TW: Angst, Implied sexy times, Hurt/Comfort?

"Trott, come on mate." Alex groaned running a hand through his hair, fisting the wavy locks in frustration as Chris stepped into his boxers, yanking them up his legs with a quick movement full of anger.

Chris turned towards him as he shook out his trousers. "Don't fucking 'come on mate' me." He spat at the man still sprawled out on the bed, the sheet barely covering his lower half. "You said we would stop this."

Alex smirked at him crawling forwards towards the end of the bed and reached out to grasp at Chris' wrist, pulling him back until his left shin connected with the wooden bedframe. "You know what you do to me when you wear a suit." Alex answered, bringing the hand that wasn't holding onto Chris' arm up to brush his knuckles over Chris' cheek.

Chris flinched back from the touch, stepping away so Alex's hands both fell away. "Don't." He said not looking at the other man as he pulled up his plain black trousers, buttoning and zipping them quickly.

Alex sat back, watching Chris as he hunted for wherever Alex had thrown his shirt not an hour previously with narrowed brows. "Don't what?" He asked, exasperation bleeding into his tone. "I don't understand what your problem is."

Chris snatched up the shirt that had somehow made it over to the other side of the room and was half hidden under the desk, letting out a bitter bark of a laugh. "No you wouldn't, would you?"

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Alex shot back, his tone biting.

Chris sighed, a long and slow exhale of breath that smacked of resignation as he slid his arms into the white sleeves of his button up. "I can't do this anymore."

Alex watched in silence as Chris buttoned his shirt quickly and pocketed his socks before shoving his bare feet into his shoes. "For fucks sake Trott, it's just a bit of fun between friends and we've been doing it for years. Why are you being such a prick about it?"

Chris raised his eyebrows in surprise at Alex's words, shaking his head in disbelief as he spoke and snatched up his suit jacket from the back of a chair. "Because I don't need this fucking back and forth shit, climbing in and out of your fucking bed whenever you decide that you want a shag and can't get it elsewhere." He didn't look back at the other man until he was standing at the door, his hand resting on top of the handle. "I'm not your fucking play thing Alex, it isn't fun for me anymore." Chris pushed down on the handle, pulling the door towards himself. "We're done." He added before leaving the room, closing the door with a quiet click behind himself.

**********

Chris didn't hang around long enough to see if Alex would come after him, instead hurrying through the living room of Alex's flat and letting himself out into the corridor. The stony look on his face discouraged any interaction as he passed by someone in the hallway just before barrelling into the empty lift and slamming his thumb on the button for the ground floor.

He leant back against the wall, the metal handrail digging into the small of his back and pulled his phone out of his pocket to stab at a couple of buttons, holding the phone up to his ear.

"It's 3 in the morning, why is it always 3 in the morning when you call me?!" The voice at the other end of the phone groaned.

Chris could hear a TV running in the background. "Because I know you'll be awake." He answered as the lift came to a stop with a ding, the door opening slowly in front of him. "Can I crash at yours? It's going to take forever to get a taxi back to mine."

"I thought you went to Smith's?"

He let out a sigh before answering, his right hand scrubbing at his face. "I did but I left."

There was a huff of breath from the other end of the phone, something between exasperation and amusement. "I guess I better put the kettle on."

The corner of Chris' lip lifted in a half smile. "Thanks, Ross."

**********

Ross turned the TV down as he stood to answer the quiet knock on his door, dropping the remote onto the coffee table as he followed Chris back to the sofa where Chris kicked off his shoes and draped his suit jacket over the arm of the sofa.

Ross sat against the other arm, reaching for his tea. "What happened?" Ross asked as Trott reached for his own cup.

Trott cradled the cup in both hands, letting the warmth seep into his cold digits. "I told him I couldn't do it anymore."

Ross smiled gently at him. "It was the right thing to do Trott."

Trott tiled his head back, to look up at the ceiling. "I know, doesn't make it any less shitty."

Ross just nodded at him but didn't say anything further as he sipped at his drink.

*********

Weeks had passed since Chris had told him it was over.

At first, Alex had welcomed the absence. He was angry at Chris for always doing this, one minute he would be all over him and the next he would be walking away saying they needed to stop, and to be honest Alex was sick of being the one who always had to initiate everything.

By the fourth week it was obvious that Chris was avoiding him. He was never there when Alex went to see their mutual friends and Ross was being suspiciously careful about not mentioning the other man in front of him during their weekly gaming sessions.

The anger dissipated by the fifth week, replaced by an emptiness that stung around the edges and left a sour taste in his mouth that no amount of distractions could erase completely, no matter how many shots he did or how many more notches he carved into the bedpost.

Most of his other friends refused to go out with him anymore, sick of him ditching them to chat up anyone that seemed to be receptive to his charms so he didn't have to spend another night alone in his own bed, instead crawling out of his conquests bed as they slept to make the walk of shame back to his place in the first light of a new day.

Ross placed down the two pints and fell into the seat opposite him. "You look like shit, mate." Ross stated, leaning forward to rest his elbow on the table. "Another rough night?"

Alex snorted into his pint. "So you're judging me now too?"

Ross rolled his eyes at his friend's accusatory tone. "No Smith, I am not judging you. I'm worried about you. When was the last weekend you didn't go out and get plastered?" Alex didn't reply, how could he? He couldn't remember how many weekends it had been or when the last time it was that he ate a decent meal that wasn't just take out or a sandwich.

"I'm fine!" Alex spat. "Just, don't." With that he stood to make his way towards the toilet.

**********

Chris followed Turps to the door, pulling it open to hold it so Kim could enter the pub before him. "What's you poison Trott?" Turps asked as they approached the bar. "I'll get the first round in."

"Just a Carlsberg mate." Chris answered leaning his hip against the bar to glance around the room.

"Did you invite Ross?" Kim asked from his left, gesturing to where the dark haired man sat in the corner, two pints on the table in front of him. Chris shook his head and supressed a groan as he caught sight of Alex making his way back over to the table where Ross sat. "Oh." Kim added, averting her eyes from Chris and instead turning her attention to ordering her drink.

Chris didn't comment as he followed Kim to a table, silently thanking her for choosing one far away from Ross and Alex.

It was obvious to the three chatting quietly at the table when Alex noticed Chris' presence, his trips to the bar became more frequent and with each downed drink the volume of his conversation with Ross rose steadily, punctuated often by barking laughs from both men.

Chris had started the evening with his back to the table on the other side of the room but had since moved around, unnerved by the feeling that Alex was watching him without him knowing. He had probably been right, he caught the other man looking over to him often during the evening, although that could have been because Alex felt Chris' eyes on him.

Chris studied him, even from this distance it was clear to see that Alex had bags under his eyes, and his hair, usually a mussed mass of organised chaos, looked dull and flat poking out of the bottom of a blue beanie.

The beanie combined with the sheer length of the stubble sprouting from his face made something twist in Chris' stomach, concern licking at his mind.

Chris knew Alex, they had been best friends since they were eleven and Chris had literally stumbled into him as he entered his English classroom on the first day of high school. He knew what the hat meant and it hurt that he knew.

Alex didn't like hats, he had told Chris as much when Chris had brought him the one he now wore. He had worn it before of course, the first time he had picked Chris up from the train station in their hometown when he came home from his first year of Uni he wore it, and Chris had questioned him. Alex had said he wore it whenever he missed him.

*********

"You still coming over tomorrow?" Ross asked, zipping his hoodie up to the chin. Alex nodded to Ross as he stood. "See ya later, mate." He said, dropping a hand to Alex's shoulder for a moment before walking away to exit the pub.

Alex sat back and ran a finger around the lip of his glass, trying to stop himself from looking over to where Chris sat for the millionth time that evening.

He lasted for less than twenty seconds, looking up he met the other man's eyes immediately before looking away. Picking up his glass to take a swallow he noted Kim whispering urgently into Chris' ear, the other man's shoulders sagging against whatever she was saying before taking his drink in hand and standing.

Alex muttered an expletive as Chris approached, placing his drink gently onto the table with a barely audible 'clink' of wood meeting glass. "Smith." Chris greeted, his voice flat as he sat down.

"Trott." Alex replied, not looking at him. Chis waited in silence, hand coming up to grasp his glass for something to do. Finally Alex tore his eyes away from his own hand and flicked his eyes over Chris' face for a brief moment before averting them again. "You look well." Alex said, flinching against the cliché as it fell from his mouth.

Chris pulled his glass closer to him. "Yeah, I've been busy with work and stuff, you know?"

Alex met his gaze, his jaw clenched before running a tongue over his top teeth in a look Chris knew was barely supressed anger. "Yeah, busy... me too."

Silence descended again, the air feeling heavy and oppressive as the two men sat, occasionally lifting a glass to lips to take a drink.

Alex was determined that he wouldn't be the one to break this time, Chris was stubborn but Alex knew he could outlast him as long as he didn't look at him.

"Smith?" Chris questioned, trying to get the other man's attention, Alex didn't reply or look at him. "For fuck sake." Chris muttered to himself. "Alex?"

Of course Chris knew how to push his buttons. "Don't call me that." Alex said, snapping his attention fully onto Chris' deep brown eyes.

Chris bit his lip and sighed. "I know I don't have any right to have a say in your life but what you're doing to yourself needs to stop mate. You're going to end up hurt or worse."

Alex snorted a bitter laugh. "You're right, you don't have any right." He snapped back. "You have no right to tell me what I can or cannot do and pretending that you care is laughable." He continued before spitting a sarcastic 'mate' at him with a pointed look.

Chris' eyebrows shot up. "Just because we haven't seen each other in a while doesn't mean I don't care about you, or that I want to see you looking like you haven't slept in days, wearing that fucking hat."

Alex smirked at him, a look boarding on malicious and unstable. "I'm not okay. Is that what you want to hear? That I'm falling apart?" Alex questioned, his voice rising from a growl to a barely concealed shout. He reached out and downed the rest of his drink in one quick swallow before standing and ripping the hat from his head. "Well fuck you! I'm doing fine" He said into Chris' ear as he threw the hat down on the table in front of Chris and strode out of the pub.

**********

Ross wasn't very surprised to find Chris on the other side of his flats front door when he went to answer it. Smith had already sent him a litany of text messages cursing Chris over and over as he ranted about their brief interaction after Ross has left the pub.

Chris didn't look Ross in the eye as he shuffled into the flat and made his way towards the kitchen, flicking the kettle on and pulling two cups down from the cupboard to make tea as if this was his own flat and not Ross'.

Ross leant against the sink as he watched the other man prepare their drinks, noting the shaky movements of the other man as he poured the water. Ross could practically hear Chris' internal monologue, berating himself.

Chris slid Ross' cup over the counter towards him. "They're playing the first series of the IT Crowd on E4 tonight if you fancy it?" Ross offered, plucking his cup from the countertop.

Chris nodded and followed the other man back to the sofa, kicking his shoes under the coffee table and curling his legs underneath him as he sat.

They were into the third episode before Chris spoke up. "I take it he told you what happened already?"

Ross didn't bother pretending he didn't know what Chris was talking about. "Yeah, he text me."

"Of course he fucking did." Chris mumbled, shaking his head.

"He's a mess Trott." Ross supplied. "He was angry and probably rightly so."

"Excuse me?" Chris questioned, voice angry. "Why the hell does he have the right to be angry?"

Ross sighed. "You have been avoiding him for months and suddenly you run into each other and the first thing you do is criticise him."

"I was fucking worried about him!" Chris shouted. "What was I meant to do? Ignore the fact that he looks like he's lost a shit tonne of weight and hasn't seen the sun in weeks. Am I supposed to ignore the fucking bags under his eyes and the fact he looked like a fucking homeless person." Chris ranted.

Ross shook his head. "No, but you could have tried to talk to him, asked him how he was before saying he looked like he had been dragged through a hedge backwards."

"I don't know how to talk to him anymore." Chris admitted, his voice now low and tired.

"Look, Chris." Ross started, getting his full attention by using his first name. "Have you even stopped to think why he is acting like he is?"

"Because he likes to get his end away." Chris replied without missing a beat.

Ross clenched a fist in frustration. "Don't be a fucking prick Trott." Ross instructed. "You are both my best mates and it's so fucking shitty to be stuck in the middle of all your bullshit." Chris nodded gently at the serious tone in Ross' voice. "I always said that I wouldn't pick sides or stick my nose in to whatever was going on between you both but I can't do it anymore Trott, you are both miserable and since talking sense into Smith is like talking to a brick wall, you will have to listen to me instead."

Chris sat, stock still, not sure if he wanted to hear what Ross was going to say to him but unable to bring himself to stop him.

"It's fucking obvious to anyone that knows you both that Smith has been in love with you for years."

Chris shook his head. "Smith doesn't love me Ross, he loves the sex."

Ross snorted an amused breath of air through his nose. "He thinks the only way he can get close to you is through sex Trott, it's not the same thing."

"Why hasn't he ever told me any of this then?" Chris challenged.

"We both know that Smith has the emotional maturity of a dog, he doesn't know how to talk to you about his feelings so he tells you in the only way he knows how, by trying to make you happy and since you have shown nothing but being fine and appearing content since you called it off he is doing what he thinks he should do and staying away to keep you happy."

Chris leant his head back to rest against the sofa, running a hand through his hair to clutch at the back of his neck, blinking back tears.

**********

Alex had known it would only be a matter of time until Chris would turn up at his door. He had no clue why Chris was trying to get hold of him, every text message and voicemail was deleted without being read or heard and he had spent the rest of the weekend locked away in his flat so he couldn't bump into him on accident.

Chris had obviously come over straight from work, still wearing his suit. Alex noted with a barely concealed huff of annoyance that it was the same suit that Chris had hurried into the last time he was in Alex's flat.

Alex opened the door a crack, leaning against the frame with his foot stopping the door opening further. "What do you want?" He asked the shorter man, his voice flat.

"I need to talk to you, it'll only take a few minutes then I'll fuck off, alright?" Chris asked, something akin to pleading colouring his voice that took Alex aback and made him instantly move his foot and pull the door open further for Chris to enter.

Chris strode to the middle of the room and spun to face Alex who was standing with his back against the door ten feet away.

Chris was fidgeting, one hand cradling the back of his neck as he pushed the other into his pocket.

"Are you okay?" Alex asked as he studied him, Alex had rarely seen Chris this agitated and it caused a wave of panic to wash over him, his eyebrows drawing together in concern.

Chris laughed, a short exhale of breath with a chuckle thrown in. His hand fell away from his neck and he wet his lips before taking a deep breath, scrubbing at his face with his now free hand. "I really don't know." He answered.

"Did something happen?" Alex asked.

Chris puffed out his cheeks and let out a long breath that stirred the hair hanging down over his forehead. "I really don't know how to start to say what I have to say so I need you to just let me finish before you say anything."

Alex nodded gently, showing he understood but didn't move from his position against the door. Feeling a sense of comfort from the fact that he had an escape route.

"The other day, at the pub." Chris started. "I shouldn't have spoken to you like I did but I was worried about you." Pausing, he put his other hand into his pocket. "Ross told me that you hadn't been doing well but I thought that he was exaggerating or something so seeing you like that, it hurt."

Alex raised his eyebrows in disbelief but didn't say anything.

"And it hurt because I care about you and I want you to be happy and I thought that if I was in your life that you wouldn't be able to do that, because whenever we're alone together everything else just disappears and the world doesn't matter." Chris explained, taking a step towards the other man. "But I realised that is what it's meant to be like when you love someone right? They're meant to make you forget your job and worries and your own fucking name, they become more important than you and it's scary as shit but as long as they feel the same then you'll look after each other."

Chris watched Alex's Adams apple bob as he swallowed thickly.

"And I thought that you didn't feel the same, because you're always so casual and make jokes. But I know you." Chris insisted, pulling his hands out of his pockets. "You do those things because you care, not because you don't."

Chris levelled his gaze on Alex's face and took a few deep breaths, trying to read his expression as he descended into silence.

Chris nodded gently to himself and wet his lips, swallowing passed the dryness in his throat. "I..." he hesitated, letting out a frustrated huff at himself. Wetting his lips he tried again. "I haven't ever said it, not properly."

Alex pushed off from the door, closing the gap separating the two men until he stood half a foot in front of Chris. "You still haven't." Alex said, his voice a gravely whisper.

The corner of Chris' lips lifted in the first semblance of a smile that Alex had seen since he arrived. Chris looked up at Alex, looking playfully unimpressed by his comment. "I have been in love with you for as long as I can remember." Chris admitted.

The look that spread across Alex's face was like a sunrise, a slow building of light until it was like staring at the sun with its brilliance. "So, what you're saying is that I now have blowies on tap?" Alex asked grinning.

Chris rolled his eyes and shoved the other man in the chest with both hands, causing him to stumble. "You've fucking ruined it now!" Chris accused striding towards the door. Alex would have been worried from the tone of his voice but the fact that Chris was smiling as wide as he was betrayed his true feelings.

Alex wrapped his arms around Chris' waist and plastered himself to Chris' back, resting his head on the other man's shoulder. Angling his head, he smiled as Chris shuddered at the feeling of hot breath against his ear. "I love you too." Alex breathed out, tightening his hold around Chris' waist. 

Credit to vexedbeverage on tumblr