Reading through my mother's books on healing spells that I found on one of her shelves inside her room, I flip to the next page. My mother is actually one of our Kingdom's Royal Healers, the best in our realm. That's why she works directly for the king. I've never bothered to learn about spells, mostly because I didn't need to. But now, avoiding it was no longer an option. The beginning of the book barely told me anything I'm supposed to know, and I've been sitting here, reading for half an hour.

The front door opens and clicks shut slowly. I throw off the thin blanket that covers my lower half and stand up from the couch, walking out of the living room. My mother stands at the door, leaning her head back against the wall, her short brown hair a complete mess from the number of times she ran her fingers through it. I'm guessing she already knows.

With a clench of her fists, she pushes herself away from the door to grab the flower vase from the round table and hurl against the wall. The vase scatters, the loud noise from glass breaking making me jump as it leaves a dent in the wall. On the carpet lays the flowers covered in small pieces of glass, a few pieces glistening right in front of my feet. It was so close to hitting me directly.

"I did everything to keep you hidden. How did he find out about you?" she demands out loud.

She looks at me, finally acknowledging my presence in the room and clenches her fists as she marches towards me.

"I shouldn't have kept you. Your sister was all I needed. You should've died with him!" she yells, her fangs poking out from underneath her lips.

I take a step back, keeping silent will only make her angrier. I have to say something. Just say something. "Maybe I should've. But I'm here. You decided to keep me and bring me into this world." I swallow, keeping my voice as soft as possible not wanting to anger her even more.

I know why she decided to give birth to me even if it's against our law, she admitted it to me herself. A few years back, one night she came home drunk and told me I reminded her of my biological human father. She has no memory of it though. That's how wasted she was that night. Till this day I still don't know what caused her to drink so much, she wasn't a heavy drinker.  She cared for my father even though she denies it and acts like she hated him, pretending what they had was just a stupid one nightstand. There's a lot of questions that I still needed answered from her but it was never the right time. She was always angry and avoiding me.

Her palm struck my cheek and my head turns to the side from the amount of force she used for that slap, leaving a stinging and burning sensation on my skin.

"I know what I've done. I don't need you to remind me of my mistakes." she hisses, avoiding eye contact. I don't have to look at her to know that she wanted to cry, I can see her body trembling as she clenches her fist beside her. What I didn't know was if it's because she regrets keeping me or if she's angry for not hiding me well enough from the king.

"Sorry." I apologize, touching my cheek with my fingers and turn my head to face her again.

The once silent house was now filled with her rapid breathing. "If they figure out you're not a normal vampire. It's over for us. Once they get rid of you they'll come for me and punish me for breaking the law. Your sister will be kicked out of the Academy and her life will be ruined. The Thornhale family name will be gone."

I close my eyes. I know the consequences better than anyone else, it's been drilled into me.

"What are we going to do?" she whispers, placing her palm on her forehead and sighs loudly.

"Nadeline, look at me." she demands, grabbing me by the shoulders. "I've been teaching you how to hide your abnormalities since you got out of the womb. There's no way out of this, the King's orders are final. You have to stay away from all the students as much as possible. They won't suspect a thing. You've hidden yourself from our guests before. You can hide it again. Only this time you have to hide it much longer."

"Can't we change the King's mind?" I ask. There have to be a way to avoid this. My mother always has a plan, she has the brain to come up with solutions. So why can't she come up with one now? 

"No." she breathes out and release her grip on my shoulders, pinching the skin in the middle of her eyebrows for relief. "There's no way out of this." she repeats.

"I thought you always have a plan." I whisper.

"Not this time."

I close my eyes, lean my head back and exhale slowly. She looks at me, the muscles on her face tense as she stares back.

"I'm going to feed. Don't wait for me." She turns around and opens the front door. "Pick up the broken glass before you go to bed." she says and I get a glance of marks on her lower back before she closes the door. The King must've already delivered his punishment. I can't even blame her for hating me because I'm the reason she got hurt and probably will continue to get hurt for. Me being alive is such a nuisance for the both of them.

I push my back against the wall and slowly slide down to the floor. This is what she always does– leaves and rarely stays home when she's here. It's been worse since Kate left for the Academy. Each day this enormous estate feels emptier, the silence pressing in on me. The echoes of my own footsteps a reminder of how alone I am. I can't imagine living isolated for the rest of my whole life. It's absolute torture.

At this point going to the Academy doesn't even sound so bad. It's horrible to admit, considering I'm risking my life by going there, worse risking hers. But at least there, I won't be alone as I am right now. I won't be trapped behind these walls suffocating in my own solitude. 

I start picking up the pieces from the broken vase one by one, just like she asked me to, placing it in my palm. I keep my hand relaxed as I carry it, careful not to let the pieces cut me. I walk towards the kitchen and throw it in the trash bin. Finding an extra vase in the cabinet as I replace the old one with a new one and clean the flowers with water underneath the kitchen tap before placing them in the vase.

I turn off all the lights and go upstairs walking into the bathroom as glide my feet over the floor in defeat. I unbutton the buttons from my dress and pull it down to the floor. I take a long steamy bath, sitting in the hot water as my mind races through all the bad things that could happen at the Academy. With a sigh I reach for my music player device in my dress pocket, putting on music to distract myself.

Half an hour later I step out of the tub wrapping my body and hair in two separate towels. I put off the music and that's when the anxiety and self-doubt comes back to me all over again. But this time instead of stopping the thoughts, I let myself go into panic mode. If I keep suppressing it, it may hit me later when I'm at the academy.

Blood flows to my heart and I brace myself for what's coming.

Thud

I exhale slowly, staring at my reflection in the bathroom mirror. I place my hand in the middle of my chest, where my heart is. My heart only beats when I'm anxious and are close to having a panic attack. A constant reminder of how less of a vampire I am. Unlike other vampires, whose hearts remain still, mine betrays me, pumping blood when my anxiety spikes. Evidence that I'm still partly human.

Grabbing a lipstick from the bathroom drawer, I write the following words on the mirror:

DON'T GET TOO ANXIOUS.

DON'T BLEED.

That's the two things I have to avoid doing at all costs. For my mother's sake and my own. If I get too anxious, I'll go into panic and my heart will beat. If I bleed, they'll see it's red and not black like that of a vampire.

I can't let anyone hear my heartbeat or smell my blood. They'd immediately think I'm human, maybe even worse think I'm some kind of spy. Either way I'll end up dead. It's just two simple things to avoid. I should be okay.