hello, share ko na rin here ;D
twitter user /artsinah made a very cute chioaj illus !!! <33 ang kyot nila at required mag-agree charing haha

ty for waiting!!

082223 #BYLAMwp Chapter 19

"Meryenda na tayo ulit," imbita ni Chio for the second time within the last thirty minutes, kaya naman napitik ko ang kamay niyang busy na paikutin ang ball pen niya sa mga daliri imbes na magsagot ng samplex. I have been secretly watching him work on one item at makakatulog na yata ako, wala pa ring nangyayari.

He's not dumb—tamad na tamad lang talaga. He would not have survived the last three semesters kung mahina talaga ang ulo niya sa Math. It's like his brain has a schedule kung kailan lang niya 'to gustong paganahin. At kapag ayaw niya, wala talaga. He just lets it float inside his head.

Sab snickers, trying to keep her laughter low dahil nasita na kami kanina ng librarian kanina sa noise kahit wala namang ibang tao ngayong Sabado. Magsama sila ni Chio na kung ano-ano ang inatupag kanina. So even if we met at around 9 in the morning, halos mag-a-ala una na rin silang nag-start mag-review for Dynamics. We had lunch earlier around 11 and came back at 12.

It's just half past 2 in the afternoon at pagkain na naman ang nginangawa ni Chio. Mabuti sana if he's actually getting work done at nagamit na ng utak niya yung kinain niya kanina, but no.

"Mamaya na, mga bago umuwi," Sab says. Chio frowns dahil wala na siyang kakampi. Mukhang gusto na rin ni Sab ng matinong pagre-review.

Hindi ko kakampihan si Chio, obviously; tinatamad na akong lumabas ulit. Jass, who Eri borderline bullied to peel himself away from his girlfriend para sumama sa 'min, is busy. Eri's trying her hardest to understand stuff dahil may dalawa siyang barely passed na quizzes—she would have to retake the course and risk being delayed if hindi siya papasa sa finals. Na-warning-an pa naman kami na mahirap yung exam. I'm not sure if that's just a threat to make us study or kung totoo, but Eri's not risking it.

I have no idea if Chio's doing just fine sa course, or sadyang wala siyang healthy amount ng takot for failing academically. I kind of want to try being in his shoes for a day—how can one be this carefree? Parang bilang lang yata sa daliri kung ilang beses sumakit ang ulo niya because of life. I am sure he has his problems, but I have never seen him na talagang ma-stress or something.

I immediately pull away the earphones I'm wearing when Chio's hand goes to my knee para tawagin ang atensyon ko. There was a jolt in my chest because I'm wearing shorts at baka mamaya, may makapansin how Chio seems to be so used to touching my bare knees whenever he needs my attention. Mukhang wala namang nakapansin, pero kailangan na talagang magkaroon ng kahit katiting na kaba 'tong si Chio sa system niya, kasi ako, meron! And he's going to give me a heart attack.

"What?" I ask quietly, putting the lecture video I'm supposed to watch on pause.

Instead na sumagot nang ayos, he just points to his paper with a pout. I roll my eyes and grab my pen from my bag nang nakaka-move forward na siya sa next item.

Pasimple kong inapakan ang paa niya under the desk when I catch him trying to hide a smile by pouting. He clears his throat and tries to look serious bago umayos sa pagkakaupo niya.

"Sungit ng nagtuturo, kakawalang gana," nagawa niya pang ibulong. He only chuckles before umilag sa amba kong tutusukin ng ballpen ang pisngi niya. I swear if he fails at di kami magkaklase next semester, he would never hear the end of it from me.

Hindi ko alam if he was being honest, but he keeps on saying okay every time I would ask him if he understands, kaya lagot talaga siya sa 'kin kapag pinaulit niya sa 'kin lahat ng 'to mamaya. I hold my breath when I feel him trying to subtly pull my chair closer to his. I am already trying so hard not to react on his arm na pinatong niya sa sandalan ng upuan ko kanina pa. Tutusukin ko na talaga siya ng ball pen.

"Gets mo ba talaga?" I ask again and turn to face him.

He just nods, smiling shamelessly, not even glancing at his paper na parang wala naman talaga siyang pakialam doon sa tinanong ko at hindi naman pinanood kung paano kukuhain ang sagot. I click my tongue and look away, finishing the whole item for him bago bumalik sa panonoorin ko dapat na video.

Inilayo ko lang nang kaunti ang upuan ko sa kaniya dahil literal na nakadikit na, nakasunod naman siya agad para pasimpleng idikit ulit. This boy. Ano ba'ng gusto niya? Kalungin ko na siya?

"AJ."

I shift my gaze to Sab na sa tapat namin nakaupo. "What?"

She crosses her arms and leans over the table. "Kailan ka magjojowa ulit?"

My forehead creases instantly. Eri, who was in visible distress literally just a second ago, pauses on what she's doing para tumabi lalo kay Sab at gayahin ang paninitig nito sa 'kin. Pati nga si Jass, napatingin. From the side of my eye I see Chio stop writing para lumingon din sa 'kin.

What? Since when pa naging important topic 'tong love life-kuno ko sa kanila?

I shake my head at Sab, still keeping the crease on my forehead so she gets the message na nawiwirdohan ako sa tanong niya. "Hindi ko alam."

"How about Ced?" tanong ni Eri, wiggling her brows. "He's kinda cute."

"No," tanggi ko agad, face crumpling at the thought.

"Kahit date lang?" pahabol pa ni Eri. She suddenly hits Jass' arm with the single piece of yellow paper she's holding. "Ito kasi e!"

"Oo nga," segunda ni Sab, reaching over Eri's seat na katabi niya just to do the same. Gusot na ang mga papel nila. Jass just shields his bicep with his hand. "Panira kasi ng buhay 'to e."

Napailing na lang ako. Jass stays quiet after apologizing twice.

"Kahit ligaw lang?" Sab asks.

"Hindi. Bakit ba?"

"Ayaw mo pa rin? Kailan mo gusto?"

Bakit ba pinoproblema ni Sab ang pagbo-boyfriend ko? "Hindi ko alam. Basta ayaw ko sa kahit ano."

"Kahit crush lang? Grabe ka na," natatawang sabi ni Sab.

Frowning, I shake my head. "Ayoko nga."

The matching disappointed look on Eri and Sab's faces tell me na tapos na yung usapan, but then Chio asks, "Talaga?"

Nakailang kurap ako bago siya lingunin. Why the fuck would he join the conversation?

"Ayaw mo?" he adds, and of course he just had to make it harder for me to answer by trying to hold my gaze.

I was not able to get any words out immediately with how my heart is frantically ramming against my chest, so I just look away with a scowl. Bakit ba namin 'to biglang pinag-uusapan? Whatever happened to focusing for the Dynamics exam?

"Sagutan mo na nga 'yang sinasagutan mo," sita ko sa kaniya.

He just picks up his pen and continues what he's doing. I put my earphones back on to signal the two girls that I don't want to talk about this anymore, at buti naman at bumalik na rin sila sa mga sari-sariling ginagawa.

Three minutes lang yata akong naka-focus sa review video dahil pumunta na naman ang mga mata ko sa ginagawa ni Chio. I'm just making sure he's getting it right. My eyebrows furrow nang mapansin kong dere-deteso naman siya sa sinasagutan, hindi kagaya kanina na patigil-tigil siya or wala talaga siyang ginagawa but draw stick figures on the margin of his papers. It's either he listened to me closely earlier, or talagang alam naman niya yung gagawin but tinatamad lang talaga siya kanina.

He puts his pen down when he's finished.

"So you do understand," I can't help but comment.

He looks at me, holds my gaze, and looks away before I start to feel uncomfortable with the way he's staring.

Nang lingunin niya ako ulit ay nakangiti na siya. "So puwede nang magmeryenda?"

Hindi naman talaga niya hinintay ang sagot ko. Kulang na lang hilahin niya ako palabas ng library. Walang ibang gustong sumama sa 'min kaya kaming dalawa lang ang lumabas saglit papunta sa café sa tapat.

"Aju," tawag niya sa 'kin habang nasa dulo kami ng pila at nagkukunwari akong marunong magdesisyon by scanning the overhead menu. I'll honestly just get whatever he's having. I cannot be bothered thinking about what to eat from this parade of choices.

"Ano?" I ask, looking at him.

There's a pause before he asks, "Ayaw mo talaga?"

My heart picks up its pace. It's pure luck that my voice didn't shake when I ask him back, "Ng?"

There goes another long pause. He stares at me as if he's searching something in my eyes, then his gaze softens, and finally he looks away with his jaw set firmly. He takes a deep breath based on the movement of his chest, then he quickly points to the café sandwich promo placed right in the middle of the overhead menu. "N'un? Ayaw mo n'un?"

Oh. I shake my head. "Ayoko." Busog pa ako.

"Ayaw mo," mahina niyang ulit sa sinabi ko. I nod to confirm.

He looks away.

"Ayaw mo, ayaw mo, ayaw mo . . ." he echoes to himself hanggang sa makarating kami sa harap ng pila.

*

We have a group paper on Filipino due on Thursday. Bumungad sa 'kin right after I wake up on Sunday morning ang instructions for that and it ruined my mood immediately kaya muntik ko nang piliing bumalik sa pagkakatulog and just pretend it does not exist. I don't think it's rocket science to figure out that I do not like working in groups. Besides, how can we work on that on four days? May exam pa sa Dynamics bukas.

Pero wala naman akong choice. It's not like the problem is going to magically disappear pagkagising ko ulit, so I decide to pull myself off the bed and take a long, warm bath after. I need to review for the exams tomorrow. And I need to collect myself at lahat ng reserba kong social battery for that paper.

I check the list of groups after getting breakfast, and the heavy sigh of relief I let out after seeing Sab and Chio's name after mine made Auntie Mel look at me habang naghuhugas siya ng pinggan.

"May sakit ka?" natatawa niyang tanong after I give her a hug because I am that relieved. Parang dumodoble kasi ang bigat ng activity if I had to work on it with people I am not used to talking to. Groupworks are such nightmares.

I head back to my room after breakfast dahil kailangan kong mag-review at maagang matulog mamaya. I initiate a group chat with Chio and Sab because there's a high probability na ako lang ang nagbasa ng e-mail sa aming tatlo. Katutulog lang siguro ni Sab, knowing her odd sleep schedule. Si Chio . . . I don't know.

It's a few minutes past 9 in the morning when I see him online. For some reason, a greeting seems awkward to send kaya m-in-essage ko na lang siya na may groupings kami. He sees my message immediately, but his reply comes after exactly ten minutes. Simpleng OK ang reply niya. I do not know if he's just half-asleep, or busy rin siya reviewing for the exam tomorrow. My bet is on the former, so I send another message to check.

Are you studying?

Di.

What are you doing?

La.

I blink a couple of times to make sure na si Chio yung kausap ko. Tumatagos sa screen ang ligalig ng Chio na kilala ko. But he seems a bit gloomy today, parang gumagaya sa panahon. Kagigising lang ba niya kaya dalawang letra lang kada message ang kaya niyang i-type?

I don't dwell much on it because it's a rainy weekend morning kaya baka nakapahinga ang battery niya. Or he's recharging for the exam tomorrow. Besides, I have stuff to do than just watch my phone screen and wait for a new message to appear. I don't think I have anything to worry about dahil sinabayan pa nga niya ako pauwi kahapon. We're fine.

Kinabukasan, maaga akong umalis ng bahay para hindi ako ma-stress sa paghahanap ng parking or sa pagmamadaling umakyat sa room. I check my phone one last time before chucking it in my bag na nasa front seat. I already got used to clearing my inbox and notificaitons from Chio first thing in the morning that it feels weird not to get anything today.

I pull over after a few blocks after the thought of him being still asleep came to mind. I get my phone from my bag and send him a quick text message to remind yung oras ng exam.

I didn't have to wait too long for a reply, fortunately, because that means gising na siya. Oo lang ang reply niya. I mentally slap myself because there's a part of me that's weeping na dalawang letra na naman 'yun. That's not something rational to sulk about. Ano ba 'yan, Ju.

Nauna sina Eri at Jass na dumating sa room kaysa sa 'kin. I smile a bit at Jass when he looks at me while he's in the middle of explaining something kay Eri. Tinanguan niya lang ako.

We're okay. We have been okay for a long while now. Yun nga lang talaga, there are some things in our relationship that I cannot patch up after the break-up. Wala na—may nagbago na e. At okay na rin naman ako with that loss we took. Minsan lang talaga, and very rarely at that, napapaisip ako how things would have been different today had we not broken up—better yet, had we not gotten into a relationship.

I wear my earphones dahil ayaw kong marinig ang mga nagre-review. I don't like studying an hour before any exam. I don't even like hearing anything about the topics. Gusto ko tahimik lang.

I just watch Jass and Eri review. Iba rin talaga ang patience ni Jass. Baka kung ako ang magre-review kay Eri, magkaaway na kami before the exam even starts. Twenty minutes after explaining a problem, I would have already called her something I would have immediately regretted saying.

I click the pause button on my phone when I see Chio entering the room kasama ni Sab. He doesn't look like he's in a bad mood and that's a good thing. Nakatawa pa siya when he approaches Eri and Jass' seat na magkadikit dahil nga nagre-review sila. Sab takes Eri's seat sa tabi ko after setting her bag on her chair. Inalis niya ang isang earphone ko. "Tutulog ako. Hawakan mo ulo ko."

"What?" I asked, confused. She takes my hand and puts it above her head nang sumubsob siya sa arm chair.

"Gabayan mo 'ko sa exam," she mumbles with her eyes closed. That earns her a laugh from me. Hindi ko na inalis ang kamay ko sa tuktok ng ulo niya even after she lets go of it. It's harmless. And I genuinely want her to pass.

I stare at Sab for a good minute, making sure she has her eyes shut at hindi niya ako pinanonood, before my gaze locks itself on Chio. Sukbit niya pa ang backpack niya sa isang balikat habang nakatayong nakikidutdot on whatever problems sets Eri and Jass are reviewing. There's a creeping feeling on the base of my chest, and it grows every time he would turn his head even in the slightest.

It's anticipation.

My forehead creases. But for what?

I take a deep breath when he playfully smacks one of Jass' shoulders before leaving them there. My eyes remain glued to him nang lumagpas siya sa tapat ko. He puts down his bag sa upuan niya, and I know I am shamelessly staring pero hindi ko naman maiwasan.

The crease in the middle of my forehead comes back nang hindi man lang niya ako bigyan ng tingin. Not even a passing glance.

Hindi rin siya nagtagal sa upuan niya dahil bumalik siya kina Jass. Nakailang kurap ako just to make sure that I'm seeing things right. He pulls a chair and huddles with Jass and Eri before pushing his hair back with his palms. Nagawa niyang silipin si Sab na umiidlip sa tabi ko.

"Tulog?" he asks.

I assume the question is for me, so naturally, I answer, "Yes."

"Ah," he replies before putting his attention sa nire-review nina Jass. Hindi man lang ako tiningnan.

I try to keep the corners of my lips even on a straight line, but they keep on pulling themselves down to a moping frown. Bakit ganun? What did I do?

Is it just because of the exam? Bakit kay Jass nagagawa naman niyang ngumiti?

Bakit sa 'kin ayaw niya?

Gusto ko sa 'kin din.

My frown deepens when I keep hearing him laugh. I stare at him, and I stare at him hard, sending him a telepathic message na tingnan niya ako. But it's either he's too focused sa pagbabasa ng kung anoman yung nakasulat sa binder filler ni Jass or he's too busy deliberately ignoring me.

Why the hell is he ignoring me?

Dahan-dahan kong inalis ang kamay kong nakapatong sa tuktok ng ulo ni Sab when Chio stands up and steps out of the room. Ayaw ko siyang sundan sa labas para lang kausapin. Maybe he's not ignoring me at baka gusto lang talaga niyang mag-review, and he knows I don't want to be asked about exams minutes before taking it. Ayaw kong tumambay sa may entrada ng men's CR like a creep. Ayaw kong siyang harangan sa daan just to force him to look at me kasi naiinis akong hindi niya ako tinitingnan.

Ayaw ko pero 'tang ina ginawa ko naman lahat. I want to stop frowning because I feel like I'm looking like a bratty kid na hindi napagbigyan sa gusto, but I can't help it. Lalo na nang kung tingnan niya ako e parang di kami magkakilala. What the fuck lang.

"O?" he asks before taking his eyes off me na sasaglit yata akong dinaplisan. Nilipat niya 'yun sa tapat as if he's searching for something sa hallway behind me.

He quickly brings his gaze back to me after I click my tongue. I look over my shoulders to see if there's something happening sa likod ko na dapat niyang usisain e wala naman. Ano'ng tinitingnan niya diyan? Nandito ako sa harap niya.

I sigh and collect myself. Fuck, at ano namang problema ko? Why am I being so worked up about this nang wala namang matinong grounding? Kung ano-ano na lang ang ginagawa sa 'kin ng lalaking 'to. "Lunch tayong dalawa mamaya."

He blinks rapidly, like he doesn't want our gazes to lock even for a second. "Busog ako. Hindi ako magla-lunch."

I frown. "Lunch is four hours away. Too early to say na busog ka by that time."

He clears his throat. Nilipat niya sa sahig ang tingin bago tumango. "'Ge." Hindi ko alam kung siya o sarili ko ang gusto kong sabunutan dahil dalawang letters na naman ang response niya.

Umuna na siya pabalik sa room. I stay at the doorway of the room for a moment, thinking if I should just join him nang bumalik siya sa puwesto niya with Jass and Eri because whatever he is doing, it's making me feel bad.

Of course, he ends up winning. Of course, he ends up getting to me. I try not to frown too much when si Jass at si Eri lang ang napatingin sa 'kin nang humila ako ng upuan para makidawdaw on whatever they're doing. I glance at Chio and fought the urge na hablutin yung filler ni Jass na hawak niya so he would stop subtly covering his face with it. Problema ba kasi niya?

"Nag-review ka na?" Eri asks.

"Siyempre lagi ka namang nagre-review," sagot niya sa sariling tanong before I can even nod. She whines for a good two minutes before putting her game face back on at utusan si Jass na ipaliwanag ulit sa kaniya yung isa pang item.

Bukod sa I can never do what Jass is doing, I do not want to do that.

Kaya di ko alam why I even bothered pulling my chair closer to Chio and asking him if needs help. This is so not something I do. Lalo na sa tulad niya. Baka maubos niya ang lahat ng pasensyang meron ako that's supposed to last me this lifetime.

"Di," he answers, putting down Jass' green filler bago damputin yung pink one.

Ang tangang 'to.

I grab the filler from him tapos ay binalik ko sa kaniya nang nakaayos na ang orientation.

Kung magpapanggap siyang magre-review, at least make it believable. Paano niya maiintindihan kung baliktad ang binabasa niya? Yun ngang di baliktad, di na niya maintindihan.

That made him look at me, pero wala na! I am no longer waiting for his gaze to fall on me. Tumayo na ako at bumalik sa upuan ko. Gumaya kay Sab na nakasubsob sa armchair. I stay there until I hear Engineer coming in and telling the class to settle, then I watch Chio na pumunta sa seat niya beside me, back to carefully calculating where his eyes would go para lang hindi dumapo sa kin.

What is wrong with him? Okay naman kami a? What did I do?

As much as a part of me wants to sulk like a little kid, the better part of me decides to set that aside and focus on the exam, instead. I stab the back of my hand with the tip of my pen, hard enough to jolt me awake but not too much for it to hurt nor bleed, every time I would stop every ten minutes or so dahil nambubulabog yung parte kong gustong magligalig dahil nasusupladuhan ni Chio this morning.

I am not the clingy type. I was never clingy with Jass. Maybe I'm just so used to Chio paying attention to me that it feels wrong not to have it even for a day. 'Tang ina namang lalaki e.

This is probably the most distracted I have been for an exam. Naubos ko yung buong two hours for answering and checking, which normally doesn't happen because submitting exactly on the deadline makes me a bit anxious, pero wala naman na akong magagawa. I sit on the next hour of PE lecture still distracted. Ako tuloy ang hindi dinalaw ng gutom because I'm too busy thinking about other things come lunch.

Sab decides to sleep and Jass goes with his usual routine of meeting Gracey. Eri joins the little group na binuo ni Engineer kanina para kitain siya sa faculty room for some make-up points. If this were any other day, baka hindi ko pa naitatabi ang mga gamit ko, hila-hila na ako ni Chio palabas. Why not, right? We don't have to make excuses kung bakit kaming dalawa lang ang magkasama. Hindi rin suspicious because everyone's just busy doing their business kaya kami lang.

Pero hindi naman ganun ngayon dahil . . . ewan ko ba sa kaniya. I huff while gathering my hair for a half ponytail. Hindi na talaga ako dadalawin ng gutom dahil nawalan na talaga ako ng gana.

Gumaya na ulit ako kay Sab at sumubsob sa arm chair ko, dahil yung isa kong katabi, busy sa phone at mukhang wala rin namang balak na i-bring up yung invitation ko sa kaniya kanina to have lunch together.

I hope when I wake up after this nap, hindi na masyadong magulo ang utak ko at wala na ring toyo si Chio. He's annoying but I still want to go home with him today.

It has not been two minutes after I closed my eyes when he taps me lightly on the arm. I pretend not to feel it and don't give him any response. Narinig ko siyang bumuntonghininga, then he taps me on my arm again. My eyes flutter open, but I keep my head slumped over my chair when his hand remains there.

I hold my breath when it goes to the back of my head, then slides down to my nape. His hand is cold. The same hand then goes to my upper back. His palm unmoving, his fingers begin to pat my back gently.

I thought he's still trying to wake me up, but my forehead creases when his rhythm stays the same, slow, careful, and continuous after a good minute or two.

He's not waking me up. He's patting me to sleep.

Napaayos ako bigla ng upo. He seems startled by my sudden movement, at parang nag-hang pa siya for a while, trying to decide what he's going to do with his hand that was touching me earlier. He awkwardly pulls it back to his side bago tumikhim at umiwas na naman ng 'tang inang tingin.

Do I have something on my face? Seriously, what's with him?

"Sabi mo kakain ka," he mumbles so low na parang miski sa 'king kausap niya ay ayaw niyang iparinig.

I sigh. At least those are not just two letters. I don't say anything more and just get my wallet bag from my bag. Sumunod lang siya sa 'kin palabas withou question, and we don't speak to each other until we get to the canteen.

Parang nangangati ang balat ko because of how weird the atmosphere is between us coupled with his unusual silence. He pulls a chair and sits, and I just assume na wala siyang balak kumain kaya hindi ko na tinanong.

Pumunta na ako sa pila to get something na magaan lang sa tiyan because I am honestly not hungry—gusto ko lang siyang kasama, oddly enough. Congrats sa kaniya because he finally permanently altered something in my brain kaya may maliit na parte na ritong hinahanap-hanap siya.

And I thought I'm done with something like this after breaking up with Jass. Kainis.

But seriously, what's with him? I watch the back of his head habang naglalakad ako pabalik sa table namin. Is it really just the exams? Gusto niya bang mag-focus doon and he knows I don't really do well reviewing in groups? Or may iba siyang problem? Is it something at home? Something he can't tell me?

I sigh before setting the tray on the table. That's fair. Maybe he has problems he doesn't, or can't, share with me. At least he's here. I just hope he figures out something to do about it because I don't think I would last a week with him like this. Nakaka-bother kaya.

"Kakain ka?" Inalok ko siya bago ako magsimula. He merely shakes his head, eyes still on his phone. Is he talking with someone? Or is he just mindlessly scrolling sa feed niya? I wanna know.

I try to finish my meal pero hindi ko talaga kaya. Gusto ko siyang tawagin at tanungin ulit kung gusto niyang kumain dahil nanghihinayang ako, but I can't bring myself to do so dahil alam kong medyo awkward nga. He's still on his phone. I stare at him and just wait for him to notice me, or kahit yung food na lang kung hindi ako.

My smile appears instantly when he looks my way. Bumaba ang tingin niya sa plato ko bago umiiling-iling na damputin ang tinidor. He picks up with a fork the last two meatballs that I can't force down my throat even if I want to. Isang suboan lang 'yun sa kaniya.

"Busog na kasi ako," I reason.

He just nods, eyes glued to his phone again. I take a deep breath before pushing my chair back and returning my plates. Maybe he's just having a bad day. Not wanting to talk to people when you're having a bad day is something I'm very familiar with. Hell, kahit nga good mood ako, minsan ayaw ko ng kausap.

It's just that . . . I'm kind of hoping na hindi ako yung ayaw niyang kausapin kapag bad mood siya. Mukha naman siyang okay kanina with our other friends and blockmates. Bakit sa 'kin lang siya tahimik? Bakit sa 'kin lang siya ilap? Did I do something wrong? I didn't, as far as I know and can remember.

Nilingon ko siya from where I'm standing. Nakayuko pa rin nang bahagya ang ulo niya sa kung anoman yung pinagkakaabalahan niya sa phone niya. I hope he's okay.

Hindi talaga siya kumain bukod doon sa leftovers ko. Should I get him something to drink? I probably should, 'no? Maybe that would him make him feel better?

I scan the lines and go where it is shortest. Tahimik akong nag-aabang sa nag-iisang bumibili ng inumin when that person in front of me looks over her shoulders and meets my eyes for a second. Napabalik siya ng tingin ulit sa 'kin na parang nagulat din upon seeing me. It's Leigh.

"Hi," she greets quietly. I nod and give her a small smile. "Sino'ng kasama mo?" she asks, stepping aside to make way for me. She hands her payment for her drink bago kuhanin 'yun sa nagtitinda. She looks back at me while sipping on her lemonade and probably waiting for her change.

"Chio," I answer. I see how she pauses on drinking based on how tumigil yung drink sa pag-akyat on her clear straw. She tears her gaze away from me nang iabot sa kaniya yung sukling inilingan niya. She points at the huge container of cucumber lemonade and gestures na kukuha siya ng isa n'un. The Ate at the kiosk takes back her change and replaces it with a smaller bill bago kumuha ng isa pang plastic cup for her additional order.

Pinanood ko si Ate na bigyan siya n'un. I don't like how that tastes; iisang beses ko pa lang 'yun natikman nang bumili si Chio at na-curious ako sa lasa. I remember na ayaw niya pa ngang i-share 'yun, but I really wanted a taste kasi nagtaka ako kung bakit iba ang binili niyang inumin for me, tapos parang pinagdadamutan niya pa ako. I think I can still hear the way he laughed when I made the face of regret after taking a sip. Tapos sabi niya, "Alam ko namang di mo magugustuhan e. Ayan, napala mo . . ."

"Thank you po," rinig kong sabi ni Leigh. She looks at me again and tries to wave a hand even though occupied ang parehas na kamay niya. I merely nod and smile again because . . . well, hindi ako marunong makipag-usap.

I tell Ate to get me one cucumber lemonade, too, when it's my turn to order. After I sorted my change on my wallet, I pick the drink up from the counter and turn to where the tables are.

My supposed next step forward comes to a halt when I see Leigh sitting on our table, sipping on her drink. Hindi na nakayuko si Chio sa phone niya at may sinasabi sigurong kung ano na siyang tinatanguan ni Leigh.

I look around, searching for Gracey, Jass, or yung kasama ni Leigh for her project noong tinulungan siya ni Chio. She's probably with someone kasi dalawa yung drinks na binili niya, right? Nasaan yung kasama niya?

Bumalik lang sa table namin ang tingin ko because hindi ko naman mahanap sina Jass at Gracey, nor her project partner, anywhere. She probably has other friends na hindi ko pa kilala sa mukha at yun ang kasama niya. I do not even know bakit ko hinahanap yung possible na kasama or mga kasama niya. I . . . I should not care this much sa kung para kanino yung binili niyang inumin kanina.

I take a deep breath before walking back to our table, kasi wala naman akong ibang puwedeng puntahan. My bag is still on my seat with Chio. Leigh stands up from the chair she took before I can even get there, sees me again when she lifts her head, tapos kumaway siya ulit sa 'kin before she goes. I wave back with a fabricated smile dahil for some reason, kumakalabog ang dibdib ko at di ako makangiti nang ayos.

"O? 'Kala ko ba busog ka na? Ba't ka bumili niyan?" Chio asks.

And it should not, and I should not have let it happen, but my heart drops to my feet when I see him sipping on the same drink I just got him pero hindi galing sa 'kin. Chio's brows furrow bago niya silipin ang iniinom niya, then he returns his gaze to me. "Di ka naman umiinom niyan a?"

There's a sharp sensation that stings my chest when I breathe in. I set the drink on the table dahil pakiramdam ko mabibitiwan ko yun any second now, then take a seat dahil nagmumukha akong tanga awkwardly standing in front of him holding a drink na supposedly for him. I chuck my wallet into my bag and pretend to arrange the stuff inside it as an excuse to not look at him and piece my rationality back together.

Ang petty lang. E ano'ng gagawin? It's not like he asked me to get him something. Wala e. It should not be embarrassing as long as hindi naman niya alam na para sa kaniya yun, di ba?

Naunahan ako. It's not like I can do anything about it. It's just a fucking drink na hindi naman masarap.

"Gusto ko lang i-try," pagdadahilan ko.

He makes a face na parang hindi naniniwala, then shakes his head. I sigh. At least it seems like he's not ignoring me anymore, and that's a good thing. It makes me feel better. Tumayo na ako at binitbit ang gamit ko at ang putang inang cucumber lemonade na hindi ko alam kung saan ko dadalhin; nakakapanghinayang naman kasing itapon. Sumunod si Chio sa 'kin palabas ng canteen at naglakad kami pabalik sa room.

I chew on the insides of my lower lip nang paulit-ulit kong naririnig ang tunog ng cup niya nang paubos na ang laman n'un at halos yelo na lang ang natitira. Tumuloy ako sa paglalakad pabalik even when he stops in front of the trash bins habang humihigop pa rin doon sa cup niyang wala naman nang laman. Namanhid na yata sa kahihiyan ang kamay kong may hawak ng hindi pa nagagalaw na inumin. I would rather walk to Spain hand-carrying kilograms of luggage than tell him na para sa kaniya dapat 'to. Nakakahiya.

Pagpasok ko sa room, gising na si Sab. Nilapag ko na lang sa armchair niya yung cucumber lemonade without saying anything. I think she's confused, pero naungusan ng pagka-confuse niya yung pagkatuwa sa libre, so she just says thanks without asking questions.

When Chio comes in, he glances at Sab who's already sipping on the drink, then to me. I look away immediately dahil feeling ko, kahit hindi ko sabihin, alam naman niya yung tunay na nangyari. The stupid boy can read through me sometimes if he chooses to let his brain work. Mahirap na.

"'Kala ko ba magta-try ka ng bago?" he asks when he takes his seat. Whatever. I'm just relieved na he seems better now at hindi na niya ako seemingly ini-ignore. That's what's important today.

"Ayaw ko pala talaga," I reply. Hindi ko na kailangang tikman. I just know I would not like it. Hindi ko nagustuhan the first time, so unless there's something that drastically changed sa paggawa ng cucumber lemonade, hindi ko pa rin yun magugustuhan ngayon.

He chuckles. "'Pag ayaw mo, ayaw mo, 'no?"

I nod.

From the side of my eye, I see him watch me for a good minute before looking away.

Akala ko okay na siya, or kami—if ever man may problem pala siya sa 'kin na di ko alam—so I don't put much thought into it nang hindi siya magpaalam after class. Usually, he walks me to the parking if not deciding na sumabay sa 'kin at bumaba sa sasakyan niya pauwi or ipag-drive ako hanggang sa 'min. He seems to be in a rush today, so inisip ko na lang na baka may kailangan siyang puntahan agad—kahit na ako lang sa 'min ang di niya pinagpaalaman na aalis na siya.

I tap both my cheeks thrice para mahimasmasan naman ako. Kanina, nagtatampo ako over a drink. Ngayon naman dahil hindi lang nakapag-bye sa 'kin before siya umuwi? I think I should worry more about what has been happening to me instead na about what's happening to Chio kasi hindi naman ako ganito. Kung ano-ano na lang ang pumapasok sa isip ko.

Pag-uwi, I take a nap, then have dinner with Auntie Mel dahil may emergency si Mommy with one of her patients. After washing up, I decide to work on our group paper sa Filipino dahil due yun this week. Thursday or Friday daw, but I think my classmates are pushing na Sabado na lang ang deadline dahil marami yatang gustong magpahatak ng grades nila sa Dynamics by taking another exam after the finals na katatapos lang kanina.

After an hour of skimming through references, parang nalulugaw na agad ang utak ko. I was about to put my laptop to sleep when I decide to check on our working document and see Chio typing his notes for his part. Dere-deretso ang pag-i-input niya ng words when he suddenly stops.

Napaayos ako ng upo. I move my cursor to where his is—at the last letter of the last word he just keyed in.

I huffed. What is this? Digital holding hands?

I type in a smiley face.

Tinaasan ko ang brightness ng laptop ko nang maaninag ko sa screen how I'm mimicking that smile. Get a grip, Ju.

Chio's icon and the black flashing line on his end disappears. He left.

Napasimangot ako. I glance at my clock. Baka magdi-dinner lang?

I sigh and check my phone. It's odd that he did not even tell me that he's home already. Yung lalaking yun pa. Way before we got into this . . . thing . . . buong detalye yata ng buhay niya shine-share niya sa 'kin. Kahit yata mabalian siya ng kuko on a random Wednesday night, pipicture-an niya at se-send-an pa niya ako ng picture. Doesn't matter kung ano'ng ginagawa ko that time, kung oras ba ng kain ko or what, he would send me whatever he wants to whenever he feels like doing it. Even if it's a picture of his foot.

I put my laptop to sleep and fold it close so I would not see my own frown from the black screen. I keep my phone inside my drawer instead na dalhin yun pababa sa kusina. Maybe I just need coffee. I'm being dramatic for no reason. Kababati lang naman namin. There's probably nothing wrong.

I'm convinced that it's just a me problem. Especially upon seeing Chio entering the room smiling the next day.

Doesn't matter that he didn't greet me again today. Madaldal din naman siya during lunch, and he seems to have fun teaming up with Sab to drag Jass through the mud in front of Gracey using yung mga nangyari during freshman year.

Doesn't matter kung hindi siya sa tapat o sa tabi ko umupo, or that si Sab yung nagbitbit ng lunch ko na sinabay nilang ibili, or he sat at the opposite end of the table so I cannot switch out my iced tea with his. He goes through the day with a bright smile on his face, so everything is fine.

Doesn't matter if he hasn't glanced my way even for once, nor spoken a single word to me.

I'm okay if he is. So, we're both fine.

We decide to work together on our paper after class. Nauna na ako sa library at sinabihan ko na lang silang parehas ni Sab na sumunod, hoping that mauuna siyang dumating so we can at least have some time alone. I pick a table for four and placed my laptop across my seat para wala nang kumuha ng upuan ni Sab. I place my bag next to me dahil doon si Chio uupo.

I check on my barely active social media accounts while waiting. While mindlessly scrolling, nag-ping ang phone kong nagmamadali kong nilagay sa silent mode. I check on Eri's message sa group chat namin. It's just a link to a post of another newly opened café near campus. It looks cozy, but I have a feeling na masyadong maraming tao on its opening day kung kailan nag-aaya si Eri.

My finger hovers above the shared link. After giving myself a minute to think about it, pinagbigyan ko na ang sariling i-forward yun kay Chio. Libre cheers him up, at bibihira siyang tumanggi doon. I ask him, Punta tayo Saturday?

We can work on our paper kung i-e-extend ng Sabado ang deadline, or kung hindi, we can study for the exam next week.

If he looks extra cute, I may or may not have enough patience to work on practice problems with him.

Kung kailan pa ako nagsimulang magkaroon ng kahinaan sa lalaking yun, ewan ko rin. But it's here now, and it's going to bother me more if I don't deal with it, kaya hayaan na. This won't hurt.

I did not receive a reply, but he and Sab arrive sa lib maybe ten minutes later. Inisip ko na lang na hindi siya nag-check ng phone. I get my bag from the seat beside me and set it on the floor para makaupo siya. Sab picks up my laptop para ilipat yon sa tapat ko at mailapag niya ang kaniya sa table. She places her bag on the seat beside her as she pulls her chair.

We lift our laptop screens up at the same time, at sabay din kaming napatingin kay Chio nang buhatin nito ang gamit ni Sab at ipatong sa table. Then, he occupies that seat beside Sab, yung inalisan niya ng gamit kahit na inalis ko na ang bag ko rito sa tabi ko. I glance at the empty seat beside me and back to him. What's his problem?

I bite back my tongue from asking dahil I would sound like a kid if I would whine about him not sitting next to me. Kahit na hindi lang naman talaga yun ang problema ko kundi yung how he's acting since the weekend. Kahit na hindi kampante yung pakiramdam ko kaya ko lang naman gustong magtanong.

But still, it's not like I could bring those up in front of Sab. And it's not like I have enough guts to tell him about it dahil baka nga ako lang ang nag-iisip ng mga yun. What I can bring up now is only the first one, about him not seeing next to him, but I would sound like a nagging brat if babanggitin ko yun so I choose to just keep my mouth shut. Para walang problema.

I force my gaze back to my laptop screen nang mapansin kong palipat-lipat ang tingin ni Sab sa 'ming dalawa. I'm confident on how good I am at hiding whatever this is Chio and I have between us, so I'm sure that if she's thinking of anything, ina-assume lang niya na nag-away kami ni Chio for some petty reason. It has always been that way for the past three semesters and one summer since we have been friends. Ano bang iba niyang puwedeng ihinala? Wala na.

"Punta tayo dito?" Sab asks, probably pertaining to what Eri shared sa group chat earlier. I do not speak. Sumulyap ako kay Chio na nakasilip sa laptop screen ni Sab. "Bukas ba 'to? Punta tayo?"

Sa laptop ko na tsinek kung nakita ba ni Chio yung message ko sa kaniya kanina. Hindi pa, so I send him a dot to call his attention. I think the ping that comes from his laptop after ay dahil doon sa message ko. I watch him read it and ignore it. Sumaglit sa 'kin ang tingin niya pero agad namang yumuko nang todo para itago ang mukha niya sa likod ng screen niya.

My forehead creases. He really has a problem with me; now I'm sure. Hindi ko lang ma-pinpoint kung ano.

Wala sana akong balak sagutin ang tanong ni Sab but she reaches across the table and waves a hand in front of my screen. Siguro ay dahil hindi siya sinasagot ni Chio. "Sama ka?"

"Hindi ako sure," I answer. Ayaw ko kung marami masyadong taong pupunta. And I want to go with Chio on Saturday. Pero parang ayaw naman niya so parang ayaw ko na rin talagang pumunta totally. It's just nearby, so I'm sure Eri would invite us again probably after finals. I would just go basta hindi sa opening day.

Tumahimik na ako pagkatapos. Sab and Chio are murmuring about something from time to time while I'm busy scanning references and snipping lines from articles na gagamitin ko kapag magsusulat na ako mamaya.

I push my chair back when my eyes mindlessly wander to where Chio is sitting tapos ay naabutan ko siyang nakatingin sa 'kin. He averts his gaze so quickly.

I sigh. Tumayo na lang ako at pumunta sa shelves sa likuran nila. I do not exactly know what's going on pero if being with me is distracting him, I can give him a break. Naglibot-libot ako sa ilang hilera ng shelves bago bumalik sa last one just behind them. I stay behind the books, careful with my movements, and snag one from the sheleves na hindi ko naman balak basahin. I just want to get it out of my line of vision so I can least see the back of his head and look at him from behind.

I wish he would tell me kung ano'ng mali. I understand keeping things bottled up, pero if it involves me, I would rather know than guess. Iba naman kasi yung nangyaari sa 'kin at kay Dad. It never involved him. Sadyang naapektuhan lang siya and I shouldn't have let that happen. I made it clear after na hindi naman sa kaniya yung problema ko. I wish he would do the same now—tell me if he has a problem with me, or i-clarify sa 'kin kung hindi naman tungkol sa 'kin para hindi ako naba-bother nang ganito.

I swallow the lump in my throat. Last time this happened, it was a warning for a breakup waiting to happen. Pero hindi naman ganun kay Chio.

Wala rin naman kasing ibe-break. It's not like we're together.

"Punta tayo? Samahan natin si Eri," I hear Sab say. She probably thinks na she's whispering pero may kalakasan kasi talaga ang boses niya.

I carefully return the book on the exact spot where I pulled it out before sitting on my heels. Last time I was this bothered, tungkol kay Gracey yun. I never asked about it despite not liking how the painful curiosity feels.

I press my knees together and rest my chin on top of them. Something in my gut is telling me not to go back to my seat kasi they're having a conversation. Maybe Chio would be comfortable speaking with Sab if I'm not around. I'll just take my seat when they're done.

"Bukas 'yan?" he asks.

"Oo, siguro. 'Lam mo naman yun si Eri, mukha ring Instagram."

He tries to keep his chuckles hushed. I press my forehead on my knees. Ayos lang talaga siya. At least that's one less thing to worry about. He's okay, maybe just not with me.

There's silence, and then, "Kasama si AJ?"

"Ewan ko do'n. Sabi niya kanina di siya sure, a? Baka mag-aaral, parang di mo naman kilala yun. Baka hindi? Ikaw ba, sasama ka? Magtatampo yun si Eri pag sinabi kong sasamahan natin tapos di tayo tutuloy."

"'Ge lang."

Then I would go, too.

"Bakit mo tinatanong? Bakit di mo sa kaniya itanong?" Sab asks, lowering her voice. She laughs. "'Pag sasama si AJ, di ka na sasama?"

He did not even give me time to prepare for his answer. "Baka," he answers, cushioning it with a laugh as if to make it appear like it's a joke but that's not enough.

I pick on the string of my doll shoes when my chest starts to tighten.

Ah.

Okay.

"Bakit naman?" Sab asks, this time sounding a bit more serious, to which he doesn't answer.

I stay on my spot, counting the line of books around me before standing up when I am finally confident na hindi ako babalik sa table namin para lang damputin ang bag ko at mabilisang tumakbo palayo nang hindi nagpapaalam—baka maguluhan si Sab or what.

What can I do? It's easier to carry a heavy heart when no one's watching.

I sigh before taking back my seat, pretending na wala akong narinig. Better yet, na wala lang sa 'kin yung narinig ko. Ganoon lang yata talaga. It's natural for some people to be sick of others for no reason. Maybe he just needs a break from me. That's fine. I wish sinabi na lang niya because, this? This method kind of stings.

"Sama ka tomo, AJ?" tanong ni Sab, and I'm glad she's busy typing instead of looking at me dahil baka mahuli niya ako.

"Sorry. Next time na lang ako. Baka maaga uwi ni Mommy," I lie before clearing my throat.

We go back to what we're going. I have been scrolling through the 15-page article that I found for a while now. Nang wala akong napapala. Nang walang nababawas na bigat sa dibdib ko.

I hate this type of sad—it's paralyzing. Yung parang wala akong gustong gawin but to sit in silence and wait for my heart to strengthen up so it can handle the weight. Because the weight never goes away. I just learn how to carry it better. Then, had enough time passed, I would just forget about it. Or accept it para hindi na lang masakit. At least when I got so frustrated with Dad's latest intrusion in Mommy's life and mine, kinaya ko namang maging productive. I was absentminded, but I was functioning. Di yung ganitong parang ayaw ko kumilos.

I can't do this. I quickly put my laptop to sleep bago iyon isarado. I want Chio and I to be alone. Punch his chest and demand answers. But I do not do that.

I do not like not knowing, but I have already learned how to deal with it even against my will. May problema sa 'kin si Chio or wala, we still have a deadline this week. At hanggang wala naman siyang balak komprontahin ako about it, I would just adapt. Basta sa 'kin, wala kaming problema. Hanggang di niya sinasabi sa 'king may problem siya sa 'kin, hindi ko yun problema.

"Uwi ka na?" Sab asks, eyebrows furrowed. I nod, pretending that my cheeks are not numb from trying not to cry. Chio should not be this good at making me want to cry. Hindi naman ako ganito.

"May inutos si Auntie," palusot ko habang sinusuksok sa bag ko lahat ng gamit kong nakalabas. "Mamaya pa naman closing, puwedeng mag-stay muna kayo."

"A, sige . . . ."

Napalingon ako sa mga bintana nang kumulog nang malakas. Makulimlim na kanina pa at hanggang ngayon, pero hindi pa naman bumubuhos ang ulan. 'Wag sana para mas maaga akong makauwi. I need the comfort of my bed ASAP, especially on a day like this.

"Ingat ka, parang uulan pa naman," bilin ni Sab.

"Thanks. Ikaw rin." I pull my bag strap over my shoulders. I tapped and squeezed Sab on the arm bago ako nagmamadaling lumabas ng library. I did not let myself give Chio even a glance. Tumakbo ako pababa instead na mag-lift.

As expected, medyo hinahapo na ako by the time I get to the first floor, but that's okay. Catching my breath distracted me from the weight of my chest earlier.

Tsk. Umulan naman bigla. Buhos talaga na parang galit. I stay under the canopy, still trying to get my breathing even and waiting for the rain na tumigil kahit saglit lang. I'm wearing cream trousers and based on how hard the rainfall is, mukhang uuwi akong puro mantsa sa dulo ng pants. Nakakahiya kay Auntie Mel na nag-aasikaso ng laundry ko.

Wala naman talagang inutos si Auntie gaya ng sinabi ko kay Sab, so I decide to just wait it out. After ten minutes, I realized that the rain is not coming to a pause anytime soon, at mas lalo lang akong aabutin ng dilim sa daan if I wait any longer.

I open my bag for my umbrella when someone spoke. "Dito ka pa?"

I look at Chio. Bukas na ang payong na hawak niya. He pockets his hand and looks away kasabay ko.

"Where's Sab?" tanong ko. My hand stops on pulling the umbrella out of my bag. Ito pa yung regalo niya.

He's still looking straight ahead when I turned my gaze to him. "CR."

"Ah."

I have a feeling he won't go with me even if I ask him to, kahit na for his convenicence, kaya hindi ko na siya inaya. Baka hindi ko na mapigilang magtanong kapag ni-reject niya ako. At baka kapag nagtanong ako, lalo siyang mainis.

I ignore my umbrella and zip my bag close. Napalingon siya sa 'kin. Umiwas agad. I cross my arms over my chest when he takes a step sideways papunta sa 'kin. "Uuwi ka na? Payong mo?"

Inayos ko ang pagkakabitin ng strap ng bag ko sa balikat ko. "Naiwan ko sa bahay."

He clicks his tongue. From the side of my eye, I notice him glance my way, pero hindi ko siya nilingon pabalik because I know he would just look away. Nag-aalangan lang akong tumingin sa kaniya nang itapat niya sa 'kin ang handle ng payong na dala niya.

I bite on the insides of my lower lips to stop myself from smiling. Parang tanga. Kung ayaw niya akong kausapin, I can handle it. Kugn ayaw niya akong tingnan, I can manage. Kung ayaw niya sa 'king sabihin ang dahilan for those, okay lang. But I still want him close.

Even if we're not touching. Just close.

Nakasimangot siya nang ibaba ang tingin sa 'kin. Eyebrows tightly knit together as if I did something wrong kahit wala na nga akong ginagawa. He lets out a sigh, pulls my arm, grabs my wrist, and thrusts the umbrella holder on my palm.

Before the rush I get from our contact can even sink in, nakatakbo na siya paalis.

"Chio!" Ang tangang yun! Ang lakas ng ulan!

Ni hindi ko pa yata natatapos bigkasin ang pangalan niya, nakawala na siya sa paningin ko, clutching his bag dahil may laman yung laptop. Puta, ang tanga. We can share! Ano ba'ng meron sa isip ng isang yun? O talaga bang naghahanap lang siya ng dahilan para makaligo sa ulan? Ganito din siya last time e.

I tried to follow the direction where he went, pero tumigil din ako dahil hindi ko na siya matanaw. It's useless to chase after him.

Sure ako na baka nga hindi pa siya nakakarating sa katapat ng building just a couple steps away, basang-basa na siya all-over. He has to walk to the gates, tapos magko-commute pa siya pauwi. What was going on in his head when he decided to just run?

Ganun . . . ganun na ba niya ako kaayaw kasabay? Ayaw niyang malapit sa kaniya ngayon?

I stop watching the road as if Chio's going to come back. Naglakad ako to the opposite direction when I started sniffing because of the cold. Bumalik ako sa tapat ng building nang may tumawag sa 'kin. It's Sab.

"Sabay!" she yells kaya lumapit ako.

"Si Chio?" tanong niya, snatching the umbrella from my hold dahil mas matangkad siya. I don't answer, but then she adds, "Payong niya 'to a."

Wala tuloy akong choice kundi mag-explain. "Iniwan niya sa 'kin." I sigh when some rainwater splashes the hem of my pants nang mapatuntong ako sa puddle. "Sabay na kita. I'll drop you off somewhere na makakasilong ka while waiting."

"Iniwan niya sa 'yo? Hinatid mo ba sa gate?" I shake my head. She laughs. "Iniwan niya lang sa 'yo?"

"I know. Bobo talaga n'un." Anong oras pa siya makakauwi? And wouldn't he be uncomfortable commuting kung basang-basa siya? Hindi rin ba siya hassle for the other passengers? What was he thinking?

Sab and I don't talk hanggang makarating kami sa parking. Pinauna niya akong pumasok sa driver's seat bago umikot papunta sa shotgun. "Iuwi mo na 'yang payong ni Chio, you'll need it," sabi ko. May payong naman kasi talaga ako.

God, maybe I should not have pulled that stunt earlier. Naulanan pa tuloy yung tanga. I don't even know if he would tell me when he gets home safe dahil ayaw niya nga akong kausap.

Tahimik lang ulit kami ni Sab sa kotse, bukod sa ilang paghikab niya. Malapit na kami kung saan siya nagpapababa when she turns her head to me and asks, "Wala ka talagang jowa ngayon?"

My forehead creases. Epekto pa ba 'to nag pagsisikreto namin ni Jass? "Wala nga. Kailangan ba?"

She chuckles. "Hindi naman. Nagtatanong lang para updated. Kasi last time, di ba? Nauna pa naming nalamang nag-break kayo kesa naging kayo e."

Napailing na lang ako. She shifts on her seat, transferring her gaze to the road. "Ayaw mo nga talaga?"

I scoff. "Ayaw."

"'Pag may nagtangka, ayaw mo?"

"What's with the question?" I ask back. "Is Eri planning to set me up with her brother again?"

"Hindi a!" tanggi niya agad. "Nagtatanong lang."

I shake my head. "Ayoko."

"'Tang inang Jastin kasi."

That makes me laugh. "Hindi naman. Hindi ko lang feel." I don't think that I want a boyfriend now. The thought hasn't even crossed my mind. Aanhin ko 'yun? Saan ko ilalagay?

"Bakit hindi mo feel?"

I narrow my gaze at Sab. Why is she interrogating me? "I don't know. Basta hindi. Wala akong gustong baguhin sa buhay ko ngayon."

She makes a disappointed sound before I pull over. She docks her head pagkatapos bumaba at hindi agad sinara ang pinto. "Ayaw mo ba talag—"

"Ayaw."

She frowns before shutting the door close. Tumuloy ako sa daan and pull up on a corner a few buildings from where I dropped Sab off.

I quickly type and send a message for Chio, begging him to tell me when he's home.

*

The next morning, I wake up groggy. I avoid talking to Auntie Mel dahil wala talaga ako sa mood, and I do not want to unintentionally speak to her with a tone that I would regret later on. I look at my phone kahit na there's a chance that my mood would further plummet kapag hindi ko nagustuhan ang makikita (or hindi ko makikita) roon.

See? I chuck it back inside my bag and take a few deep breaths before leaving for class. Kainis.

I should have stopped noong ni-reply-an ako ni Chio ng oo kagabi after I asked if he's home. I told myself to chill and give him space to breathe. Told myself na I can manage without knowing. Told myself na he won't go on like this for months kaya I should just take it.

Pero hindi ko naman napigilan ang sarili ko. I end up asking him if he has a problem with me, and he blatantly ignored it, kaya mas lalong naguguluhan ang isip ko ngayon.

Dagdag pa na I keep remembering what he and Sab talked about sa lib when they thought I was searching for a reference material and could not hear them. I know I was probably worse noong nag-shut down ako because of Dad, but that was never about him. Pinaliwanag ko naman na sa kaniya yun. Hindi ko rin naman siya nilayuan noon. Hindi kagaya nitong ginagawa niya sa 'kin ngayon na parang pinararamdam niyang sa akin lang siya hindi okay. He's excluding me. Deliberately. What the hell did I even do?

And I thought we're over what happened the last time already, kung tungkol man doon yun? I apologized. He accepted it. Bakit bigla siyang ganito ngayon? If it's about getting back at me for that, that's too childish even for him.

Naiinis na ako.

Na . . .

Nami-miss ko na ang gago. Putang ina naman.

But I'm done for now. Naiinis ako kaya ayaw ko rin muna siyang kausap. He'll come to me when he's ready. Or ako sa kaniya kapag humupa na 'tong buwisit ko. But for today, ayaw ko muna. Iritable ako masyado. Baka mag-away pa kami lalo kapag may gagawin siyang hindi ko magugustuhan.

I arrive at the campus early and decide to stay sa library para kapag dumating si Chio, hindi ako mapupuwersang tingnan siyang okay sa iba naming friends tapos sa 'kin hindi. I leave the lib exactly two minutes before class, and arrive at the lec room na settled na silang lahat.

Ginaya ko yung ginagawa niya since Monday. I don't look at him. It's easy not to smile at him dahil hindi naman talaga ako palangiti kahit sa iba. Wala ring dahilan para mag-usap kami, so we don't speak to each other.

Come lunch, wala akong balak kumain na kasabay si Chio sa iisang table. I was planning to invite Eri and Sab at ililibre ko na lang silang dalawa para bumukod kami at mauna na, but naunahan ako ni Chio. Inakbayan niya si Jass na nag-iisang nagpaalam sa 'min after class.

"Sa'n kayo pupunta?" tanong ni Eri habang nagpa-powder.

"Third wheel muna ako!" Chio shouts, dragging Jass outside habang nakaakbay dito, without turning his back to look at her.

"Tayong three na lang sabay," sabi ni Eri pagkaalis n'ung dalawang lalaki. I walk with her arm hooked on mine papunta sa canteen, habang nakasunod naman si Sab sa 'min. We settle on a table for four. I have no idea kung ano'ng kakainin ko na sure kong mauubos ko with my current low appetite. Nakakawalang ganang kumain naman kasi talaga kapag nabubuwisit ka.

"Ano sa 'yo?" tanong ni Sab sa 'kin.

"I don't know." Hindi na ako sanay na magdesisyon for lunch. I don't even know kung ano'ng tawag at sa'ng kiosk binibili ni Chio yung mga binibili niya sa 'kin. "Ikaw na bahala."

"Mahirap maghanap n'un," sagot ni Sab, natatawa. "Pucha kasi yung si Chio e, ba't ba kay Jass sumama yun?"

I sigh at the mention of his name. I push my chair back. "Hanap na lang ako. Bili ka na ng sa inyo ni Eri," I say when I notice the long lines. Baka ma-late pa kami. Medyo mabagal pa namang kumain si Eri.

Nauna na si Sab. I leave my bag with Eri and walk around, trying to search for the usual things Chio buys for me. My eyes light up when I see them on the overhead menu of one of the kiosks. Kinuha ko agad ang phone ko sa bulsa para picture-an yun for future reference. I really do not mind eating the same thing every day as long as alam kong gusto ko ang lasa.

Maikli lang ang pila. I was waiting for my turn when I hear a familiar woman's voice behind me. "Sabay mo na 'ko!"

"A-Ano sa 'yo?"

You've got to be kidding me.

Napapikit ako. Kahit na hinaan niya nang todo nag boses niya, I would recognize it anywhere. Hindi ako lumingon. Bakit pa? Nakita na niyang nandito ako. Hindi niya ako kinalabit. Hindi niya ako binati. Hindi niya ako kinausap. E di walang intention to speak with me. So why would I even try? Himala ngang he chose to go here knowing that I'm also here.

"Ikaw na lang bahala," Leigh says. I'm guessing Chio found her with Gracey.

"Ikaw na pumili. Nandito ka na e."

"Bakit ka ba bumubulong?"

"D-Di a," tanggi n'ung isa. "Masakit lang lalamunan ko."

"Di nga ako makapili. Ikaw na lang."

"E di ko alam kung ano'ng gusto—huy!"

I hear him sigh from behind me. Pinili ko pa ring hindi siya lingunin. Sinabi ko ang order ko sa nagtitinda nang turn ko na. My lips twitch nang punuin niya ng tube ice yung baso. I want to ask her na bawasan, but I didn't know how to without sounding mean, kaya too late na dahil pinuno na niya ng lemon tea 'yun. She hands me my tray and hindi na ako nagreklamo because she's probably rushing to accommodate more people dahil lunch time.

Gumilid ako saglit dahil hindi balanse ang pagkakalagay ng weight sa tray. I set down my tray on the counter and move both my plate and the glass of iced tea to the center of the tray, then wait for my turn na makakuha ng utensils.

I still don't look at Chio na narinig kong magsalita. "Dalawa ho. Pabawasan ng yelo parehas."

I lift my tray off the counter pagkakuha ko ng spoon and fork. Napapatigil ako sa paglalakad because it's so crowded, and I'm not ruining my day more by having someone spill my food and drink on the floor. Mas malapit pa naman sa entrada yung table namin nina Sab so I have to walk past lots of tables and walking people before I get there.

Napatigil ako sa paglalakad when someone snatches the large glass of iced tea from my tray kaya biglang gumaan ang buhat ko. I look at Chio na nilipat yon sa tray niyang nilapag niya saglit sa empty table beside me. He doesn't say a word, then walks past me. I watch him head to our table bago maglapag ng baso doon. Sabay pa siyang pinanood nina Eri, at ni Sab na kadarating lang. He turns around so fast and heads to the opposite corner of the canteen where Jass, Gracey, and Leigh are.

Ibinalik ko ang tray sa kiosk because it's easier for me to just carry my plate to the table on its own. Sab and Eri both watch me shamelessly as I take my seat, but I don't acknowledge them kasi hindi naman sila nagtatanong. Walang tanong, walang kailangang sagutin, walang kailangang ipaliwanag. Less I talk about it, less mistakes.

"Magkaaway ba kayo?" At ayan na nga. Sab asks habang pinupunasan ko ang utensils ko.

I shake my head no. Even though I was tempted, I fought hard not to look over my shoulders and search for him in the crowd. Naiinis pa rin ako sa kaniya. I'll just give him what he wants until he figures out what to do next or hanggang kailan kami ganito. Basta, I tried.

I was about to take a sip from my iced tea but paused to check. It's not mine.

This has less ice.

*

Hanggang matapos ang araw, ganun kami ni Chio—not a single glance nor word exchanged. Na-postpone yung plano nilang pumunta sa café dahil umaambon na naman. He doesn't speak a word to me kahit nang ibalik ni Sab sa kaniya yung payong niya at kinuwentong sinabay ko siya kahapon.

When I get home, iniwan ko sa kuwarto ni Auntie Mel, sa loob ng cabinet niya, ang phone ko. She's confused kung bakit ko yun ginawa but I offer no explanations except sa I want to focus on our group paper. That's not exactly a lie dahil kailangan ko naman talagang ituloy yung nasimulan namin doon. But the reason why I'm locking my phone from me ay dahil alam kong hindi ko matitiis na itsek kung may sagot na ba si Chio sa tinanong ko sa kaniya kagabi—kung okay ba kami or may problem siya sa 'kin.

I retrieve my phone back from Auntie Mel before she sleeps. I toss my phone on the mattress nang makitang wala pa ring bago roon. Mabuti na lang at ngayon ko lang tsinek, dahil kung hindi, ilang oras akong mabubuwisit at walang matatapos. At least now, I can just sleep it off since I already got work done and it's late.

The next day, hindi pumasok si Chio. Hinanap siya sa 'kin ni Sab noong umaga, at nagkibit-balikat lang ako sa kaniya because how would I fucking know kung bigla na nga lang akong hindi kinakausap ng isang yun? Kasama namin sina Jass at Gracey noong lunch, and Gracey also looks for Chio. Pare-parehas naman kaming walang alam.

E siyempre, ano pa ba'ng nangyari? E di that was on my head hanggang sa makauwi ako. At least nitong mga nakaraang araw, kahit hindi niya ako pinapansin, I know where he is and I know that he's fine. E itong ni hindi na talaga nagpakita? Ano'ng gagawin ko kundi mabulabog?

Buwisit na lalaki. He better make sure he has a decent excuse for skipping class at hindi lang dahil iniiwasan niya ako, and siguraduhin niyang he's fine or else may kalalagyan na talaga siya sa 'kin. I already know that he can be annoying, but he's the most annoying when he makes me worry. Parang gago naman kasi.

Hindi in-extend yung deadline ng paper namin to Saturday, so kahit na mahirap, I tried to focus on making progress doon as soon I finish having dinner with Auntie. I sigh when I see some changes from his end. He left a comment saying he'll insert his references on the footnotes kapag tapos na yung paper. At least I know he's alive.

Kinabukasan, he's still nowhere to be found, but I worry less now because I know he's just probably at home. Baka tinamad nang pumasok dahil halos wala nang lectures at puro reviews na lang for finals.

Hinanap ulit siya sa 'kin ni Sab dahil mamayang 8 P.M. yung deadline ng paper namin pero kulang pa rin kami ng references dahil hindi pa rin nakalagay yung para sa part ni Chio. Okay na naman yung content, but we can't submit several pages of our paper without proper referencing. Kaya kahit na ayaw ko siyang kausapin din, I nag him about it on chat. Wala naman akong nakuhang reply kahit isa, but he hasn't seen all my new messages kaya pinalagpas ko muna. Baka he's not using his phone. Baka tulog.

"Hindi ka naman kumain," sabi ni Sab nang bitbitin ko yung plate ko para ipabalot yung natira kong lunch. She's right. Parang dalawang subo lang ang kinaya ko sa pasta na siya ang bumili because I do not like how it tastes. Ipababalot ko na lang dahil sayang naman.

After lunch, the entire room makes a disappointed sound nang may nag-decide na maghabol pa ng isang chapter of lecture, pero pare-parehas naman kaming walang nagawa. Attendance was checked first, at kung hindi pa dahil doon, hindi ko malalaman na nilalagnat ang loko.

"Nilalagnat po, Sir," Jass says, raising his hand after Chio's name was called. Hindi ko naman sinasadyang samaan ng tingin si Jass, pero napatingin siya sa 'kin and catches me glaring at him, kaya parang natakot pa siya before averting his gaze pabalik sa harap.

Parang tanga talaga. He tells Jass but not me? I know they're best friends pero hindi ba close din naman kami? Or what? He didn't think we're close enough for him to inform me even if he had his palms beneath my shirt a couple of times already? Ganun? How close pa ba dapat?

I was so annoyed to the point that I think my mind just blanked out. Ilang beses kong kinatok ang ulo ko when I find myself inside my car parked in front of his house.

What the fuck am I doing here? I should really stop heading to other people's houses as if welcome ako doon anytime just because I have been there a couple of times. Ano'ng gagawin ko rito ngayon? Tatanga?

Why did I even go here? I'm sure he's taken care of. Hindi na rin naman siya bata, isip-bata lang minsan, so I'm certain he can handle a light fever on his own. I am not needed here.

So ano ngang gagawin natin, Ju? Uuwi? Pucha, sayang ang gas.

Nag-aalangan kong binaba ang bintana nang katukin ni Kuya Rene ang bintana ng sasakyan ko. Of course, he would notice. I don't know how long I have been waiting here, staring at their second floor as if mag-a-appear si Chio doon any moment now. Baka ang creeepy ko nang tingnan.

"Ipasok mo na," the old man says in a kind voice. He keeps on looking my way kanina pero hindi naman lumalapit, ngayon lang. "Bawal humarang nang masyadong matagal diyan sa tapat, baka masita tayo . . ."

I should just head home. Should apologize to Kuya Rene and tell him na aalis na ako. Pero ilang beses ko na rin naman yatang hindi pinakinggan ang part ng utak kong matino pang nakakapag-isip pagdating kay Chio, so bakit hindi ko pa dagdagan? I pull up to their garage, take my lunch na hindi ko naman halos nakain earlier, and head upstairs nang payagan ako ni Kuya Rene na parang alam na kung sino ang pakay ko rito kahit hindi ko sabihin.

Thank fuck neither of his parents are here, or kahit si Chai, kasi hindi ko talaga alam paano 'to ipaliliwanag if ever. Kung may kasama ako, kahit isa lang kina Sab or Eri, it would not raise any flags. Pero yung twice nang ako lang lagi ang dumadalaw, jusko. I just hope neither of our friends visit here nang sila lang, tapos may makapagbanggit sa kanila ng times where I go here alone. I have no idea paano ko 'yun lulusutan kung sakali.

For someone hesitating, napalakas masyado ang katok ko sa pinto ng kuwarto ni Chio. Maybe I should just run habang hindi pa niya binubuksan ang pinto. Bahala na siyang mapraning kung may multo dito sa bahay nila na trip siya. Isipin na lang niyang he's imagining things because of his fever.

But I can't move, so I stay there, waiting for him to open the door. I can't speak, so I don't respond when he says from inside his room, "Bakit, Kuya? Teka lang po," probably thinking na si Kuya Rene yung kumatok.

The first thing I notice when he opens the door is how red his nose is, followed by how his eyelids seem to be pulling themselves down na parang uhaw na uhaw sa tulog.

"Hi," I say quietly.

I was expecting him to shut the door, but maybe he's too sick to argue kaya pinagbuksan na lang niya ako. I notice na magulo ang sheets niya, so he's probably laying down or napping bago ako dumating. I set my things down on his computer table samantalang dumeretso siya sa banyo. I sit on his swivel chair and wait for him to come out.

"Ano'ng ginagawa mo dito?" he asks while patting the water off his face with a towel.

Mataas ba ang lagnat niya? "We have a deadline at 8."

"Hindi talaga m-in-ove?" tanong niya, voice hoarse.

"No. Di ka nagre-reply." I watch him closely when he walks towards the table and turn his computer on. Nagluluha pa ang mga mata niya. "Sugod ka kasi nang sugod sa ulan. Tingin mo sa sarili mo, waterproof?"

He lowers his gaze on me with a scowl. "Sino munang gaga ang niregaluhan na nga, pero hindi pa rin dinala ang sariling payong?"

I purse my lips. Now I feel more guilty kasi dala ko naman talaga 'yun. "What? We can't share?" I ask. It's his turn to zip his lips up. "Allergic ka sa 'kin?"

His forehead creases. "Tss." Nakasimangot siya nang lingunin ulit ako at tapikin ang sandalan ng inuupuan ko. "Alis diyan. Gagawin ko na."

"Go back to your bed," I tell him before shoving his hand away.

"Aju," parang nagbabanta pa niyang sabi. I'm not scared of him when he looks like he's going to fall on the floor any moment now. Ayaw pa kasing mahiga na lang.

"Just go. 'Wag mo 'kong inisin. Nabubuwisit na ko sa 'yo," sabi ko before agawin yung mouse na hawak niya. "And remember na you're privileged enough to have a bathroom on your home kaya wag kang sa ulan naliligo."

He clicks his tongue. Stays there beside me for a minute, pero hindi yata kinaya ang hilo kaya bumalik sa kama niya nang hindi na nakikipagtalo. I push the chair back and look at him. Naabutan ko siyang mahigpit ang pagkakayakap sa unan habang masama ang tingin sa 'kin kahit panay na ang singhot. Stupid boy.

"Sleep. I'll be gone before you know it," I tell him bago balikan ang ginagawa. Okay naman na kasi yung list ng references, I just have to insert it on our working document. This won't take long.

"'Wag ganun," he replies. "Magpaalam ka naman kung aalis ka."

I sigh. Nang lingunin ko siya ay nakatalikod na siya sa 'kin, so I don't say anything more para makatulog na siya. I want to pull the hem of his shirt down sa bandang likod na bahagyang tumaas because he may get cold, but I just chose not to kasi baka ma-badtrip siya sa 'kin lalo. I spend the next half an hour fixing and attaching footnotes on our paper. Minessage ko na lang si Sab na itsek kung may idadagdag pa siya at kung wala na, siya na ang mag-submit. Baka kasi ma-late ako ng uwi, or baka pag-uwi ko, wala na akong energy to do anything but wash up and sleep kaya makalimutan kong i-hand in.

After that, I walk to the side of the bed where Chio is facing. Hindi yata kaya ng katawan niya ang lagnat kaya hindi na siya nakipagtalo kanina at nakabalik agad sa idlip niya. I carefully grab his blanket, tapos quickly iniladlad 'yun nang ayos para maibalik sa katawan niya. I have no idea bakit pinagkakasya niya yung sarili niya sa maliit na rectangle ng pagkakatupi nito e puwede naman niyang palakihin. I make sure that his entire body his covered and warm, most especially his back na tinatamaan ng hangin ng electric fan. Paano ako magpapaalam sa kaniya ngayon niyan kung nakaka-guilty siyang gisingin?

Kunot na kunot pa rin ang noo niya kahit tulog na. Inaaway pa rin siguro ako kahit sa panaginip niya.

I lean over, carefully placing a palm and my weight on the mattress without making a sound, before placing a kiss on where his forehead creases. He should stop giving me a hard time at least in his dreams.

The back of my free hand touches his forehead. He's not that burning up, pero mainit pa rin.

His eyes flutter open. Nang makitang nakatingin ako sa kaniya ay pumikit siya ulit nang pagkadiin-diin. This boy. "I'll head home. May food ako diyan, gusto mo ba ipainit ko? Or I'll just bring that home?"

He opens his eyes, halatang nagdadalawang-isip pa. The crease on his forehead remains. "Anong pagkain? Saan galing?"

"Canteen. Si Sab bumili." Umayos ako ng tayo. I go to his computer table and pick up the paper bag.

Umupo na siya nang ayos sa kama niya. He gets the bag from me nang iabot ko 'yun sa kaniya. "Di ko naubos kanina, but malinis 'yan. Iuuwi ko na lang kung ayaw mo. Baka gusto ni Mommy or ni Auntie."

His frown deepens nang silipin niya yung laman ng clamshell container. "Ang dami naman yata nito? Kumain ka ba?" Before I can even answer, he adds, "Hindi. Kasi hindi mo 'to gusto."

"Yeah."

He lifts his gaze to me. That crease on his forehead sems permanent. "Ito lunch mo? Ilang subo lang? Isa? Dalawa?"

I shake my head. "Didn't like it kaya pinabalot ko na lang."

He stares at me. Salubong pa rin ang kilay, panay ang pagsinghot, at mukhang pabigat nang pabigat ang mga mata. I sigh bago ako umalis sa tapat niya para kuhain na ang bag ko. "Ipaiinit ko ba? Or iuwi ko na 'yan? Ayaw mo? May panlasa ka?"

"Sa'n ka pupunta?"

"Home." Where else?

He scoffs before tossing his blanket off his body. He slips in his slides before standing up. "Dito ka na kumain."

"It's fine. Uuwi na lang ako."

"Dito na nga. Makulit ka minsan, 'no?" he says, closing the door behind him nang lumabas siya ng room niya, bitbit yung takeout lunch ko. Hindi man lang ako hinintay na makasunod.

I turn off the fan bago ko siya habulin palabas. "Kakainin mo na 'yan? Initin mo na. Baka panis na 'yan bukas," sabi ko instead of acknowledging the last thing he said.

"Alis na 'ko," dagdag ko when I reach the last step of their stairs.

Mabilis siyang lumingon sa 'kin, eyebrows still stitched together. "Dito ka na nga kumain. Di ka ba makaintindi?"

"You don't have to tolerate my presence." It seems like there's still this rift between us at ayaw ko yung palalain even if we're choosing to not talk about it. Instead of arguing, I can just go home and let him take the rest he needs.

We're not okay—or he's not okay with me yung mas appropriate—for whatever reason. Doesn't mean that I can't care about him. And if I showed that I care, that doesn't mean na okay na lang agad yung kung anoman ang hinihimutok niya. And deep down, I'm still annoyed that he just won't tell me what's bothering him or what I did.

Still, he doesn't have to put up with me lalo na ngayong he's not feeling well. Baka matagalan pa ang paggaling niya.

"Di ka ba nagugutom?" he asks from the kitchen. Isinalin niya sa mangkok yung pasta na dala ko at pinasok sa microwave bago ako lingunin ulit.

I shrug. "Gutom." But it's not the levels na feeling ko mahihimatay na ako or what. "But I'm fine. Uuwi na ako."

"Dito ka na nga," iritable niyang sabi bago ako talikuran ulit. He walks around the kitchen and grabs another plate, then sets it on the table I sigh. Ang hirap ding kausap ng isang 'to.

He raises both brows when he sees me watching. "Ano? Upo."

"Ayaw mo naman ako dit—"

"Matitiis ba kita?" medyo napalakas na sabi niya kahit na paos.

I . . . Oh.

How the hell do I respond to that?

"Mag-isip ka nga," pahabol niya bago puntahan yung microwave na tumunog.

I stay on my place and continue watching him. Somehow the second to the last thing he said made me freeze. I stay by the stairs like an idiot watching him while he gets utensils, glasses, and a jug of water from the fridge. Nilingon niya ako nang makaupo siya pero nandito pa rin ako, nakatingin lang sa kaniya.

With obvious irritation, he says, "Ano? Upo na. Pinaghihintay mo yung pagkain." He shakes his head as he looks away.

I take a deep breath before heading to the dining table. Tumigil ako sa isang gilid niya. Hinihipan na niya yung pasta para lumamig, nakakunot pa rin yung noo niya. Napatigil siya sa pagkain at lalo lang nagsalubong ang kilay sa 'kin nang makitang pinanonood ko siyang kumain.

I hold his wrist and force him to put down his fork.

I kiss his forehead where it's creased.

He eases them out for a moment, probably from shock because I notice his eyes widen before he pulls his eyebrows together again.

So I kiss him there again.

The crease disappears, and this time it takes a few seconds longer before yun bumalik.

I kiss him again.

It's okay. No one's watching.

"Stop looking angry in front of food," I say quietly.

He sighs, forehead creases now eased out. Hinigit niya palayo sa table ang upuan sa tabi niya. I was going to take my seat pero pumunta sa braso ko ang kamay niya.

"What?"

"Isa pa nga," he says, lowering his gaze on the table.

I try not to laugh, pero hindi ko napigilan. Partly because I find him funny trying so hard not to smile, but also because I'm just happy. I drop a quick kiss on his forehead again before gently pushing it away using my fingers. "Tama na. Ang init mo pa."

He pouts, pinagdadamutan pa rin ako ng ngiti. He lets me go and I take the seat beside him.

"Kung di ako nilalagnat, uuwi kang paga 'yang labi mo," he suddenly blurts out, earning him a hard slap from the back of my hand. It's only for a brief second but I catch him smiling, washing all my worries away.

His hand rests on my knee as we eat.