TW: Hurt, Hugs, Suicide thoughts, depression and feels

It was the season of winter... also known as agony for Toby. He didn't like winter not at all, because Martyn his best-bud, his thunder-buddy and his long life crush. Would turn blue all his body would turn blue even his hair. So, basically he wouldn't even have to actually dye it blue. Lucky he, Toby thought. He was just talking to himself, no wonder everyone picked on him. He had to be happy at this monement. For about 10 more minutes, then he can go back into depressing mode. Want to know why? Well because they were recording The Adventure calendar, as in the winter series for Martyn's channel. Toby sighed, it was him, Martyn, Lewis and Henry. They do this every year and have been doing for the past 1 year. Last year, was the first time they did it, and this year was the 2nd time. 'Why can't it be summer?' Toby thought. He liked Summer Martyn he was kind, cuddly, and warm and gave soft kisses. Toby loved the kisses he giggled at them; Toby knew they were just friendly kisses... nothing more. Even though, he wished they were more than just 'friendship' kisses. Sometimes, he would even think that each kiss had a special meaning like one time he was crying because Toby's scared of thunderstorms... but Martyn didn't know that. He just thought when Toby woke up crying and sweaty ... like really wet, because of tears and sweat. That it was just a bad dream, nothing more. 

Once Toby had woke up he woke up in screams and cry's because thunderstorms kept hitting the tent they were sleeping in. Because, they were doing there Tekkit adventure then. So, Martyn wrapped Toby in his arms and kissed his nose and eventually, slept in the bed with him. But still, it was only friendships. Because, friends could do that right? Toby thought so.

--

Toby ultimately snapped back to reality, to realize he had been talking to himself. He looked down at the floor; well there was absolutely NO floor. Well, of course there's floor. You just couldn't see it, because the floor was covered with thick white fluffy snow. They had just finished their quest and they were heading home. When they got back home, they took their snow boots off and coats off and hung them up. They liked Aunty Sandy's house. It was a nice house; even Toby admitted it was nice. It was nice and warm and comfy. Toby went straight over to the fire and put his hands near it. Martyn came over, Toby looked at him. 'Was Martyn actually going to talk to me?' Toby thought. Martyn walked straight past him, he walked to the coffee machine and grabbed a coffee. Once the coffee machine had given him some coffee, he walked back the same way he came the way past Toby and past the fire. Toby sighed. He was thinking too much, it was too depressing for him. He was glad Martyn had finished recording before they walked back into the house. On the way back, Martyn tripped over Toby's shoe and got coffee all over Toby. Toby sighed; he went to the bathroom and took a quick shower. Martyn could see Toby was upset. 'Did Toby really take all this to heart? Toby must know that were joking, doesn't he?' Martyn thought. He also thought 'Oh No, what happens if he doesn't?' Martyn sighed. He shall worry about it tomorrow. Toby went into the front room and everyone was sat at the table. He went to grab his plate of food and sat alone in the seat in the living room. Martyn looked over to Toby in the seat and sighed. After they all ate, they went to bed. Toby slept in his bunk above Martyn's.

- Next Morning –

Henry woke up first, then Lewis, then Martyn. But, Toby didn't wake straight up after Martyn. Martyn was getting worried because Toby hadn't waked up yet. The real reason, Toby hadn't waked up yet because he was crying his t-shirt was wet and soaked. Toby couldn't hear any noises and went downstairs and ran into the bathroom, he looked in the mirror 'What a state I am in!' He thought. He banged his hands against the sink; he gripped the towel in his hands and wiped his tears away. He went into the kitchen and sat down at the table for once in a while. He looked down, making his hair hide. Martyn looked at Toby and asked "Toby what's up?" Martyn asked. Toby looked up. He thought that was his mind, just talking to him. I mean, who would talk to him in winter? "Toby?" Martyn said again. Toby looked up again; indeed someone was talking to him. It was Martyn out of all people? "What?!"! Toby snapped at him. Martyn, Lewis and Henry jumped at this. They didn't expect that, Toby walked away. 'Well done Toby, someone was FINALLY talking to you and you just ignore them." The voice said. 'Oh, shut up!' Toby said to the voice. A few minutes later, Martyn had an announcement saying "Guys, I won't be recording today... because there's something wrong with one of our cast members." Martyn finished his speech. Instead of recording, they decided to have a snowball fight. For god sake, last time they had a snowball fight... one got in Toby's face.

- Snowball fight start –

Henry threw a snowball at Lewis's face. Then Henry threw one back, Martyn looked around, Henry and Lewis was laughing together. Toby was sat on the bench, freezing his ass off. Martyn threw a snowball at Toby's face it ended on his tongue, he licked it and swallowed and eventually spat some snow out! Shit! Martyn ran over to Toby's side. 

"Toby? You okay mate?" Martyn asked worried for his friend. Toby fell unconscious and started coughing and more coughing. His face went blue, his hands went frozen. 'Toby, what have I done! TOBYYYYY PLEASE WAKE UPP!' Martyn wailed. Henry and Lewis looked over to him, and ran over to him and asked what was up. 'It's Toby, I threw a snowball at him, and it's my entire fault.' Martyn said. Henry patted his shoulder. A couple minutes later Toby woke up spluttering and coughing. Toby looked up and saw everyone around him... he ran off straight away. "Toby, Wait!" Martyn screamed. Toby ran into bed, he was thinking 'How did I get on the floor?' Toby thought of the worst that could have happened, the tears came again. Toby started to cry... but slowly drifted off to sleep. Martyn, Lewis and Henry came to bed. Martyn got under the bunk bed and got in.

- That night –

Martyn could hear Toby crying... "Toby? Are you crying?" Martyn asked. He looked up. "Martyn, is that you?" Toby asked... Martyn said mhmm. "What's up, Toby? Why are you so upset?" Martyn asked. Toby sighed...

"I'm going to say everything I want to, don't interrupt, and don't laugh when I've finished." Martyn nodded and took Toby's hand and took him downstairs "Now talk, Toby." Toby nodded then let his heart explode with feelings as he started to open his mouth. "It's just, I can't take it. I don't like the winter, it brings to much pain to me... from you, I don't like it when you're mean... it makes me upset. At winter, I just want to run away and hide and not come back until summer, that's how I want it to be. I don't like Frozen Martyn. I like autumn, summer and spring Martyn. I just want... Winter to delete itself, to never be in this world again. I like spring because you're so lovely and kind and you give me these kisses and hugs. At Autumn, it start's getting cold so we share the same bed and you wrap me up in your arms and just cradle me to sleep. I just want that to come back." Toby cried. Martyn was just star struck at what Toby just said. He couldn't figure out what to say... or how to feel. "Toby, you do realize we don't mean this stuff as a joke right?" Martyn asked. Even though, he already knew the answer. "I don't think it's a joke, I think it's REAL I think it's you." Martyn gasped. "Come here, Toby." Martyn said. "No, you'll laugh at me and shut me out again." Martyn couldn't believe Toby was saying all this. "No, I won't... just come here." Toby sighed and climbed down the ladder he sat down on Martyn's bed. Martyn cuddled Toby and cradled him just like he did in autumn. "I want to say something crazy, Martyn." Toby said.

"What's that?"

"I um, love you."

"I love you too, Tobes." Martyn kissed his lips. Toby knew, this wasn't a JOKE. He knew this was real... and Toby was glad.

Hold me, ♪

Wrap me up, comfort me ♫

Credit to Flaaffy on Ao3