Author's note

I know you all are expecting a note from me. Seriously, if you still trust them, stay. If you don't, then, to protect your mental peace, do what you have to. As for me, my stand is somewhere incorporated in this chapter. 

I'm clearly overworked and I have a 13-14 working hours a day ahead this week. Apologies for not updating soon. I was caught up with lot of works. Once NAAC is over I'll try to be regular.

Nodikku Nodi!! My Annan's movie! Praying for everything to go smooth for him in this journey! Super happy for him! And what was that dance! Wow! Sivaangi has set the floor on fire! Keep them both in your prayers.

Thank you to all those who have read, voted and commented on the previous chapter. It means a lot. Please do continue supporting me the same. Will boost my morale to update soon.

How's the new book cover?

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Ashaangi SS Bewitched

Chapter Thirty One

Ashwin's eyes widen in shock as he took a step back. Him in front of the camera again? His averted his gaze and shook his head.

"Ashwin!" Sivaangi stepped forward and held Ashwin's arm.

"No!" Ashwin gulped and closed his eyes to collect himself. Sivaangi squeezed his arm, letting him know that she was with him. He sighed heavily and opened his eyes, "Sivaangi, I-I have closed doors on all that and I don't want to open it again. I w-"

"You don't want to open or you were forced to close?" Sivaangi snapped.

"Sivaangi..." Ashwin sighed shakily as he clenched his fists helplessly.

"Ashwin, you have been punishing yourself all these years over something which wasn't your fault" Sivaangi fisted Ashwin's shirt, "That Rajesh isn't half accomplished in life as you are! Yet, you hung your head in front of him! Why?! Because you believe that you had failed! You carry that shame that you couldn't fight for what you want! More than him, you believe that you have failed!"

Tears polled in Ashwin's orbs as he stared down, unable to meet Sivaangi's eyes.

"From what I understood, not your family or friends or even my words will make you believe otherwise! Only you can! You don't have to live with this shame and pain throughout your life! You deserve much better than that!"

Sivaangi's voice softened,

"Give yourself a chance to redeem yourself, Ashwin. Take this opportunity. You owe it to yourself; to try. I know you still long to act; that you still blame yourself for the opportunities you have lost and for not having the courage to pursue your dream. My eyes didn't miss how your eyes flickered to the photoshoot setup. There was longing in your eyes, but also, passion. You still have it in you, Ashwin. This may be your second chance in life!"

Ashwin listened to everything Sivaangi said; his gaze still fixed on the floor. She was right. He was the one who constantly blamed himself. He couldn't bring himself to stop thinking that he has failed. If only he took the bus to Hyderabad, things would have been different; his life would have been different.

Even though Ashwin decided not to look back on his cinema dream, he wasn't happy about that. He sacrificed his dream for his mother who did everything she could to give him a comfortable life. There were regrets, yes. Had he gathered more courage, he could have managed to convince his mother. But he felt defeated and accepted his fate.

These two years didn't go with a day where Ashwin hadn't regretted his decision. He blamed himself and did thousand other crazy things to take his mind off from cinema but his thoughts eventually went back.

When Rajesh spewed those derogatory words, Ashwin couldn't give back. He felt he was the guilty one and his shame silenced him. Damn! It sure stung! When Sivaangi asked Ashwin to model for Georgian, his fear pushed him back.

Ashwin doesn't have it in him to hope again only to get broken. He knew his mother won't agree and even him asking would just complicate his relationship with his mother. The way Saradha behaved two years back was scary and he didn't want to bring the ugly side of his mother's out.

But when Sivaangi spoke, Ashwin's heart was leaning on to hope again but his eyes pooled as he looked up, "Amma sammadhika maatanga, Sivaangi"

(Maa won't agree, Sivaangi)

Sivaangi could sense the pain and longing behind Ashwin's words. She held his palm and gripped it between her palms.

"Ashwin, it has been two years. Aunty's perspective must have changed. And even if it hasn't, no problem. This time, take this opportunity as a first step. Let's see what she says. From then you can slowly make your way. There are hundred what if's but take the chance anyway. I'm not asking you to go against your mother's words or to hurt her but give yourself a chance"

Ashwin blinked, not sure of what to do. It was as if thousand thoughts were plaguing his mind at once. Sivaangi placed her palm on his cheek and made him look at her.

"Aunty namma kalyanathuku sammadhikala na ena vitruvingala?"

(Will you leave me if aunty doesn't agree for our marriage?)

"Ma!"

"Psch! Sollunga. Aunty venam nu sonna ena kalyanam pannika matinga la?"

(Psch! Tell me. If aunty says no, you won't marry me?)

"Ma, avanga apdi ellam solla matanga, ma!"

(She won't say like this)

"Sonna! Apo ena um vitruvingala?"

(What if she did? Then you will leave me?)

"Sivaangi, yean ma ipdi solra? Adhuvum idhuvum vera ver-"

(Sivaangi, why are you telling this now? That and this, they are differen-)

"Vera, vera ellam ila. Apdi Aunty mudiyathu nu sonna ena vitruvingala?"

(They aren't different. If aunty says no, will you leave me?)

"Illa" Ashwin sighed heavily.

(Of course, not)

"Naan dhana venum nu solluvinga, avangaluku istam illa naalum?"

(You will say I'm the one you want, even though she doesn't approve?)

Ashwin nodded, his heart thudding crazily. He understood what Sivaangi's getting to.

"Oru anju aaru maasam palaguna enakaaga onga Amma ta avangaluku ena pidikala naalum kalyanam ku sammadhikala naalum naan dhan venum nu avangata sandai poduvinga. Ena vitra maatinga"

(You know me for some five six months yet for me, even if your mother doesn't like me or agree for our marriage, you will stand your ground and fight for me with her. You won't leave me)

Sivaangi exhaled,

"Apo ivlo varushama onga dream evlo precious. Neenga yean adhukaga sandai poda kudathu? Avangaluku bayam na, adha pokunga. Puriya veinga. Kandippa avanga oru naal purinchupaanga"

(Then how precious your dream must be. Why don't you fight for it? If she's scared then you make her fear go away. Make her understand; she will understand one day for sure)

Sivaangi continued,

"You once told me that if you don't do something that doesn't stir your soul then you'll never be satisfied. Do you want to live with that?"

Sivaangi wiped the tears that slipped out of Ashwin's eyes. She can see his internal struggle on his face. How she wished she could take those away!

"I know you are confused" Sivaangi caressed his cheek, "Just tell me. Do you want to model?"

Ashwin's first instinct was to say yes. Before he could even think, he nodded his head subconsciously.

"Yes" But when his rational mind barged in, Ashwin said, "But-"

"You want to. That's it"

Sivaangi declared, took a step behind and walked out, leaving Ashwin puzzled. He saw her taking her mobile out and his eyes widen in alarm.

"Sivaangi!" Ashwin ran behind Sivaangi who already had her mobile pressed against her ear.

"Ma, iru. Naa solradha kel-" Ashwin caught up with Sivaangi but stopped when he heard Sivaangi sniffle and say,

(Wait, listen to what I sa-"

"Athaii!!"

(Aunty!!)

Wait, did Sivaangi just called his mother as Athai? Ashwin frowned but his attention shifted to her dramatic actions.

"Yenna aacha?! Inaiku yenna nadandhuchu nu theriyuma Atha?!" Sivaangi feigned like crying and narrated how Abhay misbehaved with her and how Ashwin saved her.

(What happened?! You know what happened aunty?!)

Ashwin tensed on watching Sivaangi speak with his mother. He couldn't pull the mobile now but he was also scared of how she would talk his mother into letting him model.

"Haan, Ashwin kuda dhan irukaru" Sivaangi sniffled dramatically, "Avaru ta mukkiyama oru help ketruken Athai. Amma seri nu sonna dhan unaku help panuven nu sollitaru. Enn annan vera ooruku la illa. Anu Maa, Kali Appa um enn Amma Appa ah paaka Dubai poerukanga. Vinayak um illa. Ivaru dhana indha situation la enaku help ah irukanum?"

(Yes, Ashwin's with me... I have asked for an important help to him, Aunty. He said only if his mother agrees he will help me. My brother is out of town. Anu Maa and Kali Appa are at Dubai with my parents. Vinayak is also not here. Now he is the one who should help me out, right?)

Ashwin's mouth parted. Sivaangi was rambling dramatically to Saradha. Although there were no tears in her eyes, she faked like crying and managed to make Saradha believe that she was disturbed. She was emotionally locking Saradha.

"Aamaa, neengale sollunga avaru ta" Sivaangi sniffed and then looked at Ashwin, "Ashwin, indhanga, Athai pesanum ahm"

(Yes, you tell him yourself... Here, Ashwin, Aunty wants to speak)

Ashwin gulped at Sivaangi's mobile and then looked up at her with a soft glare.

"Pesunga, pesunga" Sivaangi thrusted her mobile in Ashwin's hand.

(Speak, speak)

Ashwin was in a dilemma whether to go ahead and ask his mother or let the opportunity go. His chest tightened as he placed the mobile against his ear.

"Maa..."

"Kannu, Sivaangi pulla nalla dhana iruka? Romba bayandha mathiri pesurale. Aprm andha paiyana anga irundhu anupiyacha?" Saradha sounded tensed, clearly worried for Sivaangi.

(Dear, is Sivaangi okay? She sounds scared. Then have you sent that guy away?)

"Amma" Ashwin sighed shakily, "Sivaangi", Ashwin eyed at Sivaangi who gestured him to tell his mother that she's sad, "Maa, adhu-adhu koncham disturbed ah dhan iruka", clearing his voice, he added, "Avana apove inga irundhu thorathiyachu Maa"

(Maa... Sivaangi... Maa, tha-that she is bit disturbed... I have chased him away earlier itself, Maa)

"Nalladhu. Yembutu dhairiyam andha payaluku! Paavam andha pulla korale seri illa. Velai vera ninnu pochu nu polambuna. Nee othaasai ah iruka maten nu sonniyamey? Paavam kannu, ava kudumbathula ellarum nammala nambi dhana vitutu poerukanga. Ava yenna odhavi ketalum seii, kannu"

(Good. How dare he! Her voice was low. She was rambling that even work got stopped. Why did you refuse to help her? Poor girl. Her family trusted us and left her here. Do whatever help she asks for, dear)

Ashwin gulped. This was it. His eyes found Sivaangi's who's urging him to speak up. Closing his eyes, he sighed deeply and said,

"Maa, Sivaangi ena modelling panna solra, Maa" Ashwin said it in a go while Sivaangi placed her hand on his arm.

(Maa, Sivaangi is asking me to do modelling, Maa)

There was a deep silence on the other side. Ashwin heard Saradha sighing heavily before the call got disconnected. He gulped, trying to wash down the disappointment he felt at that moment. His shoulders slumped as he opened his eyes and looked at Sivaangi.

"Vachutanga..."

(She has hung up...)

Sivaangi wounded her arm around Ashwin's bicep as she pulled him closer. His face was stern, his fists clenched. The helplessness he felt at that moment made him resent himself.

"Ashwin, look" Sivaangi tugged Ashwin's arm and placed her hand on his cheek, "You can still do this. Amma ta pesikalam. Naa iruken"

(...We can convince Maa later. I'm here)

Ashwin placed his hand above Sivaangi's that's placed on his cheek. He shook his head and wrapped his arm around her shoulder. She looked at him puzzled. He looked lost but he guided her to the corner where there was a sofa set.

They sat down next to each other. Sivaangi didn't let go of Ashwin's hand and he didn't tug his hand too. He sighed and looked at her.

"You were right" Ashwin said and Sivaangi looked at him. He added, "I yearn to act again. I still want to do all this; I want to act. Somewhere deep down, even though I have made my mind that I have gave up on my dream, I wanted to act"

Ashwin chuckled bitterly,

"Ipo vara kannadi munnadi nadichu paapen. Dialogue delivery, facial reactions lam inum vara practice pannitu dhan iruken. Medai mela nadikura apo adhuku vaanguna kai thattu inum kaadhu la ketute iruku" Ashwin sighed, "Theatre la namma nadicha padatha naalu per kaththi koochal pottu rasichu kai thattanum nra kanavu. Adhu kanavaa ve poerum nu dhan nenachutu irundhen. Iruken"

(Till now I act in front of the mirror. To this day, I'm practising dialogue delivery and facial reactions. I can still hear the claps and appreciations I received for my performance on the stage. It is still ringing in my ears... I have dreamt of people watching my movie in theatre, screaming, celebrating and applauding my performance. I thought it will remain just a dream and I still do)

Ashwin looked at Sivaangi,

"I can't start with blind hope, Sivaangi. I have been through a lot already. I-I'm okay with losing but... I don't want to fail. I can't afford to. If I fail then I will be hurting my mother over nothing. I thought – I thought if Amma agreed for modelling, I can hope that the future will be kind to me. But..."

"Ashwin" Sivaangi patted Ashwin's cheek, drawing his complete attention to her, "You always have to hope" She caressed his cheek, "Only when you hope, you'll believe in yourself" Her voice was soft yet stern at the same time, "And when you hope and believe, magic will always follow"

Ashwin sighed shakily before he side-hugged Sivaangi. It was as if he needed to hear that. She rubbed his arm, trying to comfort him while he was overwhelmed with his emotions. She broke the hug and took his palms in hers.

"Trust me. Kadavul pathupaaru"

(...God will take care)

Ashwin gulped; his mind still unclear. His lips wobble a little to answer her but his mobile blared. His breath quickened when he saw Saradha was calling him. He looked at Sivaangi who looked back at him and nodded.

Nodding at Sivaangi, Ashwin sighed before picking the call and placing the mobile against his ear, "Maa..."

There was a moment of silence which Saradha broke. Her voice was deep, "Ashwin!"

"Maa..." Ashwin trailed, trying to control the hope bubbling inside him.

"Ashwin" Saradha heaved a deep sigh, "Po, modelling pannu"

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So, how's the chapter makkaleyy? Hope you enjoyed reading. Any guesses on what's coming next?

Thank you for reading,

Nan ~