Lottie's Point of View

The morning of my departure, I dreamed of exactly what I was leaving for. Well, it started as just a normal dream, anyway. It only soured into a nightmare once I found the truth I had unknowingly been struggling to face in consciousness.

It was a beautiful day in the dream. A gorgeous day, in fact. The sky was like a painting, a perfect shade of blue with the occasional wisp of white cloud. The air was warm like a subtle breath of spring and sent a breeze fluttering across endless grass. My office looked identical to the office that I had once held in the HHDA while Niko and Wardell worked together in a shared office upstairs. It was the image of a perfect morning—The slowness of the day creeping further and further with the lack of responsibility sinking onto my shoulders, a productive session of composing an essay-type document with words that had since vanished from memory upon waking, and the drawling of soft classical music in the background of my work. At some point, I had thought to myself that with the joy I found there, I never wanted to go back home again.

Later on, Wardell had brought me a few envelopes from the mail in his usual few-word demeanor. Two of the three envelopes had also promptly slipped from memory, though one stood out to me. At the time, it wasn't anything more than an element of the unusual dream logic, but I realized the truth once my eyes flung open once again. It was a black-rimmed envelope in dark text, addressed to me from what must have symbolized my own home address. This was, if only in the dream, a notion of a terrible occurrence from home. A frightening accident, a sudden dilemma, a dire emergency, or even loss.

My eyes fluttered open with Uncle Lyle locked into my mind. If I left him alone today, there was no telling what would have happened. He hadn't spent his life alone in over twenty years. Both of his daughters moved out at different times in the nineties, someone else he had once cared deeply about disappeared on him in the middle of the night in the early two-thousands, but then I had taken their places when I was seven. Not only that, but this time he didn't even have his work to distract himself. He was going to be alone at home day after day. Once I was gone, what was going to become of him?

With rotating thoughts of abandoning someone I had spent almost my entire life with as well as the envelope that burned into my memory from the dream screaming out into my subconscious, I soon found myself gripping my pillow close to my chest and shuddering with silent sobs that squeezed from my eyes and dripped down onto the fabric of the pillowcase. Once the first tears had snuck down my face, it was as though I had opened up a dam and every ounce of the emotion pressing down onto me was being unleashed through monstrous waterworks. The darkness that enclosed me set its prying eyes on me as I cried, clinging to my pillow as if it were everything I dreaded to let go from my life here and spilled out my soul with springing tears that wouldn't stop.

I blinked and everything was still again. The darkness was still. The air was still. My breath was still. The dampness still streaked across my cheeks and my arms still clenched my pillow, but the tears had vanished and an empty sense of uncoiling desolation in the depths of my chest replaced them. The moment was still, just as suddenly as it had wreaked havoc just minutes ago, but my mind raced with thoughts.

Maybe I could have canceled it. Maybe I could have canceled everything. Forfeited my plane ticket, ordered my belongings back, and fired Niko and Wardell just to spend more time with the animal that raised me. It was a compelling argument to slip out the easy way, but I had spent half a year preparing for this already. I had given work and purpose to those who had been struggling. There was no way out of it. Somehow, I had to move on. But the problem was that I wasn't quite so sure if I could have managed it.

I needed to see him. I needed to be with him. It wasn't the first time I would have escaped my bedroom to resort to the comfort of his company. Actually, it wasn't even the hundredth, maybe not even the thousandth. I was one of the countless animals in the world cursed by regular nightmares tearing through my sleep schedule by means of wrestling with past trauma, or kithood trauma, in my case. I appreciated the comfort zone of keeping the news to myself, deeply locked away where I wouldn't need to talk about it, but I had fallen into a pattern over the years of taking to my uncle's bedroom after a nightmare to accompany him in his bed to soothe me back to sleep. I didn't need to explain myself, but he understood. He always understood.

I withdrew my arms from the pillow, shakily rising to a seated position to glance over at the lights of the alarm clock on the nightstand slicing through the darkness. It was seven minutes past one in the morning. It was the fifth. The day had already arrived. I slowly untangled myself from the blankets of my bed, climbed out onto my carpeted floor, and carried myself through the hall to reach Uncle Lyle's bedroom with soft footsteps. The door was cracked open when I arrived—His own habit after mine had begun to arise—So I carefully eased it open to find him resting peacefully in bed. With the dimness that hung over the room, it was impossible to tell whether he was awake or asleep.

"Uncle Lyle?" I whispered, but my voice broke before I could gulp it back. I thought the tears had gone, but as soon as I spoke his name, they were welling up in my eyes again, building up an achy lump in my throat. How was I supposed to let him go if I couldn't even speak to him without crying?

Uncle Lyle shifted hesitantly as if he wasn't sure if someone had spoken or not, slowly easing himself to a seated position. He drew in a deep breath to wake himself up as he looked at me—His glasses rested on the side table and not on his face, so I wasn't sure how well he could see me—Before he noticed the situation.

"Hey, what's going on?" He murmured, reaching out his arms to invite me into a hug. "Come here."

The tears already shuddered in my eyes before I even had the chance to move. I climbed up onto the bed, settling into a seat on my knees and allowing myself to be gently wrapped up in my uncle's arms. I gulped down a jagged breath of air as he held me close to him in a tender hug, trying to speak and explain what was happening, but he softly shushed me to soothe me as he laid a paw across the back of my head.

"Are you dreaming about him again?" Uncle Lyle mumbled as I sniffled within my tears. He didn't even need to say the name—And of course, I was far more comfortable that he didn't—For me to understand who he spoke of. The same repulsive kitsune that had tainted my dreams ever since I was a kit. That was all thanks to my mom and dad, due to their questionable discipline techniques.

"No," I whimpered. Uncle Lyle was patient, running his paw across the back of my head in short, comforting scratches. "It's not that."

"Okay," Uncle Lyle murmured in response. He didn't pry for the answers. He never pried, just held me close until my tears had run their course. But if I answered, he comforted.

"I just don't know if I want to do this," I confessed. "I don't know if I want to leave. Everything is changing so fast. I was so excited about going on this new adventure, but I just don't want it to look like I'm so excited to leave here."

"I know, Lottie," Uncle Lyle mumbled. "I know. I never thought of it that way for a second."

"Okay, but what happens after I leave?" I whispered. My breath caught on the word leave, sending wavering sobs through my voice as I continued to speak. "I don't want to leave you. What if something happens while I'm gone and I can't be with you? What if something happens to you?"

"I'm fine," Uncle Lyle promised me gently. "I'm always fine and I'm always going to continue to be fine. If there's anything you need to know, I'll get a message to you. I understand that it's scary and it feels so unknown and unpredictable, but remember, everything is under control. You made sure of that."

"But you're going to be alone," I protested. "I'm going off to live on this island I've never even seen before and you're going to be here alone. You haven't been alone since..."

My voice trailed off. While I had a name we refused to speak, so did my uncle. He knew what I was talking about, as I did for him. The memory wasn't mine, but it immediately surfaced as if I had witnessed it for myself. My uncle knew solitude like no other after loving someone with every ounce of his soul only to be completely abandoned by them in the middle of the night.

"But I'm not," Uncle Lyle said calmly, carefully withdrawing from the embrace to look me in the face and hold me at arm's length. My eyes had begun to adjust to the darkness, strengthening my sight of his face in front of mine. "We're probably going to be calling so frequently that I won't even have the time to feel lonely. Even then, the thought of you keeps me company. And Maisie and Tucker are only a phone call away, as well. I can even go and visit Digby at Happy Home if I feel like it."

"But it's not going to be us anymore," I whispered.

"You know what, though? It's okay," Uncle Lyle said. He reached up a paw, delicately brushing my bangs out of my eyes before resting it on my arm again. "Today, you're going to go out and you're going to change the world. You're probably going to enjoy it so much that you'll hardly even think of me. I'm so happy that you got the chance to do something like this and went for it. Just remember that the farther you make it in the world, the happier I'll be. I'm very proud of you."

My tears were slowing again. I sniffled again, but the lump in my throat had eased. I swept my paw across my tearstained face to dry the moisture before I allowed myself to be closed into another hug again. I put my head down on my uncle's shoulder, sensing the shadows of drowsiness slowly sink in again now that I had finally regained control over my emotions, but I lost the opportunity to mention it as he spoke instead.

"I remember something he told me once," Uncle Lyle murmured as he held me close. I could nearly feel the vibrations of his voice bleeding into my own chest from our warm embrace. "Back when we were still happy together. So, closer to the start of our relationship. Honeymoon phase and all that. I don't remember the exact words, but I remember him saying something like, someone can only know for sure what they can make with their life if they take the risks for it. It makes a lot of sense, actually. If you sit in one place and never leave your comfort zone, you're never going to get anywhere with your life. Sometimes you just gotta head towards what you want and refuse to consider anything that could stop you. We just have to take a breath and remember where we are."

. . .

"Boarding for flight 137-A departing at seven forty-three A.M. will begin in approximately twenty minutes. Please make sure you have your ticket and all of your belongings with you before boarding. Thank you."

The sunlight bleeding through the windows of the airport threatened to sear against my sore, tired eyes as I first stepped through the door with Uncle Lyle. The only airport that I could manage to book a flight to the island to was a miniature sized, single-aircraft station at the edge of the land. The first room upon emerging through the front door was all the same room for waiting, sitting, and boarding, at least for an opening that led to a hall in the back where the plane would have been waiting.

Orange and green tiles spread across the floor beneath our feet, supporting the occasional row of blue chairs for waiting and a matching blue counter next to the back opening where all of the work was completed. For such an infrequent, idle room, the two of us made up half of the population already there. A dodo bird in a white aviation uniform, a black headset, and a printed name tag that read Orville stood behind the counter at a computer, likely working through the logistics of the flight to ensure everything was correct. Wardell had also already arrived before the two of us, neglecting a seat as he stood near the boarding exit and dressed in his button-up uniform and a black backpack—I myself had arrived only a quarter before seven, how long had he been here?

I had ducked through the main door bundled up in a puffy pink coat for the brisk temperatures and rolling a plum-colored suitcase. I offered a polite wave to my manatee assistant, briefly introduced him to my uncle, and tucked my suitcase in next to my feet to claim a seat at the far left of the room. Uncle Lyle sat beside me at my right while I suggested Wardell take a seat on my other side, but he preferred to stand. I settled into my seat, delicately tucking in my suitcase next to my feet as my uncle lowered himself into the seat to my right.

"Well," Uncle Lyle said, plopping his paws down onto his lap as he looked at me. Even though it was just the airport he was traveling to today, he had decided to remain loyal to his business-casual style upon dressing in a set of black pants and a long-sleeved button-up white shirt. "This is it. How are you feeling?"

How was I feeling? The problem was that I genuinely wasn't sure. I let my gaze slowly sweep across the room, bouncing from sight to sight as if the answer was sprawled across the walls. The soft morning sunlight cast across the tile. The empty rows of chairs lined through the room in the young hour. The white walls that boxed us in. Wardell standing positioned near the exit gate without so much of a word as if he were only a statue. The rapid clicking of the dodo bird typing at his tall computer behind the counter. The light, tingly air of anticipation and travel. It was like I was here too early. That was how I was feeling. That the departure date was still the fifth of November but I was back somewhere in July.

"That I'm not supposed to be here," I admitted.

I sat awake and somewhat alert here at the airport at seven o'clock, but my day had already begun three hours ago. I had requested the night before that Uncle Lyle wake me between four and four thirty to allow me time to both pack and get ready. It might not have been a very smart move to leave packing for the day of, but considering it was only the essentials I had left to pack, I found it acceptable. Uncle Lyle shook me awake at eleven past four, him already being fully awake beforehand and me swaying to a drowsy consciousness in his bed after having him comfort me last night from my nightmarish thoughts like I was still a kit. I climbed out of bed, rinsed in a brief shower, slipped into my new dress, and put up my hair just as I always did.

Packing began promptly and took no longer than half an hour. I stuffed everything away into my suitcase, rearranged everything inside as my uncle provided me with tips on how to efficiently pack one's belongings, and zipped it up. While Uncle Lyle took to the kitchen to prepare breakfast for us, I went to my bedroom to further ensure it was like I never had a presence there. I dusted the windowsill, splashed some water onto my potted tulip, made up my bed and plucked a small piece of brown fur from the blankets to do so, and shielded my ears with noise-canceling headphones to vacuum my carpeted floor. When I stepped through my doorway again, leaving a room that looked like I had never lived there at all, I didn't have the faintest idea when I would be back again.

The kitchen lights seemed almost yellow in the early hour as I arrived for breakfast. My suitcase, standing upright, had been set up near the door for when we would leave. I sat down with Uncle Lyle at the table, where we enjoyed a breakfast of blueberry oatmeal and savored our last moments together in our home. We left home at five thirty under a dark sky before the sun had even risen, leaving a little over an hour to ourselves before we needed to be at the airport. We stopped for a cup of tea in a small cafe, kept each other company for a lengthy leisurely period of time, and set off for the airport.

"Boarding for flight 137-A departing at seven forty-three A.M. will begin in approximately twenty minutes. Please make sure you have your ticket and all of your belongings with you before boarding. Thank you."

The sound of the dodo bird's voice booming through the room drew my attention back to the moment. I first snuck a glance up at the clock—Ten to seven—And then at the electronic board of flight information above the gate. On a blue-tinted screen of information, the board laid out the flight number, the time of departure, the status of punctuality, and the number of registered guests to use the flight. Given that the number was 2 for Wardell and me, it seemed that we were about to enter a completely empty plane. It was a seaplane, however, a plane built to balance on the water for island outskirt landings, and those were considerably smaller than ground planes.

"Twenty minutes, huh?" Uncle Lyle mumbled. "I'm hoping Digby gets here soon, then. Not much later and he won't have the chance to say goodbye."

Since Digby's shift at the HHDA didn't strictly begin until eight o'clock, he promised to join me at the airport to tell me goodbye. At the end of the workday yesterday, we had exchanged the necessary information—I let him know when the flight was leaving and he let me know that he would be here around seven o'clock. While it did leave some time still, if he were only ten minutes behind schedule it would have been too late.

"Oh, speaking of goodbyes." Uncle Lyle quickly shifted in his seat as if remembering something, reaching into his shirt pocket and withdrawing a small gray box. "I, uh... I got you a little something for you to take on your way. It's like a going-away present. I thought you'd like it. It's kind of awkward to physically hand over a gift to someone, so why don't you just open it real quick?"

I accepted the box from his paw, holding it in my own to gently pry the top off. Laying across the cotton that blanketed the bottom were two pieces of accessories, bracelets to be exact, clearly a matching set and nearly identical. One was knit-wrapped in a sort of sea-blue and the other was almost the same if not for a flawless white hibiscus flower sewn into it for decoration. It was fake, of course, but looked perfectly similar.

"I'm pretty sure they were both designed to be worn on your wrists, but I was thinking you could wear one on your wrist and another in your hair, like that bow of yours," Uncle Lyle pointed out, glancing towards the spotted hair bow that had been gifted to me twelve years ago fixed into the bun on the top of my head. "I thought it was about time to change that out after so long."

"Maybe you're right," I agreed, balancing the box on my knee as I reached up to unwind the hair band which held the bow into my hair. "I think I'll put it on right now. Will you hold onto my bow for me?"

"Of course," Uncle Lyle said.

His gaze lingered on me as I eased the bow from my hair, sent my paws across my bun to make sure it was still intact, and finding it so, outstretched the bow to him. He took the bow from me, freeing up my paws to wrap the hibiscus band around my hair, squeezing and tugging until it was rigidly in place.

"How is that?" I inquired, tucking my paw through the second band to fit it to my wrist.

Uncle Lyle paused, studying my new appearance. He reached up, fidgeted with the flower sitting atop my head, and pulled away again.

"Looks great," he told me.

Our conversation was abruptly cut off by the sound of the main door swinging open. The two of us turned to see Digby emerging through the glass doorway, his floppy ears swinging at the sides of his head as his gaze swept the room. He had already dressed up in his own work uniform, given that he had to be at work in an hour. Our eyes met for only a moment as the door swung shut before I stole a glance at my uncle beside me, silently searching for permission to abandon the conversation to greet him, and he nodded.

I didn't waste a second. I clambered up from my seat as Digby was already stepping across the patches of sunlight to meet me. My sandals slapped against the hard tile in my haste to reach the other end of the room, breaking off into a dash with my first steps, and flung my arms around Digby as we crashed into a gripping hug. I clutched him close, my arms locked unmoved around him, and felt him squeeze me so as to lift me off my feet for a few seconds before setting me down again. I sunk deeply into the warmth of his embrace, relishing in the sensation until he withdrew again.

"Hey there," Digby greeted cheerfully as he pulled away. "Are you excited?"

"Not to leave you," I told him.

"I'm not really excited about that either, but you're doing something so important," Digby reminded me. He appeared to notice the hibiscus band wrapped around my hair bun, reaching up to examine it closer. "This is new."

"I just had it gifted a few minutes ago," I explained.

"It's beautiful," Digby said, dropping his paw again. "And so are you. I was hoping I wouldn't arrive too late to see you."

"There's still about fifteen minutes until boarding, so we've got a bit of time," I said.

"Okay," Digby replied. "Do you want to sit down again? I'll sit with you."

And so, Digby, Uncle Lyle, and I sat together to wait for boarding. A second dodo bird had emerged from the opening to the gate, one with a pair of thick sunglasses perched on his beak, and he rested his wing casually against the opening frame to converse softly with the dodo behind the counter. My eyes flicked between the clock and the punctuality status on the board, watching the minutes tick by and continuously ensuring that the flight was still on time. None of us spoke as we waited, silently anticipating the final departure announcement. Seven o'clock turned into five past seven and then ten past seven.

Movement across the room snagged my focus a hint after ten past. The dodo in the doorway had removed his wing from the frame and was shuffling back into the opening again. The dodo behind the counter was adjusting the microphone from his headset to speak into it.

"Boarding for flight 137-A departing at seven forty-three A.M. will begin in approximately two minutes. Please begin to make your way to the gate in an orderly fashion and wait for the announcement to board. Thank you for your patience."

"Well, I suppose this is it, then," Digby mumbled as the three of us carefully climbed to our feet.

I bent down to straighten up my suitcase again as Uncle Lyle tucked my old bow away into his shirt pocket, snapping open the handle to prepare to roll it. I noticed Wardell's movement near the gate for the first time in about twenty minutes, simply turning his head to glance over at the dodo bird behind the counter. I jolted my zipper to zip my coat the full way and slipped a paw into my pocket to fish out my boarding pass. Uncle Lyle and Digby were already drifting towards the middle of the room to the waiting area, so I followed, rolling my suitcase across the tile to where they stood.

"Lottie," Digby said. I turned to face him, leaving one paw resting over the elevated handle of my suitcase and the other gripping my ticket, to find him already watching me. "I just want you to know that you've made such a big difference here. Both professionally and personally. That won't ever be forgotten. I can tell you're going to make a big difference where you're headed next."

"Thank you," I told him. "It's just a little scary to leave."

"I know. I definitely get that. But you need to remember how strong you are." Digby reached up to cradle my face in his paws as if to hold me still. I could nearly see the entire room reflected in his dark eyes. "Do you promise to call me every so often? I want to hear everything."

"I'll call every night," I promised.

"Even better," Digby replied. "Can I kiss you before you go?"

After a soft murmur of acceptance that was evidently still loud enough for Digby to catch, he kept his paws against the sides of my head to draw me into a gentle kiss. The sights of the airport surrounding us descended into darkness as my eyes fluttered shut, easily absorbing myself into the warmth of the kiss for the few seconds that it lasted. Just seconds later, he slowly withdrew again, hesitant to release my head and staring down into my face in the quietness of the room.

"I love you so much," he whispered.

"I love you too," I whispered back.

Digby fully withdrew again, sliding his paws from my cheeks and retreating a few small steps to offer me space. When he glanced over my shoulder at my uncle behind me, I realized that it was time to say goodbye to him as well. I turned around again, catching my uncle's gaze as he watched me in wait to exchange our last words. We didn't need to say anything at all before our arms locked around each other, holding each other close in our final moments together.

"Are you okay?" I murmured.

"Of course," Uncle Lyle muttered. A surge of comfort relaxed me at the sound of his gentle voice. "Always."

"I'm going to miss you so much," I confessed.

"I already told you," Uncle Lyle reminded me in a mumble, shifting in the embrace to hold me just a little bit tighter. "You're going to be just fine without me. It's going to be a lot different without you, though. I stand by everything I've told you, last night and at any point of development. I figured this day was bound to happen at some point, but of course, I never want you to go away. I've been dreading this day for a while now."

"Are you going to be okay?" I asked him. "After I leave?"

"I am," Uncle Lyle answered. "I just need to learn to let my little kit go."

"All right, boarding for flight 137-A departing at seven forty-three A.M. will begin now. Please get your passes scanned before entering the gate and boarding the plane. This flight will be departing in approximately thirty minutes."

I pulled away again, looking into the face of my uncle. Seeing him in front of me right now, it was next to impossible to process that it was the last time I would have seen him in months, maybe even years. Years and years of history behind us about to come to an end. Every frigid winter. Every tranquil spring. Every carefree summer. Every nostalgic autumn. Every meal spent at the table. Every sluggish morning and lesson of homeschooling. Every trip and fall. Every lecture, every compliment. Every bout of illness that seemed to last forever. Every golden day of kithood that I looked upon and missed as a so-called adult. Every paw hold, every tender hug. He had raised me for the majority of my life, guiding me through every moment of life and watching over me to become the animal I was today. He wasn't going to be in my life anymore.

"Go," he told me.

A mechanical whirring pulled my attention back to the gate. A set of yellow blockades were slowly gliding open to reveal entry through the opening to the gate. The dodo bird behind the counter had taken out a scanner, ready to scan the boarding passes. Wardell was still standing in the same place that I had left him, holding his boarding pass between his flippers, though his hesitance told me that he was waiting for me to go first. So I adjusted my puffy coat, gripped the raised handle of my suitcase, and rolled it to the front of the room.

The next few minutes crept by in a sort of numb blur. I outstretched my ticket to the dodo bird, listened to the beep as it was scanned, and was politely ushered forward by the flap of a wing. I emerged into the opening, shuffling across the smoothness of carpeted floor that gradually turned into the hard surface of the gate itself where my suitcase clicked and clacked across it. I entered the plane amidst the greeting of the second dodo bird in the entrance—Now I was certain he was the pilot—To the sight of no more than four empty rows and two seats in each row on either side. The pilot assisted me in hoisting my suitcase into the overhead compartment before I plopped down into a window seat in the middle of the plane, snapping my seatbelt shut as Wardell settled into the seat next to me.

"Look," Wardell murmured as his own seatbelt popped shut. He had turned his gaze to the round window to my right. "Beautiful."

I glanced out the window to check what he was referring to. From the angle that the window pointed, the only thing in sight was the water. Endless, sparkling, and tumbling. We were sitting at the edge of the island, after all. We were looking out across the ocean. And soon, we would be gliding right over it.

The intercom crackled on, giving way for the pilot's deep voice as he began his usual friendly introduction, thanking Wardell and me for being passengers of the flight and letting us know that it would last an hour and sixteen minutes, setting landing at an approximate nine o'clock, give or take a few minutes. He even thanked us by name, given that we were the only passengers on the flight. I gazed out the window as the plane left the gate, slowly drifting along the water to prepare for liftoff while the introduction carried on. Wardell didn't seem to take much interest in them, though, as he already sat with his face buried in a thick book with a dark cover that held large words on it titling "A Dire Misfortune". I watched the shimmer of the sunlight against the rim of the water in silence, contemplating my next moves for when I would arrive at the island.

I had to have a plan before I sunk into disorientation of the new endeavor. Firstly, before anything, Niko had promised to meet the two of us at the dock. This would be the first time I would get to see him in person. Maybe even Henrietta would have been there, Niko's grandmother and the woman that started it all. Niko would show me to my office and my home. My work wouldn't officially begin until tomorrow, so at least I had that time to settle in. Once I arrived at my new home, I could decide what to do next.

As the plane rotated, the sight of the blue-painted airport revealed itself to me once again among the projecting gate. Digby and Uncle Lyle were probably still there, watching the plane take off into the sky and carry me away from them. If the tall windows weren't tinted from my side, I might have been able to see them. I pried for the image for as long as I could, staring out at the building until it surpassed the rim of the window. The plane was already increasing in speed, dividing the waves and shooting across the surface of the water. It was time for the flight to begin.

When the plane lifted up higher and higher into the cerulean skies, it didn't take long for everything I had ever known to disappear behind me.