By the time we reached Greenville, Tennessee everyone in the car-except me because that just might be dangerous-was asleep. Ria had just had her bottle, which by the way, we had to stop to buy because we bought baby formula, but no bottle. We also had to buy a electric water kettle thing (to heat the water for her milk), a car plug extension (to actually plug in the kettle and to charge my phone which was giving us, well, me directions to NYC), and water which we somehow forgot.
Anyway so the bottle and a little bit if rocking put her right out. Savannah was dead tired. She said she hadn't slept in a while, thinking about me. She said it was all she could not to run out of her house in the middle of the night, kick my dad's ass, and take me away. All those nights I was there in my bed wishing she would do exactly that.
I look over into the passenger seat at beautiful sleeping Savannah and smile. Then I use the rear view mirror to look at my slumbering sister in the backseat, and my smile gets wider. I am suddenly filled with a sense of pride. Those two beautiful girls are my family. All mine. And in that very moment I swore to take care of them to the best of my ability.
I drive the next few hours in mind silence. There are no thoughts. There are colours. There is darkness. My head is resting on the steering wheel.........WHAT THE HELL, SERENA!
I snap upright quickly and look at the road. I had dozed off, and the Prius had drifted into the other lane. There was a sixteen wheeler coming up toward us fast. I quickly took control of the steering wheel and yanked us into the right lane in the nick of time. The truck drove by. I pulled over, leaned out the window, and threw all my fruit cocktail up. It was a glorious mixture of colour and a heinous mixture of smell. I leaned back in and rolled the window up. I think I should stop and sleep for the night, for the safety of everyone in this car.
I drive just a little longer. My mind is on hyper alert, and my adrenaline is running high from that damn near crash, I mean, what the hell would a frigging Prius do against a sixteen wheeler!
I stop at a rest stop and park on the very far end where there are spots to park for the night. I lock the car doors, hide the cash, and lean my seat all the way back. I do that for Savannah as well so that she doesn't wake up with neck pain.
The adrenaline has worn off and I am like, So. Fucking. Tired. I am almost asleep when I realize that I need to set an alarm on my phone so I can get up and drive. I set it for nine o'clock.
The last thing I think about is New York. How it's not as glamorous as most people seem to think. We have some hard days ahead of us, but make it in New York, and you can make it just about anywhere.......
................................................................
I wake to Gerard Way's voice:
"MAMA WE ALL GO HELL, MAMA WE ALL GO TO HELL. IM WRITING THIS LETTAH AND WISHING YOU WELL. MAMA WE ALL GO TO HELL....."
I open my eyes and sit up. I see that Savvy is already awake, and a pissed of little Ria was fussing in her arms.
"God, you were knocked out.", Savannah said when she noticed that I was awake, "Did you really not hear this little one crying at ungodly hours?"
I shake my head no.
"Damn, girl, that's a talent.", Savannah replied. I was gonna say something when I realized that Gerard was still singing.
"WELL MOTHER WHAT THE WAR DID TO MY LEGS AND TO MY TONGUE. YOU SHOULD OF HAVE RAISED A BABY GIRL, I SHOULD HAVE BEEN A BETTAH SON....."
I turn off the alarm. Why the hell would I choose "Mama" to wake up to? Damn, I was tired last night, speaking of.........
"Hey, something uh, happened last night while you guys were asleep. We um kind of almost had a head on collision with a sixteen wheeler.", I say to Savannah. She looks at me and so does Ria. She's still pretty upset.
"What the hell, Serena? Are you alright?", she asks. She looked like if I had said no she would find that truck driver and make him sorry even though it was CLEARLY my fault.
I tell Savvy the whole story.
"I wish I could drive so you wouldn't be all tired and stressed, but I can't cause.......", she looks like she's about to cry.
I take Ria and put her in her car seat. She is fussing louder now because she was being ignored. I scooted over into the passenger seat to sit next Savannah. I lift her chin with one hand and wipe her tears with the other.
"Listen to me, none of this is your fault. And I don't just mean last night. I mean the fact that your legs are paralyzed and the fact that we are running away from my evil father with a newborn baby in the backseat. Don't blame yourself for every little hiccup along the way. And if you need a scapegoat, use my dad. God knows he derserves it." Savannah smiles and kisses me. It is a sweet kiss and for a split second that seems to last hours, I can't hear, feel, or see anything or anyone else. There is no fussing Ria in the backseat. There was no sixteen wheeler. There was no wretched father. In that second all there ever was was me and Savannah. Then the second was over because Ria was crying so loud that other people in the rest stop parking lot were starting to stare. Our lips parted, reluctantly.
I reach into the backseat and grab Ria. I turn on the car to get the kettle heated up. Savvy pours water in it and we wait for it to get hot.
Once is finishes, I stir the formula in and wait for it to cool. While we're waiting Savannah is looking up places to get food on the GPS.
"Waffle House of Mickey D's.", she asks.
I sigh. Two restaurants that I'm not too fond of, and I have to choose one. Well, last time I went to a Waffle House, the waitress told my mom she was disgusting because she had a child with a black man. That kind of left a bad taste I my mouth. As did the food.
"I guess McDonalds.", I tell her.
Finally the milk was cool enough to give to Ria. I place the nipple into her mouth and she hungrily drinks. I give her to Savannah to feed so I can drive. I start driving. First exiting the parking lot, and then following directions to a McDonalds that is about two miles from here.
When Ria is done with her bottle, she is back to her smiley baby self. So I guess it's true.
You're not you when you're hungry. Snickers are the best.