Cosimia wished that she could sink back into the peaceful abode of sleep. She had no doubt that everyone in the Lady Vortex had heard about her outburst, maybe even what she had said. She could only hope that Grant respected her enough to not tell what she had told him. She hated feeling helpless and weak, hated feeling like she was incapable of handling this mission. She had felt useless her whole life and she would do anything to prevent it from happening again. Already everybody treated Cosimia like she was a fragile piece of glass, about to break if they mishandled her.

She blew her cheeks out and swung her legs to the floor. The cool metal sent sparks skittering through her. She glanced at the mirror and grimaced. The evidence of her previous breakdown was practically written across her face; red cheeks, puffy eyes, disheveled hair. She would need a miracle to cover it up. She tied her scraggly locks back and attempted to smooth it down as well as she could. Even if she felt miserable on the outside, Cosimia refused to look miserable on the outside as well. She still couldn't get Grant's hurt face out of her mind. Saying no to him was the hardest thing she'd ever had to do in her life and Cosimia has made many difficult decisions in her life. She could only pray that he would understand where she was coming from. Cosimia knew he wouldn't be mad but his pity was even worse. If she looked into those green eyes once more, she was sure she would cave. She was already in a bad mental state and one caring look from him would surely cause her to collapse. She wished that she could've said yes, embrace the love she felt for him. She wished she could fall into his safe arms and never leave. But she had one duty, and it wasn't to Grant.

No matter, Cosimia. Nobody has to know.

She shifted into her Minerva mask, as she liked to call it. Cold, determined, calculating. The Minerva would never let their emotions get the better of them and Cosimia was bent on making sure nobody saw the sniveling mess she was last night. But letting out what she had been keeping to herself had been incredibly cleansing. While she wished it wasn't Grant she had told, Cosimia was glad that she had gotten off her chest all the same. But now wasn't the time to ponder over the mess she was. She needed to be strong for Saturnus, for her friends. She had to finish what she had started and then she could contemplate the tangled knot that was her feelings.

She rested her palm over the handle of her door, inhaling deeply. This was just another meeting. It would be over soon enough.

Cosimia yanked the handle open and strode purposefully into the hall. She wouldn't look at Grant or wouldn't respond to the probing glances her friends would surely send her way. She would pull all her attention to the mission, and plan the next leg of their journey. Nothing else mattered.

But aren't your desires just as important?

The small voice made Cosimia stop in her tracks. It was practically tattooed in her mind that her life's purpose was to the Minerva. All her wants would never come true. She had accepted it before; why was it so hard now? She growled to herself and continued on. How could she be so selfish as to think about her own personal desires when the very fate of her planet rested on her? She banked left and walked down the empty corridor. The only sound was the familiar whir of the engines, sending soothing vibrations up her legs as she walked. She could hear her friends' low murmurs as she approached the chamber. Cosimia forced all her doubtful thoughts away and emptied her mind. When she entered all sound ceased. Cosimia made her way to the head of the circular table and gazed keenly at a scroll map. It was a well-known map, one she had studied many times prior. She could feel Grant's gaze on her, burning holes. She steeled herself to not look up.

"Sleep well?" Isadora asked, treading lightly.

"In fact, I did. Quite well. Now, where have we gotten so far?"

"Are you sure you are well enough to be walking around, Cosimia?" Isadora knew the answer so Cosimia didn't reply. The members of the Minerva Elite were stronger than those of other planets, so they could heal at an accelerated pace. Her ribs did rumble slightly in pain when she walked but it wasn't unbearable. Cosimia had never been one to stay in bed and she wasn't about to start now.

"You said we are approaching the Black Hole, correct? I think we should just go. We do not need more support. We will go, get rid of the Creatura, get out." Cosimia finally looked up, glancing at everyone but the senator's son for confirmation.

"You should be resting, Cosimia," Grant's firm voice made her fists clench. She had always loved the low baritone of his voice but now, it just stoked her rage. She knew very well what was good for her and what wasn't.

"I do not care for what you think I should be doing. What I should be doing is helping here. I know my limits, Grant." Nobody objected and Cosimia turned her attention back to map, satisfied.

"You will not be much help if you are injured. We can manage well enough without you." Cosimia slammed her fist on the metal table, barely noticing how her wrist smarted afterwards.

"If I recall, this is my mission. Not yours. Just because you are the senator's envoy does not give you the right to order me or my patrol around, nor will it ever. We do not have the time to argue so if you disrupt me once more, you will leave this discussion."

"I agree with Grant, Cosi. You need to be at full recovery." Cosimia jerked her head up at Isadora's soft voice. Anger ran deep inside of her and she stomped back to her room.

"Where are you going?" Airlia called.

"Clearly, none of you think I should be here. Since I am useless to the conversation I will leave so you can plan out our next steps." Tears welled once more and Cosimia cursed harshly to herself. When had she become so frail? She heard fleeting footsteps behind her and she sped up. She had no desire to talk about her outburst during the session.

"Cosimia?" Grant called out to her and she willed herself to ignore him and keep moving forward, even though every cell in her body wanted to run to him.

Get yourself together, Cosimia.

"Cosimia, please," Grant pleaded. The desperation in his voice almost stopped her but her anger fueled her forward. She would not give him what he wanted. She would bow to no one.

"I don't want to look at you," she snapped.

"Grant, leave." Mathias's quiet voice sounded like music to her. If there was one person she would talk to, it would be Mathias. He had seen her at her worst and never batted an eye. He seemed to always know what to say and Cosimia wanted to find solace in his arms.

"But-"

"If you love her, give her space." His tone held no space for refusal and Cosimia practically wilted as she heard Grant's steps fade away. She paused to let Mathias catch up with her.

"Life has not been kind to you, has it?" Cosimia inhaled and tried to keep the tremble out of her voice as she replied.

"Is it that obvious?" She tried to laugh but she couldn't muster the energy to do so.

"We cannot help you, Cosimia, if you don't tell what is bothering you. How long has this pressure been kept inside?"

"Since we left."

Mathias clucked his tongue. "That is much too long, sister."

"I've been trained to stay strong, to not let my emotions get the best of me. And you know I've never been one to express how I feel." Mathias let out a short laugh.

"No, you are not. But that doesn't explain why you said no."

Cosimia pursed her lips.

"Come now, Cosimia. I am your brother. It's only me."

"I'm trying to protect him."

Mathias's brows puckered in confusion.

"Love makes you weak. The more people I'm close to, the more of an advantage my enemies have. The more people in danger of being hurt. I do not want to risk his, yours, or my patrols' for something as foolish as love."

Mathias sighed. "You cannot protect everyone, Cosimia. Not everyone's fate is yours to control."

"I don't think I would be able to live knowing that one of their deaths was because of me."

"Still, that's a risk in a battle like this. Everyone subjects their loved ones to danger when they engage in a fight. But that is not a reason to refuse love altogether. That man would die for you, and you for him. A love like that cannot be ignored, sister."

"It can if I will it," Cosimia said stubbornly.

"No, it will not. Please heed my advice, Cosimia. Let Grant help you. A life without love is not one worth living." With that, he wrapped his arms around Cosimia and rested his chin gently atop her head.

Cosimia snuggled deeper into her arms, wishing she could stay there forever.

"Don't let your fear overtake you, Cosimia. You are strong, one of the strongest I know. Don't succumb." Planting a kiss at the crown of her head, he jogged off to join the rest of the crew. Cosimia stood, pondering his advice. She knew that in a war, sacrifice was necessary. She knew that in her future, people she loved would die. That was just one aspect she had to consider when she left. But when was it too much? Cosimia hoped, prayed to Dea Kali that she would know when enough was enough. Sadly, all she could do was hope.