Greya's POV....

He sleeps like a rock after having a seizure. He slept through dinner and Monopoly and we all know that game takes forever.

All the guys and Chase are back in the hot tub and Ari and Jess are here with me...and a still sleeping Loxley.

Ari made us some margaritas, thank goodness because I need a few drinks so it's not so awkward with Jess. She's starting to grow on me a little. Cohen does seem happy with her and she has been nice, and helpful, and she's stopped staring at Chase. She asked me a few common questions about him and told me she thinks he's pretty amazing with all the things he can do without his sight. That made me feel better about her. She was just curious like Loxley thought.

She hasn't asked me anything about Lox so far. I figure his seizure scared her a bit, probably has never seen one before, so I understand. She watches him though with an unreadable expression and that's what bothers me. Spit it out already! Ask questions, anything, because I'm currently judging her on her silent observations.

"These are good Ari, thanks."

"Figured you needed one," she raises her glass and the three of us toast. " To Thanksgiving and great friends," she says.

The three of us sit back sipping on our drinks. Ari and Jess sitting on the opposite couch of where Lox is lying down, and I'm on a bean bag in front of him.

"You're very protective of him," Jess says matter of factly. Ari chokes on her drink and it's my turn to stare at Jess.

"He deserves to have someone looking out for him," I choose my words carefully.

"I don't meant that in a bad way. You clearly love him. I don't know if I could do everything you do. How you can be a caretaker and his girlfriend at the same time, must be hard, but you're so good at it."

This time I'm the one with the unreadable expression because I don't understand what's she's getting at. Is she complementing me or wondering why I'm with someone who's handicap?

"That's because Greya is a rockstar!"Ari defends me. Jess doesn't know the real story so I guess I can see where she's coming from. I still don't enjoy the words coming from her mouth.

"Greya has always taken care of everyone, sometimes forgetting about her own needs, but that's what makes her the perfect friend and girlfriend. Her and Loxley are soulmates," Ari keeps talking.

I shake my head and roll my eyes at her. I don't forget about my own needs. They're always staring at me in the face, I just don't know how to balance my needs with everyone else I love. I'd rather see the people I care about happy, that's what makes me happy too.

"Cohen says the same thing," Jess admits. She takes another sip of her drink. "He talks about you all the time, everything you've done and everything you do now. I could never live up to that."

"Cohen wouldn't expect you too," I tell her truthfully.

I don't understand this girl.

"And I'm far from perfect. I take care of Chase because he's my brother and I wasn't given a choice. And when you love someone like I love Lox, you'd do anything to help them. I'm not his caretaker. He's already capable of so much and has survived through things not many people would. If he's struggling with anything, I'm going to be here for him."

"Like I said, Rockstar!" Ari shrugs and I give her the stink eye.

"Cohen says he has brain damage and had a stroke?"

I nod.

"Will the left side of his body ever be normal again? Does he have seizures all the time?"

I sigh. My fault for wishing she'd ask questions.

"Time will tell. He works hard every day though and never gives up on himself. He's the rockstar."

"True, he is," Ari agrees with me.

"Well, I'm glad he has you," Jess says sincerely.

Okay, I'll give this girl a chance.

Suddenly, I feel Lox's hand on my shoulder and turn to him. "Hey, you're awake."

"It's about time! Greya's about to suck down her third Margarita," Ari jokes with him.

"This is my second, and I'm almost done it so go make me another one."

"Come on Jess, help me make more and we can see what the guys are up to." Ari's catching on. She knows I'm not fond of Jess's curious stares especially when Lox is going to have a harder time getting around after a long post seizure nap.

"I'm s...sorry, Love."

"Don't be. You needed the sleep. Plus, we've been getting to know Jess a little more."

"I h...heard."

"You did! How much of it?"

"Enough. G...glad y...you're giving her a ch...chance."

He sits himself up and I sit down next to him. He still looks tired and his body is probably sore. I can't help but rub his back to give him some comfort.

"How you feeling?"

He leans over and kisses me on the temple. "I'm f...feeling like I n...need a shower," he smiles.

I'm all for taking a shower with him but I know that's not what he means . Not when he's recovering from a seizure. Our time will come. Listen to me, must be the alcohol talking.

I help him back to the bedroom and situated with the shower. "Want me to leave your leg brace here in the bathroom?"

"That w...would be g...great, Love."

"Are you sure you'll be alright?" Recovery from convulsions usually takes a whole day for him and it's only been about four hours.

"I'm okay. My b...body doesn't seem as w..weak."

"I'll go check in on Chase and see what everyone's up to then. Yell loud if something happens."

"Will d...do."

He can handle showers on his own, but I'm always worried after an episode. If he says he's fine I need to believe him and not worry so much, as my therapist has pointed out.

I tidy up the living room then make my way towards the pool area as Declan's walking into the house.

"Where's Lox? How's he doing?"

This is the first time he's voiced his concern out loud about him. He's usually helpful and anxious about his well being, though he's very quiet about it.

"He's taking a shower, doing pretty good after his sleep."

"Good," he speaks lowly and lowers his head.

"Is everything alright with you? I know I haven't asked and I'm sorry for that. There's been so much going on since Lox and Liam have been back that I neglected how you've been. I'm sorry, Dec. Are you okay though?"

He rubs the back of his neck and sighs. His response isn't immediate so that's a tell-tale sign something's been bothering him. Our rambunctious and adventurous friend has gone rogue on us and we want him back.

"I don't know how to say this without sounding like an asshole," he says.

"Give it a shot, I won't judge."

"I'm not okay. None of this is okay. Becker and Alec coming back after thinking we buried them is messed up. I've been quiet about it because I'm happy they're alive and you have him back, but I lost my brother, my best friend, the guy we did everything with. The soccer player, basketball player, the guy we did crazy shit with, our wingman. Now he's back, but he isn't and every time I look at him now or watch him have a seizure, or watch you help him walk, I get angry. I'm angry with myself, angry at him for convincing us all those years not to report Jack's abuse and look what happened because we listened to him!" His voice is getting louder and louder. He needs to get this out.

"The worst part is, I can't tell him all these things, I can't be angry with him because he doesn't remember how things used to be! I love him like my brother still, and I'll be here to help him with anything, but I can't shake the guilt and anger. I know it's not fair to him. Nothing about it is fair to anyone."

I walk up to him and give him a hug. I don't know what else to do except listen and acknowledge his feelings. We've all been dealing with similar emotions.

"I'm sorry Grey, I'm trying but there are so many other things..."

"W...what else, t...tell me."

We both turn to see Lox limping with his crutch over to us.

"I w...want to know w...what else. I'm s...sorry I did this to y...you and Cohen. There are th...things I do remember. I know w...we were close. I shouldn't have made y...you two keep what Jack w...was doing a secret."

"It wasn't all your fault. We were young, you were trying to protect your brother, we knew that. None of us knew the right thing to do. I shouldn't be angry with you."

He pauses while Lox comes closer to where we're standing.

"Don't take this the wrong way...Sometimes I have a really hard time being around you and I hate myself for it. You were shot in the head for fucks sake! Now one side of your body doesn't work and you have difficulty speaking. You were the one who had all the athletic talent, the strong and smartest one in our group. I hate that you left us that way and came back with all
these new struggles. I feel like I could've done something to avoid what happened. I might always believe I could've."

Both of them are holding back tears, while mine are in the verge of bursting out of me.

"I'm s...sorry Declan. I'm t...trying to r...remember everything, trying to get my strength b...back so things c...can be somewhat n...normal again. I wish w...we could go back in t...time and prevent what h...happened. Thank y...you for telling m...me all this and f...for not giving up on m...me quite yet."

"I'd never give up on you, bro. You're still the strongest one of all of us. What you've survived already, shit man, I don't know if I'd be able to. You're a living miracle and I thank all the higher beings for bringing my friend back. It's going to take time to process through it all. Maybe I should talk to someone like Greya does," he shrugs.

"We c...could all t...talk with someone t...together maybe. We all n...need that I th...think."

"You're probably right."

This is the awkward moment between two friends who've been through hell and back together and don't know where or how to go from here. I'm not sure I should be standing here for their conversation.

"One more thing," Declan says. At least he's not holding back. This is good to put it all out in the open. Hopefully will make their friendship even stronger in time.

"My brother Hayden still thinks his best friend died. Alec and him were as close as we were and my brother lost and suffered too. He needs to know Alec...or Liam rather, is alive. I think Liam needs his friend back too. No offense Grey, Chase is a bit younger and can't be his only friend."

"I a...agree. Liam should h...have his life b...back. He deserves h...his friends and a proper c...college life where h...he's not t...taking care of me or in h...hiding."

"Cohen says his sister doesn't know either. She's been studying abroad and his parents will tell her over Christmas break? That would be a good time for Hayden to find out too."

"Sounds g...good. What else d...do you need m...me to do to m..make things b...better between us?"

Poor Lox. This has to be killing him inside.

"You're already doing enough. It's me who has to come to terms with my thoughts and make things better. I know we've been weird around each other and what I just told you doesn't help that, but I'm glad we finally talked. I'm not going any where. I only need a little bit of time."

"Sure. I...I get it."

"I'm going to take a shower. We'll work it out," Declan last says as he walks away from us.

I'm not sure what to do now. I've invaded their privacy it feels like. I want to wrap Lox in my arms and remind him everything will be okay. He looks distraught and unsure of himself, which is understandable. This is something I can't control or fix and I hate when things seem this way.

"I n...need to b...be alone. Get some f...fresh air," he slowly says.

There's no hiding my worried expression.

He leans in and kisses my forehead then backs away.

"I'll b...be fine Love. I w...won't leave the d...driveway," he tries reassuring me but it doesn't work.

I watch him limp towards the front door and every anxious thought enters my mind. It's dark out now, that was a stressful conversation and he could have another seizure outside, alone.

The right thing for me to do is having a battle with my instincts, though I need to trust him. He spent three years without me, dealing will all his disabilities and seizures, so I need to stop worrying that he can't handle them now because I know he can. He's the strong one. Logically, my brain realizes this, yet my heart wants to protect him.