Prologue

United States, March 2015

When you are faced with the physical departure of one of your parents you begin to question your own mortality, especially if you have just turned forty-four. You know it's time to look at life differently and change old habits.

You tend to be overcome by memories of times long ago when your father was young and healthy, you were barely seventeen and had no idea that you would soon meet the first and only love of your life.

At that time life was simpler, even if it looked complicated.

"I was sure I would find you here, uncle." Tricia's soft voice confirmed my niece's presence, although, seconds before I heard her, I had already noticed her closeness when I smelled her unmistakable perfume. "Dad thinks you went to take refuge from aunt Brenda Lee's dalliances in your room, but I know you better." That last remark was not strange to me, it was true. My older brother, Benjamin, and I used to be very close, but the situation had changed. We also didn't know each other as well as you would expect from two people who grew up together.

On the other hand, his daughter Tricia and I had always been very close. I saw her as the daughter I never had.

"I'm easily overwhelmed lately, maybe it's my age," I commented with the intention of putting a light touch on it, although it was something that happened to me quite often.

On the other hand, it was no less true that my younger sister Brenda Lee, somewhat intense about some issues, especially the family home in Ohio and the need to travel there to pick up our parents' belongings, among other things, and arrange for the sale of the property. She claimed that one of us had to return to the place where we lived most of our youth and take on the task, which she said was unthinkable to delegate to any company.

It is worth mentioning that she insisted that the right one was me, she said I should take a vacation, since I had not had one for years, and instead of escaping to Europe, I should go straight to the "The Buckeye State".

Needless to say, I did not share the same opinion.

******************

The terrace of my apartment was my favorite place no matter the time of year, even when the cold and snow took over every surface of it, including the furniture.

I used to go out to enjoy the view, even if I had to bundle up, almost always carrying a full cup of hot coffee in one hand. Years ago, that habit was accompanied by an inseparable cigarette, but I had to give up that bad habit for the sake of my cardiovascular health.

My dear niece did not find it difficult to find me once I left the living room and the company of my close relatives.

Tricia set down in front of me on the table surface a long glass filled with red wine, our favorite. The days of beer were also behind me, with the youth that day having one more year to go.

"Happy forty fourth birthday, Dr. Morell! " She said for the second time that afternoon, before taking a seat across from me. The narrow round glass topped table separated us, and next to the glass I had left, Tricia also deposited a long box lined with a soft looking russet-colored cloth. "I'm sure this will be your best birthday present, although I don't know if you'll be up to using it". I could imagine what she meant even before I opened the box.

"It's not like I've received many," I mentioned. "And if it's what I think it is, you can be sure I'll always carry it with me," I added. Almost holding my breath, I got ready to open the gift, Tricia was waiting with an expectant expression.

I couldn't help but be distracted for a few seconds as I contemplated her bright olive eyes, the smile of happiness and excitement that distended her mouth, and the position in which she was sitting a little leaning forward, impatiently. Nor could I overlook the immense resemblance between Tricia and her mother, Rosario, my best friend.

It still hurt so much, her absence.

My eldest niece shifted somewhat restlessly on the chair, as I smiled and opened the box. I looked up, looked down again and let out an exclamation of emotion, a mixture of nostalgia and astonishment, for my initial suspicion turned out to be true.

"I knew it." I laid the touching gift on my lap. Inside the box was dad's old watch, which had once belonged to my grandfather and now belonged to me. It was a pocket watch that, since I was a child, had always caught my attention, although in recent years I had forgotten about it.

"It was worth recovering it for you, uncle Alejo." Tricia excitedly went on to tell me some details about the recovery of the watch from a pawn shop where her brother Jonathan had left it in exchange for a few dollars. I already knew part of the story; my sister had been charged of telling it to me.

"You don't know how much I appreciate this..." I stood up at the same time as Tricia, both of us looking for a hug.

"I hope you enjoy it, you deserve it, besides grandfather wanted it that way. He told me before he died that the watch belonged to you." I didn't tell her that my brother Ben would disagree about that. With a lump in my throat, I only managed to stammer out half-intelligible words. The truth was that my father's wishes spoke of our excellent relationship in his later years, although it's worth mentioning that it wasn't always so.

Although I never doubted his or my mother's love, I am aware that it was difficult for them to understand and accept, after many years, my sexual preferences. For a long time, our relationship was strained, especially with my mother. As the years went by, maybe with age, I felt my father gradually getting closer to me, not so mom, her religious beliefs prevented it.

Now dad was gone, and mom was unable to recognize anyone, dementia had taken away all her memories, even that her youngest son was gay.

******************

The afternoon cooled and I watched Tricia close the lapels of her cotton cardigan. Everyone in the family except her had already left my improvised birthday party.

"Can I ask you something?" Usually, my niece and I had no problems talking about our concerns, there was trust between us, and I never sensed that hesitation in her tone of voice before.

I suspected that her concern was due to something that perhaps she had been wondering about me for a long time, without deciding to express it because, somehow, it was difficult for her, and she was self-conscious.

Or maybe she didn't know how to express herself.

"You can ask me anything you want, my dear." I pronounced the last word with exaggerated softness and a very slight and feigned French accent, I wanted to joke and lighten the mood.

Tricia seemed to deflate in a sigh as she gave one of her innocent smiles.

"I always wondered why the idea of going back to Ohio seemed to mortify you so much, when was the last time you were there?" Of all the things I could have imagined that question surprised and threw me off.

I slid my body back down, settled better in my chair as I crossed my left leg over my right leg and had both hands clasped over my stomach. In the meantime, I couldn't stop thinking about what to answer to this seemingly simple question.

"It's been a long time since I've been there, I think the last time was years before dad got sick and Brenda Lee decided he was better off in the nursing home. There was no need to go back to Cleveland, you know mom didn't want me to visit her, according to her I was disturbed, possessed or something..." I saw no need to suppress the mockery in my words.

I wasn't lying, that's what my mother called me, for her I was just a miserable sodomite who let himself be manipulated by the demon of lust.

My mother never managed to understand and accept me, only now that dementia had taken over her being, I could go to visit her without fearing her scorn.

Usually, I try to avoid those bitter memories that still affected me despite being part of the past and no matter how many sessions with my therapist I attended.

"Forgive me for being so curious and not very discreet, I know that your relationship with grandma was not the best.

"You don't have to apologize, my relationship with mom was excellent until she found out I was gay," I mentioned, shrugged my shoulders and straightened my posture to reach for the glass of wine that was still cool.

Tricia was thoughtful for several seconds; I knew she was analyzing me.

"I always thought, though, that it's not just the bad memories with Grandma that keep you away from Ohio..." I took a good sip of the remaining wine in the glass until I was almost finished. After placing the glass on the table, I stood up to face her.

"I have sometimes wondered when curiosity in you could outweigh manners or prudence, dear niece" Tricia frowned and rolled her eyes as she let out a dry laugh.

"I've always suspected that something very intense happened over there, and I'm not just referring to grandma's attitude...

I raised my right hand to shake it in the air, a gesture with which I tried to convey that that was the point.

What had happened in Ohio almost twenty-seven years ago was part of the memories I preferred to keep at bay, beautiful memories, memories of a failed love that still hurt.

"And in part you're not wrong, niece, the memories that keep me away from Ohio are intensely beautiful, they are the memories of the best years of my life"

Tricia didn't take her eyes off my movements or her ears off my words. A mischievous smile tugged at her lips as she arched her left eyebrow, waiting for my next words.

And I knew there was no turning back, it was time to go back to Ohio, to the year nineteen hundred and eighty-eight, the year I met Sasuke, the beautiful Asian man who turned my life upside down.

To the time when I was a dreamy teenager and believed in magic.

That trip down memory lane would be long, intense and, for sure, painful.