Lox's POV...

If someone were brave enough to ask me what it's like being crippled and having no recollection of how I became this way or how I was before, I'd tell them it's fuckin Hell! Like God's played a trick on me by dropping me from of the sky as a grown 19 year old, had forgotten to attach one of my arms and legs to my body, and wired my brain incorrectly.

On top of all that, I woke up in the hospital to a family I didn't know and only had a teenage boy claiming to be my brother by my side for three years while I was recovering.

Am I really brave and strong like people now refer to me as? Hell no! Those three years I was scared shitless wondering why I was dropped onto this earth in that condition. There had to be a purpose, a reason why I needed to play this cruel game. I never found the reason but I wasn't going to lay as an invalid in a hospital bed forever. My purpose has been to work hard and force my body to function as normal as possible and if not for me, it was for the sixteen year old boy who stayed and helped me day in and day out. I owe him whatever I can give him. Liam deserves a life, a real college experience and living on campus, real friends his age, play a sport if he'd like, find a girlfriend. He missed out on so much already and it's my turn to return the favor.

There are just a few more things I need to do before making it happen for him. I need my memories back for one. I need to visit my grandfather, and I need to know my father isn't searching for me. I need to know who I am and I can't do that unless I remember.

What Declan said to me a few days ago confirms how important it is to remember my past and only then can I move on in the present and future. Liam won't like it, Greya won't like the idea, even I don't like the idea of remembering all the shit Jack did to me, but I must and that's all there is too it.

"You're really quiet, what's on your mind?" Greya says as we're already half way back to L.A. Cohen driving, Jess in the passenger seat while Greya and I are in the back. Chase and Liam are getting a ride with Fynn and Tim.

"I'm f...fine, just th...thinking is all." I grab her hand and hold it in mine.

"Is it what Declan said?"

Cohen's eyes become visible in the rear view mirror. He wants to know what's up with Declan and I too. Admitting the last few days being around Declan was awkward is easy to say. Still, we were amicable and Thanksgiving dinner was delicious and I'm grateful to have spent it with the people I've come to love.

"I'm g...going to try s...something that might h...help me get my memories b...back," I cautiously say.

Cohen looks back at me again and I hear Greya take a deep breath and hold it for awhile before releasing it slowly and squeezing my hand.

"Tell us about it," she calmly says. God I love this girl. I know she hates the idea but she's giving me an opportunity to explain why I want this.

I squeeze her hand this time with appreciation.

"It's c...called biofeedback therapy. M...my physical therapist r...recommended I g...give it a try. There's a good ch...chance I'll regain m...my memory with this th...therapy."

"Are there side effects?"

She's not going to like this either.

"Probably. We w...won't know until I s...start the therapy."

Everyone's quiet. I need their support. I'm doing this for them as well as myself.

"I n...need to do this Grey. I n...need to r...remember." My voice cracks slightly as I swallow the lump lodged in my throat.

"I know you do. I can't imagine not having my memories and as much as we'd rather you not have to relive what jack did to you, if doing this helps you feel whole again, I'll support you and we can deal with the side effects if they happen."

"Yes, we'll all support you and help you in any way we can," Cohen offers his support as well.

I'm not sure what to say or what I had expected them to say about this type of therapy. I've been on an emotional rollercoaster this week with everything and this is about to make me cry. I'm not going to do that here or especially in front of Jess who's already trying to comprehend all my other issues. So, the remainder of the ride is spent in silence besides the music playing from the radio.

Cohen arrives at my apartment first. Jess stays in the car while Cohen and Greya get out and help with the bags.

"What the hell?" Cohen stops walking and we wonder what he's looking at.

"What is all that? We've only been gone a week!" He says.

Greya and I catch up to him and both gasp. There must be a hundred letters. Most stuffed into the door's mail slot, more in a pile at the foot of the door, some stragglers down the walkway.

Greya bends down and retrieves two of them. Both addressed to me in my mother's handwriting; same as her last letters. How in the world did she write and manage to mail all these?

"Is someone going to tell me what these are?"

"They're f...from my mother. They're w...warnings my f...father is looking for me."

Greya opens one to show him.

"Shit , bro! What do we do about them?"

"Your parents are flying over to see his mom this week to assess her sanity I guess and see how legitimate her warnings are. They've also spoken to his grandfather and he confirms Lox's father remains in maximum security and hasn't been in contact with anyone. So these could all be his mom having a psychotic episode of some kind."

"Maybe, m...maybe not. Hopefully y...your parents can g...get some info from my m...mother this week. One th...thing at a time, right?" I smile. Better than crying. I could use a nap and give my brain a rest.

"Why don't you two go inside, I'll collect all these and...what do you want me to do with them?"

"Throw them a...away. Please."

"Sure thing bro. You guys need anything else?"

"We're good Cohen, thanks. Liam and Chase should be back soon. Catch up with you tomorrow?" Grey says to Cohen.

They exchange a quick hug and then she follows me inside.

"I'm r...really tired. I th...think I'm going to lay down f...for a while."

I don't want to leave Greya here alone waiting on Chase and Liam, but I'm exhausted and stressed which is never a good combination and I can't handle another seizure right now on top of everything else I'm trying to work through. A short nap will help me recharge enough to talk with Greya and Liam about the biofeedback treatments. My mother's obsessive letter writing will be the next thing to tackle.

"I'm going to see what you guys have in the kitchen and make us all something for dinner while you sleep."

"Thanks L...Love, I'm sorry I c...can't...."

"Hey! Come here," Her hand reaches for my arm and I turn towards her. She pulls me into a hug; a hug I absolutely needed.

"You know I love you right?" She asks and I laugh softly. Of course I know.

"What ever you want to try that you think will help you, I'll support. So, get some rest and we can talk about everything later."

I press my forehead to hers and close my eyes, inhaling her apple pie scent. "I love y...you so damn m...much."

"I know handsome. See you in a little bit," she says before I turn to my bedroom.

Before I know it, mornings arrived. I've slept the afternoon and night away and honestly feel refreshed.

Surprisingly I find Greya, Liam, and Chase all eating breakfast in the kitchen when I get there.

Greya immediately walks up to me and I'm awarded with another hug and peck on the lips. "Hey sleepy head, feeling better?"

"Much. I c...can't believed I s...slept that long."

"Guess you needed it."

"Yeah, you didn't even hear us watching all those movies last night," Chase says while stuffing his mouth with bacon.

"Save some for the rest of us will ya," Liam snatches a piece from Chases fingers.

"We saved you a plate."

"Th..thanks." My left leg isn't cooperating very well because I didn't do anything except get out of bed, worrying about what day and time it was.

"Do y...you think y...you could help me w..with some stretching or w...whatever will get my leg moving b...better? After b...breakfast?"

"Definitely," she smiles.

I may as well come to terms with asking for her assistance with things like this, maybe I'll be less self conscious about my physical abilities the more I ask and accept the help. I don't know, worth a try. She'll end up helping me anyhow even if I did't ask. Brings me back to thinking about how Jess referred to Greya as my caretaker. That's not what I want her to be.

Liam pulls out a chair at the table for me while Greya helps me walk over to it.

"So tell us about this biofeedback stuff ?" Liam asks first.

Am I supposed to talk about this in front of Chase? I look to Greya then at Chase and Greya nods, "It's fine, he should hear about it too."

"Yeah, Lox I want to know too. And Greya's already taught me what to do if you have a seizure and I'm the only one around. We practiced," Chase says.

Practiced? I look at Greya for an explanation.

"Yeah, I pretended I was having a seizure so Greya could teach Chase what to do," Liam admits.

That must've been something.

"It hasn't happened yet but there will be times when you and Chase are hanging out just the two of you. He should know what to do in a situation. He can't see it happening to you but he can hear you and sense what's going on. You also have a small window of time that you can warn him one's coming so he knows to be next to you and roll you onto your side during the seizure."

Wow! Okay. Probably a good idea for Chase to be prepared. I can't believe they practiced that for me.

"You guys are th...the best, incredible r...really."

"Okay, so tell us about getting your memories back," Chase anxiously awaits.

I don't know a lot about it so I tell them what I do know. Biofeedback is non-invasive. Electrodes are hooked up to my head which reads my brain waves. I watch and try to control pre-arranged scenarios on a screen that target certain brainwaves. After a certain number of sessions, the parts of my brain like my memory should come back.

"There's p...probably a lot m...more to it. I'll find out t...tomorrow at my appointment."

"Cool, like you're hooked up to a video game!"

"Something l...like that I g...guess."

I know what Greya's going to ask, so I beat her to it.

"There will be a...some s...side effects that I'll ask the th...therapist about tomorrow too."

"What times the appointment? I'm going," Liam surprises me.

"Yeah, me too, I want to go too. Please can I Greya?" Chase begs her.

I'm staring now at all of them. They're not arguing with me about getting my memories back, they want to come with me; I'm speechless.

"Why's everyone so quiet? What's going on?" Chase asks and we all chuckle.

"Lox is at a loss for words, that's what's going on," Liam tries explaining to him.

"Huh?"

He still doesn't know, makes me smile at how young and innocent he is. He's a great kid. Resilient after all he's been through.

"He m...means, I'm grateful f...for all of you. And, yes I'd like y...you all to come if y...you want to."

This right here, these people in front of me who I care about are the reasons why I need to remember again. Liam being on board with this too makes me realize I've already spent too much time not knowing who I am. It's about time I figure it out.