up, running miles and miles everyday, fighting men capable of literally killing me, swearing like a caveman, lifting three times your bodyweight, suffering at every drop of sweat or blood, shooting guns you only see in the movies, learning every single complex mechanism and barely sleeping became my daily chores in no time. I had to deal with all girl difficulties, too, both physical and mental. But those were surely not my priority.
I had to learn pretty much anything the hard way. I didn’t not trust a soul, not even myself, my own actions. There was only one way I could survive here and that was believing. Believing in something. And I’m not talking about some divinity in particular. Just something that could keep you going. For some people, it was a rock. Yes, those exist.

Basic training did not give the slightest fuck who I was, how was I doing or how was I feeling about it. The squad members did their best to show me the ropes yet I still had a long way ahead. But at least no one has slit my throat or violated me in my sleep yet so I consider that good news. If any woman in my family would see me now, they would most likely have a heart attack. I might not be the proudest of my actions, but I can’t say I have much choice either.

I find comfort in this new environment, even though I’m still trying to find my spot. Contrary to popular belief, I like considering myself lucky that I’m here. The army is such a strange and fascinating world, where people from all walks of life come together to fight for a cause bigger than themselves. I found myself studying them all over the years. Everyone has a story, everyone has a reason and everyone has a purpose here. Or not. Or at least that’s what they think.

My squadmates became friends, and friends became family. We had eachother’s companion every single day. Behind each soldier you see on the field, there’s a human with normal human traits, likes and dislikes. For example, Pearl likes collecting things like mugs. I personally think that also contributes to his caffeine addiction. When he gets drunk with Alejandro, or Alejandro gets him drunk, he starts telling old stories about how his child self wanted to become a pilot but ended up in this shithole instead, holding onto a sniper rifle for his life. His first mug was brought by his dad who fought in the Air Force. I think he wants to be buried with his mugs, too. Yun is the one who brought books to the recreation room. Most of them are historical romances but I also discovered some crime thrillers. She can be everyone’s bestie, if you give her time to get comfortable. Like a big sister I never had. We bonded pretty quickly as we both had some knowledge in medicine and chemistry. I know, something a little above useless out here. And yet, it boosted my status and utility to this squad in addition to the stupid translator thing. Alejandro’s compulsive ego and unmissable charm masks a very dark side of him. Something Pearl told me I shouldn’t be worrying about. He expresses his emotions often through dance or music. Rafe once caught him singing in the gym in spanish late at night but no one believed him. Those two surely have something deeper going on but I won’t go into details. It all goes down to Tennessee Whiskey. The only one that kept most of the things to himself is Hawk. I’ve learned that this man is feared across the base. On the battlefield, his fighting style is so reckless that I thought he was more of a killing machine than man. He still remained a mistery to me. Every morning, every training session and every running lap he leads he proves himself as a good leader. Someone to follow in your toughest times. Someone who doesn’t show it often but cares. Everything we know about him is everything he allows us to know. I learned that Rafe was his first mate in the military and he told me a little about his tragic past. Turns out he wasn’t always this cold. Throughout these years I’ve never brought myself to asking him about his story. It did not feel right. And I didn’t want to push. I still feel indebted to him since he saved me that night and I don’t want to dissapoint him.

This world is about fighting for your comrade, for your country, for your loved ones and last but not least, for your own life.

So what is life, exactly? To be honest, I’m still trying to figure that out myself. Even though my life is not worth more than a dog’s to some people, I like to keep my overthinking leashed for now. Life is what you make of it. It’s up to us to find our place in this world and to make the most of every opportunity that comes our way. This life may not be perfect, but it’s precious and worth fighting for. I still let those stupid childish thoughts tell me to live my life to the fullest, but I believe there’s always more than living in this ‘life’ concept.