SPECIAL CHAPTER 1

SNOW'S POV

Napasinghap ako ng bigla na lang may kumuha sa kopita ng alak na hawak ko. Nakasimangot na nilingon ko ang taong iyon na handa ko na sanang awayin nang makita ko si Kuya Waine na nakangiting nakatayo sa tabi ko.

Inangat ko ang hawak ko na bouquet at ipinanturo ko sa kaniya iyon. "Kumuha ka ng sa'yo, Kuya. Akin 'yan eh."

Parehas kaming natigilan. Ako lang ba o parang nangyari na 'to?

"Wow. Deja vu," he said.

Kinikilabutang binawi ko ang baso ko na inagaw niya sa akin. "May balak ka bang bigyan na naman ako ng words of wisdom mo katulad noong kasal nina Mira at Phoenix?"

Umakto siyang nag-iisip bago pagkaraan ay nakangiting umiling siya. "Nah. You don't need it anymore."

"Because I grew up?"

"Technically, you didn't. Bansot ka pa rin— Aray!" Hinawakan niya ang braso niya na basta ko na lang pinalo. "Ang bigat talaga ng kamay mo para sa taong kasing liit mo no?"

Pinaningkitan ko siya ng mga mata. "Good mood ako ngayon. Huwag mong sirain ang araw ko."

Umangat ang sulok ng labi niya at nilingon niya ang mga nagkakasiyahan. Sa dance floor ay naroon si Phoenix na kasalukuyang kasayaw si Mira. I was the one dancing with her just awhile ago, but my feet hurt already, so I gave her to Phoenix. I didn't mind, nor did Mira's husband.

"It's like we're back to that moment years ago. Pero ang pagkakaiba hindi ka na malungkot at wala na ring nasasaktan," sabi niya.

He's right. It's like we were transported back to the day that Mira and Phoenix got married. Katulad noon ay ako rin ang nakasalo ng bouquet. Katulad din noon ay umiinom ako habang nasa mga bisig ni Phoenix si Mira.

But the difference now is that no one's hurting anymore. Everyone's free to be happy.

"Do you ever wonder what it would be like if this were the natural course of your life? Iyong hindi niyo na kailangan pagdaanan lahat nang pinagdaanan niyo. If there's a choice, would you choose differently?"

"No," I answered without any second thoughts.

Dumaan ang pagkasorpresa sa mga mata niya. "Really?"

"If everything was perfect for Phoenix and I, we wouldn't have her." Tinignan ko ang kinaroroonan ng asawa ko at ng babae na minsan niyang minahal. "If she would be free the same way she is now, then maybe. But what if she didn't? What if she stayed trapped with that monster?"

"Pero paano kung hindi? Paano kung makakalaya rin siya sa paraan na hindi niya kinakailangan na dumaan sa buhay niyo?"

Nagkibit ako ng balikat. "I like to think that there's a reason why we went through all of that. That maybe at that time that was what we all needed."

"Kahit nasaktan kayong lahat?"

"The way I was before... even without Mira, I would still get hurt. I will still hurt Phoenix by not fighting for him, and he'll get hurt by his own decisions too. If life is perfect, we'll all get through it unscathed. But that's not how life is. It can make you learn in such a way that you'll never forget it. At iyong ang kailangan. Iyong ang pinakaimportante. So that you won't take anything for granted again."

He studied me for a minute. "This is not the first time you thought about it."

Nginitian ko siya. "I'm older now. It's been years. Alam ko ang mga mali ko at hindi ako bulag sa mga pagkakamali ni Phoenix. I always excused his decisions before because I knew my part in them. I am not an innocent party. I tell myself that if I fought for him the same way he'd done for years, then maybe I wouldn't be the one he needed to move on from. But the thing is, my decision hurt him the way his own hurt another person who shouldn't have been involved."

"Mira was also—"

"Escaping her own problems. I know." Sumimsim ako ng alak mula sa kopita na hawak ko. "Kaya sabi ko nga di ba? Maybe at that time, that was what we all needed. We all made a choice. It wasn't just mine or Phoenix's or Mira's. My decision alone couldn't change the entirety of the course of our lives, just like theirs doesn't have the power to change what was mine."

Lumawak ang ngiti sa mga labi niya. "Since when did you become this mature, Snow Martins?"

"Since a man told me that I needed to fight my own battles."

His eyes shine in a way that tells me that he also remembers the conversation we had before.

"I guess you don't need me to take you away this time, right?"

Inginuso ko ang kinaroroonan nila Phoenix dahilan para mapatingin din siya. Waine chuckled when he saw that Phoenix was looking at us through narrowed eyes. Maybe he's also remembering how the man beside me whisked me away before.

"I doubt my husband will let you, Kuya Waine."

I ROLLED on my sleep, and I would have gone back to it when I realized what woke me up in the first place. Kinapa ko ang espasyo sa tabi ko at nagmulat ako ng mga mata nang mapagtanto ko na wala roon si Phoenix.

Umupo ako at iginalaw ko ang pangin ko sa paligid. The room is dark, but the moon outside the window is enough to give it a bit of light.

Kinuha ko ang roba ko at isinuot ko iyon bago ako lumabas ng kuwarto. I went to Riri's room, and when I saw that she was sleeping peacefully, I went down to the villa. Dumiretso ako sa kinaroroonan ng kusina nang makarinig ako ng pagkilos mula roon.

Napatigil sa paghihiwa si Phoenix at napatingin siya sa direksyon ko nang tila marinig niya ang paglapit ko. Sumilay ang ngiti sa mga labi niya pero nagpatuloy lang siya sa ginagawa.

"Baon ni Riri bukas?" Tumingin ako sa orasan na nandito sa kusina. "Mamaya, I mean?"

"Yep."

I walked closer to him until I was standing beside him. Niyakap ko ang mga braso ko sa bewang niya habang pinapanood ang ginagawa niya.

"Are you okay?"

He didn't lose his momentum, not even when he glanced at me. "Of course I am. Why wouldn't I?"

"Because you're here cooking at two in the morning after we got home just a few hours from your ex-wife's wedding."

His hand stopped moving. He looked at me, and for a moment he said nothing.

He didn't need to. We were married for years. We have always been transparent with each other, kahit sa pinakamaliit na hindi pagkakaintindihan. It's the way we managed to stay in love this long.

Marahang hinaplos ko ang likod niya. "Was it painful to watch her get married?"

Umiling siya. "No."

"Then what's troubling you?"

Just like I knew he would, he gave it all to me. "I can't help but think about the fact that the first time I got married, I was hurting two people on the very same day." Inikot niya ang katawan para humarap sa akin. Masuyong inipit niya sa likod ng tenga ko ang buhok ko. "It must have been difficult to watch me marry her. It must have been painful to even just remember it."

"It's not." Inangat ko ang kamay ko at ipinatong ko iyon sa balikat niya. "Did it hurt to watch you get married before? It did. Pero ngayon na naaalala ko? Hindi na."

He searched my face as if trying to read the truth in my words. "Did I ever apologize for it? Because if I didn't—"

"Nix nix, stop. You know you did. A lot of times. Katulad kung paanong ilang beses kang humingi ng tawad kay Mira. We both know that you need it, that's why we keep letting you. The same way, we're never going to get tired of telling you that there's nothing to forgive. Kung meron man, matagal ka ng nakabawi." Bumuka ang bibig niya pero inunahan ko siya na magsalita. "I was your first love, and I'm your last love. But I wasn't the only one you ever loved. And that's okay."

"Is it? How is that fair to you?" he whispered.

I understand what he's feeling. I wasn't the only one being reminded of the past. At kada maaalala ang nakaraan, alam ko kung gaano kabigat ang guilt na dala niya. Alam ko rin na patuloy niyang dinadala iyon dahil sa tingin niya ay iyon ang tama para sa mga desisyon niya na nakasakit ng iba.

Phoenix gave me everything I could ever ask for... and at times like this, I also give him what he clearly needs.

"Bakit kailangan na maging unfair? Dahil ikaw lang ang minahal ko habang may iba kang minahal bukod sa akin?" Huminga ako ng malalim at yumakap ako sa leeg niya. "I used to think that a heart could be put into parts. The part where you love me, and there's a part where you love her. But that's not the way it is. You know what would happen if you did that? If you cut your heart into pieces? It would hurt. It would hurt you, and it would hurt me to know that there's a part of you that I could never have. Something that I thought was easy to get over with before. But now, after being married to you for this long, I realize that the heart is a single entity, and it's love that is not. No person love just one person. We just love them differently. The love we give to our friends, our parents, our child, and even the people in the past. Iisa lang ang puso, pero ang pagmamahal hindi kailangan na para sa isa lang. It doesn't limit you like a pool barricaded to keep the water from flowing out, instead, it's an ocean with currents going in different directions. That's why I'm not hurt by knowing that you will always have love for her. Dahil alam ko na may pagkakaiba. "

"Snow—"

"Would it be any better if I'd been with someone else too? Will it make any difference?" Umiling ako at marahang isinuklay ko ang mga daliri ko sa likod ng ulo niya. "It wouldn't, Nix nix. We will still love each other differently. Because this is our story. The current of the ocean that took you to her ended the way the one she had with you concluded so that she could start another one with the man she married yesterday. The three of us might have a past that is tangled with each other, but the future is up to us."

For a minute, he didn't say anything else. His hands went to both sides of my cheeks, and I smiled when he leaned down and touched his lips on my forehead and held them there for a while.

"What did I ever do to deserve you?" he asked in a whisper.

"It's when you never gave me a reason to feel insecure about our relationship. When you remind me that I'm beautiful, even at moments when I don't think that I am. When you didn't look at me like I was broken when I thought we would never have a child of our own. When you stayed patient when being a mother overwhelmed me and for always making sure that I knew that I was not alone. It's when you let me rant about everything and for having my back even though I'm the one who's being immature, and then you find a way to correct me without hurting me. It's when we argue, but you never let me sit on it for too long. It's when you get back from a mission and you clean up the house without asking questions. Kahit na maghapon naman akong nasa bahay at kasama si Riri. And when I get frustrated because I couldn't even do something as simple as that, you reassure me over and over again that it's okay. It's also when I get so sick that I can't braid Riri's hair, but you do. And at times like this, when you beat me to the kitchen to prepare for our daughter's school meal, knowing that she likes your cooking better than mine." I patted his cheek gently. "I could list down all the things you've done for me, but I don't think there will ever be enough time for me to finish telling you all of them. Dahil araw-araw ay pinatutunayan mo sa amin ni Riri kung gaano mo kami kamahal."

Muli niya akong hinalikan sa noo at nang hindi siya makuntento ay naramdaman ko na inangat niya ako at inupo sa counter. It wasn't long before I found his lips claiming mine.

Ikinawit ko ang mga binti ko sa bewang niya kasabay nang paghigpit ng mga braso ko sa pagkakayakap sa kaniya. He deepened the kiss, and I answered it with the same passion. Telling him more than my words could ever do.

Parehas naming habol ang hininga namin nang maghiwalay kami. Ikinulong ko ang magkabila niyang pisngi sa mga kamay ko. "I know you can't help it sometimes, and I will be here when you need to hear everything again, but please... please stop punishing yourself. I'm okay. Mira's okay. I love that us three will always have each other." Isinandal ko ang noo ko sa kaniya. "No one gets to decide if you deserve me. Not even you. No one except for me. Because no one knows you the way I know you."

Most of the people around us expected us to end up together. We were two kids who grew up together. Iyong bihira nilang makita na hindi magkasama. Hindi nag-aaway, at kung nagkakatampuhan man ay nagbabati ulit.

We were expected to have the kind of love story that wouldn't have turbulent movements. Smooth sailing. But that's not how life goes.

We can't stay as kids forever. Growing up comes with growing pains. Growing up means grown-up problems.

The way our lives transpired might not be perfect. There were a lot of downs before we got our ups. It might be unorthodox for some, and it might be too hard to understand for many.

But this is our story. Through all its imperfections and flaws, this is ours.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

"I love you, Snow Martins," Phoenix said.

"I love you too, my Nix nix." Matamis na nginitian ko siya. "Pero mas love kita kung ipagbabalat mo ako ng manga."

He looks taken aback for a moment, but after awhile, he bursts out laughing.

"Is that a yes?" I asked him.

"Nice try, wife, but no. It's too early for that, and your tummy will get upset again."

Napabuntong-hininga ako. "Bakit ba lahat ng masarap kainin, bawal kapag sobrang aga pa?"

May dumaan na kung ano sa mga mata niya at impit na napatili ako nang hapitin niya ako palapit sa kaniya at binuhat ako palayo sa center island. Mahigpit na napakapit ako sa balikat niya nang magsimula siyang maglakad pabalik sa kuwarto namin.

"Nix nix! Where are we going?"

"I'll show you something that is good to eat in the morning."

Oh. Okay then!

FIN

A/N: It's been eight long years, BHOCAMPERS. Ang story na ito ang sinulat ko sa panahon na ang daming pagbabago sa buhay ko. The story that I was writing at that time that I lost my Mami which really rocked the foundation of my life. So while Snow was forced to face her life as a grown-up, I was also dealing with my own changes.

Tanong ni Ate Rachele (Ang ate ng mga BHOCAMPERS) sa akin ay kung may balak ba raw ako na i-redeem si Phoenix. He's one of the most complicated characters I've ever written, and I know the things he did were not easy to swallow, but I don't want to change him.

This is not to redeem him in any way. This is to show you that Snow's okay. Mira's okay. They are all happy.

Thank you for reading, BHOCAMPERS, and for supporting me through all these years.

Hartuhartu,

MsButterfly