GAMBLING

1

Augutus Sinclair came home from a night of cards to find his wife (Rose) sitting up, a cross expression on her face.

"You said you'd be at the apartment by eleven fourty-five,"

She charged,

"And here it is three A.M! I've been worried sick about you."

"But you misunderstood, darling,"

Sinclair sprung his trap,

"I'm right on the apartment! I told you i'd be home by a quarter of twelve...and I am."

2

Stanley Poole loved watching the races on the tv at the Eves Garden, but he wasn't the brightest guy in Rapture:
Betting with one patron, he lost twenty dollars on a race and then lost another sawbuck on the instant replay.

3

Augutus Sinclair was one of the best and most successful fundraisers in Rapture.
Not only did he stagger people at the sums he collected, but he confused them aswell:
No one could understand why the checks were always signed with swizzle sticks.

FOUL LANGUAGE/FAT

1

After overhearing her youngest little sister (Sun) use a four-letter word, Miss Brigid Tenenbaum ran into the little sister room.

"Sun!"

She roared,

"I don't ever want to hear that kind of lanuage again!"

"But miss Tenenbaum,"

Sun said defensively,

"Mr.Bubbles uses it!"

Miss Brigid Tenenbaum shot back,

"Then you're not to play with that Mr.Bubbles ever again!"

2

"It was terrible,"

The houdini splicer told his friend (Thug Splicer) the day after a blind date.

"Her measurements were thirty six - twenty four - thirty six."

"Terrible?"

Exclaimed his thug splicer friend,

"I cant understand why your complaining! Because her other leg was the same!"

3

Atlas Quiz:

Q: How do you make love to a fat woman?

A: Roll her in flour and go for the wet spot.

4

Kenny and Larry (Alphas) watched as Mr.Bubbles (Bouncer) climbed onto the scale and plugged a penny in the slot.
The scale stopped at thirty-eight pounds, and, unaware that it was broken, Kenny gasped,

"My god! Mr.Bubbles hollow!"

-The End of Part One.-