"Bezmialem Hatun, Safiye Sultan has called you," Bulbul Agha said to me and I felt so much pain my chest and around my heart. I couldn't run away from the fear I had everytime I had to walk out of those chambers and I knew this was not well neither for me nor my child.

I was sitting in my chamber with no will to leave anymore and I knew I needed to confess to Iskender what they wanted me to do. I knew he would get angry on me for that, and that he would feel betrayed, but I haven't done anything they asked me for nor I would ever because I started loving him so much.

"Your Majesty," I bowed to Safiye who awaited for me and had a table prepared for dinner for the two of us. I bowed to her feeling even more fear because she looked at me so seriously and I had terrible feeling she knew everything. I knew I needed to confess those things to Iskender before she finds out, because she would first throw me to the fish in the Bosphorus and then tell him.

"I wanted us to have dinner together. I see you are really sad in the last time and I want you to be happy a bit," Safiye said and gave me some kind of a smile I had to return. I sat down next to her and we started eating, but I was feeling so bad each moment that I would wish to cry to her.

"I want you to tell me what is bothering you," Safiye said seriously as she stopped eating. In this moment I didn't know if she actually cared for me or knew what is happening and wanted me to confess alone. I was afraid to eat if she would poison me but I knew she wouldn't poison the grandchild I am carrying.

"I don't know, I am afraid if something bad happens to Iskender," I said as I also stopped to eat. I didn't have any power nor will to eat nor to do anything.

"Nothing bad will happen to him. I am protecting him from all evil eyes and I would never allow anyone who could possibly harm him to come close to him," Safiye said and it made me feel even worse because she didn't even have a hint I would be that person. She could probably never think about I was the one they have sent to kill Iskender.

"I know Sultanim," I said as I ashamedly looked down at the floor as I couldn't look at her into eyes anymore.

"When I was at harem of my late Sultan Murad, I would get sad only when he would spend nights with other women. But you see how much Iskender loves you, he doesn't even want to have another woman and I won't even force it because he only gets angry on me," Safiye said and I knew she only wants to make me feel better, but inside I was dying.

"Drink this, it is good for you, you are pregnant and need to take care of yourself," Safiye said as Bulbul gave me a drink and I carefully looked at it. Inside could be a poison or whatever and she could kill me in any moment, but I knew this kind of dying would be better than Iskender killing me with his own hand. Or even worse would be him abandoning me because then I would be dead inside.

"Sultanim, I wish to talk with you about something," I said after I couldn't handle this anymore. Something was bothering me so much and I knew I would lose her trust and probably be exiled, but I couldn't stand dying inside myself every day from fear of her.

"Sultanim, sorry for bothering you but Sultan called for Bezmialem Hatun," kalfa entered the chambers and said. Just at the moment I wanted to confess everything, she again ruined this.

I stood up and bowed to Safiye, and at that moment she also stood up. She came closer to my ear and whispered: I know everything.

I was shaking while leaving her chambers as she gave me dead serious look. I was followed by Bulbul Agha to Iskender's chambers, and I knew this was probably the last time I would enter there. In Harem I saw Miran Kalfa who looked at me with a smirk on her face and I knew she was the one who said all of this to Safiye. I knew this is going to be my end.

Doors of Iskender's chambers opened and he awaited for me with a smile on his face and his arms were opened waiting for me in a hug. But instead of giving him warm hug I entered with my head bowed down. I couldn't even look at him anymore how terrible I felt and he had so many reasons to punish me in the worst possible way.

"Bezmialem, what happened my love?" Iskender asked me as he came closer to me and in his voice I could hear he is really worried for me. I took his hand and went to sit with him on his throne.

"I need to tell you something really serious that has been killing me inside from day to day," I said still not looking at him and avoiding his look because I was so embarrassed and felt so wrong. I didn't know person can feel such a shame, but I could never forgive myself even though I haven't done anything wrong.

"What is it? You are scaring me a lot," Iskender said as he raised my chin to make our eyes meet, but I was too anxious that I couldn't even do it.

"But first I will beg you to listen to the whole story and let me tell you everything," I said finally looking at him while my eyes were filled with tears. He just nodded to me and continued listening, obviously not having an idea what he is going to hear.

"I came to this palace because Sadiye Hanim sent me here. She basically raised me and I lived happy life with her, until Davut Pasha married your niece Dilruba," I said as I barely could say from tears. He just continued listening me without interrupting me.

"Davut and Dilruba sent me here because they wanted me to spy on you and to tell them all the informations, and later they wanted me to kill you because they wanted Mustafa on the throne," I barely could breath anymore from tears and he just got up angrily and walked away from me.

He turned around so he couldn't look at me anymore and I saw on him how shocked he was.

"But I never did anything of that because I love you, I love you more than anything in this world," I said as I couldn't handle my tears anymore and I couldn't breath anymore.

"Everything you said to me was a lie," he said dead serious and I couldn't hear any more emotion in his voice.

"I never lied to you Iskender! I never told them anything you have told to me," I said but my words meant nothing anymore.

"I don't believe you even a word Bezmialem. I loved you more than anything in this world and I still love you like never before but you betrayed me. All of this were only lies," he yelled on me and I went down on my knees in front of him as I couldn't stand this anymore.

"I never lied to you, Iskender. I did nothing. I wanted to admit you that from the first day but I was so afraid to lose you, and when I found out we will get a baby I was afraid for life of our child," I said as I was continuously crying and he just stepped away from me. He looked at me with so much anger that I never could believe he would have on me.

"I never wanted to do anything of that and I would never do anything of that to anyone, especially not to someone I love more than my own life," I said almost hysterically while he didn't even want to look at me anymore.

"You will be punished the way you deserve," he said turning with his back to me, "I do not want to look at you any more time in my life."

"Kill me if you want to, just spare life of this innocent child of yours that I am carrying," I said as I fell down to the floor and couldn't breath anymore.

"You will give birth and then you will be punished, I will never forgive you what you have lied to me and pretended to love me," he said as he grabbed my hand and looked at my eyes.

"I never had to pretend to do it because I love you more than my own life. Kill me right now if you want but I haven't done anything they have ordered me to do. I never said a thing to them, I did nothing wrong," I cried and cried.

"You did wrong because you haven't said those things in the beginning," he yelled on me while looking at me and with each his word in loud voice my heart was breaking into million of pieces.

"I was afraid, Iskender, I was afraid you would kill me and I should have done it because I know anyway you will do it," I cried as he took my hand even harder and took me up on my legs to stand next to him. I was too weak even to stand on my legs and everything in front of me was dizzy from those tears.

"If you really loved me why haven't you said that earlier? How haven't your consciousness hurt you when you knew you are pregnant with my child and you are here on duty to kill me?" He yelled on me once again but his eyes were filled with tears same as mine were.

"I attempted few times to tell you but always someone interrupted, I am ready to die Iskender but if you kill me only thing I want from you is for you to know that I love you more than my own life and I'm ready to die for you. I knew if they would force me to kill you I would take that dagger and kill myself first because I'm not able to see you even sad, and I would never want you to be hurt in any possible way," I said and at that moment he left my hand and only continued to look at me without words. The two of us were standing there both of us with eyes filled with tears.

"I could never kill you Bezmialem because I love you, but I will never be able to forgive you this," he said as he moved his gaze to another side. It hurt me even to see him so sad like he is now and I blamed myself for everything.

"It would be better to me that I have done anything wrong in my life and to be punished, than to be punished because of something I would never do," I said slowly.

"Aghas!" Iskender yelled as he wiped the tears from his face not to see anyone his reaction.

"Take her to her chambers and lock her there. She won't be able to go anywhere else until she gives birth, and then we will decide on her fate," Iskender said coldly as aghas grabbed me on my arms and escorted me from his chambers.