Heaviness pressed on your chest.

Was that disappointment?

Or maybe just a bruised ego?

Just a few years ago, you had been so close that it would have been impossible if you hadn't developed feelings for each other.

Then one day Bi Han was called to see his father. He hadn't been the same since that day. He had distanced himself from you. Then he had become increasingly angry, even in the presence of Kuai Laing, although this had never happened before.

And not long afterwards, the grandmaster died. Lost in thought, you sat on Baobao's back while he trotted sluggishly behind Bi Han.

Something had happened back then, Bi Han had heard something from his father that he hadn't wanted to hear.

The desire to ask what it had been burned on your soul. Your lips were already moving to form the words when suddenly the sound of fighting reached your ears.

Torn from your thoughts, you blinked and raised your head. A group of people had gathered on the training ground in front of a red building.

From a distance, you recognised Kuai Laing by his yellow uniform. Tomas had gathered with the champions. It seemed like they were all fighting him.

And lost.

Smiling with amusement, you steered Baobao towards Kuai Liang. The younger brother looked up when he noticed the presence of Bi Han. He gave him a thin smile and a nod to the great.

Kuai Liang was in no way inferior to his brother in terms of discipline. He was also a strong fighter, a talented necromancer.

But outside battle, he had a more relaxed attitude, was less tense and the more warm-hearted of the two. With Bi Han, trust had to be earned. Kuai Liang trusted unconditionally until there was a reason not to.

As so often, you were the centre of the two, neither as reserved as Bi Han nor as open and welcoming as Kuai Liang.

One thing the two did not differ in, however, was their loyalty. Especially to you. You had grown up together, Bi Han as the eldest, Kuai Liang as the middle child. You were the youngest of the three of you, much closer in age to the younger brother than to Bi Han.

There was also a certain age difference between the brothers, presumably because their mother had only wanted to give birth to one child at the time.

Fortunately for her, it had been a boy, an heir for the Lin Kuei. But at some point the old grandmaster had wanted more children and she had had to fulfil her duties.

After a second son, there was no reason to have any more children. The heritage was without a doubt secure and so their mother had bought her freedom. At least as the grandmaster's wife.

Now that you thought about it as an adult, she had been a good mother, but ultimately just a woman with duties to fulfil. She had been asked to bear an heir. She had done so. And even then it hadn't been enough.

The more time passed, the more you understood why the Lin Kuei brothers' parents had never lived under the same roof or slept in the same bed.

Your parents had done it, but you had never seen them fall asleep in each other's arms, never seen them kiss because they wanted to and not because it was their duty. They had liked each other, they had laughed together. But they had no more loved each other than the late grandmaster and his wife.

At the thought, your eyes wandered up to Bi Han. He had never been a man capable of expressing his feelings. Not even as a young boy. But he had the ability to make people feel that they were special to him.

Again you wondered if you two would have ended up like your parents. Or whether it would have been possible to feel real love for each other.

You knew your answer. There was still that tiny hope beating in your chest, the memories of days gone by when you didn't want to be close to anyone but him.

The warmth of his arms around your body. The tickle of his breath on the back of your neck. His lips against your neck.

The memory sent an icy shiver down your spine. Bi Han had been your first kiss, even if he had only done it to annoy you. At some point, this annoyance had turned into something that was neither a relationship nor a friendship.

Swallowing hard, you had to turn your eyes away from him. The images of past nights made your head glow like hot coals.

Sometimes, when the nights were long and sleep was hard, you remembered how he had snuck into your room in the dark. You hid him under your blanket from your parents. It was easier back then because he wasn't so big nor bulky.

And when silence had fallen over the village and everyone was asleep, he would come out from under the blanket to hold you tightly in his arms. Sometimes he had wanted to taste your lips. On other days, you had done things that friends didn't do together unless they secretly loved each other.

All that had been destroyed with a single visit to his father. He no longer brought you flowers when you were sad. He hadn't sneaked into your room again. Not even when the nights were blacker than death.

Instead, he had begun to rage and it had become more difficult with each passing year to appease him with words alone. The bitterness had started to sprout in him then.

And you still didn't know why.

"(Y/N).", Kuai Liang's voice gently pulled you out of your thoughts.

Like a lifeline in the sea.

Exhaling deeply, you close your eyes briefly. Footsteps approached. You thought it was Bi Han, but when fingers brushed across your temple to wipe a strand of your (H/C) hair out of your sight, they were as warm as the fire of a chimney.