Vernon's Zombie Killing Machine - Test Drive
Winter had a firm grip on the lands by the time word of Jack's plans reached us. We had no choice but to leave the warmth of Espie in search of him, to put a stop his madness.
The centre of Mown was no better than the open plain. No one was foolish enough to venture out in the freak weather, and the lack of traffic to clear a path on the cobblestones made it extremely difficult for the mare. She panted from the exertion, tired after only an hour of trudging through knee-deep snow. We dismounted outside the tavern and tied her to the post under what little shelter the overhang provided.
"I'll bring you something good to eat, Shelle," I promised, patting her neck.
She bayed and nuzzled my shoulder affectionately. "Just a little warm hay and bucket of water will do fine. Don't be long. I'd like to be sleeping in a warm barn by sunset."
"You and me both. We'll be as quick as we can, I promise."
By the time I sorted Shelle, the Hot Tottie my companion had ordered for me was sitting on table. I inhaled the aroma, grateful for the steaming mug to warm my hands around.
I waved to the wench in the dimly lit corner, beckoning her. She approached eagerly, despite how we dressed. Patrons must be slim pickings, only the foolish or desperate would venture out in the sub-zero temperatures. Which of those described us was yet to be decided.
Leaning her elbows on the table to best show her assets nestled snuggly in the low-cut, tight-fighting bodice, the wench eyed first me then Jules. She sighed, her breasts heaving in the tight confines - how they managed not to spill out is a mystery. A look of disappointment flitted across her features before she managed to conceal it with a smile that didn't reach her eyes.
"A coin buys my company; ten and I'll warm your body with mine upstairs."
Jules rolled her eyes when I reached for my pouch. "Thanks, but no thanks. We're looking for someone; tall, white hair, goes by the name Jack," she answered for me.
I slid a coin across the table, keeping a finger firmly pressed on it and asked, "A coin for a few answers?"
Giving nothing more than a shrug to show her agreement, the wench slid into the booth to sit beside me. "Someone like that passed through just before the snows came."
"Did he say where he was heading?"
"South."
"Can you be more specific?" I asked.
"I could, but seeing as Jack paid me better, I'm not for tattling on him."
"Dear God," Jules groaned. "Please tell me you didn't sleep with him?"
"That be none of your business."
"But it is yours. At least tell us he didn't bite you, did he?"
"Sorry, but a coin just ain't worth it." The wench said to me. She stood, leaning over the table to sneer at Jules. "What I do to put food in my baby's belly is my business. Even if my customers get a little frisky sometimes, it's none of your concern."
“Wait!” I snatched her wrist and placed the coin into her palm. “Thank you for the information. We’re also looking for somewhere to stable my mare for the night, would you know of somewhere?”
“My rates are double for you.” She eyed Jules, who shrugged. “Take the next left and go to the end of the road. Tell Selena that Nicky sent you.”
*****
All things said and done, we slept well until Shelle’s proximity alarm went haywire in the small hours of the morning. Nicky, the wench, came ambling through the barn door seconds later and made a beeline straight for Jules.
“Damn it! Shelle, it’s time to test your new hardware. On my count, Jules, get your arse over here… One… Two… Go!”
Shelle reared on her hind legs. Her left foreleg dropped away, exposing a curved blade two feet in length, which she used to cut the zombiefied Nicky’s head off in one swipe.
“Piece of cake,” Shelle said proudly. “That was no challenge at all.”
While frantically tugging my jacket sleeve to get my attention, Jules stuttered, “Umm Vernon? She wasn’t alone. Look outside.”
Thankfully the heavy snow slowed the approaching zombie folk enough for Shelle to pirouette and leap around in a re-enactment of A Nutcracker, cutting a path from the barn doors to allow us to escape.
“I guess the ballet lessons paid off.”
“It was you who said the program was a waste of money, not me!” Jules bristled.
“Meh, whatever.”
“We do know one thing. Jack is no more than three days ahead. If we engage Shelle’s hyper drive, we could catch up with him by tomorrow night.”
As luck would have it, Shelle overheard Jules’ plan and was none too happy about it. “Oh right!” she complained. “I’m the zombie killing machine and the packhorse. How do you expect me to keep going at this rate? I haven’t so much as soaked up a solar ray, never mind recharging my batteries enough to run to the end of the street.”
“Then you’d best go find a plug socket and make it a quick one,” Jules replied, “’Cos we need to leave.”
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