Jonathan figured out he was bisexual in the summer of his 8th grade year.

It was a rainy July afternoon and the boy surprisingly didn’t want to play video games. He instead sits in the living room and watches the rain drip from the roof and onto the windows. He also watches trucks and car speed by his home. An orange truck eventually catches his blue eye. It pulls into the parking lot of the house beside Jonathan’s. A red minivan following close behind it and pulling in as well.     The blue eyes peek around the frame of the screen door. A family of four gets out of the van. Two children hop out of the back of the vehicle. A girl and boy, both seemed to be around Jonathan’s age. A tap on the shoulder scares the 14 year old.  He turns around to his smiling mother, “Why don’t you go help them unload stuff?” Jonathan slowly nods and throws a blue hood up. He sticks his pallid hands into his pockets and runs over to them in the pouring rain. The little girl spots him, her dirty blonde ponytail flipping as she turns her attention toward him. Her smiling green eyes greet him. She’s really pretty, is all that fills the 14 year old’s mind. Her smile makes his gut ache and his arms weak. “Hi! I’m Bella!” She sticks out a sun-kissed hand. Her nails are painted a baby blue. Jonathan notices, “I love your nail color.” They both chuckle and instantly click. “I’m Jonathan by the way. I came over here to see if y’all needed any help.” Bella beatifically shows Jonathan to the back of the truck. “You can help me take my dresser up to my room,” she orders and Jonathan grabs a hold of the scratched up pink dresser. They walk off the truck and into the truck. Before they march up the stairs with the dresser, someone walks down. “Wait,” Bella warns, “my brother is coming down.” The blue eyes gaze at the tall brown-haired boy. His dark brown eyes lock with Jonathan’s. He waves at him and smiles, killing Jonathan once again, just like his sister’s smile. The boy makes it down the stairs and sticks his hand out to Delirious. A blue string bracelet hangs off of his wrist. Jonathan takes the hand. The boy smiles, “I’m Weston. I’m Bella’s older brother.”

“I’m Jonathan, nice to meet you,” the young clown shakes his hand back. They let go, but seem to continue staring at each other. “What grade are you in Jonathan?” Weston questions his newly made acquaintance. He clears his throat, “I’m going into high school. I’ll be a freshman.”

“Hey so will I!” Bella steps in. Weston grins, “I’m going to be a sophomore, so we’re all close in age. That’s neat. Welp, I’ll see you around Jonathan.” Weston walks away to grab more of his stuff from the moving truck. Jonathan smiles at Bella and then they work their way up the steps with the dresser. As they push up the steps Jonathan thinks, he can’t be gay. He doesn’t like boys, but Weston made him feel all dreamingly inside. The darkness of his eyes and the little tips of his brown hair a lighter color due to being in the sun.

Jonathan found Bella to be attractive too, or was he just a desperate kid and liked anyone who came into his path? Hoping for them to like him back. Maybe he was desperate because he’s fat. Maybe Jonathan just liked boys and girls. People do that right?

Later that night Jonathan asks his mother, “Can one person like boys and girls Mom?”

“Yes, sweetie. Why?”

“What’s that called?”

“Bisexual, dear. Why?”

“Just curious,” the boy answers and continues picking at his steak. He thought in his head while his fork poked into the meat; Jonathan Lee Dennis, bisexual.

Delirious stares out the window as CaRtOoNz pulls into the airport. The blue eyes look amazing in the purple sunrise. Luke turns and stares as well, his brown eyes turning a beautiful gold color. They wait for their friend to come through the glass doors. Luke dramatically sighs. Delirious rolls his eyes, “What?”

“Why the hell are you wearing that big ass sweater? It’s the middle of July.”

He doesn’t answer.

“Delirious?”

“What?”

“Answer me, please.”

The clown heavily sighs, “Why do you think I’m wearing it?”

“I asked you!” Luke starts to get a little petulant, “Delirious! You need to stop acting like a damn baby!”

“It’s not my fault I’m fucking self conscious about my damn weight!”

The car immediately grows quiet as the two wait for Vanoss. Delirious obviously can’t handle the quiet, so he turns up the radio. Joan Jett & The Heartbreakers blares over the radio as the boys continue staring out of the windows. As Joan Jett sings, “I hate myself for lovin’ you!” Mr. VanossGaming strolls out from the glass door and strides his way over to the car. The clown’s heart nearly bursts and his face turns a bright red as he watches his friend throw his stuff in the back. Delirious quickly throws the hood up on the huge, gray hoodie of his. As the door opens and closes the heartbeat of the poor raccoon goes faster than a rabbit’s. “Hey you guys,” Vanoss greets his friends with a guttural voice. “Hey Evan!” Luke greets back. The bearded man turns to his hooded friend, waiting for him to respond. “Delirious, come the fuck on.”

“Hey, Luke, it’s okay. He doesn’t have to show me his face. Yet,” the owl teases.

“He should still say “hi” or some shit,” he snaps and turns his head toward Delirious. The clown sighs, “Hey Vanoss.”

“See, was it that damn hard?”

“Shut the fuck up Luke,” the raccoon bites. Evan sits back into the seat and looks worriedly at the friends. They stay silent nearly the whole ride home, making their new coming guest uncomfortable.

Back at the house Jonathan rushes out of the car, clenching the gray hoodie closer to himself, along with his crutch. Vanoss rushes out of the car after him, but Luke grabs his arm, “Don’t help him yet. He’s not ready,” Luke explains and Vanoss sighs. Evan grabs his bags and turns to Luke, “Is he alright at least?” CaRtOoNz sighs, “No. He’s not. I need your help showing him that he is.” They both carry in Vanoss’s bags and set them into the guest room in Delirious’s house. “There’s a lot of neat stuff in here,” the owl hoots while looking at his friend’s action figures and different nerdy things.  

Upstairs Jonathan plops into his bed and covers himself up. Snuggling up like a baby raccoon. He wishes he were a raccoon, so he wouldn’t have to show Vanoss his face, or anyone. Plus raccoons are considered cute no matter their size.

The door peeks open and Delirious goes undercover. “It’s just me you fuckin’ baby,” Luke petutlanty states. He sits on his friend’s bed, “You’re bein’ a very bad guest to Evan. I hope you know that.” Delirious groans and flips the blanket and hood off of his face. “At least show him your face.”

“Why? So he could be disgusted?”

“Jonathan,” Luke pulls out the first name. The clown groans and gets out of his bed. “You go first,” he orders like a toddler. Luke rolls his eyes and marches out the door. He occasionally turns around to make sure Delirious is still behind him. They both go down the stairs and Delirious gets a terrible feeling in his stomach. With each step and sound of his metal clutch his heart beats hardly in his ears. He stumbles and grabs onto CaRtOoNz’s back. What if the clown faked himself passing out? He did have a concussion, but him falling down the steps would be Vanoss’s first impression of him; physically. The clown takes a deep breath and finally accepts the fact that Vanoss is going to see his face no matter what.

***