well, here lies the short story for Chingyonce 's contest. i apologize for the writing if it sucks. bless your eyeballs.

(mainly assassin harry since i wanted to try something new)

*

I busted into the club, strutting my legs as everyone looked up from their drinks and gawked at me.

Hell yeah, I am in a big bird costume. And I'm proud.

No one's eyes left my gorgeous 'body', so I decided to give them a little show.

I slowly took the pen out of my pocket and dropped it to the floor. I bent down and picked that shit up in the most dramatic way, squatting and sticking my fluffy ass out.

I wiggled my eyebrows and approached Billy, the security guard.

"Ayyyyyyyye wassup Bill-Will? You good on this fine night?" I smiled innocently, hinting at my costume while patting his shoulder.

"I told you this a million times, don't fucking touch me. Get out of that damn costume too. I swear, every time you enter this damn club you're dressed like a fucking crazed bitch. So I recommend you to get the fuck away from me. I'm not in the mood today." Billy said without even glancing at me, as I looked at him with my double chin fully out and held a pained expression.

"Someone's on their man period..." I trailed off, poking him on the back of his shiny bald head and slowly backing away. That little bitch I swear.

He knows he loves me though, ha.

I mean, I love me, so that means he loves me. Simple logic.

I stripped out of my favorite costume in the middle of the club, no fucks being given. Under it I had my sweater that I got at the thrift store, because honestly, I'm broke as fuck, so ya know, I can't afford expensive shit.

I plopped down in the nearest chair, deciding that I've done my daily exercise by just trying to get out of that costume.

I felt my belly slowly form into their rolls as I hunched my back, sighing as I played with the fat rolls since I had nothing better to do.

I come to this night club every Friday night, mainly just to bother ma boy Bill-Will.

Getting up, I made my way to the bar where there was this steamy ass motherfucker with two other steamy ass motherfuckers.

The closer I got, the similar they all looked.

Holy shit, are these motherfuckers triplets?

Making a noise of approval, I tip-toed my way over to the bar, sitting very closely to the one with a bandana on his head.

He still didn't notice me, in fact not one of them did.

Sighing, I wiggled in my seat and made a groan of disapproval, but nonetheless turned to the guy working and asked for any drink they got.

Taking one last glance at the men, I turned back to the table and tried to be like one of those bitches who can swallow their drink in one gulp.

Not a good fucking idea, I'll tell you that.

When I thought I accomplished the task, I started choking on my own fucking saliva.

I thought that only happened when you sucked too much dick, literally.

"Yo, Bi-biiiilly! Bi-Bill-Will I'm gonna fucking di-die! Send life alert!" I spat out in the loudest voice I could, but that little bald ass Squidward looking bitch just turned around and walked away.

And to think I was going to pluck his damn ear hairs that he couldn't reach for himself. Honestly, it was like a damn jungle in that ear.

I took out my phone and sent out the emergency dial to life alert, because like hell I always have their number on me.

By now I didn't know how I wasn't dead yet, but what I did know was that them hot guys didn't look at me yet.

I continued to choke purposely now, but they still didn't look over at me.

One of them eventually got up and went into the other direction, leaving me with the other two.

I swear to Billy Ray Cyrus if these two dickweeds won't notice me soon, I'm gonna fucking hurl.

I got up from the seat and made my way behind them. I stood behind them while they held a deep conversation and started observing them. The one who I sat next to had yellow eyes, yellow fucking eyes. But they were siiiick as hell. He also had an American flag bandana supporting his hair and a banana in one of his hands as he slowly chewed on the fruit in his mouth.

Can I be that fruit?

The other hot guy had green eyes, and some curly ass hair. He was moving his hands while he talked, without even realizing it. I noticed the cross on his left hand and his tight ass black T-shirt and lemme tell you, my pants went missing.

During my observation, my phone blared out my ringtone.

Fucking "Ass N Titties" started playing on full blast.

Fuck me.

Those guys should.

They both turned around, and I threw my ass in a circle.

Literally.

These bitches noticed me. Damn, it took a lot of effort too. I must sound like a thirsty ass bitch. Ha, cause I am.

When I looked down though, I saw fucking leg warmers on them.

They followed my gaze to each of their covered ankles as I let out a "whaaattttt..."

"Woah! How did those get there? Oh would you look at that? A hot ass girl that I want to take a bite of, so um, bye!" The dude with the bandana said.

The other guy gave him the stank eye as he watched him walk away and he turned back to me. He raised one brow up as if he were expecting me to say something while I just stared at him with one of those awkward smiles you give on picture day.

"Well?"

"You're really hot." I said with a blank expression, forcing my eyes to look at his massive set of hair.

"Uhh, thanks?" He grimaced.

"But do you know what's better than you being hot?" I asked him deep in thought. He just looked at me confusingly as I nodded my head when I finally found out why he looked so similar to me.

"You trying to be Bubbles from the Power Puff Girls! Those baby blue leg warmers say it all! But you're missing something." I cheered as I took his hand into my own and dragged him with me. I let go of him to grab my big bird costume, only to re-grab his hand and try to pull him out of the club with me.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" The guy said as he suddenly pulled a gun out of his pocket and pointed it to the side of my head.

Woah, this is a cool dude. I like him.

"Well, I think I'm taking you into my car, then we're going somewhere very dear to me." I stated backing my head slowly away from the gun. Everyone was busy partying that they didn't even notice a guy fucking pointing a gun at my head.

He stood there simply staring at me with squinted eyes as I finally came to a realization. I don't even know his name.

"Wait, before we go anywhere, what's your name?" I said as I turned to observe him even more.

"Um, Harry. Or Assassin. Some people call me that because I'll kill some bitches if they try to come near me." Assassin Harry hinted as he adverted his gaze down to my hand gripping onto his hand. I nodded understandingly and loosened my grip on his wrist a bit. I'm not that much of a bitch ya know. "What's yours?"

"Whatzittoya."

"What?"

"I'm Mr. What's-zit-tooya."

"Seriously? Nice joke." Harry said with a disgusted look as I nodded my head and stood rocking on my heels.

"Ha, jokes, my name is Noelle." I said as I started singing under my breath the beginning of Teenage Dirtbag as I remember my favorite band 'Direction One' singing that a few years back.

"Okay?"

I started tugging on Assassin Harry again, only to abruptly stop and trip on a pair of feet lying below me.

There was a fucking dead girl underneath my feet. Ah shit.

"Whoops, sorry! That's my fault! Sorry, I'll get her out of your way!" A guy came out of the corner speaking to me, and he looked exactly like the Harry next to me, he just had shoulder length hair.

"Oh heeeeey, who are you?" The longer haired guy asked me with a smirk plastered on his face as he dropped the lifeless girl in his hands.

I decided to reuse my joke, and say, "I'm Whatzittoya."

"Not again, okay, we're leaving. Psycho, just, ugh, just drag that girl away." Assassin Harry stated annoyingly, pinching the bridge of his nose as he shooed Psycho away.

"Aight dude, bye Whatzittoya!" Psycho said as he just grabbed the poor girl by her ankles and dragged her into the nearest men's bathroom. He suddenly popped his head back out of the bathroom again, only this time to yell, "Don't forget the condom!"

"I gotchu!" I yelled back then went to grab Assassin's wrist again, and started pulling him towards my car as he reluctantly let me.

My mind suddenly wandered again to a world of food, as we sat in the car seats.

"Okay, first things first. Food. Because if I go even five minutes without food I'm gonna need my inhaler." I already felt myself wheezing. Sometimes I don't understand how some people can go hours without food. Like honestly, a girls gotta eat.

I drove up to the KFC drive thru, and pulled out my $100 bill. Assassin looked at me with wide eyes, and I just shrugged.

Yeah, I'm broke, but when it comes to food, I'm gonna get everything on that damn menu even if it's the death of me.

"Welcome to KFC. What would you like?"

"Oh yeah, hey. I would like two doublicious sandwiches, ten hot wings, three big buckets of crispy chicken, five pot pies, and two Dr. Pepper sodas." I ordered, then turned to Harry.  "You want anything?"

"No, I think I'm good?"

"Alrighty then. That would be all." I paid for the food and just threw most of it in the back seats as I started driving again and eating a chicken leg.

"You can eat a lot, can't you?" The Assassin asked me looking at my chicken as I nodded my head. I pulled out a chicken wing from my pocket and handed it over to his mouth without even looking at him, as he reluctantly took a bite of it.

A few minutes passed as I was still driving to our destination. Assassin shifted uncomfortably while sitting on the ripped leather seat.

"Why do you have a large gash on your seat? It's annoyingly uncomfortable." Harry asked, trying to adjust himself on the seat.

"There was this one time that my dad farted so loud on the seat while I was driving him to Walmart and it left a huge cut in the seat. I think from the stench or whatever, it smelled like rotten pizza dough and uncooked eggs by the way." I explained, and this time I actually wasn't kidding. His farts are literally like atomic bombs. No joke.

Assassin Harry actually chuckled. Like I mean actually chuckled. I pulled the car over to the side and looked at him with my jaw dropped.

"Yooooooo duuuuuude, you just like, full on laughed. I feel so accomplished." I then wiped a stray tear off of my cheek.

"You know I can laugh, right?" He smiled at me. "Just get back on the road amore."

At the sound of the last word I whipped my head to my right and widened my eyes. I didn't say shit though, because I was pretty sure he would know that I was gonna scream. So instead, I let out a muffled yell, containing myself from hotness of the guy sitting right next to me.

I slowly rolled down the window and stuck my head out, allowing myself to get some fresh air as I drove back onto the road.

After about ten more minutes, we finally reached the destination.

Party City.

Hell yes.

"Party City?" The Assassin asked. "Why are we here?"

"You'll see." I commented as I smirked and entered the 24 hour store.

*

"Noelle! What the fuck is this shit? We just drove thirty fucking minutes for you to make me wear this shit? This is the reason why I never go in people's car you dipshit!" Assassin yelled in the dressing room of the store.

"C'mon, just let me in!" I begged like I had for the past five minutes, and he finally did let me in.

This shit was fucking hysterical.

There this bitch stood with his baby blue leg warmers, hair in pig tails, and a blue dress with a black belt secured around his waist.

"Now you're a true Power Puff Girl!" I cheered in excitement as he had an angry flushed face on. "C'mon Bubbles, we're paying for this shit NOW!"

*

We were on our way back to his house so I could drop him off. The other two dudes were at the house already.

The whole time the car ride was filled with me eating chicken and shoving some of it down Harry's throat. When we pulled up beside the house, I looked over at him who had a grumpy face on as he stared down at the white plastic bag grasped in his hands.

"You're gonna wear that costume, fyi." I told him, because I knew damn well it was going to end up in the trash and I did not just spend some good ass money for it to be thrown away. Actually, it was his money, but that's beside the point.

"Yeah, yeah." He mumbled as he started to curse to himself in Italian. I then leaned over and looked at him wiggling my eyebrows with a perverted smirk. I then leaned in and gave him a tight hug as his arms hung at his sides. "Uhhhh..." I then leaned in closer to his face, and panicked flashed across it. I stuck my hand out to reach over him but stopped when he spoke, "OH! IS THAT MI AMORE CLARECE CALLING FOR ME? I'M COMING HONEY!" He announced as he quickly exited the car with a bucket of fried chicken and his bag, running for the front door of his house.

Dang, I was just gonna get my chocolate bar.

*****

there ya go homies. took me quite a while to write this, but i did it for the purpose of entering this contest. this shit is also long as hell, so sorry for that. but hey, at least i tried ya knoowowoow.

i didn't make anything really that sexual since i actually ship clarece and assassin harry. hence why the short story ended with him going to clarece. this is based off of my fatass lifestyle and how i would probably spend $100 on KFC.

(oh yeah and if some of y'all don't know about party city its a place where you can get costumes and shit like that. it's a pretty awesome place. i don't think they have dressing rooms though, but whatever.)

this story is only for @chingyonce 's contest. usually i don't write shit that I would publish but i decided to give it a try.

ELANNA YOU ARE A GREAT AUTHOR BTW

i hope you guys enjoyed this shitty 2,661 word short story

i tried

really hard

ha that's what she said

okay i'll stop, bye y'all

~n