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CHAPTER 3: LIES

ERIS' POV

"They said that's a great book."

I look up from what I'm reading, and my eyes are greeted by a huge form of a man that can't be described by any word perfectly than that. He's huge. He didn't even need to move for him to flex his hard body that is unbelievably defined by his simple black shirt.

His face is not hard to look at either. To be exact, kahit na sinong tao siguro na makakakita sa kaniya ay hindi magsasawa na titigan na lang siya. Despite his features that are all rough and edgy, there's a softness in his eyes that I couldn't explain.

"Hugo," I said as a greeting. Inalis ko ang suot ko na salamin at inipit ko iyon sa bandang dibdib ng bestida ko.

Tumango siya bilang tugon sa pagtawag ko sa pangalan niya. He looked at the book again and his lips turned up into a smile. "Great read?"

Sinarado ko ang kopya ko ng Wuthering Heights at pinagkrus ko ang mga braso ko. "Not really."

Umangat ang isa niyang kilay na para bang hindi siya makapaniwala sa sinabi ko. He looks like as if he's going to contest what I said any moment. Which is a surprise. I hardly met a lot of people who feel so strongly for books specially for a guy like him and for the kind of book that I was reading.

"It's one of the greatest love story of all time. I haven't read it yet but I watched the movie."

"And the most toxic." Sinandal ko ang siko ko sa kinapupuwestuhan ko na picnic table. "It's a classic yes and okay, it's well written and the plot has potential. But the characters are so toxic. Gusto ko na lang pumasok sa libro at batukan silang lahat."

"It's about a star-crossed lovers."

"Like Romeo and Juliet?"

Nagkibit siya ng balikat. "That I've read. Maganda rin ang libro na iyon."

"Most love stories are toxic classic man o hindi. Wuthering Heights' Heathcliff is the definition of an abusive, manipulative, and destructive male character. Catherine is superficial. Romeo and Juliet on the other hand are just idiots with raging hormones."

Sandaling nagpalipat-lipat ang mga mata niya sa libro at sa akin. Inangatan ko siya ng kilay at nakita kong napailing siya. "Pero binabasa mo pa rin."

"Most love stories are toxic, but it doesn't mean I can't enjoy reading them. I like it because I get to judge them. It's distressing for me." Pinaling sa kanan ang ulo ko at pinaningkitan ko siya ng mga mata. "Pwedeng umupo ka? Sumasakit na ang leeg ko sa'yo."

May ngiti sa mga labi na umupo siya sa katapat na upuan nang sa akin. He didn't speak for a moment as if he's trying to think what to make of me. That makes the two of us. Kahit nga ako hindi ko maintindihan ang sarili ko minsan.

"They said you're the nicer one."

Napataas ang kilay ko. "Ha?"

"The nicer twin."

Pinaikot ko ang mga mata ko. Ilang beses ko na bang narinig na patungkol sa akin ang mga salitang binitawan niya. I'm the likeable twin, Enyo's the one that is a bit standoffish. Kahit nga mismo siya ay iyon ang sinasabi. Na ako iyong gusto ng lahat kumpara sa kaniya.

"Being nice is different from wanting to be seen as nice. I'm not that nice. I just love being liked because it's part of who I am. I'm a people pleaser."

"You're not doing that now."

"Bakit? You find me repulsive?"

Lalong lumawak ang pagkakangiti niya. "No. I'm just wondering why no one told me how interesting you could be."

I scoffed at his words. "Right."

"So... what changed?"

Hindi ko siya masyadong kilala, but if I'm sure about one thing, he's the kind of person that doesn't miss much. Para bang kapag kausap mo siya, na sa'yo talaga ang buong pokus niya kaya kahit anong ibato mo sa kaniya ay nagagawa niyang intindihin.

"Life is too fast." When he gave me a quizzical look, I continued, "Sa isang kisapmata nagbabago na ang lahat. The world feels limitless and because of that, it seems boring. We tend to waste time because we have so much of it. Everything feels slow when in truth the world is in a rapid chase. We just haven't realize it yet. Isang araw konti na lang ang oras para magawa mo ang mga bagay na akala mo marami ka pang pagkakataon na gawin. One moment, those that are simple hold so much weight. The blue sky, birds flying freely, the rain on the windows of a car, the swaying trees... all the things that didn't matter to you before, but now feels like moments that you will not have for long."

"And?"

"Being nice suddenly didn't matter anymore. Not that I want to be an asshole intentionally. It's just that... I don't want to put a lot of effort in making anyone like me anymore." Tumingin ako sa langit at sa kabila ng takbo ng usapan ay may maliit na ngiti na sumilay sa mga labi ko. "There's such a high from pleasing people, but it's tiring too. Nakakapagod magkaroon ng pake sa lahat ng bagay."

"It's not that easy isn't it? Changing?"

"It's not. I still hate it when I know na hindi ko magawa iyong mga bagay na inaasahan mula sa akin. Sometimes I just want to care about everything again because even though it's tiring, it's easier since I'm used to it. But you know what I realized something."

"What?"

"It's not my responsibility to make everyone happy when I don't even know how to be happy with myself."

He didn't say anything more but he just kept looking at me. Hinayaan ko na lang siya at sa halip ay ibinalik ko ang atensyon ko sa langit. The weather is pretty great today. Mataas ang sikat ng araw pero katulad ng normal na araw ay hindi ramdam ang init niyon sa paligid. One of the things that I love about Tagaytay.

Being outside at this kind of time is a first for me too. Noon siguro ay kasalukuyan akong naghahanap ng tulog o nagbababad sa panonood nang kung anong maisipan ko na panoorin. I read books but I can't say that I particularly love reading. If I'm being honest, wala naman kasi akong bagay na matatawag kong gustong gusto ko na gawin. I easily get bored about a lot of things so I tend to shift from one activity to the next.

Maliban na lang siguro sa hockey. I love watching that game.

This time though... I want to try and enjoy the little things. Mga bagay na baka mawalan na ako ng pagkakataon na ma-enjoy sa susunod.

Natigilan ako sa iniisip at napatingin ako sa lalaki na kasama ko. He gave me a smile and showed me the leaf he's holding na kanina ay maingat niyang inalis mula sa buhok ko.

Bahagyang naningkit ang mga mata ko at pinakatitigan ko siya. "What game are you playing?"

"Hmm?"

"Who put you up to this?"

He was taken aback for a moment but after awhile he just smiled. "I can't say, but if I can tell you one thing, I don't think what that person said matter right now anymore."

"Bakit? Kasi you find me interesting and you might one day fall for me?" Bumuka ang mga labi niya para magsalita pero nagpatuloy ako. "Save yourself and find another person to like."

"Bakit hindi pwedeng ikaw?"

"Because you look like a person who got everything figured out. You look like you can kill by crushing someone with your hands, but you have kind soft eyes. You smile easily, you're not afraid of saying what you want to say, and you love reading romance books."

"And that is bad?"

"No, but it makes you the perfect second lead." Napakurap siya dahilan para mapangiti ako. "You'll get your heart broken and one day you'll find the female character that would be the protagonist of your own story. Since you're broken, that would be the time that you can be the lead. Ayoko lang na ako ang maging dahilan kung bakit magiging bida ka sa kuwento ng pag-ibig mo."

"So you mean to say everyone should be broken before they can find the perfect relationship?"

"How can you build a house if it's already fixed? You need to start from rubbles and chunks of wood first don't you?"

Nag-iinat na tumayo ako bago ko inabot ang libro na kanina ay binabasa ko. Inipit ko ang kumakawalang buhok ko mula sa pagkakatali niyon bago ko muling binigyan ng ngiti ang lalaki na nakatingin pa rin sa akin.

Hindi niya sa akin kinuha ang libro at sa halip ay muli siyang nagsalita, "You can buy a house that's already been built."

"Pero bakit inabandona ang bahay?"

Napakunot ang noo niya. "What?"

"You said the house has already been built. So why did the first owner left it? Why would they abandon it and sell it off?"

"Maraming tinatayo na bahay kasi parte lang ng project. Like a subdivision. It's made for a purpose of offering houses that's been built."

"But then it wouldn't be a house that you dream of. It's just a house that everyone already have. Aside from that, most housing projects are done in a hurry for fast revenue and they were made to be sold in a cheaper price. Hindi na ako magtataka kung after a few years, it's already falling apart."

His eyes twinkled as if he's enjoying the conversation we're having. Pag-uusap na kung may makakarinig lang na iba ay baka magtataka pa kung bakit namin pinagdidiskusyunan ang bagay na ito.

"So you mean to say that a relationship is like that? You should be a person that is needed to be fixed from scratch?" he asked.

"No. You just need to be a person that is willing to bet all of your cards for the sake of love. A person who doesn't mind getting their hands dirty, bloody, and rough from all the hard work."

"But if someone handed you easy it's not perfect for the lead role?"

We're talking about me and what I believe in. There's millions or maybe billions of love stories, and all of them are different. This one however... this one is mine.

"The second lead will hand you a house, the first lead will build it for you." I placed the book in front of him. "I told you. Most love stories are toxic."

TAHIMIK ang paligid at tanging tunog lang ng mga kubyertos ang maririnig. Since we started eating, walang kahit na sino sa amin ang nagsalita. I haven't even looked up from my plate despite the glances I can feel being thrown at me.

"Hindi ba natin pag-uusapan talaga kung bakit nag-aya ka ng dinner ngayon, Eris?"

Napatigil ako sa akmang pagsubo nang piraso ng steak sa tinidor ko at napatingin ako sa ama ko na siyang nagsalita. My eyes went to my mother and I saw her looking suspiciously at me too. "Po?"

"You and your sister never schedule a family dinner by yourself."

Damn. Tinuro ko si Enyo na hindi tumitingin sa amin at tahimik lang na kumakain. "Si Enyo may sasabihin ata."

My sister's head snapped up. Pinanlakihan niya ako ng mga mata na parang hindi siya makapaniwala na siya ang ginamit ko na dahilan. May sasabihin din naman talaga siya.

"Anong ako? Ikaw nga 'tong nagsabi na may dinner tayo kasi may sasabihin ka," sabi niya.

"Pero mas maganda iyong balita mo kaya mauna ka na." Inangat ko ang kamay ko at tinuro ko gamit ng hinlalaki ko ang lalaki na katabi ko. "Saka may outsider pang nakikinig. Mamaya na kapag lumayas na 'to."

"Eris, be nice," pananaway ng ina ko. "Blaze was kind enough to even bring wine and dessert for us tonight."

Nilingon ko si Blaze at pinaikot ko ang mga mata ko nang makita kong napaka-peaceful ng mukha niya habang nakangiti sa nanay ko. Halatang pinapanindigan ang pangarap niya na maging anghel.

"Fallen angel na sipsip," bulong ko sa paraan na alam ko na ang lalaki lang ang makakarinig.

Umubo siya at inabot niya ang tubig niya. "Duwende."

I pretended that I'm reaching for a serving of our meal pero nang bawiin ko ang kamay ko ay siniguro kong tatama ang siko ko sa kaniya. Iyon nga lang napasinghap ako nang maramdaman ko na may umapak sa paa ko.

I gritted my teeth and I was about to bite his head off when I heard the voice of my father again. "May balak bang magpaliwanag sa inyo o kailangan ko pa kayong pilitin?"

"Si Eris po may sasabihin daw-"

"Enyo's pregnant."

My sister gasped, but I just stuck out my tongue at her. I know her well. She's going to have an indigestion by worrying all night how to tell our parents. Hindi rin naman niya magagawang tapusin ang gabi na ito na hindi nasasabi iyon dahil hindi siya makakatulog.

"Ewan ko kung bakit ayaw mo pang sabihin. It's not like you're unwed or something. Papa wouldn't try to kill Kuya Stone since he's your husband already."

Umangat ang sulok ng labi ng brother in law ko na naiiling na lang.

"I was going to!" nanlalaki ang mga matang sabi ni Enyo.

"Kailan?"

"After the dinner."

"Sorry. I'll take that spot since I invited everyone tonight." Nilingon ko ang mga magulang ko nang mapansin kong hindi pa rin sila nagsasalita at sa halip ay titig na titig lang sa kapatid ko. "Hello? Everyone? Wala ba tayong mga kamay diyan?"

Umakto pa akong papalakpak pero bago ko pa magawa iyon ay bigla na lang napairit ng tili ang nanay namin at napatayo mula sa kinauupuan niya. It wasn't long that tears are streaming from Paige Lawrence-Wright's face; our mother that didn't even blinked an eye whenever she got hurt when she's still working as an agent.

Napapailing na pinanood ko kung paanong kinulong ng mga magulang namin ang kapatid ko sa mga bisig nila. My mother is still crying while alternating from congratulating her daughter and telling her how she need to think about what her future grandchild should call her kasi ayaw niyang matawag na lola.

I looked to my side and I wasn't even a bit surprise when I saw Blaze looking at the scene in front of us. His face is blank yet there's a polite smile on his lips. Sa kabila no'n ay hindi ko kailangan mabasa ang lahat sa kaniya para maintindihan kung ano ang nararamdaman niya.

"You are such a masochist," I whispered.

Napakurap siya at nagbaba siya ng tingin sa akin. "What?"

"You shouldn't be here."

"Bakit? Dahil ayaw mo?"

"Because you're torturing yourself."

Something crossed his eyes. Something that I'm familiar with because it's not the first time I've seen it. Lagi ko iyong nakikita kada tinatago niya ang katotohanan kapag nasa harapan niya ang kapatid niya at ang kapatid ko. That even though I know he's happy for them, there's still a part of him that is hurting that my sister couldn't be happy with him.

"I'm not," he said.

"Right." Tumingin ako sa direksyon ni Enyo. Stone's currently wiping her tears away. "You can pretend all you want."

"I'm not pretending."

Sinalubong ko ang mga mata niya at kita ko kung paanong pilit niyang isinarado ang mga bagay na alam kong nakabalatay doon. I've seen him on his lowest point when he lost my sister. He saw mine when I carried the guilt of participating on the pain that's been inflicted on her.

"And you Eris?"

I tear my eyes away from Blaze and I looked at my father who just spoke. "Po?"

"Anong gusto mong sabihin sa amin?"

Nagpalipat-lipat ang tingin ko sa kanilang lahat. Enyo raised her eyebrow and I thank the heavens that I haven't told her anything or she would have blurted it out too. Or maybe not. "Congratulations grandpa and grandma?"

"Hindi ka napalo noong bata ka pero pwede nating i-try ngayon," sabi ni Mama na naniningkit ang mga mata.

Napapakamot sa pisngi na napabuntong-hininga ako. Damn it. Hindi naman kasi ganito dapat ang mangyayari ngayong gabi. Una dapat walang asungot kasi. Pangalawa, hindi ko naman alam na magkakataon na may sasabihin din si Enyo. I would have rescheduled, but I already told my parents about the dinner before Enyo told me about her pregnancy. Paano ko ngayon sisirain ang mood nila?

"Eris-"

"Buntis po ako."

"WHAT?!"

Nabitawan ni Mama ang hawak niya na kubyertos habang si Papa ay namula ang mukha na parang any moment ay sasabog na siya. My sister looked shell shock and even her husband is looking at me with wide eyes. But none of them speak. Kaya ang dumadagundong na boses ay walang ibang panggagalingan kundi ang katabi ko na muntik ng basagin ang ear drums ko.

"Aray ha?" sabi ko kay Blaze. "Makasigaw parang ang layo ko?"

Kumibot ang mga labi niya. I also saw his hand spasm as if he's itching to shoot someone.

I rolled my eyes at him before I turned to my father para mabawi ko ang sinabi kong joke na obviously ay walang natatawa. "Pa-"

"Sinong ama niyan?!" malakas na tanong ni Blaze na mahigpit ang pagkakahawak sa steak knife niya. "Bakit hindi mo siya kasamang humarap sa pamilya mo? Doesn't he have enough balls to own up to his responsibilities? Tinakbuhan ka ba niya?"

"Hindi-"

The nerve on Blaze's forehead popped when it looks like he thought of something. "Is it that Hugo guy? Kaya ka niya laging kinakamusta at hinahanap? I saw you talking to him today too. Bakit wala siya dito? Wala ba siyang balak gampanan ang responsibilidad niya sa'yo at sa bata? Sa tingin niya ba magagawa niyang pagtaguan ang mga tao dito? Minamaliit niya ba ang kakayahan natin? I could kill him with my bare hands-"

"Iho, baka gusto mong kumalma? Parang ikaw ang kailangan ng gamot sa high-blood hindi ang asawa ko," putol ni Mama sa kung ano pa man ang sasabihin ng lalaki. "Hindi ko alam kung anong sasabihin ko sa magulang mo kapag bigla ka na lang inatake diyan. Eris bigyan mo ng tubig 'yan."

Lukot ang mukha na inabot ko ang pitcher ng tubig at binaba ko iyon sa harapan niya. Even his brother is looking at him strangely.

"Drink up weirdo," I said to him.

"But-"

"Nagbibiro lang ako." Humarap ako sa mga magulang ko at nag peace sign ako. Lalo pa at nakita kong parang konti na lang ay bubulyawan na ako ng ama kong pulang-pula na ang mukha. "Joke lang talaga, Pa. Sorry na."

"Eris Lawrence Wright," he said with a kind of warning on his tone that only a father could do. Iyong klase na magiging totoo na mapapalo ako sa edad ko na 'to.

"First of all, everyone promise me first na kakalmahan niyo lang lahat." My nose wrinkled and I turned to Blaze again. "Kasama ka na rin since ang OA mo."

"You dwarf," he whispered to me. "I'm going to kill you."

I ignored him and I turned to my family again. I really don't want to do this today.

"No matter what I say, it doesn't change the fact that Enyo's pregnant and it's something to be happy about."

"Eris," my father said, clearly losing his patience.

"I'm not pregnant, I'm not getting married, I'm not going to die anytime soon."

Huminga ako ng malalim at inabot ko ang salamin na nasa bulsa ng suot ko. Inilabas ko iyon at ipinatong ko sa lamesa. Enyo already seen it. Stone and Blaze also did. Pero sa tingin ko ay akala nila parte lang iyon ng outfit ko nang makita nila ako na suot ko iyon.

"My eyesight is getting worse. I went to the doctor since it's worsening rapidly. For awhile hindi ako tumatanggap ng mabibigat ng trabaho since I don't think it's safe. I haven't been in pain like I heard from Mama's story but I've had a few blackouts that I thought was normal. Noong una akala ko dahil lang sa kapag matagal akong nakahiga at bigla akong tumatayo. But during a mission a few months ago, I had it for a few seconds, and two weeks ago it was longer."

I can feel the tension coming from every corner of the room. I'm not sure kung anong alam ni Stone o ni Blaze sa kuwento ng pamilya namin. It's not something that's always been a topic of conversation.

But since Enyo and I were young, our parents told us many times how our mother almost lost her eyesight. Something that is hereditary. In fact, it's one of the diseases that can be considered rare na hanggang ngayon ay pinag-aaralan pa. They have a cure for it, but the risk is higher than the positive result.

"I got examined. They confirmed that I have it. The blackouts will be longer next time and the pain could come anytime."

Nag-angat ako ng tingin para humarap sa mga magulang ko. I tried not to get choke up when I saw the tears flowing from my mother's eyes. Not the happy ones of course that she gave my sister. This time there's fear in them because I know she's remembering what she went through. Bagay na alam niyang pagdadaanan ko rin.

"At least I'm not dying, right? I would just be a little unbearable for awhile."

Mariin na pinikit ni Papa ang mga mata niya. "Eris."

"There's a cure. There's a way out of this." Tumingin ako kay Enyo at pilit na nginitian ko siya. "You'll have your baby and future babies to come and they will be safe from this. By the time they grow up it's not something to be feared anymore. We'll have medicine by then that can help them without risking anything. The experiment department is evolving. They're making progress kahit sa life-threatening diseases. This is nothing. Soon enough they'll have something for this too."

"But not now." Those words came from my mother. Inangat niya ang nanginginig na kamay at sinaklot niya ang tapat ng dibdib niya na para bang nahihirapan siyang huminga. "Not for you."

Kinuyom ko ang kamay kong nakatago sa ilalim ng lamesa. I didn't let what I'm feeling inside take over and instead I just gave my family a smile. "Not yet at least."

"How can you be so calm about this?" Enyo said in a quiet voice.

"Because I'm not afraid."

I'm lying to them. I'm pretending in front of them. Kasi kahit anong sabihin ko na napapagod na akong intindihin ang ibang tao at ilagay sila sa unang prioridad kesa sa sarili ko, hindi ko iyon kayang gawin sa pamilya ko.

Ayokong makita nila na natatakot ako. Ayokong makita nila na nahihirapan ako. I'm lying to them because I know that my pain will hurt them more than anyone in this world.

One day I wouldn't be able to look at the blue sky, the birds, the raindrops, the trees dancing with the wind. Marami akong mga bagay na hindi na magagawang makita. But I'll gladly trade all of that so that the tears in my family's eyes wouldn't be the last thing I will see.

Hinilamos ni Papa ang kamay niya sa mukha niya. "How long do we have?"

I swallowed and kept the smile on my face. "Years. A lot of them."

For a moment, my mind was pulled away from my family. For a moment I felt ice flowed through my veins when a hand grasped mine. Kamay ko kung saan ramdam ko ang mga kuko ko na bumabaon sa palad ko.

I slowly turned to the man sitting beside me and I felt a chain-like vice squeezed my chest when I saw him looking at me straight into the eyes.

Just like how I can recognize his lies...

Blaze can see mine too.

_____________________End of Chapter 3.