"Why aren't you happy Bezmialem? I am sad when I see your face sad," Iskender said as I was laying in his hug and his arms were wrapped around me, but I couldn't enjoy in those beautiful moments because of everything that was happening.

I was standing between two sides, Dilruba's side and Safiye's side. I knew whichever of those two I chose are the wrong side and I wanted to do everything my way. Dilruba wanted me to kill Iskender and make sure her brother Mustafa would ascend the throne, she threatened me and now even sends letter to Iskender forcing me to do that before or otherwise she will tell him I'm spy and kill him by his own hands and then blame me.

At another side there was Safiye who wanted me to blame Sureyya who was innocent and wanted me to make sure Iskender thinks she is a spy. I was worried if Safiye actually thinks Sureyya is a spy or she knows it was me, but I wasn't sure if she would keep me in her son's harem if she knew I was a spy. I didn't want innocent people to get into a trouble because of me and I didn't want anyone innocent to die because of me.

I knew I will have to admit to Iskender that I am a spy or I will have to lie that Sureyya is a spy and send her into a death but if Dilruba would know about it she would immediately tell to Iskender that she wasn't a spy and that I am the spy.

My life felt like complete mess and I didn't want to admit I was a spy just because of the baby I carried inside myself of a man who I loved more than anything. I didn't want to lie to Iskender but I didn't know what to do because I knew by telling the truth I would lose him, but while Dilruba has me in her hands I could lose Iskender whatever I do.

"I am afraid," I whispered softly, unable to pretend anymore that I was fine.

"What's bothering you my love?" he asked me worriedly, trying to look me in the eyes, but I constantly avoided his gaze.

Whenever I would look into his eyes, I would remember that I am the traitor and that the fault here is mine alone. I couldn't handle the burden and wanted to confess to him everything that was bothering me.

"Everything is bothering me, I'm afraid for you because of the news about the traitors in the palace. I don't want to lose you Iskender," I closed my eyes, holding back the tears, but they simply began to flow down my cheeks.

"Bezmialem, don't worry about it. I will do everything in my power to find out who that traitor is and when I find out I will kill him with my own hands," he stroked my hair and then raised my chin with his hand and directed my gaze towards him.

"I have to tell you something related to that," I said and sighed deeply, knowing that this moment was my end, but I couldn't keep all this in me anymore. I could not choose either Dilruba's or Safiye's side, I had to choose my own path and go towards it.

"What is that?" he raised his eyebrows in surprise at my words, probably not expecting me to say anything about it.

I looked into his eyes for perhaps the last time, seeing the love for me in his eyes. I took his hand and mine and squeezed it tightly knowing that nothing would be the same after this.

"I..." I started to say, but at that moment someone's step was heard on his terrace, before the woman appeared on his terrace.

"Your Highness," I heard a woman's voice and I saw Dilruba bowing to Iskender, as if she knew at what moment she should come to the palace and interrupt me in my intention to confess everything I have to say.

"Welcome Dilruba," Iskender said, motioning for her to sit next to him. After bowing to Dilruba I stood up and left the terrace knowing that I could not attend their conversation here.

I left Iskender's chambers as if the whole burden of the world was on me and my unborn child. Just at the moment when I was ready to confess everything, hoping that Iskender would forgive me, she came as if she knew she had to prevent it. I was afraid of what she would tell him and whether she would be the one to betray me, because I didn't want Iskender to find out from other people, but to find out from me.

Miran Kalfa was standing in front of Iskender's chambers, who had apparently come here on Dilruba's order to see when I was planning to carry out my assignment. I wiped the tears from my face and started walking towards the harem, but Miran took my hand firmly.

"Dilruba Sultan is very angry with you, she wants you to get rid of the child and Iskender as soon as possible. She gives you another month and if you fail to do it, she will get rid of you, the child and Iskender," Miran said coldly looking at me seriously in the eyes.

"I don't want to do that," I told her to which she just laughed, like she was making a fool of me.

"No one asked you if you wanted to do it or not. If you don't want to, someone else will. You signed your own death warrant," she said even more seriously, looking at me with eyes full of anger.

"Bezmialem," I heard Dilruba's voice, who very quickly left Iskender's chambers and looked at me seriously. I bowed to her as required by the rules, but I no longer had respect for her.

"Does that mean you won't carry out the orders of the Sultana of the Ottoman Dynasty? Who are you to disobey those orders?" She asked me coldly.

"I will never do it, I can't do it," I said quietly, trying not to let Iskender hear me.

"If you don't do it in the given time, your child won't see the day to be born, keep that in mind" she said before walking away from me, giving me another angry look.

I was left standing alone in the corridor with Miran, who chased me towards the Harem. My soul could not bear these things any longer, and if I must die for it, I would rather die by the hand of Iskender than by Dilruba's.