a/n: di ko talaga alam bakit *sobrang* haba ng chapter nito (almost always near/reaching/beyond 7k?) pero ang bagal ng kuwento huhuhuhuhuhuhuhu

thank you sa mga nagtitiyaga sa mumunting writing exercise na i2 xDDD

013123 #BYLAMwp Chapter 8

I know I do not have the social capital and I am not relevant enough para pagtinginan ng mga tao, but that's exactly how I feel as I half-run to where my car is parked. The heat in my cheeks don't show any signs of going away, and me thinking that every stranger I walk past is staring at me and judging me hard, and rightfully so, for having those—those wrong imaginations is not helping. Normally, if anyone were looking at me, I couldn't care less, but after what happened a few minutes ago, obviously wala nang normal sa araw na 'to.

Because that, THAT, is nowhere near normal. Should I go to the hospital and get myself checked? I am not hurting anywhere, so ano'ng sakit ko? Am I hungry? Is it academic exhaustion? Or maybe there's something toxic in the Valentine's Day air kaya nagkaroon ng error sa pag-iisip ko. There has to be a logical explanation. Dahil kung wala, kung wala . . . hindi puwedeng wala! I would die kung wala.

In-on ko kaagad ang aircon pagsakay sa kotse. I sit on the driver's seat for a few minutes, waiting for the car engine to heat up and for the heat on my cheeks to fade away. I had to take out a few papers from my bag and fan myself with it dahil parang sinisilaban talaga ang mukha ko kahit na tinutok ko na sa 'kin ang aircon. It's probably due to shame dahil, what the fuck, Ju? I have had the weirdest dreams in my sleep but this one takes the cake. Dahil una, hindi naman ako tulog. And pangalawa—really, Ju, si Chio? That's enough reason to be disgusted sa kung ano-anong pinag-iisip mo kanina.

We are friends, putang ina. Hindi siya kalandian material, at least for me. He's a good friend at kahit isang patak ng malisya ay hindi maliligaw sa actions niya for me, and vice versa. And kahit hindi kami friends, he's not the type of guy I would date, kaya never in my wildest dreams I would have imagined his hand beneath my shirt nor his breath on my neck nor his lips on—

Puta. Parang gago. What is wrong with you?

Maybe it's the hormones? Kailan ba ako huling nagkaro'n? Maybe my brain cells just decided that they would fixate themselves to someone who's convenient, which is Chio dahil siya ang halos lagi kong kasama lately. Sobrang maling timing lang n'ung weird, and totally unreliable, na experiment ni Eri. Plus, Chio's being weird and it has been bothering me since earlier today kaya siguro puro Chio ang utak ko.

That's it—a glitch, an error, and nothing more. I have to be sure of that because not knowing makes me lose my mind. And I cannot afford to do that dahil magmamaneho pa ako. And for fuck's sake, it's Chio. It feels like a sin to see him as more than a friend. At sa ganung paraan pa talaga—with his fingers trailing towards the underwire of my br—

I need to stop.

I close my eyes, take a few deep breaths, and let the consistent sound of the warming engine bring me a sense of normalcy. I should go. Pi-pick up-in ko pa ang mga regalo ko para kina Mommy at Auntie Mel.

When my breathing evens out, aalis na sana ako, but a series of light knocks on my window make me halt. For a moment, I thought malala na talaga ako to the point that I am imagining things with my eyes wide open, but when Chio knocked again on my window and I see him mouthing my name, natauhan ako. What is he doing here?

I press a button to roll the windows down. "What?" I ask, unintentionally coming off as snappy.

Lalo lang nagsalubong ang mga kilay niyang salubong na dahil nanliliit ang mga mata niyang direktang tinatamaan ng tirik pang araw. Frowning, he asks, "Galit ka? Bakit ganiyan hitsura mo?" My upper body instinctively moves away from the window when he ducks and leans over to shield himself from the sun. "Naiwan mo charger mo sa lib. Buti naabutan pa kita."

He's . . . normal. Kung last time is siya yung weird for not allowing me to say thanks, and just a while ago for being suddenly quiet and for starting staring contests out of nowhere, now nasa akin na yung problema. Dahil 'tong isip ko, di ko alam kung ano'ng pumasok at bakit nagkaganito.

It's not me to think of those thoughts. Not that there's anything wrong with it, but it's just . . . not what I do. And maling-mali when I got Chio involved. And god, it was so clear I swear his lips tracing the side of my jaw felt too real it made me squirm—'tang ina. Stop.

I grab my phone charger from his hold. "Oh . . . thanks." I grab my bag from the front seat and use it as an excuse to look at the opposite direction. Hindi pa rin umaalis si Chio sa pagkakadungaw sa bintana ng kotse ko after, which is not helping my case.

"Namumula ka," he says and my cheeks take that as a cue to heat up even more.

"Shut the fuck up, Chio," sita ko. I am convinced that the crease in the middle of my forehead has become permanent. Hindi ko alam kung uunahin kong kilabutan, kabahan, o maguluhan sa mga nangyayari. I firmly believe that there is an explanation to everything . . . and this not having a logical one is making me question everything I know.

Clueless, Chio merely laughs. He tilts his head sideways and thinks it's a good idea to lean closer and look me in the eye. Kinginang lalaki 'to. "Saan na ang punta mo? Uuwi ka na?"

I shake my head no and rev the engine as an excuse to avert my gaze. "No, kukuha pa akong gifts." I sigh before braving myself to look him in the eye. Nagbilang ako hanggang five seconds at wala namang horrendous images na lumabas kaya nakahinga ako nang maluwag. Good. Glitch nga lang talaga. "You?"

Chio sucks in his teeth and shakes his head. "Ihahatid sana kita pero Valentine's din kasi sa 'min e."

He flashes me a lopsided smile that somehow, I don't know, makes my heart angry, I guess. Sinipa kasi n'un ang dibdib ko. Maybe it doesn't like Chio's smile. Kasi di niya type, see? "Uuwi ako agad. Deretso bahay."

Is it a good idea to keep him with me within a relatively small, enclosed space? Maybe not. Will I still do it? Yes. Kasi it's just me making it weird, so ako lang din ang aayos. Wala naman talagang dapat issue. I have to keep him beside me and let normalcy restore by exposure. Baka kailangan ko lang ng reminder na he's Chio, that he's off-limits, and that I don't like him that way. The glitch will get rid of itself eventually.

"I'll give you a ride kahit sa sakayan lang," I offer, taking my bag off the shotgun seat and transferring it to the back. His grin widens. Ipapaliwanag ko pa lang na it's just my way of returning the favor kapag ako ang hinahatid niya, but he immediately goes to the front seat nang walang tanong-tanong.

I glare at him when he reclines his chair a bit at mukhang nagbabalak pang itaas ang mga paa niya. "Don't even dare put your feet up on the dashboard."

He laughs hard before putting his feet down and putting back his slip-ons. Kapal ng mukha talaga. He straightens his chair and sits properly. "Seatbelt, AJ," utos niya as he reaches for his own.

I do what I was told. Hindi naman naging mahirap na hindi mag-isip ng kung ano-ano while I am driving, fortunately, which further proves my point na glitch nga lang yung nangyari kanina. Chio's humming a melody of a song I am not familiar with, at sinasabayan niya 'yun ng pag-tap ng sapatos niya sa flooring. I notice him look at me from my peripheral as he quiets down. "'Musta date mo?"

My eyebrows furrow. I take a quick glance at him before turning to a corner. "What?"

"Kuya Aron."

My whole face crumples. "That wasn't a date. I don't like him."

"Kasi long hair?"

"What? No," natatawa kong sagot. I wonder if dinamdam niya talaga yung sinabi kong sa kaniya lang di bagay yung long hair. Pero baka hindi, based on the way he's speaking to me right now. Or baka dinamdam niya nga kanina but he just got over it pretty quickly lalo na't in-offer-an ko siya ng hatid.

"What about you? And that short-haired friend of Gracey?" I ask.

I hear him snicker. "Pinanonood mo kami?"

I roll my eyes. "Why would I do that?"

Chio laughs. Nang lingunin ko siya ay nakatukod ang isang siko niya sa pinto ng sasakyan at nakasandal ang ulo sa saradong kamao. I look away and refocus on the road when I get a feeling that he's going to look my way. He sighs. "Sino yung inisip mo kanina?"

I blink a couple of times, tightening my grip on the steering wheel dahil sagutin pa siya ni Mommy if parehas kaming mapapahamak dahil lang sa pagkakilabot ko na kasalanan naman niya! Why the hell would he suddenly bring that up? "What? Change topic ka."

I glance at him before slowing down towards an intersection. My hands turn clammy and that lopsided grin of his is not helping. Pasimple kong pinunas ang mga palad ko sa pants ko as I wait for the lights to turn green. I look at Chio and widen my eyes at him nang di magbago ang expression niya. "What?"

That question is for him to stop staring, not for him to continue the conversation earlier that I don't want to participate in, but he does it anyway. "Nagmamadali kang umalis e," he adds.

He brings down his closed fist where he's resting his head earlier to his lips. I scoff and look almost immediately to the opposite direction when he stars fiddling with his lower lip as he eyes the stoplight countdown. "Kuya Aron?" hula niyang mali naman.

Napapikit ako. "Stop."

He chuckles. "Baka si Jass 'yan, ha? Sasabunutan kita nang kaunti."

"He has a girlfriend!" My hand instinctively goes to hit his forearm. Lalo lang lumakas ang tawa niya. "And yuck." Kapag ex na, ex na. Considering how Jass broke up with me, talagang mananatili siya as ex. We can be friends again, but anything more than that? Magugunaw muna ang mundo.

"E sino?"

"Why does it matter?" In-adjust ko ang fan ng aircon sa side ko. We should not be talking about this. "It's childish, ridiculous, and unreliable."

"Daming sinabi. Sino lang naman yung tanong ko." The lights have turned green so I only roll my eyes instead of hitting him on the arm again.

"None of your business."

"Ah." Nang-iinis ang tawa niya. "Umepek."

"Shut up!" He has no idea what he's saying. I feel my cheeks burning again so I calm myself down by mentally counting backwards from ten bago pa 'yun lumala. He should really stop distracting me habang nasa road kami.

He merely laughs. Wala na akong muhang ihaharap sa kaniya if ever he finds out about those disgusting images. "Baba mo na lang ako diyan, Madame. Makatawid lang."

"What if bumaba ka na ngayon? Habang umaandar?"

"Di puwede, baka mamatay ako. Paano ka na lang kapag wala ako?" His laughter once again fills the entire space of my car.

"Nakakaputa ka."

He's still laughing hanggang sa tumigil ako kung saan siya ibababa. He stares at me with that annoying grin as he takes his seatbelt off. I don't look away and make sure he sees my frown na laging siya ang dahilan. He hops off my car first before grabbing his bag. He holds onto the car door after and leans down a bit to meet my glare. "Happy Valentine's, AJ ko."

He shuts the door. With the sound of his laughter gone, the silence makes it seem like my heartbeats are so loud they are ringing in my ears. I feel like I need a moment to just sit still and come down slowly from whatever high Chio took me to, but he's not leaving his spot at mukhang may balak na hintayin akong makaalis bago siya sumakay sa jeep na tumigil sa tapat niya.

He tilts his head, hands on pockets, at buti na lang tinted ang sasakyan ko kaya hindi niya ako kita sa loob. Before he can even knock on my car window and ask me what's wrong at kung bakit di pa ako umaalis, bumalik na ako sa daan. I take one last glance at where I left him and catch him trying to follow where my car is going with his eyes.

I stay on the road only for a few minutes before pulling over to the side. I need to breathe.

When did I forget how to? Maybe I need to see a doctor.

*

This Chio thing has to stop. Immediately.

I almost fall off the bed because my half-asleep brain thought—kung tama mang gamitin ang salitang 'yun cause I definitely was not thinking—that it's okay to imagine Chio's arms and legs around me. Ilang beses kong pinagpagan ang kama ko hanggang sa mawala ang imahen ni Chio roon. Jesus. I check my clock and I still have twenty minutes before my alarm rings pero imposible nang makabalik ako sa tulog after that.

I pick up my phone, go to my messages, and send Chio one before getting ready to take a bath. Pangit mo.

Kalalapag ko pa lang ng clothes ko sa bed when my phone pinged. His reply is quick. Luh anona naman yon kagigising ko lang e

I sigh, ignore his message, and step in the shower dahil baka mahimasmasan naman ako kapag nalapatan ng malamig na tubig. I need a reminder that Chio's a friend, and not the type of friend na I will eventually develop feelings for, let alone be the type of friend na I'll do those things with. A shiver runs down my spine as my mind flashes me a quick recall of those thoughts I should not be having.

Pagkarating sa campus, talagang inabangan ko si Chio sa pintuan. I need to see him. I need to be around him to remind myself of who he is and who he cannot be. Kasi kung iiwas ako, and I can't believe I'm admitting this, but I feel like I would just . . . crave—barf—for it, for him. Baka lalo lang maghimutok ang anumang parte ng isip ko na may odd, and very wrong, fixation kay Chio. I can't let that happen.

Umayos ako sa pagkakatayo nang matanaw ko siyang naglalakad from the end of the hall. Hindi siya sa nilalakaran niya nakatingin kundi sa view sa tapat. His mouth is busy chewing on a sandwich he's holding with his right hand. Nang ilipat niya sa harap ang tingin niya ay nasalubong niya ang akin. He pauses on chewing, then half-runs to where I am standing.

I scrunch my nose upon seeing the sandwich crumbs by the side of his lips . . . which I should not be looking at kaya nilipat ko sa tuktok ng ulo niya ang tingin ko. Gulo ng buhok, hinangin siguro sa commute.

"Ba't nasa labas ka?" he asks with his mouth full before taking another big bite of his sandwich. Napangibit ako. Seriously? This is the guy my half-conscious mind thought was a good idea to cuddle with in bed? Nagsasalita isya with his mouth full! And his shirt is full of creases na parang hindi pa nakakatikim ng plantsa since the day he had it. And he has crumbs all over.

"Wala," sagot ko and push the door open para pumasok. Sumunod siya sa 'kin. I take my seat and watch him finish his sandwich while talking to Eri about the night out she's planning us to have next week.

Eri talks to Jass when he arrives, asking if he's okay with having Gracey hang out with us or if they have other plans. Um-oo naman si Jass at nagsabing sasama sila bago kami batiin. I just nod at him before bringing my eyes back to Chio na ubos na ang sandwich niya at umiinom na ng tubig. I wince when may droplets ng tubig na pumapatak sa jeans niya from the sweat of his cold water bottle. Seriously? How was I even able to imagine him that way?

When Chio leaves the room after the morning dismissal, sumunod ako. Hindi pa niya nakukuha ang wallet niya so I'm sure he'll just go to the restrooms. I tell Sab and Eri to have lunch without me, then I wait outside the men's restrooms for Chio. Hindi naman siya nagtagal, but god, nagulat siya upon seeing me outside so he ends up shouting and flailing his hands around. I close my eyes to gather my patience, then reach for my handkerchief from the back of my pants para punasan ang mukha ko at brasong natalamsikan ng tubig. I think I have enough reminders for today kung bakit glitch lang talaga yung nangyari kahapon.

Chio merely laughs before fishing his own handkerchief from his pocket and wiping his hands dry. He holds a hand near his chest after, natatawa pa rin. "Bakit ka kasi nandiyan? Nakakagulat ka e."

"Lunch."

"Nasa'n sila? Nauna na?" he asks. From behind me, he reaches for the classroom door to open it. Umuna ako sa loob at sinundan siya hanggang sa seat niya. He grabs his wallet and looks around, probably searching for our friends.

I sigh. "Lunch. Gusto ko tayo lang dalawa," paliwanag ko dahil parang kailangan yata, lahat ng bagay ay ipaliliwanag sa kaniya.

He falls silent, blinks at me a couple of times with his mouth slightly agape, before clearing his throat and zipping up his bag. He nods repeatedly and shows me that usual smile he never gets tired of putting on every day.

"Bakit tayo lang dalawa? May sasabihin ka ba? May iniiwasan?" he asks as we walk papunta sa kabilang canteen, kung saan kami sure na wala roon ang friends namin.

I shake my head no bago siya tingalain nang kaunti. I have to squint because the midday sunlight that hits his face is harsh kahit sa covered walkway kami dumadaan. I notice just now that his hair appears light brown under direct sunlight. At humahaba na nga ulit 'yun since its starting to curl a bit, forming the waves he had on freshman year.

Bumaba saglit ang tingin niya sa 'kin. He raises both his brows before looking back straight ahead. "Wala lang," sagot ko bago umiwas ng tingin. No abominable images. Good.

Binalik ko ulit ang tingin sa kaniya just to make sure. His eyebrows furrow before looking again back down at me. He grabs my arm and pulls me closer to his side bago kami lumiko para hindi ko mabangga yung pole by the end of the walkway. "Tinitingin-tingin mo, AJ? Baka mamaya ma-in love ka sa 'kin niyan."

My shoulder drops. I look at him flatly but he just laughs. Inilipat ko na ang tingin ko sa tapat dahil baka nga may mabangga pa ako.

"Mangarap ka, Cervantes." Lalo lang lumakas ang tawa niya roon. He said something I wasn't able to hear clearly pero hindi ko na tinanong dahil asa namang makakuha ako ng matinong sagot sa kaniya.

Nilubos-lubos ko na. After our last period, I asked Chio to drive me home. I toss him my keys and have him follow me to the parking sa tapat. He catches up to me then holds my keys up to my face. "Wow, ha? Wala nang tanong-tanong kung libre ako?"

"Why? You're not free?" I raise a brow. "Meeting with Gracey's friend?"

His eyes turn to saucers before he shakes his head nang paulit-ulit. "Bakit naman tayo napunta diyan?"

"Just asking. May mali?"

"Bakit mo tinatanong? Selos ka?"

I stop on my tracks and give him an incredulous stare. His laughter bounces off the halls but my expression do not budge. His chuckles eventually fades into an awkward laugh, hanggang sa mapakamot siya sa likuran ng ulo niya. He holds me by the arm and convinces me to walk with him. Di magtino ang isang 'to.

"Joke lang naman kasi e," pamaktol nyiang sabi.

I snatch my arm off his hold and walk ahead of him. Of course, he catches up. "Tingnan mo 'to, parang tanga naman. Nakikipagbiruan lang e, tapos mapipikon."

"I'm not pikon. And ikaw yung parang tanga," sabi ko. He makes a sound na parang umaalma pa pero hindi naman na nakipagtalo. When we get to where my car is parked, he gets the door for me at nag-bow pa mockingly bago ako hayaang sumakay sa front seat.

I watch him pull my car out of the parking lot with both his hands on the steering wheel. Kinunutan niya ulit ako ng noo nang mapansing pinanonood ko siya pero hindi na nagsalita at umiling na lang.

When we get past the campus gate, I notice the collar of his shirt folding the wrong way so I reach for it to fix it. He clears his throat, shifts on his seat, and glances at me after.

"What?" I ask. "Gulo kasi ng damit mo." And it's bothering me. I like things neat.

He takes another glance at me before having his left hand reach around the neckline of his shirt. Pinagpagan na niya rin ang suot niya. "Sana sinabi mo na lang, para ako na ang nag-ayos."

I arch a brow. "Sorry. Ayaw mo bang hinahawakan damit mo?" I ask kasi di ko 'yun alam. I'm not sure, but I think Chio's the type not to speak even if his boundaries are not being respected. Feeling ko hahayaan niya lang, then he'll just laugh.

"Di naman," he answers. He glances at me again. "Baka lang kasi ma-in love ako sa 'yo niyan."

"Fuck you," I reply so quickly like it's an automated response. Parang demonyo na naman ang gago sa lakas ng tawa niya. Napailing na lang ako. At least Chio's still being Chio, kaya mas naliwanagan na ako ngayong there's just something wrong with Valentine's Day air kaya nagka-glitch ang isip ko.

*

It worked. For about a week of keeping Chio close, hindi na ulit nag-reappear yung karumal-dumal na images sa isip ko. Nakakahinga na ako nang maluwag, finally. And I can drink for our night-out without fearing na I'll have those thoughts recurring again. Nakakakilabot to have it while I'm alone pero mas nakakatakot to have it while I'm with my friends—Chio included. I know my limits when it comes to alcohol but you know, just to be safe because the glitch doesn't inform me when it's coming. Baka mamaya may masabi akong hindi dapat maamin. I can blame it on the alcohol but I'll never hear the end of it from Chio kaya it's better to be safe.

Late na akong nakahabol dahil I waited for Mommy to get off the hospital at sabay pa kaming umuwi. Then, I ate dinner first at home and helped Auntie Mel with the dishes before getting ready and going here. When I arrive, si Jass ang una kong nakita pagpasok, sitting by himself at one end of the bar counter and not seeming to give a fuck about the noise all around him dahil nakita kong nagbabasa ng presentation slides sa phone niya when I come closer. I tap him on his shoulder thrice, making him look up at me. It's not awkward, but definitely hindi na kami kagaya ng dati. That's what breakups do.

I lean closer to his ear to ask kung nasaan sina Eri. He just points a finger towards the dance floor. Eri's wearing heels na di ko alam kung gaano kataas, but tall enough na it made it easy for me spot her with Gracey, but maybe the sparse crowd helped. I'm guessing Sab is with Chio outside, or baka sa taas, kung saan nila trip mag-usap. When armed with alcohol, parang laging may heart-to-heart talk yung dalawang 'yun e.

"You're not drinking?" tanong ko kay Jass. I need to know kasi I have my car with me, but if it would be safer for me na magpahatid sa kaniya or sumabay sa kanila, doon na lang ako.

Smiling, Jass shakes his head. I turn my head when he leaned closer para bumulong sa tenga ko. "Bantayan ko kayo," he says. He spreads out a palm in front of me. "Dala mo kotse mo?"

I nod, giving him my whole purse instead of just my keys para hindi hassle. After that, I stare at him for a while, then sigh. Mukha namang naintindihan niya agad kung ano ang tumatakbo sa utak ko so he mouths sorry. I just shake my head, give him a smile that is not forced, remind him to look after us and my things, before heading to wear Eri and Gracey are.

"Julibear!" tili ni Eri bago ako salubungin ng yakap. I swat her hand away when she pokes my chest shamelessly. Eri doesn't sound sleepy and the drawl in her speaking is gone, which probably means na may tama na siya kahit papaano. She seems more normal when drunk, but not normal enough to the point na pagkakatiwalaan ko siya to go by herself anywhere; she's still drunk. Nasaan na ba si Sab? "Pahingi akong boobs!"

"Shut up," natatawa kong sita sa kaniya. Pero kung madali lang 'yun gawin, I would have heeded her request. Even if I'm wearing a black tube beneath my thin-strapped black dress, it's still showing more of my chest than I would like. Unlike Eri, I cannot put all my trust to a little tube top.

Gracey tries to hand me a drink, pero inilingan ko siya dahil hindi niya ako masagot kung ano ang laman n'un. I look around, trying to find kung saan nagha-heart-to-heart talk sina Sab at Chio while making sure na Gracey and Eri are within my arm's reach because a crowd is starting to form around us, most of which are men I do not know and I definitely would not trust.

I am still trying out make out the faces of the people sitting by the booth, nagbabaka sakaling nandoon sina Chio, when Gracey grabbed my hand at bigla na lang nagtatalon. Gaano kaaga ba sila dito and why does it seem like she and Eri are both drunk already? Malayong-malayo sa Gracey na nahihiyang makipag-usap sa 'kin ang may hawak sa kamay ko ngayon. She's even shouting the lyrics of the pop remix playing in the background. Hinayaan ko na lang because I would rather have her pull me to dance with her kaysa naman sa kung kanino siya sumama.

"No nga kasi!" My head immediately turned to Eri when I heard her say that. The music is loud but I'm sure of what I heard. I make Gracey stop from spinning me around and pull her with me to where Eri is.

She doesn't look happy, and it even shows clearer now that she's drunk kasi she's more alert. Ilang beses kong tinawag ang pangalan niya but she doesn't seem to hear me with all the music and shouting, both from the people around at sa kaniya mismo na nagbubunganga.

Eri curls almost immediately towards me when I held her arm. I eye the guy who doesn't seem to get the idea that my friend doesn't want to dance with him dahil panay pa rin ang pasimpleng dikit niya sa 'min. Kalahating gago ang puta. I don't take my eyes off him as I try to pull my two girls further away and papunta kay Jass where they are safe, when suddenly, someone hauls the jackass to the ground. Bukod sa mabilis ang pangyayari, masyado ring madilim so it seemed like a shadow came out of nowhere and just tackled the guy down. I assume it's someone from security. I step back, eyes wide, and continue pulling Gracey and Eri out of the scene dahil hindi naman na kami kailangan doon, but Eri refused to leave.

"Tara na!" I shout at Eri's ear. She shakes her head and pulls herself off me aggressively, which makes me groan in frustration.

Hindi ko siya hinayaang makalayo sa 'kin at makalapit kung nasaan ang gulo. I grab her by the arm more forcefully which made her turn her head to look at me. "It's Sab!" sigaw niya kasabay ng paghina ng music.

What? My eyebrows furrow. The orange light comes in full brightness and Sabrina's familiar tall figure becomes clearer. She pulls herself off the ground, fists still closed, and probably not hearing Eri screaming her lungs out and telling her to stop. When she swings for another punch, and someone comes in between her and the guy to stop her from giving another hit, ako naman ang napasigaw.

Fuck, that's Chio! Nasuntok niya si Chio! Sa mukha!

My feet move on its own to locate Chio on the ground. Sapo-sapo niya ang bandang panga habang nakasalampak sa sahig pero panay ang malulutong na mura. Namatay ulit ang lights at lumakas ulit ang music. I see someone, na from security na talaga based on what they are wearing, taking the asshat na ayaw kaming lubayan kanina off the floor and escorting him somewhere.

I hold onto Chio's trembling wrist and try to help him stand up pero ayaw niyang gumalaw. "Putang inaaaaa," reklamo niya. His other hand keeps on roaming the floor kaya naman dinampot ko 'yun. Napalingon siya sa 'kin. Maaapakan ang kamay niya sa ginagawa niya e!

"Let's go!" I shout.

Umiling siya, panay pa rin ang mura. "Putang ina . . . yung ngipin ko, AJ. Putang inaaa, putang inaaa," he says, voice coming out muffled by the way he's limiting his jaw movement. What?!

"Anong ngipin?" I ask. I pull my dress down with my free hand and force him to stand up with me. He doesn't stop on cussing and whining about the pain which I understand kasi kitang-kita ko kung gaano ka-solid yung lapag ng kamao ni Sabrina sa mukha niya. It sent him straight to the ground! And he's not lightweight kaya sigurado akong Sab put all her weight on that one punch. And that wasn't supposed to be for him naman kasi!

I spot Jass at a booth, safe with the three girls, as I pull Chio with me. Panay ang linga niya na parang hinahanap din kami, and when he sees Chio, kitang-kita ko kung paano siya nag-wince, so yeah, masakit nga yata talaga. And, my fucking god, nabungian nga kaya talaga isang 'to?!

Jass hands me my purse. Sab is just sitting on the corner with her head down on the table. Ganun din si Gracey. Si Eri, who's now wearing Jass' red jacket, lang ang kasabay ni Jass na ngumiwi sa estado ni Chio. "Yelo agad. O ioospital na ba 'yan?" tanong ni Jass, hindi inaalis ang tingin kay Chio. Sab had punched him once, so I'm sure he's recalling his pain.

"I don't fucking know," sagot ko. Sinukbit ko ang bag sa balikat. I eye the three girls. Ni hindi pa ako nakakainom, kung ano-ano na ang nangyari. Jesus. "Kaya mo na ihatid 'yan?" I ask Jass.

He nods, still not taking his eyes off Chio at parang kinilabutan pa saglit. "Palamigin ko lang si Sab, iritable pa e. Ingat kayo sa daan, a?"

I nod. I say goodbye and let Eri kiss me on the cheek before dragging Chio outside with me. Panay pa rin ang sigaw at daing niya na masakit ang panga, labi, at nawawala ang ngipin niya. Binitiwan ko siya when I reach my car. Imbes na sumampa na agad sa front seat, he just sits on his heels and continues to complain about the pain.

"Patingin nga ako!" sabi ko dahil nakakapag-alala yung tuloy-tuloy na pagrereklamo niya. He shakes his head, at hindi ko alam kung umiiyak na siya or crying noises lang yung ginagawa niya. Kahit pinandilatan ko na siya, hindi niya pa rin inaalis ang pagkakasapo ng palad niya sa mukha niya kaya hindi ko ma-inspect yung part na masakit. "Then let's go! Nang nalalagyan ng yelo 'yan."

He looks at me, eyes glassy and forehead creased probably due to the pain. Tahimik lang siya saglit bago ako hagurin ng tingin kaya hinila ko ang laylayan ng dress ko pababa. Maikli na nga kasi ang suot ko, pauupuin niya pa ako rito sa parking dahil nag-iinarte siya kaya lalong umiikli. Okay, fine, hindi siya nag-iinarte lang for no reason, but, ayaw na lang kasing umalis na kami! Para nalalaman kung anong makakaalis ng pain niya!

He sighs, makes one last weeping sound, before taking his hand off the lower left part of his face. He stands up and I follow. God, I can already see the swelling. This is why no one tries to fuck around Eri kahit na absentminded at gullible siya. It's not because of her giant four brothers na pare-parehas galing sa univ, but because of Sab.

Chio takes off his green and blue flannel and hand it to me, leaving him with a black v-neck shirt. "Papashukin ka ng lamig diyan sha shuot mo," he says, sounding a bit different because he probably can't move the lower half of his face.

Shaking my head, I put it on. "Shara mo butonesh," utos niya bago buksan ang front seat at, finally, pumasok.

I don't think his flannel matches my dress, but it covers my arms and chest up and made it more comfortable for me to move. Pagpasok ko sa driver's seat ay sapo-sapo na niya ulit ang bandang nasuntok ni Sab at panay ang mahinang daing. What do I do? Do I drive him to my place?

Bakit ko nga ba kasi siya hinila agad palabas kanina? What was I thinking? I don't have a plan. I just know that I worry and then the rest of my body moved on its own. Oh, wait, his teeth . . .

"Ngipin mo?" tanong ko bago i-start ang sasakyan. He looks at me, face still contorting in pain, before trying to open his mouth. Binuksan ko ang ilaw ng sasakyan and carefully touched his face so to not add to his pain.

I scrunch my nose at the smell of alcohol. Nagawa niya pang tumawa sa hitsura ko, pero hindi rin naman nagtagal dahil napalitan 'yun ng daing ulit.

"I don't think you're missing a tooth," I say. Shaking my head, I sit up properly and put my seatbelt on. "What happened with Sab? Ni di ko namalayang pasugod 'yon."

"Kakain dapat kameh. Ishashama shina Eri," he says with a grunt. "Pucha. Shakit talaga."

"Kakain kayo sa?" I ask before pulling out of the driveway. I guess I'll take him somewhere he can eat. Baka sa fast food na lang, and then I'll ask for some ice dahil nakakaawa naman ang mukha ng pangit na 'to. "How come di mo 'yun napigilan?"

"Nashuntok na nga ako e!" reklamo niya. I didn't want to, but I end up laughing. Fine, fine. There's no holding back a raging Sab. She probably saw Eri uncomfortable and acted as she saw fit. I'm guessing nakainom din 'yun base sa amoy nitong si Chio. "Shakit, AJ . . ."

"Bakit mo kasi hinarangan yung suntok? Tanga ka." Natanaw kong mahaba-haba ang pila sa drive-thru, so I decided to just drive further at umikot papunta sa main entrance. Magte-take out na lang ako sa loob at dito na lang kami sa kotse ko kakain. "Gusto mo bang pumunta sa ospital? What if you have a busted jaw?"

Umiling siya nang paulit-ulit. "Di ko naman hinarangan, siya ang di tumingin sha shushuntukin, pota," he says, making me laugh.

I pull over to the front parking and grab my wallet from my purse. I quickly checked the message on my phone. It's Jass telling me that he's taking the girls home, and asking how Chio is. Nag-reply lang ako ng mabilisang okay lang bago iwan ang bag ko kay Chio. "Dito na lang tayo sa labas," I tell him, to which he nods. "Keep the windows open, malamig naman. Anong kakainin mo?"

"Libre mo?"

"Kung ipapantay ko kaya kay Sab yang suntok sa 'yo?" I ask jokingly. He manages a crooked smile before waving a hand to dismiss me—wala talagang kabala-balak iabot sa 'kin ang wallet niya. Inirapan ko siya bago ko iwan para um-order na.

Wala masyadong pila sa loob, thankfully. I just order some fries, nuggets, and soft drinks dahil hindi naman ako gutom at hindi ko alam kung kaya ni Chio na kumagat sa burger considering the state of one side of his jaw. I also request for a cup of ice to hopefully reduce the swelling on his face.

Paglabas ko, nasa labas na ng sasakyan si Chio. He's leaning at the bumper of my car and looking up at the night sky na wala naman nang masyadong stars na makita, probably because of the pollution, while still cupping one side of his face. Nilapag ko sa bumper ang binili ko except for the drinks which I make him hold.

"Yelohan mo 'yang pagmumukha mo," sabi ko. I press the cup of ice to his cheek the moment he puts his other hand down to grab something to eat. Pinandilatan ko siya ng mga mata. "Aba! Hawakan mo 'to, loko. Ginawa mo naman akong utusan mo niyan?"

He glances at me, chewing on a nugget sa non-injured side of his cheek. Imbes na kuhain sa kamay ko itong cup ng yelo ay dumeretso sa 'kin ang kamay niya. I thought he's going to cover my face with his whole hand na minsan ay trip niyang gawin kaya medyo umiwas ako, but turns out he was just reaching for the topmost button of his flannel. He buttons it close with one hand before taking the cup of ice from my hold and pressing it against his cheek.

"Tingin nga muna ako ulit," utos ko, referring to his jaw. Inalis niya saglit ang paper cup. Ah, it's already swollen. Feeling ko mag-iiba ang kulay n'un bukas. It's going to be ugly. I don't know if it can heal within the weekend.

"'Yan. Bobo mo kasi," sabi ko bago buksan nang ayos yung box ng nuggets at tabihan siya. I hold it with my right hand para nasa gitna namin.

"Kashalanan ko pa?" natatawa niyang tanong. "Penge."

"Pati ba kamay mo nasuntok?" I ask and look up at him. He rolls his eyes and shows me that both his hands are occupied. Yung isa, hawak yung yelo. The other, hawak yung drinks namin parehas. I sigh before picking up a chicken nugget at isubo sa kaniya.

"Arte neto e," he tells me with a nudge nang itabi ko sa isang gilid yung kinagatan na niya at kumuha ng bago for me. Hindi niya kasi kayang isubo nang buo dahil masakit ngumuya.

Maarte siya diyan. Siya lang ba ang may karapatang maging laway conscious?

"Are you sure ayaw mong pumuntang ospital? If that's a busted jaw, then you should get it checked," I tell him before picking up yung nugget na nakagatan na niya at isubo ulit sa kaniya. I arch a brow when he eyes me a little longer than usual before taking the food with his mouth. "Aren't your parents going to worry? Baka sabihin napaaway ka or what." I doubt it though, because Chio's not the type. Madawit, sure, which is exactly what happened earlier. Pero get into trouble willingly? Unlikely.

Nilapag ko sa bumper ang kinakain namin. I get one cup of drink from his other hand. Inalis ko ang lid n'un at uminom, and I don't bother opening the other one dahil tatlo lang ang useful na kamay namin combined at baka tumilapon kapag pinatong ko sa bumper. Yung ininuman ko na lang ang inalok ko sa kaniya. I just widen my eyes at him when his face reel back. Napakaarte talaga o! "Para kang tanga, Io Sancho."

He makes a face, or at least tries to, dahil wala namang halos pinagkaiba sa mukha niya kanina noong fresh pa ang pain niya from the punch. He takes just a small sip from the cup, pero ilang beses siyang lumunok. Inubos ko na yung laman ng cup para maitapon na namin at wala nang maiwang basura sa kotse ko. I place it inside the paper bag before getting back to our nuggets.

"Sure ka bang ayaw mong ipa-check? There's a hospital nearby. And di naman ako nakainom so I can drive you there," suggestion ko. I really think we need to go to the hospital just to rule out anything serious. "And I can call Mommy or your parents if you're worrying about paying anything. Does it hurt too much pa ba? Maybe we can get you meds for that?" Di ko talaga alam. All I know is I think he needs medical attention, or maybe I am overreacting. Pero wala naman kasing mawawala kung pupunta kami sa ospital, di ba?

Inangat ko ang tingin sa kaniya when he doesn't say anything. I find him just staring at me which made my eyebrows furrow. I pick up a nugget dahil akala ko 'yun ang gusto niya but he just shakes his head and steps away, laughing. "Wala na, pota."

"What?"

He walks towards the other free parking spaces, still laughing. Bumagal ang pagnguya ko as I watch him. Jesus. What if napalakas talaga yung suntok ni Sab? Medyo madilim kanina so I didn't see it clearly, so what if he hit his head sa floor? Is his brain okay? What is he laughing about? Maybe I should drive him na talaga to the hospital even if it's against his will.

Tumatawa pa rin siya nang maglakad pabalik sa 'kin. He's wincing in between chuckles, pero hindi naman siya tumitigil. When his laughter fades, he sighs. "Ayosh ka ng tayo. Umuurong damit mo."

Sinunod ko yung sinabi niya at hinila pababa ang hem ng dress ko. When I offer him the last piece of chicken nugget, bumalik siya sa pagtawa. He even lolled his head back while laughing. Parang tanga talaga. What's his problem?

"Nugget," sabi niya.

"O," I say and bring one close to his lips.

"Ikaw, AJ. Nugget."

Kumunot ang noo ko. "What?"

"Nalintikan na ang putang ina," I hear him say before biting the nugget off my hand. Wala akong naintindihan. 

# # # Chapter 9 on February 10, 6pm. 

i only update every 10 days (or 2-3x a month), then every week once i finish the story offline (: as much as i want to upd8 agad, dumadalas burnout q :c ty