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CHAPTER 18: DOC

ERIS' POV

Naiiritang muli kong ibinaba sa lamesa ang cellphone ko. Hindi ko alam kung ilang beses ko na iyong tinignan sa loob lang ng ilang minuto. Iyon nga lang mula pa kaninang tanghali ay wala pa rin akong natatanggap na reply sa huling message na ipinadala ko. Ang ayoko talaga sa lahat ay iyong pinaghihintay ako.

Mariing pinikit ko ang mga mata ko nang muli kong narinig ang tunog na kanina pa lalong ikinaiinit ng ulo ko. Mahigpit ang hawak sa tinidor na nilingon ko ang taong nasa kabilang dulo ng lamesang kinauupuan ko. Mukha namang naramdaman niya na nasa kaniya ang atensyon ko dahil tumingin din siya sa direksyon ko.

"Yes?" Hera asked with a sweet smile.

My eyes dropped to her phone when it ping again, indicating that she has another message. Kabaligtaran ng sa akin na kanina pa nananahimik.

"Why do you have that look?"

"What look?" I grumbled.

"Iyong klase na nakikita sa amin ni Athena kapag may gusto kaming wasakin na phone."

Nakasimangot na bumaling na lang ako sa Tofu and Mushroom Adobo na nasa harapan ko. Wala akong balak aminin sa kaniya na kanina ko pa gustong durugin ang cellphone niya na parang inaasar ako.

I felt Hera scooted near me. "Tatabi sana ako sa'yo kanina kaso nakita kong busy ka sa phone mo kaya hinayaan na kita-"

"Wala akong ka-text!"

She pressed his lips together, trying to reign in a laugh. Itinukod niya ang siko niya sa lamesa at sinandal niya ro'n ang baba niya bago ako pinakatitigan. Sinimangutan ko lang siya dahil walang dudang alam niya na agad kung ano ang pinagsesentimyento ko.

"Pero may gusto ka na mag-text sa'yo?"

"Wala—" Muling nalukot ang mukha ko nang muling tumunog ang cellphone niya. Kita ko roon ang pangalan ng asawa niya. Unless may iba pa siyang tinatawag na My Rockstar Babby Daddy Wuvwuv. "Nasaan ba si Thunder? Nag-volunteer ba siya para ipadala sa buwan at parang miss na miss niyo na ang isa't isa?"

"Nandoon lang sa flat namin," nakangising sagot niya habang sinasagot ang text ng asawa niya. "Hinihintay ako kasi sabi ko ako na ang bibili ng pagkain at siya na muna ang magbantay sa chikitings namin. Ang kaso sa dami niyang request natagalan tuloy lutuin kaya kanina pa ako rito."

Akala mo naman ang layo ng kuwarto nila rito sa dining hall.

Surrendering to my curiosity, I lean towards her to look at her phone. Mukhang okay lang naman sa kaniya dahil tinawanan niya lang ako. I gave her a disgusted look when I managed to scan their conversation.

"Ang laswa niyo."

Humagalpak siya ng tawa. "Sinabi ko na 'to sa kapatid mo noon at sasabihin ko rin ito sa'yo ngayon, magiging malaswa ka rin someday."

As if naman may tatalo sa kanila na mag-asawa. Kahit noong mga panahon na tinatago pa nila ang relasyon nila ang dami na nila talagang ganap sa buhay. To think na may sakit pa sa puso no'n si Thunder.

"Ganiyan ba talaga kayo mag-usap?" Pinaikot ko ang mga mata ko nang igalaw-galaw niya ang mga kilay niya na parang nang-aasar. "I don't mean your... SPG conversations. Ang ibig ko lang sabihin ay 'yung ganiyang kahaba."

"Pagdating talaga kay Thunder lahat mahaba." Umakto akong nasusuka na ikinatawa niya lang. "Kidding aside, yes. May nakita kasi siya na ganiyan sa Facebook. Uso sa bagets na mga mag-jojowa kaya ginaya niya. Long message daw ang tawag. Every morning nagpapadala siya sa akin ng mahabang chat o text kahit parehas lang naman kaming nasa bahay."

"Buti hindi nauubusan ng sasabihin."

"Ganoon talaga. Talented iyon eh." Kinindatan niya ako. "In so many ways."

Napapabuntong-hininga na lang na muli kong itinutok ang atensyon ko sa kinakain ko. Talking to Hera might be enlightening at times pero mas lamang iyong mga pagkakataon na ma-e-eskandalo ka dahil sa mga kaharutan niya.

"So... are you going tell me bakit nagseselos ka sa cellphone ko at kung bakit parang gusto mong silaban ang sa'yo?"

"No," I grumbled.

"Nag-aaway na naman ba kayo ni Blaze? Two days ago ang sweet niyo pa ah?"

Akmang sasagutin ko sana siya nang makita kong umilaw ang cellphone ko. Mabilis pa sa alas-kuwatro na inabot ko iyon at binuksan. Pero kung mabilis na ang tibok ng puso ko sa pag-ilaw niyon ay lalo pang bumilis iyon nang makita ko ang mensahe. Bumilis nga lang dahil sa pagkairita dahil advisory lang iyon.

I was seconds away from throwing the phone when Hera plucked the device out of my hand. Ibinaba niya iyon sa lamesa at inilayo sa akin ng bahagya. "Are you going to tell me o sasabihin mo sa akin?"

"Tinagalog mo lang iyong isa." Tinaasan niya lang ako ng kilay na ikinabuntong-hininga ko. Binigyan ko ng matalim na tingin ang cellphone ko at nakahalukipkip na sumandal ako sa kinauupuan ko. "Normal ba na abutin ng kalahating araw bago ka sagutin ng isang tao?"

Nagningning ang ang mga mata niya at pigil ang ngiti na sumagot siya, "Depende sa tao."

"What does it mean?"

"Ang alin?" tanong niya.

"Kapag hindi ka ba sinagot agad ibig sabihin hindi siya ganoong ka-interesado na kausap ka?"

"Si Blaze pa ba ang pinag-uusapan natin? Iyong taong gumawa ng sarili niyang superpower para sa'yo?"

Nag-init ang magkabila kong pisngi sa sinabi niya. It's been two days and I'm still not used to the agents' teasing stares or their outright teasing. Hindi ko na ikinasama ng loob na kumalat na talaga iyong video namin sa Paige's. Karma ko rin 'yon dahil gawain ko rin 'yon dati. Saka naiintindihan ko naman ang mga taong napipilitan na tumambay sa control room. Sa sobrang pagkainip mo talaga, kapag may nakita kang makakabasag ng boredom mo talagang papatulan mo.

"May mission 'yon ah? Baka naman busy lang."

"Nag-message siya sa akin kaninang umaga. Sabi niya sabay na kaming mag-dinner kasi matatapos na raw ang mission niya. Anong oras na? Ganoon ba kahirap na mag-cancel? Ayoko talaga sa lahat ay ang sinasayang ang oras ko." Napahigpit ang pagkakahawak ko sa tinidor ko. "May pasabi-sabi pa siya na sa kaniya raw ang breakfast, lunch, at dinner ko. It's almost past nine and I'm still just having my dinner."

FR: FALLEN ANGEL

I'm almost done here. I'll take

you out for dinner so wait for me.

"Malay mo naman nabaril kaya natagalan makauwi."

Napasinghap ako. Nanlalaki ang mga matang nilingon ko siya. Kung sa ibang tao siguro tatawanan lang iyon pero knowing our line of work, it's not impossible. "Hera!"

"What?"

For some reason, I suddenly felt guilty. Kanina pa ako inis na inis kakaintay kay Blaze pero hindi ko man lang naisip kung paano nga kung may nangyari sa kaniya? In my defense, if something did happened to him that we should be worried about, dapat kanina pa nagkaroon ng urgent announcement mula sa control room.

"If you're feeling guilty, don't."

Tumingin ako kay Hera. "Why not? It's not like... we're together. Bakit ako magagalit eh wala naman akong karapatan? And I'm being ridiculous. We're secret agents. We don't have normal jobs. Paano nga kung may nangyari sa kaniya?"

"We don't have a normal life, but it doesn't mean that we're not normal people. Noon may mission si Thunder at hindi siya nakauwi agad kasi nagkaroon ng aberya sa misyon, I was at home getting angrier and angrier by the minute because he promised he'll be home that night to take me out to dinner. Naka-makeup na ako at nakabihis pero hindi pa rin siya umuuwi. Sinilent treatment ko pa nga siya ng ilang araw pagkauwi niya." Napapangiting napailing siya habang inaalala ang tampuhan nilang mag-asawa. "We're secret agents, yes. We know we're all trained and we know that we can protect ourselves. Getting shot or stabbed to us is just like having a paper cut as a normal office worker. Sa tingin mo ba may mapapacify na tao out there kapag tumawag ang partner nila at sinabing hindi matutuloy ang lakad nila kasi nagalusan ang daliri nila? Nag-aalala tayo, oo, pero this is our normal and sometimes we act ridiculous because well... do the world really expect us to be rational at all times?"

Nakatitig lang ako sa kaniya habang sunod-sunod na napakurap. Malulubog na ata ako sa utang kaka-payo sa akin ng babaeng 'to.

"Imagine kung kada umaalis tayo para sa misyon ay mamatay-matay na ang mga naiiwan natin sa pag-alala. I rather be angry because of stupid things than our job become an issue to us. Kasi kung laging magiging problema ang trabaho then later on we have no choice but to quit. Pero kung mga maliliit na tampuhan lang, it's not like it will push us to quit on each other." Itinaas niya ang hintuturo niya. "Remember this. Parte ng relasyon ang pagiging kulang-kulang minsan."

"Wala kaming relasyon," bulong ko.

"Aba bilisan niyo na kung gano'n. Ready na akong maging ninang."

"Hera!"

MY HEAD IS STILL clouded from sleep when I felt movement at the end of the sofa. Nakatulugan ko na ang panonood ng bagong K-drama na nakita ko sa Netflix. Ang sabi ko kasi na hanggang isang episode lang ay nasundan na nang nasundan.

Pilit na iminulat ko ang mga mata ko pero sadiyang mabigat pa ang talukap ng mga mata ko.

"Go back to sleep, baby," a quiet voice murmured near me at the same time that I felt a soft blanket covered me.

"Blaze?" Imbis na sundin ang sinabi niya ay pilit na umupo ako. Pero dahil talagang antok pa ako ay pabagsak na sumandig patagilid ang ulo ko sa sandalan ng sofa. "Anong oras na? One of this days mababaril ka ng wala sa oras kaka-trespass mo sa bahay nang may bahay."

He just chuckled at my words as if he's laughing about an inside joke. Nagsalubong ang kilay ko nang may mapansin ako sa boses niya. For some reason it sounded a bit strain.

"Why are you here? Hindi ko ba alam at roommate na kita ngayon?"

"Did you have dinner?" he asked instead of answering my question.

"Malamang. Anong oras na no? Kung ang pasensya ko hindi mahaba, mas lalong maikli ang pasensya ng tiyan ko kapag nagutom." Pilit na sinipat ko siya nang manatili lang siyang nakatayo. Hindi ko siya masyadong makita dahil bukod sa nakabukas pa rin na TV ay patay lahat ng ilaw dito sa bahay. I felt another wave of guilt. Siguradong madaling-araw na pero imbis na magpahinga ay dito pa siya dumiretso. "Did you have dinner?"

"No. I wanted to check on you first. I texted you but you didn't answer. I thought you might be angry at me."

"Ano namang bago ro'n eh lagi mo naman akong ginagalit?"

He laughed quietly again and for the second time, I noticed something off from it. Kunot na kunot ang noo na umusog ako sa dulo ng sofa at inabot ko ang switch ng lamp. Nang bahagya nang lumiwanag ang paligid ay pinagmasdan ko siya.

He's wearing plain black shirt and jeans. He looks fresh for someone who came back for a two day mission. Usually kapag may mga ganoon kaming misyon ay umuuwi kami na parang naka-trying hard na cosplay ng panda.

Pinakatitigan ko ang binata. It's easy to miss the difference if you got swayed by his looks. I pushed pass through the fog of my sleepy brain to focus on what's different with him.

"What's wrong with you?" I asked.

"Nothing," he quickly answered, making me more suspicious. "I should go-"

"Sit down."

"Sleepy-"

Pinanlakihan ko siya ng mga mata. "Sit down. Now."

He huffed another silent laugh, but he gave in to my demands. Pataas nang pataas ang kilay ko sa bawat segundo na lumilipas habang pinapanood siya na umupo. Blaze's name describes him for a lot of reasons. One of them is that he's usually blazing through everything. There's nothing slow when it comes to his personality. Everything about him demands to be noticed, and he's always quick to his feet. Kaya nakakapagtakang ang bagal niyang kumilos samantalang pinauupo ko lang naman siya.

The moment that he's fully seated, I dropped my blanket to grab the hem of his shirt. I felt Blaze's body stiffened when without second thought, I pulled his shirt up.

Malakas na napasinghap ako nang makita ko ang tagiliran niya. There's gauze on it but there's also a red stain on it which means he's bleeding through it.

"I think I opened the stitches a bit when I took the bike home."

"Wala ka bang back-up na may dalang sasakyan?" mahinang tanong ko.

I can feel my insides trembling and my hands closed into a fist.

"Meron. I came with a junior."

"Then why did you ride your bike when you could have switched with him?!" My words came out through gritted teeth. Marahas na tumayo ako mula sa sofa at malalaki ang mga hakbang na naglakad ako papunta sa kuwarto ko. I went straight to the bathroom to grab my first aid kit before I went out again to go back to Blaze who's currently sitting comfortably on my sofa. Nakapatong pa ang mga braso niya sa sandalan niyon na para bang relax na relax siya.

Pabagsak na umupo ako sa sofa at binigyan ko siya ng matalim na tingin. "Shirt off."

"I'll take care of it-"

"Shirt off!"

He pressed his lips together as if he's fighting back a smile. "I didn't know you want to see me naked that bad," nakaangat ang sulok ng labi na sabi niya nang hilahin niya ang suot niya para alisin iyon.

I scorched him with a look that could have thawed Antarctica before I opened the first aid kit box. Lahat kaming mga agent ay trained pagdating sa pag-a-administer ng first aid. We were probably trained with more knowledge than the normal since we need to be prepared for a lot of situations. Stitching someone up is easy. Mas mahirap pa nga kapag sarili mo ang tinatahi mo which is not uncommon to us.

Maingat na inalis ko ang nakatakip sa kaniya na gauze. Kinagat ko ang ibabang labi ko para mapigilan ko na bulyawan siya ulit at sa halip ay sinimulan ko ng ayusin ang tahi niya na bahagya na ngang bumuka. It's just a graze... but still.

Blaze's hand reached for me and he tucked a stray lock of my hair behind my ear. "So what's the verdict, Doc?"

Sandaling tumigil ako at mariing pinikit ko ang mga mata ko para bumilang ng isa hanggang sampu. "Verdict? Lalala ang sugat mo kapag hindi mo tinigilan ang kakakilos mo kasi magiging dalawa ang tama ng bala sa katawan mo kapag binaril kita."

"Did you really have dinner? You sounded hangry."

"I'm not hangry!"

Tumawa lang siya dahilan para muli ko siyang bigyan ng masama na tingin. Mukha namang na-realize niya na na talagang mainit na ang ulo ko dahil tumigil na siya sa pagkilos at nanahimik na rin siya kahit pa hindi nawawala ang ngiti na nakikita ko sa mga mata niya.

I ignored him and I quickly worked on stitching him up. I could feel his stare watching my every move which made me take longer than necessary to finish dressing his wound. Nang matapos ako ay nilagyan ko muli ng panibagong gasa ang sugat niya para takpan iyon.

"Tapos na. Pwede ka ng umalis," masungit na utos ko sa kaniya.

"Hindi mo man lang ba ako aayain na mag-dinner? Lunch was my last meal and it was just one tiny burger since I was in a hurry to come back to you."

Come back to you.

My chest thudded loudly and I uttered a silent prayer that he won't be able to hear it. Tumayo ako para lumayo sa kaniya at naglakad ako papunta sa kusina. Nagdadabog na binuksan ko ang ref at kumuha ako roon ng pwedeng maipakain sa kaniya. I rarely have leftovers because I hate wasting food. Bukod pa roon ay may kapatid ako na pinadadalan ko ng pagkain kapag wala ang asawa niya.

I quickly moved around the kitchen, not minding the man watching me silently. Naglagay ako ng tuna spread na ako rin ang gumawa sa tinapay at naghiwa pa ako ng tomato at cheese para ilagay doon. After that I placed them on my sandwich maker.

"Sandwich lang ang kaya kong gawin. It will take forever to thaw the food in my freezer-"

Pakiramdam ko ay tumigil ang pag-inog ng mundo nang maramdaman ko ang matigas na bagay na pumalibot sa bewang ko kasabay nang pagtama ng mainit na hininga sa leeg ko. I can feel Blaze's hard chest on my back. I wanted to moved away but it was like every part of me suddenly froze.

"W-What are you doing?"

"A hug is a good way to comfort someone."

"Why would you need comfort? It's just a bullet graze." Nang may maisip ako ay magkasalubong ang mga kilay na nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kaniya. "Kapag ba nasusugatan ka noon naghahanap ka ng kayakap?"

His eyes roamed around my face. I felt mine instantly went warm when I realized how close our faces were to each other.

"No," he murmured.

"What do you do before then?"

I wanted to ask a different question, but I stopped myself before I could. I don't want him to think that it bothers me... even though sometimes it does.

"I sleep it off."

Binalot ako ng pagkairita. "Maybe what you meant was to sleep with someone."

"I don't need a mission to want that from a woman that wanted the same thing too, and I don't think there's any "sleeping" that will be involved." Nang umakto akong itutulak siya para makalayo ay lalo lang niyang hinigpitan ang pagkakayakap niya sa akin. "You asked, I answered. I will never be dishonest with you, you know that right?."

There's something in the way he speaks that is telling me that he could see what I am trying to hide. He knows what I wanted to ask and he's waiting for me to say it... I just don't know how.

"Fairy, ask me." When I didn't speak, he turned me around so that I could face him, with his arms still embracing me. "Whatever you want to ask me, I won't mind."

"It's not right."

"Why?"

He was right. He always been honest. Hindi niya pinaramdam sa akin na kailangan maging problema ang parte na iyon ng nakaraan niya. My father was also right. That problem was also fixed because Blaze already showed me how and that is through his honesty. But it doesn't mean that sometimes I don't feel the presence of his past. Lalo na sa sitwasyon namin.

"Because I don't want you to see that I feel insecure about your relationship with my sister," I whispered. "Specially not now when I'm standing on a crossroad."

"Why not?" My head went up, surprised by his question. I opened my mouth to speak but he beat me to it. "Your sister and I had a past. You know that I loved her and she loved me too. She's not some random woman to you. You wanting to ask about it is not wrong. It's also not wrong to want reassurance from me. I'll give that to you again and again if that's what you need. Hindi ikaw ang may problema. I don't think it's a problem in the first place but rather it's something I need to live with given the situation that we have, and that's okay." He touched my cheek gently with his knuckles, his eyes full of understanding. "What do you want to know?"

I felt my lips quivered and I bit down on my lower lip for a moment to stop it. "Do you go to my sisterbefore to seek for comfort too like you're now doing with me?"

"No." When he saw the disbelief in my eyes, he continued to explain, "What I want after a mission is to rest. Sometimes I do it with her, sometimes I don't. Did I find comfort by staying with her? Yes, I did. I told you no because the way we were before was different than what we two are becoming. Who I was when I was with her is different from who I am now with you." Muli niyang pinaglandas ang likod ng kamay niya sa pisngi ko habang ang mga mata niya ay nananatiling hawak ang sa akin. "The whole time I was in that mission I wanted to come back to you. Half of the time I wanted to know what you're doing and half of the time I'm stopping myself from getting angry with the thought of you with that Hugo guy or anyone else that will try to get your attention. I couldn't focus and I even broke protocol and texted you in the middle of the job. Freezale knew and she told me to turn my phone off and gave it to Adam, my backup. She also told me to switch my ride with him after I got shot but I didn't listen because I wanted to get home quickly. When I finally got here, all I wanted was to go to you and tell you about everything that happened in the mission even though it's just boring and ordinary to us. I wanted to see the expression on your face and I want you to bicker with me like we always do. Pero nang makauwi ako natutulog ka na. It's okay with me because the moment I saw you, I knew that that's all that I wanted."

"I-I..."

"I didn't want to hug you because I needed comfort. I hugged you because I want to. I'm here because I just wanted to see you."

I saw how his gaze dropped to my lips and I could only swallow nervously. I don't know if it's really out of nervousness or a part of me is also anticipating what he would do.

Tila lalabas na ang puso ko mula sa pinaglalagyan no'n nang hindi pa rin binibitawan ang mga mata ko na unti-unting bumaba ang mukha niya palapit sa akin. I can feel his breath fanning my face, and I can also feel his arms tightening around me.

There's no doubt my sanity is slowly leaving me, but before it can fully abandon me, I heard a sound coming from the sandwich maker. Mabilis na kumawala ako kay Blaze na walang nagawa kundi hayaan ako. Nanginginig ang mga kamay na binuksan ko ang sandwich maker at kinuha ko roon ang mga tinapay at isinalin sa plato.

Humarap ako kay Blaze at hindi ko magawang salabungin ang mga mata niya na ibinaba ko ang hawak sa center island.

"Babe, come here."

That endearment again. "Babe ka diyan." Sa kabila ng sari-saring emosyon na umiikot sa akin ay pilit na kinalma ko ang sarili at inirapan ko siya. "No. Kumain ka na para makapagpahinga ka na."

"I told you I'll stop calling you those dwarfs' names when I completed them. Now come here."

Nag-iinit ang magkabilang pisngi na humalukipkip ako at binigyan ko siya ng masamang tingin. "FYI, wala akong balak magpahalik sa'yo kaya kumain ka na. Hindi ako nagpapahalik sa mga injured na walang sense of responsibility kaya kailangan pa ulit ng re-stitching. Anong akala mo sa akin? Easy to get?"

His lips went up into a smile while his eyes twinkled with mischief. "When my wound closed up, will you allow me to kiss you then?"

"N-No."

"Then when?"

Tinalikuran ko siya at nagmamartsa na bumalik ako sa sofa. The words he said moments ago keep repeating inside my mind as if it's on an endless loop. I can feel the walls of my hiding place slowly peeling away, and with the cracks of my shield, I can see him waiting patiently outside.

"Kapag rainbow na ang penguin."

_______________________End of Chapter 18.