TW: Amnesia, alcohol, SFW  

There were no signs from him. Everything was like usual. You cuddled at night, kissed him in the morning before he left to that Jaffa factory. It felt like a bucket of ice cold water on your head. He calls you in the kitchen, hands you a cup of tea and asks you to sit down. You just look at him, confused. He leans down and softly places a kiss on your lips. You blink, still pretty confused. You place one of your hands in his hair, wrap another one around his waist, and try to pull him on your lap. He pulls away with that sad smile on his lips, you've seen just few times. You sit there still, sipping your tea. Tears in his eyes make you uncomfortable. He turns his back to you and looks out the window. " It's over Lalna." He whispers, still not looking at you, probably ashamed and hurt.

"What?" You mumble, knot in your neck forming itself. "Is it something I've done? I..."

He turns around, his chin trembling a bit. He turns away again. "I can't make you choose between science and me, so I chose for you... I'm leaving Lalna. I barely see you. You always lock yourself in your lab, always so busy. I tried to talk with you, but you won't listen. So..."

He wipes away a tear. "So this is just easier. You were everything to me. At first I thought you felt the same, but now I see you don't."

You look at the floor, still silent. Science was all you knew and loved. But you loved Xephos as well. He stands in front of you. His voice is shaky. "I loved you. I still do. You meant the whole world to me. You always did the right thing. Now it's my turn to do something right."

Sudden anger washes over your body. How dares he? Did all these countless times you whispered, "I love you" in his ear, meant nothing to him? If you didn't love him, would those be your hands all over his body in the dark night? Would it be you, who hugs him when he jumps at night at one of his nightmares? You stand up and lose your grip on the mug. It smashes against the cold marble floor. "Don't make me a hero, Xephos." You scream, knot in your neck now is much bigger, making it hard to breathe. "I'm not even close to one. Never was and never will be," you continued, not so loud this time. Xephos backs away, tears rolling down his cheeks. "You were to me." One last look and he's gone.

You've always loved to drink. Now, when there was no one to stop you, it became a serious problem. Those rare moments you were sober, you spent thinking about him. Being drunk made it all easier. If you cried over him, at least you didn't remember it next day. He of course showed up a few times, but just to collect his stuff. You tried to talk to him, but he just looked at you and left.

Weeks passed. From various people you found out that he had moved in with Sjin. At first Honeydew visited you, but since he didn't want to tell you what was happening between Xephos and that architect boy, you told him to stop these pointless visits. And he did.

You became a mess of alcohol and tears. Something inside your messed up head told you it was a good idea to check on your lab whilst there was more alcohol in your body than blood. You know, just to see if something has stopped working and if there was anything you could do.

And indeed, one of your machines was silent. You put aside that half empty bottle of beer, get your tools, open the panel, and look at what has happened. Simple, you think, and start tinkering with wires.

After a couple of minutes big explosion shakes the ground. You fly away, your back and head gets smashed against the wall. You hear beeping and after a few seconds incredible pain burns through your body, everything goes black.

You slowly open your eyes. It feels like you've got a hangover, just about ten times worse. You see a young man leaning over you with worried smile on his lips. "Lalna, you're awake."

Blink. Deep breath. You ignore sharp pain somewhere on your left side. "Where am I?"

The young man sights and places his hand on your shoulder. "We're at Sjin's place. You've been out for three days. How do you feel?"

You blink again. Sjin. Name seems familiar. Yeah. He's that architect boy. But you don't recognise this person. "If you don't mind me asking, who are you?" Smile from man's face fades away. His eyes widen. "What? It's me- Xephos. You... You don't remember?"

You can feel tears in your eyes as you shake your head. You should remember, but you don't. "I'm sorry. So, who are you?" Xephos backs away and smiles again, yet you can see- he's about to cry. "Oh, I'm just a friend. Just an old friend. Don't worry. I'm sure Honeydew will explain everything to you. You remember him right?" You nod, yeah, you remembered that ginger dwarf. "Good." Xephos waves at you and leaves the room.

You lay back. Silent voices behind the door. You can't really make out what are they saying, but you can clearly feel it's nothing good. Dwarf opens the door and quickly shuts them. But whilst they're open you can hear Xephos' sobs. You're confused, but before you get to ask something, Honeydew sits on your bed and gives you a warm smile. He asks you a few questions, but after seeing how tired you are, leaves you alone.

Xephos, who was the closest to a doctor, told you not to drink for at least a few more months: "Your head is still damaged and I'm not sure what might happen." His voice was shaking as he took the glass of whiskey off you and drank it himself. You were just friends, he keeps telling you, whenever you ask. You couldn't get rid of the feeling that you should remember him, because you can clearly see that it hurt Xephos more than anything to know that you don't recognise him, but you have no clue who he is. You just have to believe what others tell about you both. And somehow, with this tiny corner of your heart, you know that they might be lying. "Just friends" echoed in your mind again and again. Over and over. Yet somewhere between those words, images of Xephos flashed. Him smiling, him being happy, happier than you've ever seen him in these couple months.

You try to shake it off, but it never works, not for long at least. Even though he told you not to, you get a drink. You've almost forgotten how alcohol tastes on your tongue. You finally feel free from it all. Forget what you can't remember.

Bottle is almost empty. Suddenly, it feels like someone threw a brick at your head. Images change faster than ever. Your hand in Xephos' hair, your lips on his neck, your skin touching under the sheets, lips screaming out each other's name in the dark room. You squeeze your eyes shut. It all burns your brain from the inside. You don't understand. Xephos whispering something in your ear, again and again, as his hands find their way under your shirt. Finally, you can make out what he's saying. "I love you, Lalna."

You cry out when pain becomes almost unbearable. And suddenly, how it started it's all gone. But images are now replaced with actual memories. You jump up, ignore the fact that it's winter outside and rush towards Sjin's place just in your lab coat.

Trying to catch your breath back, you bang on his door. You hear a voice inside. Few more seconds and he opens the door. His dark blue eyes meet your brighter ones. And in the exact same second he knows. He throws his hands around your neck. You can feel your shoulder get wet by his tears. "I missed you. I missed you so much." He whispers between sobs. Your hands find their way around his waist. You never want to let go. Keep him close, closer than ever. Give up your lab, castle, science, if only that makes him come back. "I'm sorry, Xeph." You whisper in his neck. You pick him up and carry to the sofa. He curls up on your lap, forehead pressed against your chest. He mumbles something about how much he loves you, how sorry he is and how he wants to take it all back. You shut him up by placing a soft kiss on his lips. Right before you close your eyes, you see Sjin walk around the corner, back into his room. You're pretty sure it was a bright smile on his face. Everything is going to be ok. You both know that.

Credit to flufs on tumblr