WHAT?! SOMETHING HAPPY?! WHAAAT?!

TW: Tea parties, pigs, Teen!Cast

A strike on noon and the schedule was already ruined. Xephos wished he had a wristwatch to dramatically check it repeatedly, in a small hope his gesture would quicken the pace. He had left no time for interruptions in his day even if his teenage responsibilities didn't stretch off his arm; a bump in plans was still stress for his mind.

"Honeydew, how much longer do I have to sit here?" The hot sun hitting his back baked his shirt to stick to his skin, the light path of sweat trailing down his spine growing in width. Xephos pulled at the collar of his thin cotton tee, waving the fabric back and forth to create a breeze against his skin. "We could have at least walked a bit farther to find a tree."

The cheery snort from across the table triggered a wholehearted laugh to rumble through Honeydew's body, "I carried all this far enough and besides, I'm pretty sure a field isn't going to have many trees." He drummed his fingers along the edge of short wooden table, feeling the soft tablecloth attach to his warm palms.

Xephos felt his eyes drift along the dry golden field, viewing air surf along bending stems as the wind became visible. He watched the wave sweep along to their patted down spot where they unintentionally had made their first irregular crop circle and end to tickle through the hairs on the top of his head. Breathing in the fresh scent he could feel his body relax, before his nose inevitably clogged.

"Why didn't you warn me we were coming to hay fever hell?" Xephos rubbed at his eyes, growling as tough skin nudged at his elbow, "And why is he here?" Pointing a sharp accusatory finger to his side Xephos' hand was met with a hot gentle mouth licking at his sugar coated fingers, "Porkins no!"

Without even requesting it, a wet napkin was handed to him across the table, "Thanks." Xephos murmured as he snatched the sanitary item with his dry hand, "It's a miracle he's not eating everything off the table."

Crossing his arms with a buzz of his lips Honeydew watched as the other cleaned himself up. "Porkins is a good boy! We've gone through days of training!" Honeydew held his hands out in front of him, taking in a deep breath as he tried to summon a command, "Porkins!" The pink pot-bellied pig tilted its head in a curious stare, "Stay!" Porkins angled his head a different direction as he watched the stubby fingers spread out farther as the gesture continued.

Breaking a beaming grin Honeydew dropped his hands with a light bounce, "Good boy Porkins!"

Xephos rolled his eyes as he stuffed the napkin into his pants pocket, "He was already sitting still! I don't think Porkins knows any tricks whatsoever!" Upon hearing his name the heavy pig nuzzled his head under the arm of the lanky teen, "Oh for God's sake Porkins..." Xephos let his fingers scratch behind the lightly hair bristled ears, "How do you even see me with that wrinkled brow of yours? When did you get so big?"

Porkins' continuous pushing sparked a much needed chuckle from Xephos to add into the hot summer air. The slobbery tongue that lapped out from the thick lips barely graced Xephos' chin as the cuddly pig's head inched higher. "I love you too Porkins, you big softy."

"Oi!" The puff up from the stout teen across the table from the cuddling two cracked with a forced drop of his voice.

Feeling another heavy nudge from the pig Xephos looked off to the pouting Honeydew, "I love you too." His smile was gentle like the breeze that found them again, catching and bringing the puckered airborne kiss in a new direction. Honeydew brought his hands to his face, trying to shoot a return with more accuracy.

Xephos chuckled and shook his head, feeling Porkins' snout knock his glasses. "I'm drowning in affection!" He was barely able to laugh as squeaks slipped out with his lungs tensing in his chest, "No Porkins that tickles!" Xephos tried not to be knocked to the ground as the pig kept gaining height.

"Porkins," Honeydew waved a loosely closed fist around the air, "I've got a treat for you if you stop trying to snog my boyfriend!" Porkins' nose twitched in the air, catching the sticky sweet scent of what Honeydew held. Bringing his hand around the table Honeydew tossed a large chunk of pineapple far enough away for the pig to detach from the other teen.

Brushing a hand along his chin Xephos couldn't help his pent up laughs even as Porkins' saliva left his skin feeling muggier than before. "Between the two of you I think I'll contract a kissing disease!" Xephos reached for his petite tea cup, lifting it from the decorated saucer to his lips.

Fiddling his fingers through the borrowed cake tower Honeydew picked out another flaky biscuit, "Well you won't get it from me, Porkins on the other hand..." The ginger teen watched as his precious pet licked at the ground, trying to find more of the pineapple juice that had seeped into the ground. "Porkins loves to get a taste of just about everything, so no more mouth to mouth with him." He shook his sugary treat at Xephos, trying to wipe away the smug look he was receiving.

"But he's such a sweet little guy, aren't you Porkins?" Patting the pig on his tough back Xephos could not peel Porkins from his musing with the ground and leftover pineapple taste. "On second thought maybe you're right..." Setting his cup back down Xephos scanned over to the tower of sweets, making note of how closer to Honeydew it was than its original center position. "Though he might be nice enough to remind me to take my allergy meds before we have a tea party in the middle of a field."

Honeydew snatched another snack from an elegant dish, "I told you the surprise would be outside."

Rubbing at his nose again Xephos let out a long sigh, "I don't normally take my allergy medication for just going outside. I can leave the house perfectly fine, but when I'm sitting in a wheat field, that's a time when I should be warned." Wishing he had brought tissues Xephos tried to use the lingering warm vapours from his tea to clear his sinuses. "Can you just tell me how much longer we'll be here?"

Clearing his throat as he dunked another biscuit Honeydew tried not to make eye contact. "I didn't plan that far ahead..." Pulling out the now mushy treat he looked over to the slowly emptying teapot. "'Til the food is gone I guess!"

With a click of his tongue and a sigh Xephos took another sip of his tea, finishing off his third cup. "We can just throw the rest to Porkins I suppose..." The look Honeydew gave him buzzed a laugh to pop from his throat, "I know I know. I'm not actually going to give him any." The pig in question soon found his way to Xephos' side again, finding a comfy crook under his arm.

"Ah bless," Honeydew grinned, "Look at you two! Precious!" Leaning forward on the table his smile increased as he watched Xephos try to avoid another unprovoked lick from Porkins. "Hey buddy! Stop getting so chummy!"

Xephos' head fell back, letting his laughs shoot out towards the clouds. He could feel the unconventional pet continue to slowly sneak his way to his fingers again, "Try giving him more pineapple. I think he apparently likes it better than me."

"How can he choose pineapple over you?" Another treat and Honeydew tried to slow his pace, knowing he didn't have any left to refill the plates.

Slowly glancing around the empty field again Xephos felt curiosity slip into his mind, "Honeydew..?" He tried to lift his chin higher to get a better view of the path they had taken, "Who owns this wheat field?"

Obviously attempting to avoid the question Honeydew made his eyes concentrated solely on his own cup of tea.

"Are you telling me that we're trespassing?!" Xephos' posture shot to a perfect ninety degree angle. "I'm now a criminal with a pig and a guy under five feet tall as my accomplices!" His eyes darted around, now full of fear about an angry farmer storming up on them at any moment.

With an airy chuckle Honeydew checked his phone, "Okay, now that you're paranoid I guess it's time to pack up. Besides, Porkins is due for his nap soon."

Jerking his head back Xephos couldn't shake the confusion from his face, "He has planned naps?"

Stacking the empty crumb-dotted plates Honeydew gave a quick nod, "Else he gets grumpy." Porkins gave a loud snort, still tight under Xephos' arm. "We both take a nap; you can join if you want."

Xephos was back to looking around, "Sure, let's just get out of here! I don't need a criminal record on my co-curricular!"

"No rushing naps," Honeydew could visibly see Xephos' hands twitch around Porkins' head, forgetting entirely to scratch behind the pig's ears. "Now if you want out of here stop giving Porkins more attention than me and help with these dishes!"

Credit to IdlePace on Ao3