I had previously thought of sex as something dirty. "Doing The Nasty". It had been drilled into my head that sex was something disgusting and taboo.
            That was my line of thinking until last night. I now realize that the right kind of sex isn't nasty at all. If you're doing it with someone you really love, then it's actually quite nice. It's just a physical representation of that love.
         At first we were both a bit self-conscious. Savannah about her legs and me about my fat, but we soon realized that none of that mattered. All that mattered was that we were there. Together. On that King-sized bed, making love.
          When I woke up this morning Savvy was already awake. She was just staring up at the ceiling. Lost in her thoughts, as usual. I smiled.
         "Good morning.", I said.
She looked away from the ceiling and down toward me.
          "Hey." she smiled at me.
          "Last night was......", I trailed off.
          "Amazing? Glorious? Awesome? Phenomenal? Incredible? Wondrous? Absolutely fantabulous?", she replied with a smirk.
          "Yes." We laughed.
We talked for a while about our plans. We decided not to stay here another night. I mean we could afford it, but that would just not be smart.
          "It only takes four and a half hours to get to New York City from here so we could be there today.", I told her.
          Her face lit up. She started to ramble on about all things we could do and things we could see and food we could eat and places we could go. I just smiled at her the whole time.
          "What?", she asked.
          "Have I ever told you that you are absolutely adorable?", I asked her.
          "No I don't think so, but you could just do it now.......", she replied.
          "You are absolutely adorable." I smiled. She scooted closer and I wrapped my arms around her. It felt good to have the warmth of her body pressed against mine. It felt good to know that she was mine. I feel pity on everyone else because they don't get Savannah and I do. Childish.
          I held her for a while until Ria woke up and started fussing
          "One two three not it!" Savvy said quickly.
         "Oh God, Savvy.", I rolled my eyes, but I still got up to tend to my sister. As soon as I picked her up she stopped crying, but she still looked upset. Probably hungry.
          I made her a bottle and changed her diaper all while Savannah lounged in bed.
         "Thanks for all your help.", I said over my shoulder.
          "Oh, but I am handicapped. I cannot even stand! How dare you expect me to help!", she replied laughing.  I laughed too.
          Check Out is at twelve o'clock and it is currently eleven fifteen so I told Savannah to get her lazy ass up.
          "You were loving this lazy ass last night.", she said. I laughed and threw a pillow from the sofa at her.
          "Alright, alright I'm coming."
She expertly slipped from the bed into her wheel chair and wheeled into the bathroom to take a shower.
          While she was in there, I got Ria dressed. The baby looked up at me and smiled. I suddenly felt a jabbing pang of sadness.
"Your mama loved you, Ria. She really did. I'm sorry things had to be this way. I'm sorry you couldn't grow up swaddled in her love. I'm really sorry and I promise I will love you and care for you. I promise you will never go hungry or uneducated. I promise to raise you up to be strong and determined. I promise to be the best mother I can." Tears were rolling down my cheeks. What if I couldn't keep those promises? Little Ria stared up at me. Probably wondering what the hell I just said. She smiled and gurgled.
No. I had to keep those promises. I had to find a way. There is no other option.
Savannah came out of the bathroom. She was wearing capris and a tee shirt. The same outfit she had been wearing this whole trip. We really need to buy some clothes........
"All yours.", she said, referring to the bathroom. I walked over and placed Ria in her lap.
"All yours."
I walked into the bathroom. I was about to get undressed and turn on the shower, but the mirror caught my eye, I walked over to it and looked at my reflection. She stared back at me. Mimicking my every move.
She looked tired, but elated. I stared at her until I realized that staring into a mirror for ten minutes was not productive in any way. I undressed and stepped into the shower. I hadn't taken a shower in like two days. I know that doesn't sound like much, but to me showers are like oxygen. And how would you feel if you hadn't had oxygen for two days? Dead. Exactly.
When I got out I put back on my clothes. I felt mildly disgusted putting back on my dirty clothes, but I shoved that down and walked out of the bathroom.
Savannah was facing the window singing to Ria.
"These are their hearts, but their don't beat like ours. They burn cause the are all afraid. For every one of us, there's an army of them. But you'll never fight alone. Cause I wanted you to know. That the world is ugly, but you're beautiful to me....." She stopped there.
Savannah is singing My Chemical Romance to a small child. Jesus Christ.
"How To Raise An Emo Child. A new book by Savannah Marino." I Joked. She laughed and turned around.
"Would you rather me sing Megan Trainer? Cause I can do that if you'd like.", she replied.
"Heh heh, let's not get irrational here. I was just joking you really don't have to.", I replied nervously.
"Oh no, it's really no trouble.", she said.
"Please don't."
"BECAUSE YOU KNOW I'M ALL ABOUT THAT BASS, 'BOUT THAT BASS. NO TREBLE.", she sang loudly.
"I think I'm just gonna take a trip to the balcony. Oops, I meant a trip over the balcony.", I replied. She laughed. According to my watch it was eleven forty five.
"Let's go, chicas.", I said to Savannah and Ria.
We were headed out the door when Savannah stopped and looked around the room one last time.
"Someday we'll live in a place like this, Peaches.", she said,
"Yeah. Someday."