If the light was scary then how should one face the  darkness?

Song Lan had been under the care of Great Immortal BaoShao Sanren for months now. Nightmares haunted his sleep and his voice betrayed his senses.  When he took off the bandage, the blood covered snow and the faces of his dead family clouded his eyes. Even though his wound healed he didn't dare to take off his bandage. He was too scared of the world.

"You had another nightmare?"

The only voices they heard out of him (SL) were the laments in night. Song Lan had become mute with Xingchen gone he had no way to cope up with agony.  His Mysophobia revamped into Haemophobia. 

"Do you know why Xingchen descent the mountain?"

It was the only thing that made his slumped shoulders rise, he nodded as he clutched his robes.

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[Flashback: SongXiao night-hun]

"Zichen, when I die I want it to be by Fuxue."

Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen  were spending the night in the company of thousands of stars. They didn't belong to any cultivation sects so they didn't have money to rent a room in an inn. That was how they spent their nights on the bed of tall grass, candle light of fire flies  and sound of locust as their lullaby.

"Refrain from saying such things." Song Lan was displeased by the death topic.

"We're all going to die one day, I just thougth-" 

"It'd be better to die by a blade you're familiar with." Song Lan completed his sentence.

"Then would you kill me with Shuanghua?" Song Lan asked staring at those silver eyes.

Xiao Xingchen only then realized how horrible it sounded. He would never even think of hurting Song Lan let alone kill him. So how could he ask such a thing from Song Lan?

"I apologize." Xiao Xingchen realized the gravity of his sentence. His sudden request brought dismal to him. Song Lan stretched his arm and supported Xiao Xingchen's head to lean on him. Before it was always Xiao Xingchen who comforted him. 

"Who died?" Song Lan asked startling Xiao Xingchen

"Today is the death anniversary of my Shijie." Xiao Xingchen answered.

Nothing more was needed to say. Baoshao Sanren might have taken him under her wings, she taught him cultivation and loved him dearly but it was Cangse Sanren who raised him. He was still too young when she descent the mountain and died.

"A-Lan aren't you afraid of germs any more?" Xiao Xingchen teased him making himself perfectly comfortable in his embrace. 

"Or do you think I bathe in milk?" Xiao Xingchen chuckled.

Song Lan's face flushed remembering how Lin Qi and Ruo Yin asked why angels looked so pretty. He just brushed them off saying they bathe in milk. Had he knew he would be teased over it in the future, he would have phrased it better.

"Thank You." Xiao Xingchen whispered closing his eyes.

There is no need for Thank You and Sorry between us 

Song Lan closed his eyes as they melted in the night.

[Flashback ends]

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"..."

"That was a part of it." BaoShao Sanren replied after hearing the story. It was after months that Song Lan finally spoke. Before Baoshao Sanren could tell him (SL)  the reason she had to ask grabbing the opportunity,

"How was Xingchen in the mortal world?"

How did he spent his days? What kind of hardships he faced ? Did he even miss his family? 

Song Lan could feel the pain in her voice. As someone who left his family behind, he understood the plight. He decided to tell her about one of  the night hunt which answered all of her questions. It was the least he could do to put her mind at ease.

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[Flashback: Night-hunt II]

Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen heard the calls of the people who were troubled by a spirits or dead corpses. They decided to rest  in Yao sect associated with Yunmeng Jiang sect. This time their hunt was different than the previous ones. The two of them stood in front of a brothel blank faced. Xiao Xingchen asked in a nervous voice,

"Do we have to hire a ...an escort?" 

Song Lan was displeased by his suggestion. They entered the brothel and Song Lan asked the Maiden at front. "We're here to expel the spirit that has been causing trouble."

"Ah! Gongzi please wait here, I will call Xiaojie. " The young Maiden went inside the room behind the bar and stepped out few minutes later with older Maiden. They wore sleek robes with exposed shoulders, red tint on lips  and beautiful hair accessories. Two maidens bowed to the two young cultivators and they responded simultaneously.

"Gongzi, we appreciate your arrival, we've been trying to get a hold of cultivators but they would get embarrassed just standing in front of a brothel."

"It's no trouble at all" Xiao Xingchen gave a nervous smile.

"We would like you to inform us about everything  that has been causing trouble don't spare any minor details." Song Lan asked with an air of authority.

Xiaojie happily obliged as she informed them about a recent accident that happened in the Yunpin City. A brothel was burnt down and all the prostitutes died in the fire. Since it burnt down the customers simply changed their route to Baoernai as it was closest to the Yunpin city. As much as their brothel thrived, the prostitutes begun  to complain about their customers being too rough. It happened too much that one by one  all  the prostitutes left Baoernai and joint other brothels. Now Baoernai only had few prostitutes and loyal customers. When Xiaojie confronted their customers they denied having any memories of such behaviors. That's when Xiaojie realized that it might be a  work of unholy beings.

And  that was exactly how Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen found themselves in a private chamber, alone. 

"Zichen, spirits are hard to make a fool of." Xiao Xingchen complained about having to wear maiden's clothes. They offered them an escort each but Song Lan immediately declined. Xiao Xingchen came up with the idea of cross dressing but he directed it at Song Lan. He remembered how Lin Qi told her about dressing Gege and A-Yin. He wanted to see Song Lan all dolled up but the escorts instead dressed him (XXC) up claiming he had more of a feminine figure between the two. 

Xiao Xingchen was wearing a beautiful silk Hanfu. It had beautiful frost pattern on the rim and the fringes were designed with lacework. His lips and nails were tinted in pink. His fair skin added to its allure. 

He looked beautiful!

"They're not even sure themselves if it really is a spirit. What if they've been using some sort of medicine in the food?" Xiao Xingchen sniffed all the food and licked the drinks with the tip of his finger that had been in the service. 

"At least we get to sleep in a room. We've been sleeping on grass and stones for so long,  I forgot how soft the bed can be." Xiao Xingchen said roaming the room looking for clues.

"Zichen? why are you quiet?" Song Lan was sitting on the bed in crisscross position, meditating.

Xiao Xingchen didn't know what else to do so he sat on the bed and leaned on Song Lan, joining their backs. For a while it was quiet with just the sound of their breaths.

"Zichen." Xiao Xingchen called in a low voice.

"...If we just sit here and ....do nothing... the spirit might not come." 

The sound of their breaths was harmonized with the sound of their heartbeats. Xiao Xingchen hid his flushed face between his knees.  After calming himself, Song Lan called out,

"Daozhang."

Just before he could say a thing, Xiao Xingchen grabbed Song Lan and threw him on the bed. 

The sudden action startled Song Lan 

"Daozhang! what are yo-"

The lips on him muffled all the words. Xiao Xingchen had Song Lan under his grip with his legs between his and arms in his wrists. Song Lan didn't struggle at first completely trusting Xiao Xingchen but slowly he (XXC)  begun to invade his mouth with his tongue. His traced every corner of his mouth with his tongue making the kiss deeper each passing second. It was getting hard  to breathe. Song Lan struggled gasping for air when he successfully freed  his mouth he called again.

"Daozhang! Stop NGN- "

Xiao Xingchen bit his neck and sucked on hard. He rubbed against his  shaft as he untie the sash that had been holding his robes. Was it the same Xiao Xingchen who couldn't even look Song Lan into the eyes when  he  first kissed him? 

"You're not Daozhang!" Song Lan shouted catching his breath. 

Those eyes! His silver eyes had the shade of lust, something Xiao Xingchen would never have. Song Lan shook off Xiao Xingchen and stood near the door  blocking his exit. Xiao Xingchen got up from the bed with a twisted smile. It was hard to watch for Song Lan. He took out Fuxue from guqin pouch but the spirit recognized the blade and  left his  (XXC) body. Song Lan broke Xiao Xingchen's fall as he held him in his arms.

"Daozhang!" Song  Lan called him out again and again. Xiao Xingchen was panting terribly. Song Lan tucked  him in the bed and casted an array around the room so no spirit could enter.

"...Zi..chen.." Xiao Xingchen slowly opened his eyes.

"Ah! how are you feeling?" Song Lan helped him sit up.

"My head hurts.,.What happened? " Xiao Xingchen asked rubbing his temples.

"You don't remember anything?" Song Lan asked giving him a glass of water.

"Did I do somethi- Zichen!! what happened to your neck? " Xiao Xingchen almost spat out water when he spotted bruises on his neck. Not just that, Song Lan's robes were messed up. Song Lan rubbed the bite marks with his hand but didn't say a thing. Xiao Xingchen spotted his swollen lips and heat rose to his face.

"...D-Did I do that?" Xiao Xingchen asked with much courage.

"It was the spirit." Song Lan declared. But nothing could change the fact that it was Xiao Xingchen's body. 

Xiao Xingchen slumped, he was embarrassed. How could he hurt Song Lan like that? 

"At least we know it really was a spirit." Song Lan brought his attention to the important task.

"Let me in all the details." Xiao Xingchen asked calming himself.

"It was rough as the escorts have  claimed." Song Lan stated.

once again Xiao Xingchen's face flushed. 

"A- Lan.."

"You don't have to apologize, it was not your fault."

"Zichen, it doesn't bother you one bit? " 

Song Lan counter questioned him

"Do you recall what happened when it possessed you?" 

"Ah!" Just as Xiao Xingchen was about to answer his face flushed again recalling the reason.

"Mn?" Song Lan asked 

"...I was thinking." 

"Thinking what?" 

".....that ..we're ...a-alone.. and ..."

Song Lan understood immediately as his face matched the red of his swollen lips. 

"A-are you mad?" Xiao Xingchen asked innocently.

Song Lan shook his head. Xiao Xingchen asked again

"Are you h-happy then?" Xiao Xingchen asked but this time, Song Lan didn't answer. The two of them  stared in the empty space for long. Xiao Xingchen felt his heart sink when he didn't answer for too long.

"I've only been kissed by Shijie so I had no-" Xiao Xing realized his explanation was unnecessary.

"I'm sorry." Xiao Xingchen muttered. His head was low and his hands were shaking. Nobody was there to tell him the boundary of loves. For him it was simply love.

Song Lan cupped his flushed face and stared deep into his eyes. Those clear silver eyes.

"I am going to take off the barrier, whoever gets possessed will trap the  spirit." 

One thing they could deduct from their first encounter with the spirit was that it was disordered by Lust. Any form of intimation could lead to greed and thirst. All they had to do was give the spirit an opportunity to invade.

Before Xiao Xingchen could comprehend the situation,  Song Lan hugged  him, tight. It was only after few minutes he took down the barrier without letting him go

"..Zi..chen.." Xiao Xingchen called when he felt his (SL) breath on his neck.

Xiao Xingchen slowly hugged him back. whiff of his hair melded with the aroma of the incense. The warmth in his embrace was like the first ray of sun after heavy snow. The sizzling melody  of their heart beats were like a lullaby. 

When Xiao Xingchen was about to say something, the spirit took over digging its nails into  Song Lan's back. Song Lan stabalized himself and threw Fuxue in one corner of the room while Shanghua on the other forming a dispelling array. Shanghua was familiar with Song Lan's warmth and would allow him to take control. If the spirit left Xiao Xingchen's body the array would take effect and disintegrate and with a mortal body the spirit couldn't leave. 

 The spirit took the alternative way. The spirit strangled Xiao Xingchen by grabbing his neck with both hands. Song Lan didn't anticipate that. He rushed to free Xiao Xingchen by loosening its hold. It was life and death for both of them.

 It might had been a weak  spirit but the body it invaded was of a strong cultivator. Song Lan saw no opening to protect Xiao Xingchen so he grabbed his last option and kissed Xiao Xingchen. The need of survival turned into lust as the spirit let go his throat, deepening the kiss. Song Lan had to free Xiao Xingchen's body so he slowly took control over the kiss. More streamy the kiss was, the more engulfed in lust  the spirit became. It continued for some time when the spirit finally let go. The array caught the spirit and dissipated it.

Lust is the kind of thing that eats you and leave you starving .

  Xiao Xingchen fainted in his embrace and Song Lan held him tight panting heavily. Rest of the night was quiet as they both exhausted themselves . Next morning Song Lan opened  his eyes and saw the most blissful scene of his life. Xiao Xingchen sleeping soundly in front of him radiating like a sun yet delicate like a snow. Song  Lan stroked his hair which was tickling his tender eyes and he traced those lips with his fingers.

"...Zi..chen.." Song Lan immediately retraced his fingers and got up the bed.

"H-how are you feeling?" Song Lan took out Fuxue and  Shanghua from their spots, removing the array. Xiao Xingchen got up the bed and yawned like a baby. It was another special moment for Song Lan to savor but of course there was a knock at the door. It was Xiaojie.

"Gongzi, I apologize for disturbing your sleep but any luck with the spirit?"

Xiaojie asked serving their breakfast. 

"It has been removed." Xiao Xingchen replied rubbing his eyes.

XiaoJie lit up and bowed the men in gratitude. 

"Gongzi, May I know what caused it?" 

Before Song Lan could say anything Xiao Xingchen asked.

"Were there any survivors of Yunpin brothel?" 

"Almost all of the prostitutes died. That's what we heard." 

"That might be  correct, almost all of the prostitutes died but you forgot to mention the customers."

The spirit which took over the Xiao Xingchen was the regular customer of Anxin in the Yunpin Brothel. Anxin was popular for dealing with rough customers who were taken over by lust while Anxin herself was taken over by greed. Just like fierce corpses which need resentful energy to survive, the spirits hold on something to linger in the mortal world. Spirit can not linger farther from the place of its death making Baoernai the ideal place.

"How did you know Daozhang? Didn't you forget before?" Song Lan raised a good question. Did he see the memory of the spirit?

"Before I was not aware that a spirit would take over me, this time I was prepared. I used my golden core to build a barrier retaining as much as conscious as possible."  Xiao Xingchen had a strong cultivation and knew more about it compared to Song Lan. Xiao Xingcheng came up with the dissipating array as well.

Song Lan's face heated when he recalled how hard he had kissed him last night. So much for taking the secret to his grave.

"We are forever grateful Gongzi." Xiaojie bowed as the two cultivators left again.

Every experience in life was like a veil uncovering one's true self.

[Flashback ends]

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It was only after Song Lan told the whole story that he realized he could have spared some details. 

"I see." was the only thing Baoshao Sanren said but even without seeing Song Lan felt her cold  smile, was she afraid?

After some time, Baoshao Sanren spoke again,

"The reason why Xingchen descent the mountain has to do with Daoran."

Yanling Daoran.

Everyone in the mortal world were aware of him. Yanling Daoran the prestigious disciple of Baoshan Sanren gained fame over night but he was destroyed over night as well.

"What happened to Xingchen's Xiongdi ?" Song Lan asked

"He fell in love."

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Yanling Daoran once accompanied Baoshan Sanren when she descent the mountain.  Yanling Daoran was already a grown man. It was then Baoshan Sanren  took Cangse Sanran with her. She was still a child. 

 Among the depths of crowd, a young maiden was shoved off terribly until Yanling Daoran caught her and brought her out of the horde. She almost fainted scaring the hell out of Yanling Daoran. He had never met someone so fragile. 

It was love at first fright!

Years passed but Yanling Daoran couldn't erase her existence from his mind. Baoshan Sanren was furious, descending the mountain for worldly desires was out of the question. That's when she decided to never let any of her disciples down the mountain again. But more than that she couldn't see her children in a sorrowful state so she allowed him to leave.

 He searched high and low  for her and almost roamed the entire cultivation world making his name in the process. He would often stop by helping the people with spirits and corpses. He would pick up new mysteries and solve as he went by. One of the case disturbed him dearly, the corpses who ate golden core resulted in the tragedy of a cultivator.

Yanling Daoran only had her face and voice to go by. He didn't even know her name. But the luck was on his side when he found the women again, this time it was the maiden who saved him.

Yanling Doaran saw the fragile women among the masses of corpses, in the dead city of Yingkou She was carrying a basket full of herbs. Yanling Daoran was a strong cultivator but up till now he only had himself to protect since the people he grew up with were capable enough. Yanling Daoran slashed the corpses and carried the maiden out of it but the horde was big that they cut through his core channel, injuring him. Yanling Daoran swung his sword and carried the maiden on it to a safe distance. They found a  small cottage to rest, where the maiden bandaged his injuries.

"What is your name?"

"Lihua... Zao Lihua"

She was a maiden of Zao Clan. Zoa clan were Core Physician during the Wen Mao reign. They were praised and condemned at the same time forcing them to lay low. Still many cultivators would ask for their help if their Golden Core was not functioning properly.

"What were you doing in the lost city?" Yanling Daoran asked lying still on the hay mat.

"I was collecting herbs, I am a physician." 

Still, alone in the city with no defense. He was scared out of his wits when he saw Zao Lihua among the corpses.

"Gongzi, Your core might behave strangely so don't move until you recover fully." Zao Lihua said. She finished patching him up and got up to leave. Yanling Daoran grabbed her wrist,

"Don't go!"

"Young Master I-"

"Not until I am healed properly."

She decided to stay with him until he recovered. Days went by, she would cook him food and give him medicine and when he was healed enough to get up at least she silently slipped away.

Yanling Daoran begun his search again, he wasn't healed completely and his golden core would pain him from time to time. But he had to search for her, luckily this time he had a name to go by.

When he reached the Zao clan he asked the cultivator about Zao Lihua and the cultivator replied,

"Maiden Lihua? She died years ago."

It was then it hit him, the attack in the middle of the dead city, core eating corpses, tragedy of a cultivator and his core behaving strangely. It was not just any spirit it was spirit of Zao Lihua.

Zao Lihua was one of the best core physicians in the Zao Clan. She would save anyone without a thought or  penny. Not only was she passionate but also experimented a lot. She was still determined to perform the Core Transfer surgery hoping it might revive their loved ones. The people mocked her for playing too close with the boundaries  of life and death. 

She chose herself as the subject matter and imbued fragment of her core with a corpse.

How terribly it backfired!

The core infused with the dead flesh and tattered acumen made the corpse attracted to core. Zao Lihua was thrown into the cellar by Wen Clan and they even hogged her scriptures. Later the Wen Clan seeing the potential in her skills, threatened her to fuse her core with the more corpses in order to create an army of undead. Even the powerful Wen clan couldn't control the corpses.  she  stood up to protect her clan when  Wens  unleashed  the corpses on Zao  Clan. Zao Lihua having barely fragments of core, sacrificed her self to protect her family but she was condemned by the world for creating such corpses in the first place. 

Feeling unjust even after death, her spirit rose to eat the core of cultivators like a corpse herself.

 The realization was heartbreaking. She was there taking care of him just few days ago but that wasn't it. She was taking fragments of his core little  by little to feed her lingering soul, taking advantage of his injuries.  Yanling Daoran's core was almost eaten up and a body without a core was just an empty shell for spirits to take over. Yanling Daoran was the disciple of BaoShao Sanren and he had the strong core compare to the other cultivators. Spirits took cover his body while corpses bit his core. Even in his dying breath he fought till the bitter end protecting the Zao Clan.

With empty shell, broken heart and clouded mind, Yanling Daoran was cursed by the Spirit of Lihua when he slashed her with his sword. He killed the woman he loved, to protect what she wanted to protect. Zao Clan then used 1000 swords to kill the man who was only protecting them from the evil they breed themselves. Even after death, Yanling Daoran protected Zao Clan with his remains.

When Baoshao Sanran heard about it, she descent the mountain to look for him. If his golden core could be retrieved he would regain his senses and for that  Baoshao Sanran opened the Heavens Gate.

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"Heavens Gate?" Song Lan asked.

It was designed by Wen Mao, Lan An and Baoshao Sanren. But Lan An feared that the boundary between life and death could be breached so it was never brought up again, forbidden to even study.

"You must be aware that it requires 3 arrays."

Song Lan nodded.

"Blood array, spiritual array and soul array."

Song Lan gasped, he finally realized the reason.

"As you might have already known, I'm an immortal. I could form the blood and spiritual array but not the soul array."

"Was it Cangse Sanren?" Song Lan asked solving the puzzle. 

"Indeed, she wanted to save her Xiongdi and decided to sacrifice a part of her soul."

 Cangse Sanren though young, was exceptionally strong. She had firm grip on her blade and her cultivation skills were phenomenal. Her core was still developing when she sacrificed a part of her soul to open the Heavens Gate. It limited her cultivation to a great degree. Had she retained her soul,  she might had been among the strongest cultivator the world could offer.

But before Baoshan Sanren could open the gate, Yanling Daoran had already united with earth.

"That is why she died on a night-hunt with her husband." Baoshan Sanran clearly blamed herself for that.

"Did Xingchen descent to gather her remains?" Song Lan asked.

"Are you aware of Xisigui spirit?" Baoshan Sanran asked instead.

"The one ...M-master Gua..." Song Lan couldn't bring himself to even call his name, the pain was devastating. Baoshao Sanren sat next to him and patted his shoulder in comfort. Song Lan jolted and brushed her off. why was it that only his (XXC) touch didn't terrify him?

"Master Guang didn't just rumored Xisigui spirit he actually summoned it. Otherwise the souls he tortured would have haunted him. " Baoshan Sanren got up understanding his phobia.

"Xingchen came at Baixue Temple because he wanted Master to summon the Xisigui Spirit and return the soul of Cangse Sanren and Yanling Daoran."

Xisigui spirit was the collector of lost souls. Crossing the path between life and death required equivalent exchange. Once simply couldn't roam in the 9 realms as pleased. Master Guang summoned the Xisigui and fed the souls. 

"Indeed. but there was another reason he visited Baixue Temple."

"What?"

"You."

"..."

"I asked him to look for a  child I found years ago, he was shivering in cold with a blade in his hand"

Baoshan Sanren had told Xiao Xingchen that Master Guang would only summon the Xisigui if child was dead and if the child was alive he could summon the Xisigui himself with him(sl).

"Why would you say that?"

"When Master Guang was about to kill you, you had no fear of death. It looked as if you were looking  forward to it in fact"

How could he let the fear control him? Song Lan tore off his bandage

"Where is Xingchen?"

"Go find him."

                                                                                     • • •

For the first time he realized how big the world was. The night sky was his favorite because the silver eyes reflected the stars. But this time he couldn't see those eyes as they were given to him. Song Lan made a vow to return him his eyes. He rather live in darkness than give darkness to his partner.

How much he regret not telling tales of angel when he (XXC)  insisted in the night.

How much he regret not telling him that he looked beautiful in the dress so bright.

How much he regret not telling him that his kisses brought him delight.

How much he regret not telling him that  his presence made everything alright. 

How much he regret telling him that he doesn't want to see his sight.

He will apologize to him and then.....

It was just the first gust, the unexpected disaster.

"Xue Yang!"

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Xiaoji - term used in brothel for big sister, mainly owner.

Baoernai - 2nd tier brothel

Desire is the kind of thing that eats you and leave you starving  by Nayyirah Waheed.

Sorry for Errors and thank you for reading.