Greya's POV...

To say I've been stressed about Lox regaining his memories is an understatement.

He remembers quite a lot now, which is great for him. It's great for our relationship too because he remembers how much we cared for each other before he was shot and he's more comfortable around me now; not afraid of showing me his vulnerable side. He remembers his friendships with Cohen and Declan and has been able to talk to Declan more.

The only part we all hate, is when his memories of Jack appear to him. They sneak up on him at every loud noise, when something breaks, when someone comes around a corner and startles him. He flinches again like he used to do and I want to cry for him, but I hold it in and wait for him to register that Jack's gone and he's safe around us. Jack was notorious for his surprise abuse tactics, no wonder Becker's first instinct when someone was near him was to avoid a possible hit.

Lox has had three seizures this week. It's Friday, with one more week of classes to go before winter break. Today will be his 8th session of biofeedback therapy and the thought of a 4th seizure is something I'm anxious about. The poor guy is always weak and tired after and it takes so much energy to function again.

I wish this was all over with so we can move forward. I want to be happy, I want him to be happy. I feel like I'm always living in the shadow of impending doom and something has to give in order to move beyond it. But, these therapy sessions aren't over yet.

I know exactly what he's hoping to remember after this session and it's the one thing out of any memory I pray he doesn't remember. It's the last missing piece to his puzzle and I wouldn't mind if the piece was lost forever.

Jingle Bells is playing and when I walk towards the living room. I pause to admire Lox giving Chase a piano lesson. He's been great with Chase, figuring out new techniques that work for his lack of sight. Lox is a natural teacher. I'm so happy watching these two.

"I really hope you move in with us." Chase says to him. I remain leaning against the door frame, listening to their conversation. Lox probably knows I'm here but sometimes I like to know what's going on in my 13 year old brothers mind.

"Are y...you sure you're okay with that?"

One very positive outcome from the biofeedback therapy has been Lox's improvement in his speech. That and singing has been helping too. This past week I've heard him say full sentences stuttering only once within each sentence. He's noticed it too and has been really upbeat about it. The only time he's stuttered more is after a seizure or if he's overly anxious about something, so I can agree the therapy has been working in many different ways.

"Greya will be much happier if you were here with us. She was so sad when you got shot, I want her to be happy again," Chase surprises me with his statement. I guess I need to work on being happier around Chase. Maybe he's sensing my nervousness because I don't feel sad anymore, only afraid I guess.

"I want h...her to be happy too. I also want y...you to be happy and not feel like I'm taking your sister's time away from y...you."

"Yes! I want you to move in and I'll get to visit Liam at college. We don't have any family except for our friends. You and Liam are our family."

"Thanks little m...man."

"Hey! You used to call me that! You remember?"

"Yeah, I r...remember."

"Awesome!"

Chase is so excited for him, it melts my heart.

"I'm sleeping at my friend's house tonight so I need to go pack," Chase tells him as he stands up from the piano bench and walks my way.

"Hey bud, you're getting picked up in a half hour, okay?" I playfully mess his hair with my fingers as he attempts to walk past me.

"Okay. And Lox said he'll move in with us."

"He said that huh?" I ask teasingly.

"Yup, isn't that great?"

"Sure is! Now go get ready."

Lox is turned around in the piano bench, smiling at me as I move towards him.

"We'll leave for your session right after Chase leaves," I say and stop directly in front of him. He reaches for my hand and holds it.

"You heard everything w...we said, didn't you?"

"Yeah. You don't know how thrilled I am that you're moving in."

"I have an i...idea."

"I can't believe how much Chase has picked up from the few piano lessons you've given him!"

"He's a n...natural."

"Like you. You're both great at so many things."

He pulls me down to sit across his lap and I'm awarded with the softest kiss.

"I've always loved y...you, for the last nine years, e...even if I forgot for three of them," he smiles and we kiss again.

"All those times I toyed with y...you about who will score the most goals, I did it t...to push you to become the best you could be. I realize now I did it because y...you were the one who pushed me to be better. I never thought I was deserving of y...you and hoped one day I would be."

My hands automatically reach for his face and my fingers trace the contour of his features. Words alone can't express what he means to me and Lox needs to feel how important he is so he no longer associates physical touch with pain.

"You've always been deserving  and I'm always going to help you see that."

"I'm ready Grey!" Chase unknowingly interrupts our moment together. We both laugh.

"Okay, I'm going to make sure he has everything," I say and give Lox one more peck on the lips.

"I'm gonna get r...ready too."

Chase's friend arrives to pick him up. I talk to his parents for a few minutes, making sure they're all set for the night.

"Bye Lox! See you tomorrow!"

I turn around and Lox is at the front door, making his way to my car.

"See y...you little man."

We have a forty minute drive to his appointment in the L.A. traffic. I don't mind it because I consider it 'alone time'.

"So...I was hoping to surprise y...you, but I might need your help now." He clears his throat and continues. "I'm performing for the L.A. Christmas Palooza concert."

"Oh my God! Really? That's incredible B! What are you performing?" I'm so excited. This is huge for him.

"I'm playing f...four songs on the piano and singing one. That's w...why I've been practicing the same songs over and over."

"I thought that was your way of getting into the Christmas spirit," I chuckle, making him smile.

"So, what do you need help with?"

"I've been w...working on not needing help, but I can only get through two of the songs, then m...my hand and f...fingers stop cooperating. I might need y...you to help me stretch or something f..first and help me quickly get them moving again after the second song?" He shrugs and looks down at his left hand, his fingers curled.

I slip my hand into his and weave our fingers together.

"I'll do what ever you need me to do. Are you going to need me on stage with you or ..."

He shakes his head. "I w...won't be on open stage. I'll be playing behind a curtain while there are dancers performing f...for the audience. I'm not ready for everyone to w...watch me. So y...you can sit with me the entire time if y...you'd like."

"Of course I'll do that! Anything! I'm so proud of you and happy you're doing this. Important people in the music industry will be there listening to your amazing talent. Who knows what they'll offer you after."

"Slow down, Love. Let's see how w...well my left hand holds up to the long performance before I make any future decisions."

"You'll do amazing, I know you will.... You know, I did always wonder why you liked to compete with me. You said you realize why now, but back then I thought you were good at everything, you didn't need to have a competition with me. I mean, I didn't know what made you sad and I didn't know about your home life, but one thing I knew was how exceptionally talented and smart you were. Still are."

"Thanks, Love. I knew y...you saw me for me, w...without prying or judging. Y...you've always looked at me in a w...way no one else ever h...had. I've survived because of y...you."

I squeeze his hand. "I love you."

"I love y...you back. And I'm sorry for making y...you so anxious about these biofeedback sessions. I only h...have two more after today. They've worked so far... besides the seizures."

"I agree. They've really helped with your speech too! You're doing really well B. You barely stutter and only do with certain letters, like words that begin with Y, W, F mostly. I wonder if those are common letters involved in stuttering?"

"I don't know, maybe. It feels good being able to speak more normally, especially w...when I'm talking with y...you."

"I'm so proud of you for putting yourself out there and doing something you love."

"W...when is it going to be y...you, doing something y...you love?"

"What do you mean?"

"I remember being in y...your kitchen and seeing a stack of college offers to play soccer. Y...you needed convincing so y...you'd accept the top choice and continue to play the game y...you love. Now y...you've been avoiding making the decision to play for the national team. Do y...you want to play f...for that team?"

He remembers too much now. He's right though. He is partially paralyzed and has a brain injury and is going to be performing for thousands of people because he has a talent he should be sharing with the world. It's only fair that I make a decision to do the same. Too many reasons are stopping me. Or maybe they're not reasons, but excuses. Either way, my situation is a difficult one because I have Chase, and I have Lox. Although, I'll never make him feel responsible for what I choose to do.

"I've always wanted to see how far I could go. I guess It's been a dream that I've put in the background ever since my parents died. It's a lot of traveling for games and I have to take care of Chase. What's he supposed to do when I'm away so much?"

"Y...you're not alone in this Love. We can make it w..work. We could travel with y...you. I'll be with him. Between me, Fynn, Cohen, Ari, Declan, w...we have it covered. The national team is a great opportunity and y...you shouldn't pass it up when all of us are here to help y...you. Plus, Chase w...would think it's pretty cool having a sister who plays with the pros."

"I'll think about it." That's all I ever do is think about it and all the pros and cons. A decision would be nice. One less thing to stress about.

"Promise me y...you w..will."

I squeeze his hand. "I promise."

In no time at all, we enter the parking lot and find a spot near the entrance. Lox has been using his crutch when he walks anywhere because his leg has been weaker than normal after so many seizures. Still, he believes the outcome of this therapy outweighs all the risks and side effects and he's not giving up.

He struggles to get out of the car, so I have him wrap his arm around me while he stands on one leg, waiting for his other leg to register with his brain.

He sighs out of frustration with his body. He thinks he's putting me out of my way when he requires my help.

"I w...won't always be like this, I promise. I'm going to do more physical therapy so I can be better."

I look up at him and tighten my grip around his waist.

"You know I love you no matter what. This right here, waiting for you to be able to walk, isn't an inconvenience. Not in any way. I think it's great you want to do more PT, it will always benefit you, but don't think you need to work harder to be better for me."

"I'll always want to be better f...for y...you. If I can't walk, then it will be something else because y...you deserve the best of me." He leans down and kisses my forehead.

While we're distracted, his left leg straightens enough where he can plant his foot onto the ground. I grab his crutch and hand it to him.

"We should get inside before we get too sappy," I joke with him. I'm really not looking forward to this session.

Dr. Glenwood does the biofeedback therapy and attaches wires to his forehead, temples, and two to the base of his skull. There's a TV screen in front of him and before he begins, I remind him that he can see us through the glass window in the next room. I give him a kiss, telling him how much I love him.

He smiles at me through the glass window and gives Dr. Glenwood a thumbs up.

For twenty minutes I sit in a chair and watch and listen. Dr. Glenwood makes different scenarios appear on the screen in front of Lox and he's supposed to use his brainwaves to control what happens in each one.

After another five minutes passes, Lox isn't moving, he's staring straight at me, but I'm not what he's looking at.

"Loxley? Tell me what you see?" The doctor asks him. No response. Instead, Lox squeezes his eyes shut and his chest begins to rise and fall with a quick pace.

"Loxley, can you hear me? The doc tries again with no results.

"What's happening to him? I haven't seen him do this before!" I'm nervous and ready to bust into the room and unhook him from the wires.

"I'm not sure. Maybe an intense memory. Loxley?"

He's remembering what he came here to remember! No!
Not something that should ever be re-lived and he's re-living it right here.

Lox's body jerks, his arm extends with his palm up like he's motioning to stop. His eyes open again, brilliant blue color clouded with pure fear. He still can't see me or the doctor.

Just when I'm about to shout his name, he covers his face with his arm and kicks back so hard that he tumbles backwards with his chair and hits the floor with a thud.

My heart practically jumps into my throat. All I can think about is that he hit his head. I reach him faster than what's normally humanely possible and crouch down beside his head, checking for blood or signs of trauma.

The doctor kneels beside us and removes all the wires and helps me move the chair and fix Lox's posture so he's lying on his back. I don't see any blood or feel any bumps when I examine his head.

"B? Open your eyes. It's me, Greya. You're safe now," I try.

My heart returns to its normal place when Lox opens his eyes and searches my face. I run my fingers through his hair while he takes his time sorting out his reality.

His eyes find mine and this time he's looking at the real me. Immediately, his beautiful blues become
glassy and fill with tears he works hard at holding back.

He just experienced that horrific night all over again and everything he's forgotten has finally clicked. He reaches up and touches my face like he doesn't believe I'm here and then the fear returns and if he's not gonna cry, I will.

Lox attempts to sit up, so I move behind him and have him rest his back against my chest and his head on my shoulder while I hold him.

He's yet to say anything and it's driving me crazy with worry.

I have one arm wrapped around the front of him and my other arm cradling his head while my fingers continue to comb through his hair. Our cheeks brush together and we stay like this until I can't take his silence any longer. I need to know he's okay.

"I'm sorry you had to experience that again. Talk to me so I know what you're feeling."

Another quiet minute passes. The doctor patiently watches us.

"I love you. What ever it is, you can tell me."

"H...he, he knows wh...who I a...am."