022023 #BYLAMwp Chapter 10

I blink multiple times, unsure if I heard him right. Baka kasi mamaya, may Chio fog pa yung utak ko kaya hindi pa klarong mag-isip. When the guy in front of me—whatever his name is—urge me again to take his phone para i-input ang username ko sa Instagram search bar ay saka lang ako natauhan. He is talking to me. Sabagay, wala naman nang ibang taong nakatigil sa hallway.

"Me?" I ask again just to be sure. I have never spoken, not even a word, to this man. Nakikita ko lang siya because he sometimes arrive early to our classes, but I don't even know his name.

He smiles sheepishly. I do a quick and discreet head-to-foot scan of him. He's a bit shorter than Chio. Mas maputi rin nang kaunti. Looks okay, but not my type. Not someone who'll make me turn my head kapag nakita ko agad. Kaya nga nilalagpasan ko lang siya sa class e.

I sigh. "Walang laman IG ko," I say before taking his phone and inputting my username. Wala naman talaga. I haven't even changed the picture there na nandoon na since the day I created it. I'm not big on social media, probably kasi I'm not big on anything social. Kung hindi nga lang pinapasabog ni Chio ang notifs ko sa Facebook, baka hindi ko na rin 'yun binubuksan.

"Thanks," the guy says. Ano ngang pangalan nito? "You're going home?"

"Yes," sagot ko. Nagkurapan lang kami sa isa't isa before he finally takes the hint na gusto ko nang umalis so he finally moves out of my way. He says a low bye to which I just nod to.

Ewan ko ba sa utak kong 'to. Kung ano yung safe to consume, ayaw namang tanggapin. Kung ano yung bawal, sige nang sige. Maybe I should really go to a retreat.

When I get outside, nandoon pa nga si Chio. He's hugging his bag and knees close to his chest on the stairway. Nang lapitan ko siya, I see him sleeping. Parang tanga. Hindi ba mananakit ang leeg at likod niya kung kanina pa siya nakaganiyan? He should have just went to the convenience store across—at least doon may table. Better yet, he should have just went home kung inaantok na siya. Naaarawan pa siya rito.

"Chio," tawag ko. I step a bit closer to him to block the sunlight from hitting his sleeping face. Nakatulog siya even when it's this bright?

He doesn't budge. The even, slow movement of his shoulders tell me na mahimbing-himbing na ang tulog niya despite how uncomfortable his position is. I sigh. What do I do? Sipain ko ba 'to para magising?

"Chio," tawag ko ulit. Still no movement.

I sigh. Kung ayaw niyang tumawid, sana umakyat siya a few steps closer to the entrance at doon natulog para hindi siya naaarawan. Hindi naman mainit sa balat, but it's so bright dahil pababa na ang araw.

I check the time on my phone. It's not that late yet.

I take my umbrella out of my bag before sitting beside him. I open it and turn it to the left to give the both of us shade. I'll have him fold this again later. Ang hirap-hirap isara nito, napabukas niya pa sa 'kin.

I look at Chio and tulog na tulog pa rin siya. Kanina pa ba siya tulog? One hour mahigit din yung class ko. Magkaka-stiff neck siya niyan when he wakes up.

I am quietly watching the vehicles pass by in front as I wait for him to wake up. Puwede ko siyang iwan here but medyo tanga 'to, so baka magising siya and hindi ma-realize na iniwan ko na siya at maghintay pa nang matagal. Besides, he did pull me out of the road earlier kaya hindi ako nabundol, so I owe him something today.

Around ten minutes later, naalimpungatan siya dahil may truck na dumaan at bumusina. Nakailang kurap siya before acknowledging my presence. I keep a straight face. Buwisit na lalaki 'to. Ngalay na ako.

He merely smiles before reaching for the handle of my umbrella. "Nugget."

"What?"

"Nickname mo."

"Why? Mukha ba akong manok?" I ask.

He just laughs before holding me on the arm, inviting me to stand. "Basta. Wala lang," sagot niya. He yawns. Isinukbit niya nang ayos sa kanang balikat ang backpack niya. "Kanina ka pa ba? Bakit di mo ako ginising?"

"Ngayon lang ako na-dismiss," I lie.

He grins as if he knows I'm lying. So annoying. "Sabi mo e."

"Oo nga," pagpupumilit ko. Running his fingers through his hair, he just laughs. Hindi nawala ang ngiti niya hanggang sa maihatid niya ako.

I take a deep breath once I'm inside the safety of our home and nang wala nang Chio on sight. When my phone pings from an IG message notification, tiningnan ko 'yun agad.

I should really stay with stuff na safe to consume. Otherwise, I would just be in pain.

*

I almost choke on my water when Eri repeatedly hits me on the arm. I clear my throat before asking, "What? Para kang napa'no diyan." I get my phone from her hold dahil baka mabitiwan niya pa.

"He's asking you out!" she says a little too loud for my liking. Yung dalawang kasama namin sa table—si Chio and si Sab, because who else?—ay napatigil sa pagnguya. Sab leans back on her seat before continuing her slow chewing, tapos si Chio, hinagip yung iced tea namin. I swat his hand away nang pagpalitin niya yung drinks naming pinagpalit ko nga kanina. He frowns at me but takes his glass, anyway; madamot siya ngayon. Crush yata talaga siya nu'ng bata-batang nagtitinda kasi 'pag sa kaniya, ang kaunti lang ng yelo na inilalagay.

"He's not," sabi ko. I keep my phone in my bag and don't bother to reply doon sa message ni Ced—that one classmate of mine sa Spanish na hiningi yung IG ko last time. Ilang beses na niya akong m-in-essage since that day, pero panay tanong lang naman siya. Since I will see him every Friday and I don't want to make it awkward if he ever asks bakit di ko siya nire-reply-an, sinasagot ko ang mga questions niyang hindi rin naman hassle sagutin. It's usually just about our lessons, or about school in general. Wala naman siyang tanong na too personal.

Eri laughs, pressing her cheek against my arm after. Gusto pa niyang umusyoso based on the way she's eyeing my handbag kung saan ko itinago ang phone ko. "Pero grabe ka, Julibear, ha? Talagang answer ka lang nang answer. Not in the mood to, you know, bigyan siya ng proper conversation?"

"Proper conversation naman 'yun. He asks, I answer," katuwiran ko. She makes a disappointed sound before clinging onto my arm.

"Pero ano'ng isasagot mo do'n? Date na 'yun, for sure!" she says. Ced asked me if I'm free to have coffee with him after class this coming Friday. Hindi ko pa 'yun sinasagot not because I am deliberately ignoring it, but because hindi ko alam kung free ako.

Of course I'm not that dense to not know na baka he likes me and is interested on taking me out, but I asked for Eri's opinion to be sure. Wala naman kasi talaga kaming pinag-uusapan ni Ced masyado. Malay ko ba. "Baka mamaya may kasama kami. We have other classmates, you know?" paliwanag ko. Okay lang naman kung may kasama kami . . . yata. I don't know. Baka hindi rin ako komportable. But wouldn't it be more awkward kung kaming dalawa lang?

Eri narrows her eyes at me. "Doesn't matter! Do you want to go? 'Yun lang naman real question diyan."

Do I want to go? I don't know. Depends sa traffic sa Friday or kung gaano ako kapagod. I would rather go home early if I am not in the mood.

Eri wiggles her brows at me. "Well, I taught you a tool na on how you can decide," she says suggestively. I flick her on the forehead to make her stop. Dumaing siya nang bahagya habang sapo-sapo ang noo niya. She nudges me with her elbow after.

I am so not doing that. Not again. Especially with what happened last time? I would rather gouge my own eyes out.

"Sino 'yun?" tanong ni Sab. She leans back on her seat, resting her arm sa sinasandalan ni Chio. Chio continues to chew on ice habang nakatingin lang sa plate niya. Baka nagre-recall ng lecture dahil may quiz kami mamaya sa Basic Mech.

"Classmate lang," sagot ko. Sab has this disapproving look on her face kaya I raise my brows questioningly. She's just pouting, kaya kumunot lang ang noo ko sa kaniya.

When I realized na she's not just pouting but is actually pointing to her seatmate na inubos na yung yelo sa cup nito, pinandilatan ko siya ng mga mata. STOP. Kabi-bring up lang ni Eri sa kiss-kiss na 'yan tapos ituturo ni Sab si Chio, e baka mamaya ano na namang mangyari sa 'kin.

"Tanga ka, Sabrina," di ko napigilang sabihin. If I were another person, baka pinaulit niya yung sinabi ko nang may kasamang pagbabanta. But since we're friends, she just lolls her head back while laughing. I feel bad for Chio na naubo pa dahil nahampas ni Sab yung likod nito while she's laughing.

"O, sa'n ka pupunta?" tanong ni Sab nang tumayo ako.

I show her my frown para she knows na I'm against whatever she's insinuating. "CR lang."

"Sama!" Eri chirps. Tumatawa pa rin si Sab kaya inirapan ko na siya. I wonder kung ano ang nakain ng babaeng 'yun at biglang trip niya kami ni Chio lately. Hindi naman siya ganiyan dati. Or baka kaya hindi siya ganiyan last year ay dahil ang trip niyang asarin ay ako at si Jass, na I didn't mind because we're secretly together naman.

Kami lang ni Eri ang tao sa CR. After I'm done, I wait for her by the sink. Nang lumabas siya ng cubicle to wash her hands, tumunog ang phone ko. I just check it from my lock screen, not minding if Eri can read it, kaya nalaman niyang message 'yun ni Ced. He's asking what I'm doing. I unlock my phone and simple reply na nagla-lunch ako. Nagtatanong e, so sasagutin.

"Do you want to be friends with him?" Eri asks, pulling some tissue papers from the dispenser.

I shrug. Friends. Ang hirap-hirap sa 'king bitiwan nang basta ang salitang 'yun. My blockmates aren't my friends—they just happen to be the people I see five times a week, for almost a whole year. I have grown to not throw that word around—yung friend—as if it weighs nothing, kasi it means a lot to me. That's what happens when you grow up without one.

And now that I have friends, I just have to make sure not to fuck things over. Jass was a friend first, and now look what happened. We're okay now but I don't think it would ever be the same as before. So whatever Sab has in mind, or kung sinomang nagme-mess with my brain chem kaya nag-iiba ang tingin ko kay Chio minsan, it has to stop.

He's annoying, but he's my friend. I can't . . . I can't lose him in any way. I don't want to.

My phone pings again. Ced asks who I'm eating with, kaya nag-reply ako. Eri takes a tiny peek on my phone, so pinakita ko na lang sa kaniya para hindi siya mahirapan. I don't mind. And Eri has the better radar on picking up hints sa conversations dahil siya yung mas maraming friends, kaya okay lang.

"So do you want to be friends with him nga?" she asks, looking up at me.

"Di ko nga alam," sagot ko. Friends are people you care about. I think caring for the four of them (Jass included) is already driving me nuts sometimes. Dadagdagan ko pa ba? Don't know. But Ced's nice. So maybe he's worth caring for.

She chuckles, pushing my phone back in front of me. "Alam mo, I don't know why you deny it . . . but I'm not going to ask why . . . pero I want to tell you na your face doesn't hide your feelings, Julibear," she says suddenly. My forehead creases. Where did that come from? "So sometimes, I give you a push. Di ba we would not be friends kung I didn't annoy you to have lunch with me last year."

I remember that. I thought things would be the same in college—I would get out of it unremembered. There's nothing remarkable about me, and I don't make it a habit to talk to people, so I usually just vanish from everyone's memory, I'm sure. The only thing people will probably remember about me is my name, na maaalala lang nila when they look at class pictures. I don't think there's anything wrong with it, and I have made peace with the fact that making friends is hard if your mom didn't have the time to teach you how to because of her work and all the things she's juggling at the side.

So I have made peace with being alone and just watching. It's enough for me to be wherever people are. I don't really mind being 'just here'.

"Alam mo sabi mo no'n?" She clears her throat, then gives me a blank look na mukha lang inaantok kapag siya ang gumagawa. If Sab does that, mapapatakbo ka na lang palayo. "I don't want friends," she says in a tone na I assume ay para i-mimic ako. That makes me laugh, oddly enough. But I do not look and sound like that.

She clings onto my arm while we walk back to our table. "Pero when I started hanging out with Sab na lang, you keep looking!" She huffs. "Ewan ko sa 'yo, girl. Di ka robot, teddy bear ka. Kaya nga Julibear, hindi Julibot, di ba?"

Napangiwi ako roon. She just laughs at my face before pulling me closer and holding onto my arm tighter. "Alam ko naman na-touch ka, bahala ka nang i-deny." Parang may gumapang na kung anong nakakakilabot sa batok ko. Touching ba yung sinabi niya? I don't think so. "Pero seriously, don't overthink it. If you want to go on a date, you're technically single so, just go. Kung gusto mo, I can tail you just to keep you safe lang. We'll bring Sab para may scary dog tayo if things go south tapos ass pala 'yang Ced na 'yan."

"I will think about it," I say. I'm not sure if I would be comfortable with them watching me go out with someone, but I get what she means even if it seems that she's just being nosy and nagging. People have different ways of showing they care, and this just happens to be hers.

Pagbalik namin sa table, tapos na sina Sab kumain kaya lumabas na kami. Sab and Eri are walking ahead of Chio and I dahil hindi naman kami kakasyang apat sa silong ng walkway.

I am minding my own business when Chio bumps him arm with mine lightly. I look up at him to ask pero nakasalita na agad siya, "Sasamahan ko si Leigh mamaya. At sa Friday."

My forehead creases. Bukod sa wala akong pakialam . . . "I don't even know who that is."

Chio folds his arms over his chest. I arch a brow when I catch him frowning. E sa hindi ko kilala, anong gagawin ko? "Yung friend ni Gracey."

Ah.

Okay?

Lalo lang nangunot ang noo ko. Mas lalo lang akong nawalan ng pakialam. "And I have to know that why?" Well, at least I now know that Miss Clipboard has a name.

The corner of his lips twitch. Umiwas siya ng tingin imbes na sagutin ang tanong ko, probably because wala naman siyang isasagot, because I really don't have to know that information. Aanhin ko 'yun? Ano'ng napala ko? Wala. And knowing Miss Clipboard's name isn't worth anything to me.

"Sinasabi ko lang," he says. I ignore him.

I hear him scoff. "Wala rin akong paki d'yan sa date mo."

I pause on walking.

That's it. Ano ba'ng problema niya sa kin? Inaano ko ba 'to? Pumunta naman kami sa canteen nang okay. Nag-CR lang ako, tapos bibigyan niya na ako ng attitude? He got the iced tea na nga with less ice kanina.

"Sinabi ko bang may pakialam ka?" I retort before picking up my pace. Nilagpasan ko sina Sab at Eri. The idiot quickly catches up to me. Para talagang makikipagsagutan pa! E inaano ko ba siya?

"So date nga?!"

"Ano ngayon?!" His head reels back and he clamps his mouth shut when I turn to face him. Akala niya siya lang ang marunong sumigaw? Ako rin! Why the fuck are we suddenly yelling at each other?

I march towards the building and leave him there with his mouth open. Ang init-init na nga, paiinitin pa ang ulo ko out of nowhere. Napagdiskitahan lang ako bigla ng gago. E sa I really have zero fucks to give kung sasamahan niya si Miss Clipboard mamaya, or sa Friday, or kung kailanman at saanman sila pupunta.

And I didn't even ask him kung may paki siya if I'm going out with Ced this Friday! E di wala. Patas lang. Para siyang batang magtotoyo na lang bigla.

Whatever his problem is, nagdere-deretso 'yun sa next days. I think I have a curse with our Ethics course dahil lagi ko na lang nakakasamang mag-work yung taong ayaw kong makasama. We are grouped into threes, and I am lucky enough to have Sab as a buffer between Chio and I. Pero better sana kung wala na lang si Chio dahil nagmamaktol pa rin siya sa bagay na di naman niya dapat pagmaktulan.

Bakit ba kasi? Should I care about whatever he's doing with whoever?

"Ano ba'ng pinag-awayan niyo?" hindi nahihiyang tanong ni Sab habang magkakakumpol kami sa isang gilid. I catch Chio glaring at me kaya inirapan ko siya. Kasalanan ko? Kasalan kong wala akong pakialam?! That doesn't even make sense!

"Ewan ko diyan," narinig kong sabi ni Chio. Instead of giving a clapback, I keep my mouth shut and pretend not to hear anything. From the side of my eye, kita kong lalo lang hindi mapakali ang mukha niya sa inis.

Sa 'ming dalawa, it is I who grew up with no friends, so I'm fine without talking to anyone for the whole day. Siya 'tong madaldal at papansin, so he's already on the losing end once I get better at tuning my own annoyance out. Bigyan lang ako ng hour of silence para makakalma, okay na ako. Humanda siya sa 'kin bukas—I won't even look at him.

"Paabot nga ako n'un, Sab," rinig kong utos niya. I think he's referring to the pen na nasa desk ng katabi kong chiar, which is his. Whatever; di naman ako yung inutusan. At subukan niya akong utusan right now, I swear to God . . .

"Alin? Ball pen?" tanong ni Sab at tumayo. Aninag kong dinampot niya 'yun.

"Oo, kuhanin mo na parehas."

"E pa'no 'yan . . . ayoko?" Sab taunts with a chuckle. She drops the pen back on the arm tablet before casually walking away kahit panay ang hoy ni Chio sa kaniya. I don't know if she genuinely needs to go out or trip lang niya si Chio.

Ang isang 'to naman, ang lapit-lapit naman kasi, bakit di na lang kuhain? Putol ba ang kamay niya?

I hear him click his tongue before standing up to get it himself. I keep my eyes down on my yellow pad kahit na I can feel him watching me nang lumagpas siya twice sa tapat ko. I close my eyes for a good minute when he sits back down sa upuang iniwan ni Sab, which is beside mine, instead na doon sa sumunod na upuan umupo. Somebody give me patience to deal with this idiot . . . .

My brows meet when he pokes my knee through my jeans with the cap of the ball pen na kakukuha lang niya. Noong una, isa lang, at parang nagmamadali pa. The second time, dalawang beses na at medyo mariin. Yung pangatlo, paulit-ulit na at may kasama nang, "Pst."

I tune him out. Toyoin siya kung gusto niyang toyoin, basta 'wag sa 'kin kasi ibabalik ko sa kaniya 'yun.

"AJ, 'uy." He pokes my knee again, this time with his finger. Nag-travel 'yun to my arm when I continue to ignore him. "Naman . . ."

"J," he says, tirelessly poking my arm to wear my patience thin. Tiningnan ko lang siya para matapos na. He sighs.

My forehead creases when he leans a bit to my side. "Ano'ng pangalan n'ung . . . n'ung ano . . . ?"

Christ. I look him straight in the eye. "Akala ko ba wala kang pakialam?"

He frowns instantly. He stares at me as if he can get the answer out of me by doing that, but I stand my ground. I'm too pissed to worry about the possibility of cursed images popping in my head especially when he has his eyes on me and he's thisclose. Mabuti nga at hindi 'yun nangyari. See? I knew that was a glitch.

Umalis siya sa upuan at bumalik na doon sa kabila. He doesn't look at me again after, and it sucks because I find myself watching the back of his head for the next few days.

On Thursday evening, I start to feel horrible. What if he were just asking for my own safety? Or because he's plain curious, and that's harmless. What if that's his equivalent of Eri being nosy? What if he just cares but he doesn't know how else to ask me because he doesn't want it to seem weird, kaya binanggit niya rin yung sarili niyang lakad, para may related thing kahit papaano to open that conversation?

Lintik na Chio 'to. Natiis niya akong hindi kausapin at tingnan for two and a half days, and he's awfully quiet, too, so my brain detected that he's not being himself kaya it's playing tricks on me. Now I am bothered. Nakakainis.

Come Friday afternoon, I have decided to approach him first para matigil na 'tong pangungulit ng isip ko. It's starting to form images again—hindi na yung ganun, but Chio looking like a wounded puppy isn't any better. I can hear him calling me mean, and all the voices in my head are judging me for being so harsh to someone who just . . . cares. Kainis talaga.

My original plan is to just invite him with me para libre ko na rin siya for us to make up, but then I see him with Miss Clipboard right after our Filipino class. They're talking about something by the door, kaya I stand and wait sa may railings sa tapat because I don't want to listen to whatever they're talking about.

Chio pauses on talking and glances at me for a few seconds only to arch his brow. When he looks again at Miss Clipboard, she raises a hand to push the wavy metal headband Chio's wearing which is tucking his growing hair back.

So close na sila. Okay.

Kinunutan ko si Chio ng noo when he glances at me again. He looks away after a second and pulls Miss Clipboard to walk with him to the other end of the hall.

I stand there and watch.

Bumaba sila. I don't know where they're going, but then I remember he has to accompany her somewhere.

Whatever.

Sana madapa siya.

Hindi naman tumigil ang mundo dahil doon. I drive myself to my Spanish class, and after it's done, saka ko lang sinabi kay Ced na I'll have coffee with him. He looks stunned when I tell him that, dahil akala raw niya ay rejected na dahil ilang araw kong hindi sinagot. Fortunately, he has two friends sa class kaya hindi lang kaming dalawa ang magkasama. It turns out that they're all a year older than me, at wala naman kaming ginawa sa katapat na coffee shop kundi mag-review ng lessons kanina at mag-phone. Hindi naman ako uncomfortable kahit tatlong lalaki ang kasama ko. They all seem nice. Wala akong nararamdamang anything I have to worry about.

"Bakit ka nga pala nag-enroll?" Ced asks me. He hasn't touched his phone since we got here, I have noticed.

"My step-dad is Spanish," I answer. He smiles, nodding. Then he fumbles with the plastic wrap of his straw na hindi niya matapon-tapon at mabitiw-bitiwan kanina pa. I think he's wondering of another question to ask.

"Ikaw?" tanong ko pabalik, dahil lagi na lang siya ang nagtatanong.

"Wala," he answers, laughing. He points to his two friends. "Trip lang namin, actually." He takes a sip of his drink. "Yung sa step-dad mo . . ." he trails. "Magmu-move ka ba with your parents? Or not necessarily? Is your step-dad overseas?"

"Move," sagot ko. I don't think about it that much dahil next year pa yata 'yun, at hindi pa rin tapos si Mommy sa application niya. I haven't even told my friends about it. Pero madali na lang yata 'yun since ilan lang naman silang sasabihan ko. Do I need to have a party for that? I don't want to, pero baka gusto nila.

"Really? Pa'no ka mag-aaral?" he asks, brows furrowed.

"Wala bang school sa Spain?" tanong ko pabalik. I almost took it back dahil hindi pa kami friends and he might think na I'm being unnecessarily rude, but he just laughs, kaya hinayaan ko na.

My phone pings. Sinilip ko muna 'yun.

Chio: Di kita sinamahan kasi sasamahan ko si Leigh kay Papa. May hinihinging contact person e tinutulungan ko lang. Pang project yata nila.

Chio: Ano? Nasa date mo na ikaw???

Chio: Ge wag mo ko replyan

Chio: Baka magalit pala yang DATE mo

Hindi ko talaga siya ni-reply-an; sabi niya e. Madali naman akong kausap. I keep my phone in my bag and don't bother checking it kahit panay ang vibrate n'un.

"By the way, what was this invite for?" I ask Ced. He chokes on his drink, at inabutan siya ng natatawa niyang katabi ng tissue. I forgot his name, pero nabanggit na 'yun ni Ced kanina.

Panay ang ubo ni Ced. I wait for him to be okay pero ang tagal. Is he dying?

"Cute ka raw kasi," sabi ng katabi ko, which makes me look at him. He's also laughing at his friend's misery. Ced needs new friends.

Ced shakes his head repeatedly when he finally stops coughing. Hinampas niya nang ilang ulit ang dibdib niya. "Hindi, hindi."

"Hindi ako cute?" I ask. Ano ba talaga?

His friends burst out laughing again. Ced's cheeks turn a light shade of red. So tama si Eri. "Hindi—I mean hindi ganun. Cute ka pero . . . hindi ganun. Walang ano, wala nang plano."

"Wala na? So meron dapat?"

Ced nods hesitantly. His seatmate wolf whistles and pats him on the shoulder repeatedly. Laughing, Ced shoves his hand away. "Pass sa mga aalis."

"Right choice," I say, nodding. "It won't work."

After that, nag-review na talaga kami as a group. His friends are nice, and it isn't awkward. Madaling kausap si Ced kasi. He knows what he wants, and we both know it's not going to work kahit wala pa kaming nasisimulan, so why bother?

Yung mga nagsasabing, 'You'll never know unless you try,' mga hindi siguro nag-iisip. If you think hard enough, you can foresee your outcomes. You'll know, or have at least a good estimate, of what you're getting out of it.

And if it's bad, why bother trying? Sayang lang ang lahat ng ibibigay mo kung sakali. And I don't understand when they say that you'll regret not trying. Why would I? If you don't try, you'll lose an opportunity, sure. But the last time I checked, hindi naman matatapos ang buhay ko if I miss out on one opportunity. Compare that to if I try and have a bad outcome. Hindi nga ako nawalan ng opportunity pero baka nasayang lang ang oras, energy, at emotional investment ko. That's going to hurt more. I do not like getting hurt.

With Ced, there's also nothing much to dwell on dahil hindi pa rin naman kami masyadong magkakilala at close. We part ways an hour later, but not before them guiding me out of the packed parking lot bago sila nagsipasukan sa mga sarili nilang sasakyan. They're really nice people.

I pull over in front of a nearby restaurant to check the messages on my phone.

Chio: Hoy.

Chio: Bahay na ko. Iniwan ko na si Leigh.

Chio: Anuna?????

Chio: Tama na yan oy anong oras na o di ka ba marunong magbasa ng oras

I smile when I realize na he's back to being normal. I continue to ignore him because it's entertaining to watch him have a meltdown on my inbox. Si Auntie Mel lang na nagtatanong kung sa bahay ako magdi-dinner ang ni-reply-an ko. Sinabihan ko siyang mauna na at sa labas na lang ako magdi-dinner.

While waiting for my food to be served, tumunog ulit ang phone ko.

Chio: Tagal naman ng DATE niyo amputa

Chio: ISANG GALONG KAPE BA YAN AJ?

New messages come up again while I'm eating.

Chio: Sorry na ang sungit ko ikaw kasi e

Chio: AKO* kasi e HAHAH

Chio: Hoy

After I get dinner, dumeretso na ako pauwi, but I get caught in the rush hour traffic so I stay in the road a little longer than usual. Wala pa si Mommy pag-uwi ko, probably suffering the same traffic jam. I just inform Auntie Mel that I'm home before I head upstairs to change into comfortable clothes.

I brush my teeth first before checking my phone again. That's what Chio gets for messing with my brain. Maghintay siya ngayon.

Chio: Seryoso na kasi huy

Chio: Gabi na

Chio: Napano ka na ba putek

Chio: Aj aj aj aj aj aj aj aj

He spams my inbox with chicken emojis. Pinanood ko lang ang mga 'yun na sunod-sunod ang paglabas sa screen ko.

Chio: 🥚

Chio: Nangitlog na yung inahin ko di ka pa rin nakakauwi tangina namang buhay to

I don't want to, but I end up laughing. I am about to key in a reply because I think I worried him enough, pero may humabol siyang message.

Chio: Nugget.

My brows furrow. I reply: I'm home.

Chio: Hallelujah praise the lord

AJ: Bakit ba nugget?

He doesn't bother replying. Nakatulugan yata.

*

On Saturday, nag-aya si Sab na pumunta kina Chio, just because tinatamad daw siyang magsaing for lunch. With Sab going, automatic kasama na si Eri doon. Hindi naman uso kay Chio tumanggi, and what like Sab said before, parang free real estate yung bahay nina Chio kasi puwede laging puntahan kahit biglaan.

Jass asks if he could come, and after flooding our group chat with the middle finger emoji, um-oo rin naman si Chio nang may kasamang mura. The two guys are in talking terms now, I have noticed, pero hindi na sila kagaya ng dati na parang laging magkasama. I am wondering if that's because Jass has a girlfriend now—and one na pinakilala na niya publicly, or if it's because of what happened with Jass and I. Either way, I'm just glad to find the two of them talking sometimes. Kahit sabihin ni Chio na he's mad with what Jass did to me, I know deep inside na he's his person. Magkasama sila lagi dati, kaya nga sure ako ng if may sinabihan man si Jass about us, si Chio na yun.

Dahil wala naman akong gagawin bukod sa mag-review ng slides and I still remember the way to Chio's house, I decide to go. I take a quick bath, blow dry my hair because it's starting to curl awkwardly towards the end since it's growing, and get dressed. Kina Chio lang naman ako pupunta, so I grab the first pair of jeans I see in my closet, and a tank top I don't normally wear because they're not really big-chest-friendly pero ang init kasi. I cover myself up with Chio's green and blue flannel para maisauli ko na rin sa kaniya. Nagpaalam lang ako kay Auntie Mel bago umalis kasi wala naman si Mommy, then I'm on the road.

Nandoon na sina Sab and Eri when I arrive, pero wala pa si Jass. Nakahilata sa sahig si Sab, her long limbs occupying the spaces in between the couches. Eri's curled in a ball sa couch, eating some chips.

Nasaktuhan yatang si Chio lang ang tao sa bahay. Tinapatan ko ang nakataas niyang kilay habang nagtatanggal ako ng sapatos sa pintuan. He points at his flannel that I'm wearing. "Akin."

"I know," sagot ko. I don't know why he smiles after I say that.

I walk past him, unbuttoning his flannel, and sit beside Eri on the couch. I fold his flannel neatly bago siya sitsitan and toss it on his face bago pa siya makabalik sa kitchen.

Niladlad niya 'yun after getting his hands on it. Showing me a frown, he tosses it back to me. "Suot mo muna," he says bago tuluyang pumasok papuntang kusina kaya hindi ko na naibato pabalik.

"Ang init kaya," I say to no one in particular. Tinupi ko na lang 'yun nang ayos at nilagay sa arm rest ng couch. Eri leans back on me and pats me several times on the thigh, not taking her eyes off her phone. Nilingon lang niya ako when I reach for the bag of chips she's holding. Umayos siya ng upo upon looking at me.

Her finger immediately pokes the side of my boob. "Di ka man lang nagtira for me talaga," pamaktol niyang sabi. She pops her chest out and cups her own breast, kaya nahagip ko ang nakatuping flannel ni Chio at naibato sa kaniya. Tinawanan lang naman niya ako. Sabagay, kami lang naman ang nandito so that's okay. And sakali mang may sumulpot, si Chio lang, and I'm guessing Eri's comfortable enough to have him witness her do that.

"Totoo ba 'yan? Di ka ba naka-push up? Foam na makapal?" she asks, tracing the hem of my tank top. Kinapa ko ang built-in cup para makita niya. She audibly gasps upon touching it herself. I wince when she hits my thigh hard. "Palaban talaga 'yang boobs mo, 'no? Nananampal," she says. Napailing na lang ako.

Nagpapalipas ako ng oras habang nagtatalo na sina Sab at Chio sa kusina tungkol sa uulamin namin by reviewing. Eri's busy talking to different people on her phone, naaaninag ko. I wonder kung hindi siya nauubusan ng social battery. Ako ngang sila lang ang kausap, parang araw-araw na akong pagod.

"Kakain na!" Chio calls out from the dining area.

Eri skips her way to the dining area. I turn off the fan and lower the volume of the television first before following. Wala pa rin si Jass.

Naglalagay si Chio ng utensils sa mga plates na nakahanda na nang magawi ang tingin niya sa 'kin. He furrows his brows as I take my seat beside Eri. His forehead crease disappears, then comes back again, and when he takes his eyes off me, natulala siya saglit sa table, still holding onto the remaining two pairs of spoon and fork as if nawalan siya bigla ng motor functions.

"Kutsara ko, Chio. Okay pa ba tayo diyan? Kaya pa ba?" natatawang sabi ni Sab na uupo pa lang. Pinitipit tuloy ni Chio ng kutsara ang kamay niya.

"Ikaw kasi," bubulong-bulong na sabi ni Chio sa kaniya. Sab only laughs hard, and when she glances at me, she wiggles her brows. My eyebrows meet in confusion. It's so difficult to understand them sometimes.

Hindi pa ako gaanong kagutom dahil late na akong gumising at late na rin akong nag-breakfast, kaya kaunti lang ang sinandok ko at mabagal na kumain. I listen to the three of them talk about our requirements and people I do not personally know. They're good background noise while I keep my eyes on the phone as I review our lecture slides for Monday.

I am reading when a message notification appears from the top of my screen. It's from Ced. It's not another invitation to go somewhere, fortunately. Nagtatanong lang siya about a chapter we're going to discuss this Friday—whether the file is damaged or if sila lang ng friends niya ang hindi nabigyan ng access. I quickly do a check of it only to find out na hindi rin nag-o-open sa phone ko ang files na s-in-end sa e-mail thread namin last night.

"Tapos ka na ba kumain?" I take my eyes off my phone and up to Chio. I put my phone down momentarily and quickly finish the remaining three spoonful of my lunch. I raise both brow questioningly when Chio wrinkles his nose at me before getting my plate and going to the sink. Ano na naman?

Bumalik kami ni Eri sa living room at hinayaan sina Sab at Chio na magbuwisitan sa kitchen. Jass arrives a few minutes later. He says hi sa 'ming dalawa ni Eri and then carefully tiptoes around the living room para silipin yata sina Chio at Sab. He goes back and sits on the floor across me.

"Nag-lunch ka na?" tanong ni Eri sa kaniya. She picks up the remote control and sits with Jass and I on the floor.

"Yes. Kumain kami ni . . ." His eyes quickly make its way to meet mine.

I see hesitation, so I finish his sentence for him. "Ni Gracey? Bakit di mo sinama?" It's not like this is my home.

"A, may gagawin e," Jass says, cushioning his otherwise awkward sentence with a laugh. I sigh and just look at the movie playing in the flat screen. I seriously don't mind anymore. Okay na. Tanggap ko na. But I would be lying kung sasabihin kong hindi satisfying na makitang mahiya siya sa 'kin kahit papaano.

"Ba't ka nandito, ha?" tanong ni Chio pagpunta niya sa living room kasama ni Sab, may bitbit na tray ng mga baso at isang pitsel ng soft drinks. He puts it on the table na probably inilipat sa gilid kanina para makahiga si Sab sa sahig. Chio kicks Jass' knee repeatedly after. "Isod. Palabasin kita e," banta niya bago umupo sa tabi ni Jass.

Sab crawls on the tiled floor and lays her head on my lap. Napaayos tuloy ako ng upo because, god, her head is heavy. She easily steals the remote from Eri's hand and changes the channel.

"Chio," tawag ni Sab habang naglilipat-lipat ng channels. It really is an uneventful Saturday for all of us. Walang requirements to pass until Friday, and the weather just makes me want to melt on the cold tiled floor. 

"Ano?"

"Shot tayo."

Chio laughs before grabbing a throw pillow from the couch on his side and hitting Sab's leg with it. "'Tang ina mo, kakakain lang e. Tapos susuntukin mo na naman ako kapag nalasing ka?"

They all laugh at that. Chio nudges Jass hard to the point na muntik nang sumubsob si Jass sa sahig. Chaos ensues between the two habang panay naman ang tapik sa 'kin ni Sab at niyayaya akong uminom. I just keep swatting her hand away. Ang kulit! Magda-drive ako e. Ano ba naman ang trip niya kapag nabo-bore at bakit pag-inom 'yun?

Sab eventually wins them over. Pinalipat kami ni Chio sa back porch para daw mas madaling mag-imis pagkatapos. The two girls and I head outside first, at naiwan sila ni Jass para mag-ready ng mga iinumin nila.

Mas marami palang puno rito sa may likod-bahay nila, so it isn't that hot. I take the bean bag chair on the corner dahil hindi naman ako iinom. Pumuwesto sina Sab na bitbit yung soft drinks galing sa loob, at si Eri doon sa table na may partner na anim na stools.

Mukhang nakikita ko na ang ending ng hapon na 'to, or ng gabi—whenever they decide to go home. Mukhang driver ako ng lahat unless mauutusan ulit ni Chio yung lalaking nag-tail sa 'kin before, or mahuhulasan agad si Jass. It's fine with me. I don't really mind driving. I somehow find it calming. 'Wag lang sana kami masyadong gabihin dahil mabubuwisit ako kapag super traffic, at baka hanapin ako ni Mommy.

Chio glances at me when he comes out with Jass. Natakluban ang phone ko ng flannel niyang bigla niyang binato sa direction ko. Aanhin ko ba 'to? Akin na lang? Ang init-init to cover myself up. I would have, because of the top I'm wearing, kung nasa public place kami or may ibang tao rito sa bahay nila, pero sila-sila lang naman so, I don't really find it necessary.

Pinabayaan ko na lang 'yun sa tabi ko. I stand up to steal a bag of chips sa mga inilabas ni Jass and then I bring it with me to my bean bag. Kabubukas ko pa lang n'un when my phone pings from another message from Ced. I raise a brow nang parang pina-pop quiz niya ako for quick translation. I reply. He poses another question. I reply. Hanggang sa nagtuloy-tuloy 'yun dahil balak yata niyang ubusin yung updated vocabs handbook namin hanggang hindi pa naaayos yung pinadala sa 'ming file for the next class.

I pause on replying para buksan na yung chips na dinampot ko kanina. Ihihiga ko sana ang sarili sa chair when my eyes fleet to Chio na sa tapat ko lang nakapuwesto. I raise a brow and when I catch him looking at me with apparent annoyance. Inano ko ba 'to? Nananahimik na nga ako. Okay naman na kami kagabi a?

"Julibear!" tawag sa 'kin ni Eri. I notice the shift on the tone of her voice and her eyes na parang mas mukhang nagigising na. Baliktad talaga 'to kapag nalalasing na. "Upo ka rito! 'Wag kang mag-isa diyan!" she says, patting the chair beside her, the one across Chio.

Tumayo ako at sumunod, not tearing my gaze off Chio na nakasimangot nang pasahan ni Jass ng ikot. What's his problem with me, really?

Chio shifts on his seat the moment I take the one across him. He leans back on his chair and looks at me. And he's making sure that I know he's staring dahil hindi niya pinakakawalan ang tingin ko. I furrow my brows at him but he only cocks his head to the side, then chips in a comment sa pinag-uusapan nina Sab without breaking eye contact.

When a familiar kick in my chest presents itself to be felt, I try to pull away from his stare. I feel my phone vibrating, probably from Ced's messages, and it pushes me to look away but my neck seems to have been stuck so it isn't much help. I force myself to blink, and on the fragment of a second that he's not in my vision, I turn my head down just to break that annoying pull.

"Sino na naman 'yan?" Eri asks loudly, forcing everyone on the table to have their attention on me. "Is that the guy?!" I flinch at the volume of her voice, lalo na because she leaned toward me. I don't bother locking my phone dahil wala naman siyang makikita sa convo namin ni Ced kundi Spanish words. "So you went out with him! How did it go?"

"Fine," I answer. "He has two friends," I add and look at her. "One for you and one for Sab."

Sab makes a vomiting sound which makes them laugh. Siya talaga yung hindi ko ma-imagine with someone. The last time someone told her that they like her, she just downright rejected the guy. Sinabihan niya pang 'wag nang magpakita sa kaniya kahit kailan. Hindi ko na nga nakita yung lalaking 'yun. I don't know if it's because I'm not paying attention sa mga nakakasalubong ko or if he actually makes effort not to cross paths with Sab.

"Huy, cute a?" Eri says, resting her cheek on my arm. "Triple date! Quadruple if kasama sina Jass and Gracey."

"Kawawa naman yung single," natatawang gatong ni Sab. My eyes fleet to Chio, and fortunately he's too busy giving Sab the dirty finger kaya hindi na siya nakatingin sa 'kin, or else we'll be stuck again.

"Why? E di si Leigh yung isa," Eri sayas which makes my typing fingers halt mid-air. I hear Jass asking what that's about, pero si Eri ang sumagot imbes na si Chio because he's, again, looking at me like I owe him something. Lasing na ba 'to? O ano?

I lock my phone when it notifies me na malo-low batt na ako. Wala pa naman akong dalang charger. I ignore whatever Chio's trying to do and discreetly take a deep breath to calm myself down because my heart hasn't actually stopped doing its kicks.

With my best efforts, I tear my gaze away. "Pahiram akong charger," bulong ko kay Eri.

She shakes her head. "Walang dala."

"Sab? Charger?"

"Wala akong cell phone," sagot niya. "Naiwan sa bahay."

I look at Jass, silently asking. He shakes his head apologetically. "Nasa kotse, pero cord lang 'yun. Doon na ako nagcha-charge e." He turns to Chio. "Wala ba kayong charger dito?" natatawa niyang tanong.

Chio only gives him the side-eye before looking back at me. I compose myself and spread out a palm in front of him. Nothing's awkward. It's all in my head. Breathe. "Pahiram."

He holds my gaze a little too long for my liking before cocking his head to the side. He nods, eventually. "'Lika, kuhanin natin sa taas."

What? WHAT? "Ayoko," I say without thinking. It's harmless to go upstairs, but . . . but . . . I don't know! Kinakabahan ako sa tingin niya e!

He frowns, then shrug. My jaw drops at that. Sab decides it's a good idea to plug Eri's phone on the mini speaker lying on top of the table and play some loud music. Pero kahit na ganun, narinig ko si Chio na bubulong-bulong, "E di 'wag ka nang mag-charge."

And Chio decides it's time to ignore me because he sings along habang umiikot yung tagay nila. The mocking glance he gives me makes my lip twitch in annoyance. Problema ba nito? Iniinis niya ba ako on purpose?

Below the table, I kick the foot of his chair. He glares at me. I lean over so I don't have to shout. "What the fuck is your problem with me?" Kanina pa kumakabog ang dibdib ko dahil sa kawalan ng idea. Puta.

His jaw ticks. "Puro ka phone," mariin niyang sabi, hinihinaan din ang boses as if our friends aren't used to hearing us bicker.

"And so?" Hindi naman ako umiinom. And I'm here kahit puwede namang hindi ako pumunta simply because I want to see them. Yun ba ang problema niya? Me using my phone? That's so petty! Hindi naman sila nagha-heart-to-heart at talk at nag-iinuman lang e!

"Puro ka na nga phone, ayaw mo pang kuhanin charger e ikaw ang may kailangan."

What a way to treat your bisita. I heave a heavy sigh to compose myself. Lasing na yata 'to e. Hirap na ngang makipagtalo sa matinong Chio, e lalo na sa lasing. "Fine. E nasa'n ba?" I can get it myself kung tinatamad din siyang tumayo.

Instead of answering, he just gives me a stare na hindi ko ma-figure out. Tilting his head, lumipat sa phone ko ang tinign niya. At kung tingnan niya 'yun, parang ang laki ng kasalanan sa kaniya.

He looks back at me with a raised brow. "Kuwarto ko."

Nothing's awkward. It's all in my head. Breathe. I clear my throat and nod, pulling my chair back. "Sa taas? Fine. Ako na kukuha? O-Okay lang?"

I stand up. Before he can shake his head no, tinalikuran ko na siya at pumasok sa loob ng bahay. I do not know the way around this house, and I normally don't go wandering around someone else's house without permission, but I need to get out of the back porch so I can breathe. I only see one way to go to the second floor and I take that, and I pretend not to hear him lowly calling out my name as I almost run my way up the steps.

Of course naabutan niya ako; it's his house. At tumigil ako sa hagdanan sa second floor. "Saan room mo?" I ask, pretending that my heart is not attempting to rip through my chest at the moment. He just gives me another one of that look—one that somehow always make me nervous—before walking ahead. I quietly follow, mentally tracing the lines sa flooring to slow my heart down. It won't stay freaking still.

He opens a door to the left. He leaves it open, and I hesitantly take a step inside. I don't let my eyes roam around. Nanatili ang tingin ko sa desk niyang may nakapatong na computer at may mababang dark brown cabinet na katabi.

My shoulder jump when I hear the door click close. My initial reaction is to immediately reach for the knob and quickly open it, pero baka mamaya magmukha akong kahina-hinala for rushing, so I just casually walk back towards the door to pull it open. Pagharap ko kay Chio, hawak na niya yung charger niya. Thank god.

He removes the strap that keeps the cord rolled neatly. "Sino ba 'yang ka-date mo?" he asks, scoffing. "Ano'ng pangalan?"

He probably means ka-date ko last time, because wala naman akong date right now or anytime in the near future. "Just someone. And tapos na 'yun," I clarify. I spread a palm out, asking him to hand me the charger. "Charger."

Hiningi ko lang naman yung charger niya pero gusot na gusot na naman ang mukha niya. "O, charger," aniya sabay lagay n'un sa palad ko nang may kasamang dabog. Ano na naman ba?

"Bakit mukhang galit ka sa 'kin?" deretsa kong tanong. I do not like it . . . whatever this feeling is. It's making me uncomfortable because I do not know what it is. And he's evoking it from me by being like . . . like this.

"Di ako galit," sabi niya nang nakasimangot. It is my turn to scoff. I watch him pad on his bedroom floor like a five-year-old na hindi napagbigyang lumabas, then crouch for what seems like slippers underneath the opposite side of his bed.

I take a deep breath. Rolling my eyes out of frustration, I just place his charger on top of the cabinet where he got it from. I don't like this feeling I am having. Kanina pa 'to. It's confusing me. I don't understand it, I don't understand him, I don't understand what the kicks in my heart are warning me about, and I hate things that I do not understand because it makes me feel dumb.

I'm not having images. If anything, I'm just annoyed because I can't figure him and myself out. Nakakapikon. I just . . . I really don't like this feeling. I should just go home. Sa bahay na lang akong magpuputang inang charge.

"Alis na nga ako," paalam ko. Actually, 'yun naman talaga ang tamang gawin if the owner of the house you're visiting doesn't seem pleased to have you in their home. Kaya aalis na ako.

"Sa'n ka pupunta?" he asks, taking huge steps towards me. "Magkakape ka na naman kasama yung kakalase mo? May kape diyan sa baba, dito ka na magkape. Ipagtitimpla pa kit—"

"Why do you care?" Why does he bring Ced up at the most random times? Akala ko ba tapos na kami with this? And it's not like pinakialaman ko siya with whatever's going on with him and Miss Clipboard.

"Ano naman kung magkakape kami?" I don't understand bakit parang naiinis siya sa akin. And among other things I cannot figure out with him and with this day, ayaw ko lang talaga ng pinararamdam sa 'king may ginagawa akong mali tapos hindi ko naman malaman kung ano. 

"Date na naman, AJ? Talaga?" He rests his wrist on the doorknob, while his other hand goes to brush his hair back. "Date talag—?"

"So?" My forehead creases. "What's wrong with me going on dates?"

He gulps, and I find myself watching the movement of his throat. "E bakit ka pa kasi makikipag-date?" mahina pero mariin niyang tanong.

Ilang beses akong kumurap sa kaniya. Am I hearing him right? "Anong bakit pa?" My annoyance verbalizes itself in the form of a short laughter. My chest hurts. Oh, my chest hurts. "May masama?"

He falls silent. The few seconds of quiet washes off a layer of irritation I have for him. Huminga ako nang malalim at nasaktuhang nasabayan niya pa.

What are we arguing about, really? And why hasn't my heart stopped kicking? What is it kicking my chest so hard for?

This is nonsense. Lasing lang 'tong si Chio, for sure. Babatukan ko 'to kapag nahulasan na. At ako namang tanga, pumatol sa lasing. I should just really go ho—

"E ako 'yun e," he says firmly.

My heart freezes itself in self-preservation. The cold drops to my stomach, and something lodges on my throat, making it harder to breathe if that were even possible.

"Ako 'yun," he adds quietly. "Alam kong ako 'yun. Bakit di na lang ako ang isama mo?"

What?

Ano 'to?

Bakit siya biglang ganito?

His gaze pierces through me. I shake my head, not for him, but to tell my heart to stop kicking away its remaining layer of protection. "What?" I manage to let out a chuckle. Oh, god. Kahit nga sa pandinig ko, hindi nakaalpas ang kaba roon. And with the way his right brow twitched, sigurado akong narinig niya rin.

"What are we talking about?"

There comes a ringing in my head so loud it shattered my heart into pieces. My heart comes apart in a number of fragments, stabbing me everywhere in an attempt to leap out of my body, when his eyes move to my lips.

Okay naman na kami. Fuck, okay na kami e. Ano 'to?

"Itatanggi mo pa." Oh, he's close. 'Tang ina, when did he get this close? "Ako 'yun. Ako yung nasa isip mo."

My head is too busy trying to quiet down the ringing in my head, and collecting all the pieces of my heart that's trying to break away, so I don't find any words to give him. Di ko alam kung ano ang uunahin. This thing in my head, our distance or the lack of it, his breathing, or his eyes that keep on glancing down on my lips.

"Ano, AJ? Hindi ba ako?" Parang hindi naman ako tinatnaong niya kundi ang labi ko dahil doon siya nakatingin. I can't decide if my heart has melted already when he looks me in the eye like he's—like he's begging, or it's still strong enough to throw kicks. Kaunti na lang . . . god.

Chio shakes his head. "Puwede mo namang sabihing hindi, tapos tatawanan ko na lang 'to." He chuckles, but it doesn't sound right. I know the sound of his laugh. "Para tapos na o, 'tang ina," he add softly.

He swallows hard. "Nanahimik ka?" bulong niya. He comes closer as if he wants me to die of a heart attack on the spot. "Tama nga ako?"

Despite the loud ringing in my head, I hear the door slamming close, and then the lock clicking. And the moment he leans down, I find myself grabbing him by the nape to close the distance between his lips and mine. He responds by curling an arm around my back and a firm grip on my waist.

It's nowhere near what I expected. It doesn't turn me to a bundle of nerves. It doesn't send me bouncing off the walls.

If anything, it surprisingly calmed me down. My heart slows down. The kicks vanish.

And the ringing stops, as if it has been waiting for a kiss to quiet it down.

# # # Chapter 11 on March 2, 8 pm.