***

"It's been a week, Lianne. Mag-ayos na kayo ni Jenna." Shannie demanded again.

I stopped eating and looked at her. "Drop it, Shan. We'll talk if we're okay."

"Pero walang mangyayari kung walang magso-sorry sa inyo." she retorted.

"Bakit ako ang una?" I answered back and looked intensely at her.

"Lianne naman. Please don't be stubborn. Nasigawan m—"

"Bad mood ako no'n at sinabing tigilan na niya ko. Siya 'tong ayaw magpapigil. Ilang beses ba natin uulitin 'to, Shannie?"

She sighed heavily. "Lianne, may kasalanan ka rin. Well, you're both at fault actually pero—"

"That's it, we're both at fault kaya wag mo na kong kulitin as if ako lang ang may kasalanan." I said and continue eating.

"Why can't you just calm down and listen?!"

Bumalik ang tingin ko sa kanya.  I scoffed and raised both my hands. "Okay then, I will say sorry." I said and stood up.

"No, Lianne. Don't give an empty apology." tumayo rin siya kaya hindi na ko nakayuko. "And fix your temper, will you? Don't think as if everyone around you is at fault and pointing against you."

"Hindi ba gano'n ang nangyayari ngayon? Parehas niyong kinakampihan si Jenna."

She sighed. "No, Lianne. We're trying to understand you! My god! Let's just talk when you calm down." she said and left.

I looked at her until she was lost in my sight. I brushed my hair in frustration and decided to go to the library. May next class pa ko pero hindi ko feel umattend. It's just that, the atmosphere in the room is crazy. Magkatabi kami ni Jenna sa next class kasi si Christine at Shannie iba ang strand. It's just so awkward.

I tried to calm down by reading a book pero naibaba ko lang ulit 'yon at huminga ng malalim. Kasi... Bakit hindi ako maintindihan ni Shannie?! I mean, parang sobrang sama ko na sa sinasabi niya.

"Hey, didn't expect to see you here."

Tumaas ang tingin ko at nakita si Tristan. Argh! Ba't ngayon pa?! I'm not in the mood to have bubbles.

"Hey." I said dryly.

"Wala sa mood?" tanong niya at umupo sa tapat kong upuan.

"Yeah."

Ibinalik ko ang tingin sa libro ko at nagbasa. But I just can't focus. Hindi rin umalis si Tristan sa harap ko kahit na sure akong start na ng klase. Tumingin ako sa kanya.

"Start na ng class." I stated.

"Ah. Wala rin ako sa mood kaya ginagaya kita."

"Seriously? Wag mo kong landiin ngayon, wala talaga ako sa mood." I retorted.

He chuckled. "I'm serious but you got me there."

Ibinalik ko ang tingin sa libro pero kitang kita ko si Tristan sa peripheral vision ko na humalumbaba at tumitig sa'kin. Tumingin ako sa kanya pabalik.

"Stop—"

"Let's go somewhere." he said and stood up. "Call?"

"Saan?" I asked first but he just shrugged his shoulders and offered his hand.
 
 
——
   
  
 
Hinihingal ako pagkatigil sa isang eskinita malapit sa school. Nagkatinginan kami ni Tristan at parehas natawa.

Pero sigurado akong lagot ako sa parents ko 'pag nagkataon na nalaman nilang lumabas ako ng school during class hours. Tumayo ako ng maayos nang sumilip si Tristan.

"Wala na siya." sabi niya at sumenyas na lalabas na kami.

"I can't believe I'm doing this." bulong ko habang naglalakad palabas ng eskinita. "You should make sure na yung pupuntahan natin worth ng pagka-cutting natin."

He chuckled. "You bet."

Pumunta kami sa coffee shop malapit sa campus namin dahil nag-book kami ng grab. But Tristan still insist on not telling me our destination.

"Just trust me, Lianne." aniya nang tanungin ko ulit siya pagkasakay namin sa grab, kaya nanahimik na lang ako at natulog buong biyahe.

I woke up from someone poking my cheeks gently. Iminulat ko ang mata ko at nakita sa tabi ko si Tristan.

"Dito na tayo." aniya at sumenyas na lumabas na kami.

Sumunod naman ako sa kanya at tiningnan kung nasa'n kami. Kumunot naman ang noo ko nang mapansin ang sign sa harap namin.

"Cemetery?" I asked and looked at him.

Tumango siya. "Yeah. But there's a place beyond that."

"Hindi mo naman ako papatayin at ililibing dito dahil wala ka sa mood diba?"

He chuckled. "Silly. I won't ever do that. Tara na?"

Tumango na lang ako at nauna siyang maglakad kaya sinundan ko siya. I tried to match his pace at napansin niya ata 'yon kaya binagalan niya maglakad. We walked passed through the graves in silence.

Hindi ko rin maiwasan na tingnan si Tristan because he just really calmed me down. He's just so bright and everything.

"We're here."

Napatingin ako sa harapan nang magsalita si Tristan at may nakitang burol sa harap namin. There is also a big acacia tree on top of it.

Inoffer ni Tristan ang kamay niya kaya napatingin ako sa kanya. "I'll assist you." aniya kaya kinuha ko ang kamay niya.

I bit my lower lip while we were walking towards the tree. Aaminin kong medyo mahirap nga umakyat kasi may maliit na heels and sapatos ko at pencil cut ang uniform namin. But Tristan assisted me well. He's such a gentleman.

Pagkaakyat namin sa burol, may wishing well sa likod ng acacia tree. Malaki din ang puno kaya malilim sa taas ng burol. It's not just that! Dahil sobrang ganda ng view dito.

"This cemetery is set in a high place kaya medyo tanaw ang city. It's not that polluted here kaya nakakakalma ng sistema. I hope it helps you calm down." napalingon ako kay Tristan na nagsasalita at nakatingin sa view. Nagulat ako nang lumingon siya sa'kin kaya napunta ang tingin ko sa view. "Ah, wala rin palang nakalibing sa area na 'to if ever you're curious."

Tumango naman ako at umupo sa ilalim ng puno. It just feel so great sitting in the grass with such a view and the wind so fresh. Sobrang rare na lang kasi ng ganito sa Maynila.

Tristan walked towards the well on the side. Naghulog siya ng barya at pumikit. When he opened his eyes he smiled at me and walked back at me.

"Did you calm down?" tanong niya pagkaupo.

I felt my lips curled up as the wind blew on us. "Yeah. Thanks, Tristan."

"No problem." aniya at nagulat ako nang isandal niya ang ulo ko sa balikat niya. "You can rest if you want."

I smiled with his sweet remarks and decided to close my eyes. I can't help but think that something has started between us.
 

——
  

Pagkadilat ko ng mata, nagulat ako nang medyo orange na ang langit. Napabangon ako at napansing tulog si Tristan habang nakasandal sa puno. Napatingin ako sa oras at nakitang mag si-six na. My eyes widened and looked at Tristan. I dwell on myself whether to wake him up or let him sleep but thank god he opened his eyes.

"Kanina ka pa gising?" bungad niya pagkakita sa'kin.

"Hindi, kagigising ko lang rin."

When he checked the time, napansin ko ring nanlaki ang mata niya. "Sorry, hindi ko napansin ang oras." sabi niya at tumayo.

"Okay lang." sagot ko habang inaalalayan niya kong tumayo.

Naglakad na kami pababa ng burol para makauwi. We were half running and walking kasi medyo malayo rin 'tong pinuntahan namin. But when we're walking passed the graves, nagulat ako nang makita si Kier sa 'di kalayuan.

Agad na kumunot ang noo ko. Seriously? Bakit parang nakikita ko siya araw-araw kung saan-saan? O sinusundan niya ko? I chilled over the idea. Imposible.

I saw him kneeled and put flowers on the grave. My chest tightened with the idea someone died from his family. Wait...did someone...

"Lianne?"

Nabalik ang atensyon ko kay Tristan. Nagtataka siyang nakatingin sa'kin at sinundan ang tinitingnan ko.

"Oh, the gloomy guy." aniya pagkakita kay Kier. "Lalapitan mo ba siya?" tanong niya na gumising sa sistema ko.

Kasi alam kong kahit lumapit ako do'n, itataboy lang ako ni Kier. For an unknown reason, he just hated me and I hated him for that too. Wala lang mangyayari kung lalapit ako do'n.

Umiling ako kay Tristan. "Uwi na tayo." aya ko kaya nagpatuloy kaming maglakad.
  
  
——
  

  
"Anak, I know we're letting you do anything. But we won't tolerate this kind of thing." sermon ni dad sa'kin habang nakatayo sa pintuan ng kwarto ko.

"I'm sorry, dad. It's just..." napapikit ako at umisip ng magandang dahilan pero wala. "...I lost my mood." I confessed.

"You can't do this whenever you lost your mood, Lia. You turned eighteen already. Be responsible on your actions. You're not a kid anymore. Don't disappoint us like this."

I bowed my head and stayed silent. My chest tightened from his last line. Nakakasuffocate. It's like I was born to reach their expectations.

I can't believe the school reported us on our parents. Good thing that they didn't tell them about Tristan. Ayoko namang masisi siya nila mom.

"Dinner's ready. Bumaba na kayo." mom told us on my room's doorway.

We both obliged and have our dinner. Pinagpatuloy ni dad ang sermon sa'kin hanggang dinner at konting dagdag na sermon ni mom na nauwi sa mga kwento ng buhay nila no'ng teenager sila. I like it though. So I just listened and laughed with them. Not until the topic's back on me.

"So, Lia. If you know it's wrong, don't even try it, okay? Ang mali ay mali. Even if it's fun, it's still wrong. Naiintindihan mo ba?" mom asked and I nodded.

After ng dinner namin, ginawa ko na ang schoolworks ko at lumabas sa veranda pagkatapos ng mga gawain. The night is calming and the wind is soothing. It's funny how a day could become bad and somewhat turn into good but then that good thing has a cost. The night is also quiet that my anxiety is striking.

My life is better compared to others but... it felt empty. I feel lost. I feel alone as no one could understand me. I can't talk my feelings out to anyone kaya wala talagang susubok umintindi. Someone could make me feel better, but the negative feeling is still there. Nawala lang pansamantala pero sa mga times na ganito, bumabalik. I was questioning my existence, my life, and everything. Until I end up in suicidal thoughts.

My family is complete but we're far apart. I have friends and we had a thing going on now. My life in school sucks. People is crushing my will to move forward. They're degrading me. I can't talk to anyone now. And my mind... my mind is asking why do I have to go through this? Because I think being dead is better than life like this. Then when I'm gone, I wonder if they will cry or will they be happy? My anxiety is not helping, because it's crushing everything and making me realize that my existence doesn't help. It's telling me that it's still okay if I'm gone.

I looked up to the sky and stared at the stars. Huminga ako ng malalim at umasang kahit papa'no, mawala yung bigat ng dibdib ko. Pero nanlaki ang mata ko nang may dumaang shooting star. Without thinking twice, I whispered my wish in the wind and hope it will be answered.

Sigurado rin akong may ibang nakakita no'n at nagwish sila, kaya hiniling ko ulit na matupad ang hiling nila.

After a few minutes of staring at the sky, waiting for another shooting star, but none has passed again, I decided to sleep since I still have class tomorrow. Friday naman na bukas kaya konting tiis na lang, weekend na.

I closed my eyes and let myself drift into sleep.

 
——
  
 
Kumunot ang noo ko nang maramdaman ko ang liwanag sa mata ko. Ugh, did mom opened my curtains again instead of just waking me up?!

I grunted then slowly opened my eyes pero napapikit ulit ako sa sobrang liwanag. I also moved my head pero nauntog lang ako. I grunted again then opened my eyes. But my eyes widened when I saw where I was.

I wasn't in my room. Instead of seeing my room's ceiling, I saw branches of tree on top of me. Napabangon ako bigla at may nakita akong wishing well na mukhang familiar sa'kin. Teka, nasan ako?

I slowly stood up to see where I was at napasinghap ako nang marealize kong nasa burol ako kung sa'n kami pumunta ni Tristan kahapon.

Was I kidnapped? Pa'no ako napunta dito?

I checked my body but I didn't see any bruises or scratches. I was also still wearing my pajamas last night. However, I was wearing a necklace with a star pendant, pero wala akong matandaang may ganito akong kwintas. And no matter how much I tried to ask myself, hindi ko maisip kung pa'no ako napunta dito.

There isn't also people near me whom looks suspicious. Pero pa'no... bakit ako napunta dito?

Wait, nananaginip ba ko? Kinurot ko ang sarili ko at nakaramdam ako ng sakit. Napakurap ako ng ilang beses at naging mabigat ang paghinga ko. Hindi kaya... ninakawan kami kagabi...? Teka, sila mom at dad...

Tumayo ako kaagad at bumaba ng burol but I brushed my hair in frustration when I realized I had no money or kahit yung phone ko wala. Shit, bakit ba ko nandito? Okay lang kaya sila mom? Shit naman talaga.

Dire-diretso ako sa pagbaba ng burol at naghanap ng taxi. I'll just pay the driver when I get home. Nag-aalala na kasi ako kila mom at dad.

I was biting my nails when I'm on my way going home. Sobrang lakas din ng kabog ng dibdib ko kasi masama ang pakiramdam ko dito. I just can't understand why I woke up on that hill, without any sign of being kidnapped or something.

"300 po ma'am." sabi agad ng driver pagkarating namin.

"Wait lang po, kukuha ako ng pera sa bahay. Hintayin niyo nalang po ako dito." I said as I unbuckle my seatbelt and get off the car.

Pero agad akong napatigil nang tingnan ko ang bahay. Hindi ko maintindihan...

The houses on both sides are still the same pero bakit... bakit iba ang nakatayo sa bahay namin...? The block and lot number are engraved in the gate, with the same number our house is, but what the hell?

"Miss, pasensiya na." napalingon ako sa driver. "Pero pwede po bang pakibilisan?" aniya habang nakadungaw sa bintana ng taxi niya.

Nagpabalik balik ang tingin ko sa kanya at sa bahay. Hindi ko talaga maintindihan... How the hell this happened?! Nagbago ba ang design ng bahay namin sa magdamag?

I took a step forward but then I halted. Lumakas ang kabog ng dibdib ko sa sobrang kaba. Everything's... just... it's just so unbelievable.

But then... I bit my lower lip and hit the doorbell. Walang mangyayari kung hindi ko susubukan. I waited for a few minutes until a woman came out the house which made me at ease. I sighed out of relief as I held the fences of the gate.

"M-mom!" Sigaw ko at napatingin sa'kin si mom ng kunot-noo.

Unti-unti siyang lumapit sa'kin. "Sino ho sila? Anong kailangan mo, hija?"

My chest tightened as I stared at mom looking strangely at me. "M-mom, a-anong bang sinasabi mo? It's m-me, Lianne." nauutal kong sabi dahil parang may bumara na sa lalamunan ko dahil sa mata ni mom. Her eyes... her eyes just doesn't look the same.

Huminga ako ng malalim. "Mom, why did I woke up som—"

"I'm sorry?" she cut me off. "Please, hija, wala akong balak makipagbiruan sa'yo. Kung wala kang kailangan, umalis ka na lang."

Mom turned her back on me and I reached her blouse on impulse. "Mom, what's happening? A-ano bang sinasabi mo?"

She turned at me again and brushed my hand from her. My heart broke into pieces as she looked at me irritatedly. "Wala akong anak, hija. Tigilan mo na ko ha, kundi ipapapulis kita." aniya at tumalikod ulit.

"Mom! Ako 'to si Lianne! This is not a good joke, mom, please! Mom!" I continue calling her and shouting pero nagpatuloy siyang pumasok sa bahay.

Napahawak ako sa ulo ko at napaupo.

Anong nangyayari? Are they pulling a prank on me? Hindi ko maintindihan... Bakit nagkakaganito? My head throbbed in pain at nagsimulang tumulo ang luha ko.

"Hija, pasensiya na pero yung bayad mo talaga."

Napataas ako ng tingin kay manong taxi driver habang patuloy ang pagtulo ng luha ko. Napasabunot ako sa sarili ko. Hindi ko na talaga maintindihan. Why is mom acting like that?

Tumayo ako ulit at humarap sa bahay. "Mom! Dad! Lumabas kayo please! Buksan niyo yung gate!" pinindot ko ang doorbell ng paulit ulit. "Mom! Dad!" pinindot ko ang passcode sa gate pero hindi nagbukas ang gate.

I brushed my hair in frustration. "Mom! Dad! Buksan niyo yung gate! M-mom... please...!" My voice cracked.

My tears continue to fall down my face and my mind's in haywire. But then mom's face flashed in my head... I remember the way she looks at me earlier... and it crushed my heart for the second time. Bakit... bakit parang hindi niya ko kilala?

***