I walk quickly keeping my head down, holding the edges of the blue yukata placed on my head...as if it was a hood. The city is still asleep, but some people are already setting up their stores and stalls to prepare everything for the long day ahead.

Pressing my lips together in a worry I pull slightly the yukata, covering more my face, and I continue to walk in that cold winter morning feeling my nerves on edge. Not only I am risking being seen by someone from the Nura clan here in Edo, but I'm almost certainly that I'm falling into a trap in a really stupid way. After all, it's not difficult to imagine who left that note for me into that book, but still...I have to go, because if I can really find a way to help Okita then it doesn't matter if it's a trap and if it's dangerous. This is why I sneaked out without letting anyone see me. After all Dr. Matsumoto is still asleep at this hour, and Yamazaki is with Okita, since he wanted me to rest a little...and with a bit of luck I'll be able to get back before they notice I'm gone.

After a couple of minutes I arrive at the address written on the note, and I stop surprised finding myself in front of a small old house...but thanks to the writing on the entrance I understand immediately that this is not just any house. The entrance is covered with weeds, and the garden that can be glimpsed beyond a wooden fence is messy and abandoned...but the small wooden sign, hanging from the fence, explains perfectly why the house is in this abandoned condition.

'Yukimura clinic' it said...and that means this is the house where Chizuru grew up with Kodo.

It looks like that crazy old man didn't come back here in the meantime...or this house wouldn't seem so abandoned. I should write to Chizuru and tell her later about this, but for now...I have to enter, because that crazy bitch led me here with her note, so I'm sure she's inside...but I'm ready to fight if it will be necessary.

I walk toward the door, and I slowly open it. Immediately after a voice coming from inside the house yells happy <<you've finally arrived! Come on dear and don't be shy! We have a lot to talk about>> and in the end she chuckles

I snap my tongue, already irritated by her voice, but I enter inside closing the door behind me. I didn't even take off my shoes since everything is covered in dust, and I follow her voice...finding myself in a small living room. The window is closed, and against the wall there is a large mobile and two desks.

Ava is sitting on the floor in the center of the room, and she's looking at me with interest and curiosity <<in the end you really came, I was starting to lose hope...but after all, ignoring my note was impossible for you, wasn't it? Because of Okita>> I narrow my eyes, glaring at her <<don't you dare even talk about him, not after what you did to him! Tell me right now how to cure him and I'll leave, or I'll tear you apart!>> and I restrain myself from pulling out my katana and cut off her head again.

She doesn't get upset, on the contrary, she smiles more <<ah, I love your fighting spirit, but...look, I'm not armed>> and she raises her arms, showing that. I look at her, noticing that she was telling the true, because she doesn't have her umbrella at her side like always. I frown but I don't let my guard down <<so what? we're both gray existences, and we can fight even without weapons>> and I continue to look at her with suspicious and furious eyes.

Just seeing her smiling face makes me feel such anger...and because of that, in my mind resurface my nightmare and Okita's screams when he was trying to break free from her control. Even though I feel sorry for her...I really hate her!

She crosses her arms, shaking her head <<come on dear, you know it's not always true. Kaoru told me about you, you know? My dear amazing girl, I still find it hard to believe that you're from the future...but it doesn't matter where you're from, because it doesn't change anything. Both you and I were born from demons who lived in the darkness...so we can really use our powers only during the night>> and she presses her lips together <<sure...we're not as weak as humans, but during the day you're practically human and my powers are greatly reduced>> and she touches her cheek with her index finger <<you see...my skin is extremely delicate, and if I stand too much under the sun without my umbrella I get burned. Of course I don't turn into ashes like pure-blood vampires, but it's still painful, trust me>> and she shrugs <<this is why I invited you here. We're indoors, so the sun is no longer a problem, and no one will see your face besides me...and this means that we can talk without problems>> and she smiles kindly <<also...we both know that you are a better swordswoman than me...so even if you can't kill me, right now you're the stronger one between the two of us, so please calm down because you're not in danger>> and she sighs.

I clench my fists <<calm down?! Are you kidding me?! Are you telling me that you called me here seriously just to talk? Do you think I'm that stupid?! what's more...how did you know that I would find your note in that book? Did you hurt the monks in the shrine?!>> but she shakes her head chuckling <<hurt those old fools? No, even their blood was far too seasoned for me. I much prefer the blood of someone younger, like that of some samurai wandering around drunk at night. All that alcohol in their blood is really good, and it's much better than drink sakè>> and with a hand she moves her hair behind her ear <<as for my note, well...I know you are friends with that Keikan brat, and I already know that also that bastard wishes to kill me>> and I widen my eyes, surprised to hear her say that she knows about Yuichi. It seems that Kaoru really told her everything. Well...shit.

I frowns <<Yuichi is...>> but she interrupts me <<I don't care who you are friend with, really...but an exorcist is really a bad ally. You must be careful with him, because they are the worst...but this is not the point. He's not the first exorcist who want to try to kill me you know? But the funny part is that I managed to kill all the ones who tried to hurt me in the past because...they were predictable>> and she smirks <<it doesn't matter if we are in Japan or in Europe, because exorcists always do the same things. If they don't know how to kill something, then...they look for a sacred weapon or something similar that can help them. This is why I knew what you were going to do. Your Keikan friend told you to look for a blessed weapon or something like that, right?>> and she looks at me. I try not to jump surprised, but I flinch a little...shocked and bothered because she's right.

She smirks a little <<I had also heard that the Shinsengumi had come to Edo, and it wasn't difficult to imagine that you would have followed them because of Okita...so I acted. With Kaoru's help, I discovered that there was only one thing that you could have used here in Edo to find a weapon like that...an old list in the Kanda Myojin shrine. So I sneaking in there and I simply hid the note inside the book. After all, those monks don't often read old books for fear of damaging them, so there was only a small chance that they would find my note before it reached you. It was really a pain to do all of this only to be able to speak with you, but it was necessary because I don't know where you and Okita are hiding. If I knew I would have personally invited you to talk to me here...but I guess you and your friends would not have appreciated that. So I just left that message and waited here every morning since then for your arrival>> and she sighs tired.

I grit my teeth, not liking how she so easily predicted our moves <<don't you even dare to think about going near Okita or even Chizuru! Because I didn't forget what you did last time! You tried to hurt her and...>> I grit more my teeth, until they hurt <<you hurt Okita. You tried to control him and because of that he suffered. I will never forgive you for this!>> and I take a big breath, trying to calm myself <<as soon as Okita gets better we'll be the ones hunting you down, and in the end we will kill you! This is a promise>> and I glare at her with hate. She didn't even blink, instead she looks almost happy <<you may try, but you will not success...and then, you three will be finally mine>> I frown puzzled <<what?>> but she smiles <<oh right, what I saw the other night was really extraordinary. Okita is just a little rasetzu without fear, but he fought my mental control with only his will and won... I still can't believe that, it was extraordinary>> and she sighs happy <<so now I want to understand how he managed to do that. This is why now I wish that also Okita joins our little project...I want to study him, and see if he succeeded only because of your presence or because he has really a will so strong to beat my fear. So my dear, you have to take care of him and make him feel better...or he won't be useful to me. After all we don't have much time. I am in no hurry to have you and Chizuru, because I know that in the end I will get what I want>> and she smirks <<I am patient and you two are really important for me, but with Okita is not so simple...after all, rasetzu die soon because of their condition. So, the sooner Okita gets better, the sooner I can meet you two together on the battlefield again and study your relationship>> I immediately freeze...unable to fully grasp the meaning of her words <<rasetzu...>> I whisper, not even realizing that I was speaking <<die soon because of their condition?>> and my hands begin to shake without control.

Ava widens her eyes <<wait...>> and she laughs <<you didn't know?! Really?!>> and she stands up <<my little Riko....you're so sweet and naive. It amaze me how you can be so sharp, but at the same time so silly. You're so cute>> and she puts her hands on her cheeks, smiling amused <<did you really think that humans who drink the Ochimizu are in danger only just because they can going mad because of the blood-lust? No my dear...the price they have to pay for using their powers is much higher than that>> and she lowers her hands, returning serious <<don't forget that we are gray existences...we are something extraordinary against nature, because inside us there may be a perfect balance of fear and human blood...things that naturally repel each other. If our parts work together we can be perfect, and this is possible only because we were born like this...we have the possibility to have so much power without losing ourselves, but a rasetzu can't do that>> and she frowns <<we can find our balance and fight without worries, but what do you think happens when a human uses supernatural powers like regeneration and super strength without a body like ours? We have fear, they don't...so they don't have something powerful enough to back them up. Our powers comes from fear...and so do theirs, but they can't use fear because they are not like us, so...they consume their own lives to use their powers>> and I feel my legs give out, causing me to fall to my knees.

I start breathing quickly, but Ava's voice continues to haunt me with this cruel truth <<do you understand? The more one uses his rasetzu powers, the more his life will slowly chip away...and in the end they will turn into ashes. Okita was sick, and he already used his powers a lot of times...so I doubt he has much time left>> and she sighs <<but I was sure you both already knew this important detail about rasetzu. After all, the Shinsengumi has been using the Ochimizu for years now, and I bet that a few rasetzu have already met that end...or they will soon>> and she chuckles <<but to see how you were completely unaware of it is so absurd as to be hilarious!>> and she laughs.

I cover my ears with my trembling hands <<shut up...shut up! Shut up!>> and I screams at her <<you're lying! It...it can't be true!>> it cannot be true! Everything she said makes sense, but...I can't...

<<my dear Riko, you're really a bad child. You don't accuse people of lying when you know they are telling the truth. Your relationship with Okita is very unique and interesting to study, but that does not give you the right to be so insolent>> and she narrows her eyes.

I glare at her with hate, feeling a strong rage grip my mind <<don't fuck with me! I don't give a shit about your opinion!>> and I punch the floor hard <<I'm here for just one reason, and not to listen to you talking about me being a bad kid! So now tell me how to cure Okita and stop making fun of me! Or I'm going to cut off your head again right now!>> and I put a hand on the hilt of my katana.

Finally Ava stops smiling and frowns <<okay, if this is what you really want...I will tell you. After all...I need that man to live as long as possible. If he dies too soon...not only I would lose valuable data for my research...but also this strange bond of yours>> and she crosses her arms <<it's not a good thing to have a strong bond like this with an inferior being, but it's fascinating to watch how you hold him so close to your heart and work so hard to help him. You are an inspiration...and you are kind, just like my Claire>> I frown puzzled <<Claire?>> but she ignores me <<you are already aware that sometimes rasetzu need blood, right? Unlike me, rasetzu don't need to drink blood so frequently...but on the other hand, when they need blood their bodies react by giving them pain. it's a pain so strong that many of my and Kodo's test subjects begged for death because we didn't give them blood. In the end they just passed out because of the pain, and we noticed that after that it was easier for them to lose control and go crazy>> and she frowns puzzled <<Okita surprised me a lot during our battle the other night, because no matter how much blood we all lost...he didn't react, in fact, when you couldn't stand he even supported you himself for a moment. So, I can assume that his extraordinary will prevented him from losing control, however...>> I stop listening for a moment, knowing already about the blood-lust, because Sannan talked about that during one of the many times he tried to convince me to help him. I also already knew that vampires drink blood...so also the rasetzu need that, but I didn't know that the pain caused by blood-lust was so painful that it can drive them to madness.

Ava then says Okita's name, and I start again to listen to her <<now Okita is also injured, because he protected you and Chizuru from those silver bullets...and I bet that his injuries are still very serious even after all these weeks. After all, silver is the weakness of rasetzu, but you have surely figured that out by now, so I don't mind telling you>> and she frowns annoyed <<silver has always given me some problems too...but nothing too serious. My fear is stronger than that material, but when I come in contact with it I have to waste more energy to regenerate my wounds...so I need to drink more blood than usual>> I widen my eyes, starting to understand what the point is <<you're saying that...>> she nods <<Yes, right now what Okita needs is blood, but it is not that simple. Rasetzu can try to resist blood-lust and not drink the blood...but if they continue to resist without drinking it they will surely lose their mind one day, because the thirst and the pain are too strong. However, there is also the possibility that they drink the blood and like it so much that it destroys their minds. Okita may choose to resist and not drink blood, but he will surely go mad one day like this, however...if you offer him your blood he may choose to drink it, but he still risks going mad because he may like it too much. If this happens, the man you protect so ardently may cease to exist...and only a bloodthirsty monster will remain in his place>> and she puts a hand on her hip.

I look down, letting my hands fall on my sides...so that's how it is. Okita don't heal because he needs to drink blood, but if he drinks it he might go mad. However, even if he doesn't drink it...he will suffer so fucking much, and eventually the thirst would become so unbearable that it would destroy his mind. it's...it's absurd! it's so fucking unfair! He will be forced to choose and there is no way out of it.

But Ava then walks toward one of the desk and takes a sheet of paper <<if you need time to decide whether to help Okita by offering him your blood or not...there is also this, but it's only a temporary solution>> then she walks toward me and holds the sheet of paper toward me...offering it to me. I look at her with suspicion, but she rolls her eyes and drops it in front of me <<as you wish. There is also another solution, but...>> she puts her index finger in front of her lips <<I will tell you only if you, Chizuru and Okita join me>> and she smirks.

I growl and take the sheet of paper with quick movement <<never!>> and I read what was written on it. I frown, realizing that it's a recipe for a medicine, but it's best if I give this to Yamazaki since I'm not really good with these things.

I finish to read it and I put it inside my obi, looking at Ava puzzled <<it's a recipe for a medicine?>> she nods <<for suppressing the blood-lust. It will work for now, but don't forget what I already told you. it's only a temporary solution>> I glare at her <<I thought you didn't like to repeat yourself>> but she chuckles <<for you...I can bear to do it sometimes. But, now can you see it? I didn't call you here to waste your time, I really want to help you>> and she looks at me in the eyes <<so remember what I told you, okay? it's really important. Okita needs blood in order to heal, and now you finally know this, so...>> and before I know it she puts her hand on my cheeks, grabbing my face...and forcing me to look at her.

I gasp surprised and try to slap her away, but she grips more my face between her hands <<if you offer your blood to Okita, you will also offer your fear...and fear can be really dangerous to him since he's only a rasetzu>> I freeze surprised and worried about Okita, but Ava smiles kindly <<don't worry, last time you erased my fear inside him with yours...so our powers canceled each other, and he had to endure them for a short time inside of him. But no one can know what can happen to him if he holds in his body your fear for a long time. Maybe your fear is not corrosive like mine, but we can't know the true until he tries it, understand?>> I ground my teeth furious, and I immediately draw my katana and try to cut her in half. She immediately jumps back, letting me go and dodging my attack <<calm down Riko, we don't need to fight>> I stand up <<don't fuck with me! You are telling me that the only thing I can do to help Okita is giving him my blood, but if I do that he can go crazy and my fear can be like a poison to him?! You're not helping me! You are tormenting me because you know I care about Okita!>> I can feel my throat burning from how much I'm screaming, but I ignore that and continue to yells at her, feeling a rage and a desperation so big to prevent me to think clearly <<your fear is different from mine! And I don't wish to hurt Okita! I will never do that! Because I want to protect him and my yokai part wants this too! So I will never hurt him with my fear!>> and I grit my teeth with force.

She frowns <<oh I know that you want to protect your friend, but wake up child, fear doesn't work like that. It doesn't matter if you want to protect Okita, if your fear is similar to mine you can accidentally hurt him with it>> and she narrows her eyes, looking at my katana...probably because she's trying to understand if I'm going to attack her again <<like you saw the other night, my fear can hurt minds and control them...so we can say that a normal human can be destroyed just by it. but...do you really think that I can control this? I am just too powerful and my fear works like this...and you are powerful too>> and she sighs a little <<you, of course, are a yokai completely different from me. I'm a dhampir and you are a Nurarihyon...but we are both powerful, and we can't know what effects your fear will have. it's a simple bet Riko, you can choose what to do...but at least now you know what can go wrong if you decide to offer your blood to Okita. If you're lucky, you will be able to help him...really help him, but on the contrary, you also risk to destroy his mind with your power. I'm not going to force you to do anything, but it will be wonderful if you help Okita, since I also need him>> and she smiles <<but I have to admit... it would be really amusing if everything go wrong and you destroy Okita's mind with your own hands>> and she laughs.

I attack her shouting <<just shut up! You fucking crazy bitch! I'll kill you!>> but she raises her arm to block my attack. My blade cuts smoothly through her left hand, but thanks to that she had time to move her torso away...preventing me from cutting her head off.

I widen my eyes stunned, but she takes advantage of that moment of distraction to run across the room...away from me <<Oh come on Riko, I'm just trying to talk to you. I understand you are angry, but you should learn to control yourself better>> and she looks at her missing hand.
I grimace, still feeling angry but also disgusted <<you really sacrificed your hand like this? You can regenerate also that I suppose>> and I look at her severed hand in front of my feet. I stab it, but Ava chuckles <<sorry, but it doesn't matter if you destroy my severed hand. I don't need it to regenerate my body. I just need to drink blood and in two days it will grow back from nothing>> I growl, more upset <<then I'll just cut it off again! And I'll do the same to Kaoru as soon as he dares to show up again! I will kill him for what he did...and when you two are dead, it will be Kodo's turn>> and I tremble with anger and determination. I will never forgive them...I am sick and tired of how they hurt people close to me with their actions every time. At least Mikio is already dead, but my patience is at its limit.

She raises an eyebrow surprised <<oh? You want to kill that old man too? Why? After all, you've never met him, right?>> I press my lips angry <<because he used his daughter's blood to create the Ochimizu! He didn't tell her anything, so...he betrayed her trust, and because of this Chizuru suffers a lot! she's didn't deserve something like this, and I can't forgive Kodo because I care about Chizuru>> and I glare at Ava, but then...she frowns sad, surprising me.

She sighs <<I understand, and...you're right. Kodo loves Chizuru like a father is supposed to, but...he did something inexcusable. I'm glad that Kodo developed the Ochimizu to this extent even after I left, but Chizuru was always a good child, and I'm sorry for what happened to her since I watched over her far away during the years when I worked together with Kodo...without never let her see me because she didn't know she is a yokai>> and she snaps her tongue <<but what is done is done, and I can only promise that I will protect you and her from Kodo from now on if you join me. I can also convince Kaoru to stop trying to kill you and Okita if you accept, and like this you can stay in the past without worrying about crazy oni who want to kill you or your friends. it's not a bad deal isn't it?>> and she smiles at me. I narrow my eyes <<my answer doesn't change. It doesn't matter what you will promise, we will never join you, and also you can't protect me forever so it's not a good deal>> but she tilts her head a little <<are you speaking about Hagoromo Gitsune? Oh, she's not a threat so dangerous, after all I'm immortal and I can...>> but I interrupt her more irritated <<are you really that stupid? It doesn't matter if you are immortal, because she's more stronger than you and she is a really old yokai too. You can't win only because it's difficult to kill you, and I'm sure that she would be able to destroy you in less than a minute! So just shut up and stop saying bullshit, because you can't kill her...and in the end I will be the one who kills her, so it doesn't matter if you want to protect me from her...because one day I will search for her and fight her myself!>> but Ava narrows her eyes <<just because your father was killed so pathetically doesn't mean that woman is so strong>> but I yell angry <<don't speak about my father!>> and I immediately attack her, but Ava jumps back avoiding my blade, and after that she jumps out the window...breaking it and running away.

I immediately run to the window, seeing her figure already far away...too far away to be chased, so I just watch her disappear somewhere in the city in a few instants. But I groan, hoping that she'll burn her skin under the sun after what she said.

I sigh tired, knowing that I can't follow her also because someone might see my face, so I put away my katana knowing that I don't need it right now. I look around, and take from the ground the yukata I put on my head earlier...because I dropped it when I attached her. I sigh again, and after shaking it a little because of the dust I put it on again. After that I look around and I open the large mobile, finding old blankets and other things. I grab one and cover the broken window...hoping that Chizuru doesn't mind, since I don't have anything else to use for cover it. Maybe I'll ask Dr. Matsumoto to come here later and fix it.

I cross my arms, knowing that I'm supposed to return back now, but then I hear someone open the front door and rush inside <<Nura!>> and I jump startled, recognizing Yamazaki's voice. Immediately after, he appears in the room, frowning and breathing heavily <<there you are! What on earth did you think you were doing!? You should not leave the house for your own safety!>> and he shows me Ava's note inside his hand.

I bit my lip, realizing that I left it in my room...under the shrine's book. Shit.

Yamazaki continues to talk with me with an upset face <<it's a miracle you're okay, but if it had been a trap what would you have done?! Do you have any idea how much you worried us? The vice-commander expressly forbade me to let you out, and I was hoping that at least you, unlike Okita, understand that it was for your own good! Instead, I lose sight of you for a second and find you on the other side of town doing who knows what, because you followed a suspicious message!>> ad he looks at me frowning more.

I immediately feel guilty for making him worry so much...but I don't regret it <<I'm really sorry Yamazaki, but...it was important>> and I take the recipe of the medicine from my obi <<here, take a look at this>> and I give it to him.

He takes it and reads quickly, but then he widens his eyes surprised <<is that what I think it is?>> I nod <<yes, although it's not a definitive cure. Maybe you didn't realize it when you came in here like a tornado, but this is Chizuru's house, and...>> I stop and frown, not knowing if I should tell him that Ava was here.

Yamazaki sighs, and carefully folds the recipe...putting it away in his kimono <<even so, Nura-san...what you did was extremely dangerous and reckless>> and he sighs tired. I frown feeling more guilty, but Yamazaki shakes his head <<as I said, I was hoping that at least you would be more reasonable than Okita, but...>> I interrupt him <<but Yamazaki, it's not about being reasonable, it's about being desperate. I know I did something really stupid and risky, but I had to do it...and you already know why. Okita needs more effective treatment than what Dr. Matsumoto is giving him or...>> I stop talking for a moment, not wanting to finish. I shake my head, refusing to finish that sentence <<I knew that this could have been a trap, but I don't regret what I did...and in the end I discovered something useful>> and I point toward his kimono...where he hidden the recipe.

Yamazaki did not seem happy with my words <<it may be as you say, but what if someone had seen you? Do you have any idea what you risked?! Luckily you left this note in your room so I could track you down right away, but what you did was crazy and stupid...even though I understand your point>> but I point toward the yukata on my head, showing it to him <<I'm not stupid! I know what I risked but...I've been careful, see?!>> and I move a little the yukata <<and it's already daytime, so I've taken every possible precaution to not let anyone see me before I reach this house. So please calm down>> and I sigh annoyed <<and I was planning to go back as soon as I was done here, I didn't plan to go who knows where around the city so you don't have to be so angry>> but he sighs exasperated and looks at me with a serious face <<if you are still here in front of me then that means that no one has really seen you, right? Or would you just disappear if your family find out about you?>> I shrug <<I think so, after all I don't really know what would happen if my family find out who I am...I just know that I could cease to exist, but I'm fine right now...so I think that everything is okay>> and I cross my arms.

After a moment he nods and looks around <<who wrote you the message...is still here?>> I shake my head, knowing that he needs to know she's in town <<no, Ava is already gone. And before you go crazy, it wasn't a trap. Apparently she only wanted to talk, although I would have preferred to kill her>> but Yamazaki immediately frowns worried and curious <<she only wanted to talk?>> and I nod, but then Yamazaki sighs. I look at him raising an eyebrow <<what?>> but he shakes his head <<as I feared that note was from the dhampir named Ava, but the fact that she only wanted to talk worries me. However, I'm glad you're not hurt, and also...fortunately me and Dr. Matsumoto decided to don't tell anything to Okita. If he knew that you where lured here by that dhampir...i'm sure that it would have be impossible for us to stop him from running after you. So don't ever do something like this again, because I'm sure you also know that Okita would have followed you immediately...risking to hurt himself more>> I bit my lips frowning <<you're right, but I was hoping to go back before he could do something like that. So he's still resting?>> but Yamazaki sighs <<I don't know, but if he wakes up and realizes you're not home that would be a big problem. Dr. Matsumoto will do anything to keep him in bed, but we both know that it is impossible to stop Okita when he decides to do something>> and he frowns more.

I sigh and nod, knowing he's right...after all Okita is really stubborn <<I suppose you're right, so...I think it's best if we go back now. You can continue to scold me later, but at least we will be somewhere safe...and Okita wouldn't run here with his injuries. Also...I bet that also Dr. Matsumoto wants to scold me, so we can go back and you can yell at me together. Like this we will save time and you won't scold me twice for the same reason>> but Yamazaki looks at me angry <<please don't joke about this! The situation is serious, and after what you did I should do more than scolding you>> but I roll my eyes <<please, I lived with Karasu Tengu all my life, you don't scare me>> but Yamazaki sighs frustrated <<at least be serious. With your actions you put yourself in danger, and you also risked that Okita followed you here. Don't you worry even a little bit for him?>> I frown and narrow my eyes, looking at him hurt and angry <<do you really think I don't worry for him?>> and I clench my fists <<do you really think that?! I'm here because I'm so fucking worried for him that I can't sleep at night in my room without checking that he's still alive at least once an hour!>> and Yamazaki widens his eyes surprised.

I stop and take a step back, surprised that I raised my voice like this <<sorry, it's just that...>> but Yamazaki interrupts me <<no, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. I don't think that, but you need to be more careful>> I nod, not looking at him <<I know, but I'm here only because I want to help Okita...don't forget that again please>> and I walk out, hearing Yamazaki following me after a few seconds.

I stop outside and look up, surprised to see that the sun is already so high in the sky. It seems that I had been talking with Ava for much longer than I expected. Yamazaki stops at my side and immediately says <<keep your head down and stay close to me>> I nod and immediately lower my head, receiving a nod from Yamazaki, and then we start immediately to walk.

I groan annoyed, noticing that the road now is full with people, and it's difficult to walk with my head down without bump into someone. Yamazaki says with a low voice <<quickly now, let's pick up the pace>> and he walks faster. I immediately nod and look up just a little, seeing his back in front of me and start to walk faster, but then someone collides with me, forcing me to stop.

I widen my eyes surprised and look behind me, hearing a little voice gasp surprised. The child puts a hand on his forehead, making a worried and surprised face...but then he sees me and freezes. I smile immediately, trying not to scare him more <<hi, are you okay?>> he must be about six years old, with long black hair and small gray eyes.

He didn't answer, so I kneel down worried, letting him see my face better <<hey, can you hear me? Are you hurt?>> and I look at him more attentively...seeing with relief that he's not hurt. So I wonder why he looks like he's about to burst into tears.

After confirming with my eyes one more time that he's not hurt I look around <<where is your mum?>> but then he grabs my yukata, screaming <<I don't know! I let go of her hand just a second because I saw a coin on the ground and I wanted to pick it up, but...when I turned around she was gone!>> and he starts to cry.

I put a hand on his shoulder, trying to comfort him <<shh, don't cry. I'm sure that your mum is here somewhere and she is surely looking for you. So why don't we look for her together? I can help you until then if you want>> I can't just leave him here, who knows what can happen to him if I do.

He stops crying and nods <<mh!>> and I offer him my hand. He immediately takes it, thanking me, and I stand up.

I careful continue to keep my head down <<let's see, what direction did you come from?>> he immediately points behind us, so I nod, guessing that his mum probably was not there <<okay, then let's start. don't worry, we will find her>> and we start walking around.

We keep looking for his mum for long minutes, without finding anyone...so we stop on the roadside, in front of a shop. The child look at me worried <<nice lady? Why did we stop?>> I look at him, continuing to smile <<I just need a moment to think about what to do, the street is full of people and maybe your mum can't find us because of it. let's stay here for a moment, and if she doesn't find us then I will think of a solution>> but the child starts to cry again <<what if she doesn't find us and you don't get any other ideas?! Will you abandon me here alone?!>> I widen my eyes <<never! I will...!>> but then someone walks closer and interrupts me <<sorry miss? Did you need help? The child is crying very loudly and I was wondering if you need help>> but I freeze and turn pale, immediately recognizing his voice. Holy fuck, Kurotabou is in front of me!

The child stops crying and look at the monk in front of us with curious eyes, but I immediately move my head away, trying to cover myself more without making him suspicious <<oh, thank you sir. You see...this child is actually lost, and we were trying to find his mother>> and I hold my breath.

Kurotabou, theoretically, shouldn't know Yohime, since he joined the Nura clan when my father was already the Second commander...however, I can't surely show him my face. If he speaks with dad or with someone else at home about this it would be a big problem.

Kurotabou answers with a puzzled voice, maybe because of my behavior <<I understand>> and then he speaks with the child with a kind voice <<what does your mom look like? I can help look for her too>> the child nod <<thank you>> but then a female voice yells <<Hiroshi!>> and a young woman runs toward us. The child immediately hugs her <<mum!>> and she sighs really relieved.

Both me and Kurotabou sighs happy, seeing their reunion, but then she looks at us <<did you help my son?>> and Hiroshi nods <<yes! The nice lady and the kind monk helped me a lot. We were trying to find you>> and the woman smiles at us <<oh, thank you so much. I don't know how I can repay you for your help>> but Kurotabou chuckles <<you don't need to repay anyone. We are just happy to see that you and your son are together again. Right miss?>> and I nod immediately, agreeing completely with him <exactly>> and I look at Hiroshi <<just promise me one thing. Next time be more careful and don't let go of your mum's hand, okay?>> Hiroshi smiles and nods <<promise>> and I hear Kurotabou chuckles amused.

After that the woman and Hiroshi thanked us again and left, leaving us alone. I continue to look away, preventing him to see my face because of the yukata, but he speaks with me without saying anything about that <<miss, it was very kind of you to help that child. Not everyone would have done that>> I sigh, trying to control myself and don't do anything stupid like running away...even though I would like to do it <<it was no big deal...now excuse me, but I have to go>> and I start to walk away, ready to find Yamazaki and be scolded again, because he will surely be furious since I lost him and stayed behind.

But then Kurotabou stops me, speaking with a hesitant voice <<wait please!>> and he grabs my arm.

I jump surprised, and around us some people stop and look at the scene, commenting his strange behavior with low voices. Kurotabou immediately lets me go, probably blushing because of some unkind comments about him being a pervert <<s..sorry. it's just...>> I but my lip trying not to laugh. It's appear that it doesn't matter if we are here or in the future, Kurotabou is always misunderstood because of his actions. After all, it's not the first time that someone say that he's a pervert...and me and Mana always make fun of him because of this. he's just not lucky with woman.

Kurotabou coughs, trying to control his voice <<I just wanted to ask you something. I am looking for someone, and I was wondering if you had seen him. he's a tall man, with long black hair and golden eyes and...oh right, he was wearing a green kimono the last time I saw him. My companions and I have been looking for him for hours, but this person has a habit of disappearing and going out to have fun without telling anyone. I don't want to take advantage of your kindness, but maybe you have seen him>> and he waits my answer.

I feel my throat closing for a moment, giving me the impression that it was dry and that my voice was taken away with my breath.

I feel also a heavy sensation on my chest, and I try to swallow, finding it very difficult. I know very well who he is looking for...and I'm afraid to speak, because if I do I don't know if I would manage to control myself.

After all mum once told me that dad was a little wild before he met her. He was a philanderer, and he had the habit to often disappear out of nowhere for days, leaving everyone behind. Of course Karasu Tengu, and others demons like Kubinashi were not happy about this, but mum told me that dad didn't do that just for a prank. He was simply looking for some peace and fun...maybe because his duty were a little overwhelming at times. But I wonder if he just...

Kubinashi calls me, distracting me from my thoughts <<miss?>> but then Yamazaki appears and runs toward us <<Nu...I mean, Riko-san!>> I widen my eyes, thanking god that he figured out that it was not a good idea to yell my surname like that, and I walk toward him <<Yamazaki!>> and I smile unsure how to explain, seeing that he's angry again <<well, you see...>> but he interrupts me sighing heavily <<where have you been?!>> and he looks at Kurotabou behind me with suspect. I frown, remembering that Yamazaki didn't see my memories with the others, so he doesn't know that he's Kurotabou <<I just had a...setback>> and Kurotabou walks closer, adding himself at the conversation <<sorry, I just wanted to ask something to your friend, so don't get angry with her>> and I nod, answering quickly at his question...forcing myself to control my voice <<i'm sorry, but I didn't see the person you're looking for>> and without waiting his answer I grab Yamazaki's wrist and run away, making us disappear between the crowd.

After long minutes we finally arrived in front of Dr Matsumoto's house and stop. Yamazaki looks at me frowning <<that man was...?>> I nod, biting my lips <<yes, his name is Kurotabou. Don't worry, he's one of my father's subordinate...so he's too young to know Yohime or her face, however...since he asked me that question we have to go back right away. I don't know if I would be able to keep calm if we meet him>> and I sigh, trying to get a grip on myself.

Yamazaki for a moment didn't say anything, but then he asks <<what did he ask you?>> I cross my arms frowning <<we'll talk about that later...please>> and to my relief he nods, and then we enter inside the house without saying anything else.

As soon as we enter inside, however, we saw that Dr. Matsumoto was waiting for us in the hallway. He immediately see us and sighs relieved <<Nura-san! Are you okay?!>> I nod surprised <<yes>> and he sighs again <<thank goodness. Fortunately you found her in time Yamazaki>> and Yamazaki nods <<sorry we took so long>> but Dr. Matsumoto smiles <<the important thing is that you both came back. However, Nura-san...what on earth were you thinking? Luckily for us Okita was unable to stand up and run after you, but when he found out that you were not here he still tried to...>> I interrupt him worried <<Okita tried to get up?! Is he...is he okay?>> and Yamazaki frowns worried <<his injuries...>> but Dr. Matsumoto raises his hands <<calm down, his fever has subsided a little and he's feeling a little better...but because of that when he found out that you disappeared he immediately tried to get to his feet and come after you, but his injuries prevented him from getting as far as the entrance and from the exertion he fainted>> we gasp, but Dr. Matsumoto immediately adds <<he didn't reopen his wounds, so I think he will wake up soon, and I'm sure that if Nura-san wasn't here he would have tried to get out again>> and he sighs tired.

I frown more worried <<fuck. I was hoping to get back here before he realized I was gone, but I came back much later than expected>> but Yamazaki glares at me <<if you had not left this house all this would not have happened, or at least you could have warned us about what you were doing>> and Dr. Matsumoto nods <<Yamazaki is right, you could have, at least, talked to us when you found that message, why didn't you tell us anything?>> I cross my arms, annoyed by their tone <<you both already know why. I had to go...I knew it could have been a trap, but I wasn't afraid of that>> I look down <<I was afraid of...>> but I bit my tongue, not continuing the sentence. I was just afraid to not finding anything useful to help Okita, but I know that Yamazaki and Dr. Matsumoto wouldn't really understand my point of view. I can't just stay still and let Okita suffer again like this!

Yamazaki frowns <<but even like this...!> I interrupt him raising a little my voice <<if I had told you, you would have tried to stop me! that's all. It was not a prank or some crazy thing to do only because I was bored, okay?>> and I sigh tired <<I would have liked to, at least, tell Okita what was going on, but...his wounds still worry me a lot, so I decided to go alone. And after what I found out...>> Dr. Matsumoto interrupts me widening his eyes surprised <<you find out something important about rasetzu? Do you know how to cure Okita?!>> and also Yamazaki looks at me, waiting with impatiently eyes for an answer.

I look away, feeling uncomfortable <<let's just say that it wasn't good news, it's complicated but...Ava said a lot of things so maybe yes>> and they nod slowly...without saying anything.

Dr. Matsumoto frowns <<well, that's something, but this information is still coming from an enemy, there is a possibility that she lied to you>> and Yamazaki nods agreeing with him <<from what I understand this Ava is a psychopath, and she is undoubtedly our enemy...so there is the possibility that she lied to you only because she wanted to mess with you>> but I shake my head <<i'm afraid that she's smarter than we think. You're right, she's our enemy and she's crazy, but...from what I have seen she is not a liar. I don't trust her, but I can't ignore what she told me>> I can't ignore the fact that Okita consumed his own life to use his powers, I have to do something about it! Anything! Before it's too late.

Yamazaki frowns and nods <<I understand, then later...please, write down everything that woman told you on a sheet of paper. If the information you learned are so important, then the commander and the others in the Shinsengumi need to know them too. We will worry about finding out whether what she said was true or false later. In the meantime, I will study the recipe you gave me for that medicine>> Dr. Matsumoto looks at him surprised <<a recipe? Can I help later? For now I have to go to my patients, but that recipe can be interesting>> Yamazaki nods and Dr. Matsumoto then looks at me <<Nura-san?>> and he returns serious. I look at him <<yes?>> and he frowns <<I don't know when Okita will wake up, but I don't think it will take long. I don't know how he will react when he will open his eyes, so...even though I'm sure you're tired, could you watch over him until then? i'm sure he will be more at easy if he wakes up with you by his side>> I smile a little, nodding immediately <<I would have done it even if you wouldn't have asked me>> and I look at Yamazaki <<later you can continue to scold me all you want, and I'll even write what you asked...but only when Okita wakes up, okay?>> and Yamazaki nods, so Dr. Matsumoto says goodbye to us and goes out. After that I went toward Okita's room leaving Yamazaki behind, and I enter inside.

I try not to make any noise, but then I gasp surprised seeing that his futon is empty. I run toward it, worried that he woke up and escaped from the window while Dr. Matsumoto was in the hallway, but then I hear the door behind me being slammed shut <<hello Riko, or should I say welcome back?>> and I look behind me surprised, seeing Okita with still his hand on the door.

I look at him for a long moment, surprised to see him wearing his usual clothes, and not the white kimono he has always worn in the last weeks <<I thought you were sleeping. Dr. Matsumoto said you fainted>> but he half smirks, narrowing his eyes <<I know...I heard what he said, and also sleeping all day is such a drag>> and I bit my lip understanding what he was trying to say. I take a step toward him <<were you eavesdropping?>> and his smirks becomes more sharper and thin <<maybe, you tell me>> and he returns serious <<and while you're at it, tell me what you were thinking, you idiot>> he was definitely eavesdropping, in fact...I bet he was trying to sneak out, but when he heard our conversation he stopped and listened.

I sigh, not disturbed or surprised by his playful but sharp tone <<you already know. Ava is crazy, but apparently she's also smart...damn. She knew that we would have tried to find a weapon or something like that to kill her. She also heard about the fact that the Shinsengumi came to Edo...so she left that note inside the book that Dr. Matsumoto got for me, because it was the only thing we could use to find that weapon>> but he crosses his arms, returning serious <<mmh, I understand...but that's not what I was asking you. Apparently...even you consider me useless in the end, or you would have told me what was going on before running who knows where>> I widen my eyes, hurt and upset by his words <<do you really think that? After all we've been through...and after all I've told you, do you really think I could ever think that? No, it wasn't for that, you idiot!>> he frowns <<then why?>> I point my index finger toward him, feeling more upset <<because you've been shot with fucking silver bullets! And I don't want you to get hurt more...>> and I stop, feeling my heart beating loud in my chest and my throat closing with worry. He shakes his head and smiles in a scornful way <<of course...don't talk like Dr. Matsumoto, it doesn't suit you, and look for a more convincing excuse maybe>> I grit my teeth furious, and walk toward him grabbing his arms with my hands <<why don't you understand?! it's not an excuse!>> and I look down, feeling my eyes burn, but I blink a lot refusing to cry <<Ikedaya...Hisao's attack...Mikio and Kaoru...and now Ava. Each time...each time something bad happened to you, and you were injured before my eyes...and I wasn't able to do anything>> and I let him go, taking a step back feeling so weak and sad <<I don't want to stop you from fighting your battles, but at least this time...I wanted to spare you more pain>> I chuckle without joy <<is that so wrong? If the answer is yes, then I'm sorry...but don't doubt what I said to you please. I want to fight at your side, so please...I want to hunt Ava down together with you and kill her for good. You're not useless! I did what I did just because I want to help you. We still have to make them pay for what they did to Kondo-san, and also for trying to hurt also Chizuru. so...>> and I sigh, continuing to look down.

I hear him take a step toward me, stopping in front of me, and then...he pinches my cheek chuckling <<you're always so stubborn, do it one more time and I'll kill you, got it? If you have to get out of this stupid house first tell me, or I'll tear you to pieces. Now tell me...what did that bitch say to you?>> and he pinches more my cheek in a painful way.

I almost close my eyes and grab his hand, trying to make him let go of my cheek <<okay okay! Now let me go!>> but he smirks and continues to pinching my cheek for a long moment before letting it go.

I groan, massaging my now red cheek letting go of his hand <<you're always so mean>> but he smirks more and crosses his arms. I roll my eyes, and return serious <<what Ava told me...>> I look at him frowning <<well, it's not good news>> he smiles in a cold way <<I already know, just by seeing your face. You haven't smiled once since you've been talking to me, and you still haven't said anything about what you found out to Dr. Matsumoto and Yamazaki. You only talked about a recipe for a medicine, but you did not seem very cheerful>> and he raises an eyebrow, probably waiting for me to start speaking.

I nod and let go of my cheek, surprised that he noticed that I haven't smiled yet...but after all, there isn't much to smile about at the moment <<then...I'd better tell you everything from the beginning> and I sit down. He also does the same crossing his arms, so I start speaking <<as you already know, Ava contacted me offering information on how I could help you heal faster. Her note didn't say much...just an address and a time to meet. Of course I immediately thought it was a trap, but...I went anyway, because it was too important>> he chuckles amused, half smiling <<you knew it was a trap but you went anyway. The more I get to know you, the more I think you are weird or just stupid>> I roll my eyes not amused <<oh please, we both know that you too would have done the same thing if Kondo-san was in your place. I didn't give a shit if it was a trap because there was a chance to help you heal. I knew exactly what I was risking...after all the Nura clan is here, but I wasn't going to back down>> and I cross my arms sighing annoyed <<and I would even do it again right away if it means making you heal faster, so I don't care if you call me stupid or weird...because I'm okay with being even the stupidest person in the world if it means helping you heal>> and I frown looking at him, sure of my words.

For an instant he widens his eyes, but then he frowns <<if you say so...then what happened? Did you find Ava waiting for you at that address?>> I nod, ignoring the fact that he changed the subject <<she was waiting for me in Chizuru's house, and she was...also all too happy to see me. It was quite creepy, but at least it wasn't a trap>> he grins cynically <<really? So she simply told you how to help me without trying to mess with you or hurt you? I find that hard to believe>> I bit my lip <<yes but...since she didn't manage to control you with her power, now she takes an interest in you as well. She explained that now she also wants that you join her, besides me and Chizuru...so now it's also in her interest that your wounds heal. She wants to observe our bond before you...before...>> I stop and look away, still feeling absolutely devastated by what Ava said about the price rasetzu have to pay if they use their powers. How can I tell him? it's so unfair! I know that he's not afraid to die, but...

Okita frowns <<Riko? Let me guess, this is the bad new. Come on, just say it...there's not point in wasting time>> and he smiles a little. I sigh tired, knowing that he's right...so I nod and pass a hand through my hair <<demons use fear, and we gray existences have a natural balance of fear and human blood inside us...but rasetzu don't have this balance. You don't have fear, and so you pay a much higher price for using your powers...your own lifespan>> he widens his eyes for an instant, but immediately after he half-smiles <<that makes sense I guess>> and he shrugs.

I frown, already knowing he wouldn't worry too much about it...but it only makes me worry more <<it may make sense, but that means that every time you use your powers you use your life...and when you run out of it you become ashes>> I grab his arms, looking at him in the eyes <<I know you're not afraid to die, but this is serious. Please listen to me>> but he continues to smiles << you know, if I hadn't drank the Ochimizu...I probably would have died that night. So if the choice is between coughing up blood in my bed or being able to wield my sword again in the future...my answer is obvious>> and he gently removes my hands from him.

I look at him in silence...thinking about what he said. It's true, if he hadn't drank the Ochimizu we would probably both be dead now because of Mikio and Kaoru, however...he also had the tuberculosis, so he probably had already accepted long ago the idea of dying in a horrible way.

He's not afraid, because he was ready to die even back then...but I'm not! I'm so afraid to see him dying like this, it's so unfair and cruel. Only the idea of seeing him turning into ashes makes me feel so...so...

Okita chuckles, interrupting my thoughts <<Riko, don't look so desperate...if you cry I will pinch your cheeks again>> and I immediately cover my cheeks with my hands, making him smirks amused. I sigh, continuing to cover my cheeks <<please, don't joke about this>> and he shrugs <<it's kinda funny to think about it, isn't it? Gen-san, who really looked after himself, died in the battle of Toba-Fushimi...but then here I am, me...still kicking around>> and he closes his eyes for a moment <<i'm not sure if I could call it luck, whatever it is...but we both know I should have died a long time ago>> and he looks at me with a sad smile. I shake my head, grabbing again his arm without thinking <<don't fucking say it! I miss Inoue-san and I'm sorry for what happened to him, but it wasn't luck or fate that allowed you to get this far...it was your strength! You got sick, but you endured it for months...without succumbing to your illness, it was something that not everyone would be able to do! And when you drank the Ochimizu you didn't lose your mind because your spirit was stronger than anything else! So don't talk as if you've already given up, because it's not over yet!>> and I look down, feeling the points of my fingers trembling a little <<I won't let you give up like this...you can't, not after all this. So just...>> but my voice broke in the end, so I stop talking.

Okita sighs quietly, but then grabs my hand that was still clutching his sleeve <<you won't let me?>> and I look at him surprised. He smirks <<i'd like to see how you plan to do it, but who said I gave up? You were a good kid and you never told anyone about my illness, but if I remember correctly you did that only because I took my medicines and didn't give up, right? You kept your part of the promise, and so I guess it's my turn now. I don't want to hear you complain that I didn't keep my word, and also...I still have a lot of things to do in this world before I die, you know?>> and he squeezes my hand more firmly, smiling in a more playfully way.

I widen my eyes more surprised <<do you still remember that promise?>> and he nods <<of course, after all you were a good kiddo, and I bet you would cry in a really lame way if I broke my word>> but I frown puzzled <<I don't understand, by now everyone know about your illness. don't misunderstand, I'm glad you don't intend to give up...but does that promise really still hold?>> and I let go of his sleeve and intertwine my fingers with his. He raises an eyebrow annoyed <<then what do you want? I already promised you that I'll fix everything when we were at Osaka Castle didn't I?>> and he sighs shaking his head.

In that moment I see something else inside his eyes...determination. The boulder in my chest disappears immediately, because I finally understand that Okita is not afraid to die but even like this he wouldn't give up. He will continue to live even as a rasetzu, and he will do everything to remain himself...he will fight until the end. This is why...I will stay by his side as much as I can, and I will fight to make sure that he uses his powers as little as possible. Because even if I am able to make him live even a second longer...it will be worth it.

I smile a little, and raise our intertwined hands <<what I want...is another promise>> and releasing my hand from his I offer him my pinky finger to seal the promise <<no matter what happens...promise me that you will never forget that I kept our promise, so you will never have to give up. Also if you don't do it remember that you will make me cry, okay?>> and we both chuckle. After that he grabs my pinky finger with his <<so this time it's a promise that lasts until I die? You are not so stupid after all>> I nod happy <<you can say that again>> and I smile.

He sighs smiling <<okay, I promise. Happy now?>> I nod <<yes>> and I let go of his finger <<also...Ava said something else to me>> and we both return serious. He looks at me <<what?>> but I point toward his futon <<before that, it's best if you sit down. Even if you feel better it's still daytime, and you are supposed to rest...and even if your fever is lower you shouldn't overdo it>> he rolls his eyes <<are you really lecturing me now? You almost sound like Karasu Tengu>> I cross my arms <<I'm not that hysterical>> and I shake my head smiling <<well, maybe a little. Come on now, just sit down, please>> and he sighs, but then he starts to walk toward his futon. I follow him with my eyes, but then he suddenly stops and falls on the ground with a thud. gasping in pain.

I widen my eyes shocked <<Okita?!>> and I run toward him, kneeling beside him <<what's wrong?!>> and I put my hands on his shoulders <<is it your injuries?!>> and I try to see if his wounds are bleeding again through his clothes. He shakes his head with difficult, gasping for air and trembling for the pain.

I hold him tighter not knowing what to do <<ho...hold on! I'll immediately call Yamazaki!>> and I try to run away, but Okita grabs the collar of my yukata, tugging it tightly stopping me <<no Riko...don't...agh!>> and he was unable to continue to speak...he was only able to groan in pain and press hard his head on the futon gasping for air.

I watch him holding my breath <<then what can I do?! Oh god...wait, now I'll find a way to...I...>> I look around in panic, not knowing how to help him. I'm not a doctor! And I have no idea how to help him get better, I don't even know what's wrong with him!

In that moment, however, Okita's hair changed color...turning white as he continued to writhe in pain and gasping.

I look at him petrified, knowing now what's wrong. This is the first time I have seen him transform without using his powers consciously, and it's the first time that he suffer like this because of that. So this must be the blood-lust that Sannan was talking about! And the symptoms also fit perfectly with what Ava told me, so...right now Okita id suffering because he needs blood!