TW: More angst. :)

Chris' fingers trembled as he clutched the framed photo of one of his oldest friends between his hands, bringing it to rest against his chest. He lowered his eyes and swallowed hard, choking back a sob as he attempted to blink away the tears that were welling up in his eyes. But he was unsuccessful. The tears escaped from between his eye lids, spilling over the top of his lashes until it slowly formed a steady stream of tears. He laid down on the bed, the picture still between his fingers.

Looking back at the photograph, Chris could see the way each of their mouths curved upwards into a genuine smile that reached up to their eyes. He could see the way they were both happy and as the memories of the moment before the camera was clicked filled his brain, he knew why. It was a photograph taken before everything went wrong, when it was still a time of enjoyment. It was the day their YouTube channel had reached 1 million subscribers, the three of them having gone out to celebrate in style with a few drinks down the local pub. It had been a brilliant evening, made only better when after finding the confidence to do so from the alcohol coursing through his blood, Alex had confessed how he really felt about Chris. That evening had left him with a warm, satisfied feeling running through him but now as he relived the memories, it left him feeling as though his heart had been torn from his chest. It had hurt when it had first happened, but now almost a week later, it had begun to become reality that they would never be together. And every time he thought about the redhead he loved, his eyes welled with tears.

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Chris sought his boyfriend to query about the events planned for that evening where the whole of the company had planned to have a night out together to relieve some stress created from their job.

"Chris, stop talking. I'm not going with you." Alex said almost as soon as Chris opened his mouth to talk.

Chris paused for a moment, his brow furrowing in confusion, "What do you mean? We're going together aren't we?"

"We were. But I can't anymore, I can't do this..."

Chris felt his heart skip a beat as shock and worry filled his body, "Y-You're leaving me?!" He queried, unsure as to whether he wanted the answer or not.

"That's right." Alex nodded, "You, Me – We weren't working, I'm sorry Chris." He started to turn and paused briefly as though he had momentarily changed his mind. Chris saw his hand flicker and for an instant, he truly believed he was about to reach out and entwine their fingers together. But instead, he withdrew his hand, turned on the spot and headed out the door, leaving the brunette alone in their shared house.

Chris, unsure of what to do now, slumped against the wall he had been standing beside, "That's it? That's how you're going to leave it? You're just going to walk away?" He shouted but it was useless, the door had already closed behind the redhead without him even turning back. "You're just going to walk away..." He whispered, hanging his head as he clutched it between his fingers.
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He was told that it keeps getting easier, it'll take time but eventually the pain becomes bearable enough that it almost just disappears. But so far, it was impossible to believe. Living in a house he previously brought with his boyfriend made every living moment difficult. Walking around the house, there were pictures of the two of them, in the kitchen there were his mugs, his cereal, his milk and in the bed, his side still had the faint smell of coffee always associated with the redhead. Awake or asleep, Chris couldn't get the other man out of his head.

Over the last week, Chris kept repeating everything that had happened that evening seven days ago when Alex walked out. But each time, the one thing stopping him from understanding what happened was he had been offered no reasoning, no excuse as to why it happened. All he wanted to know was why had it ended like that? And so deciding he needed to know, he took his phone from his pocket, wincing slightly as he noticed the picture on the lock screen matched the one in the frame that his left hand clung tightly to as if letting go would mean admitting to the end of everything. He typed out a text message to Alex:

I'm lonely, I miss you. Can we talk?

His finger hovered over the send button for a few seconds as he wondered if it was the right thing to do. But he knew, he would never be able to move on without knowing the truth about what happened and why it did. He was left, abandoned without a reason. So with a deep breath to steady his hand, he pressed the button and awaited a reply.

A few seconds later, his phone beeped to alert the owner of a text message that read: Are you sure?

With a few texts back and forth between them, they had arranged to meet at a nearby café. Chris pulled himself from where he had been lying on the bed, placing the photograph he had been clutching in his hands back on the bedside table next to him. Next, he took of his pyjamas, instead throwing on the nearest pair of skinny jeans and an oversized t-shirt that he realised only once it was on his frame that it belonged to Alex. He lifted the neckline to his nose, inhaling slightly and smiling when he realised there was the coffee scent attached to it from the last time Alex had worn it. He moved to the bathroom, splashing cold water over his face as he brushed his messy hair into something slightly presentable. The past week had mostly involved wallowing in a bed of self-pity and tears, never once leaving the house to go into public places so this was the first time in a while he was going to be seeing Alex and wanted to try and disguise how he had been feeling. Deeming himself acceptable, he walked out the door and headed on the five minute walk to the café they had arranged to meet in.

Ordering himself a black coffee and a mug of steaming hot tea for Alex, Chris seated himself in the café, choosing a table at the back of the room that they had previously shared during their first date together.

When Alex walked in through the door, Chris could see the way his face mirrored the sleepless eyes, the unshaven beard and the paled skin that he adopted over the last few days. It had been a week since they'd separated but it appeared as though neither were getting much sleep. Feeling slightly awkward, Chris wasn't sure if he should stand from his seat at the table, wave, go for a hug or to just stay seated and wait for Alex to notice him. He decided to go for the latter. The redhead's eyes scanned the café, trying to pick out the one person he wanted from the slightly crowded room which as he got to the back of the room, his gaze fell on the brunette and a slight smile fell over his face. Seven days wasn't exactly a long time but it was the longest time he'd been without Chris since they'd gotten together. But now, they were no longer together and those seven days would just continue to grow until it stretched over an eternity. He shoved his hands in his pockets and walked over to the table Chris had chosen, standing slightly embarrassedly at one of the chairs, not knowing whether he should do something or just sit down. He pulled the chair from under the table and sat down before saying,

"Hi."

"Hey."

"How are you doing?"

"Not great."

"Me neither." The conversation felt stilted and forced, neither man quite sure of what to say in case they confessed to something they shouldn't.

"Why did you do it? I just want to know why it ended like that. I want to know are we over for good?"

Alex took his face into one of his hands, rubbing his fingers against his tired eyes for a moment, leaving him with a pained expression as he extracted his hand. He placed his hands in his lap, clasping them together as he moved his thumbs against each other. He gaze fell to his hands, giving him a reason to not have to look at the other man as he explained,

"I thought there might be someone else. I thought it would hurt you less if I did that to you now rather than in a few months but I was wrong. I was stupid for hurting you like that, for hurting you at all. If I could turn back time, I'd do anything to go back to before I walked out... I can't sleep without you next me, I can't live in a house without you. I just want everything back to normal Trottie." Alex moved his hand, carelessly wiping away the tears that had begun to spill from his eyes with the back of his burgundy coloured jumper. He wasn't sure if he should have said that much, he didn't want Chris to feel guilted into taking him back but there was no way he could bottle it up inside for any longer. He wanted to admit to making a mistake, the stupidest mistake he'd ever made in his life. As he glanced up slightly, he saw the sympathetic expression sitting on Chris' face, the way he looked at the redhead with such pity made Alex realise how stupid he had actually been. Instead of getting angry and upset over having his boyfriend walk out on him, Chris was clearly more concerned about how the redhead was feeling rather than himself.

"There's always room in my bed that you're welcome to?"

Alex nodded, relief washing over him as he knew he hadn't ruined everything for good. Both men stood from the table, taking a step forwards as they closed the small amount of room between the two of them as they embraced the other into a much needed hug. Chris stood on his tiptoes in order to become level with the taller man before slipping his hands around Alex's neck while Alex's hands rested naturally on the slender curve of the smaller man's waist, his fingers gently tracing shapes against the exposed skin between Chris' shirt and jeans. It felt like everything had gone back normal, almost as if nothing had happened. He nuzzled his face against Chris' neck, relishing in the contact of skin against skin that he had missed in the past week before whispering,

"I don't know what I'd what do without you Chris, I'm sorry..."

Credit to Daisyith on Ao3