I tiptoe toward a room, walking on the engawa with silent steps. The moon is high in the sky, and it's pretty late...so everyone is sleeping.

I reach Okita's room in a few minutes...but then I freeze.

I stop in front of his door and sigh...i've been trying to knock and enter for two days now, but the only thing I managed to do is to sneak around, during the night, and stop here without doing anything. I...i can't find the courage to enter inside, but I don't want our last conversation to be a fight. That day...we fought and said cruel things...and I can't really accept to go away without speak with him another time...just one. I want to clear up some things and sort out my feelings about this.

Every day I got Yamazaki to tell me how Okita is doing...and fortunately, his fever went down a little, but he's still sick...so Hijikata forced him to stay in bed and rest. Of course Okita complained a lot for that...or at least I heard he did that from Harada, but in the end even Kondo-san asked Okita to rest.

Okita of course listened to Kondo-san, but after that he shut himself in his room, and we haven't see him ever since. Yamazaki told me that he still comes out sometimes to bathe, but he do that early in the morning...when everyone is still asleep, and the people on the night rounds are still outside.

I'm still angry with him, but still...i'm really worried about him. I know his health is gonna keep getting worse, but if he doesn't take his medicines it will only get worse faster...and I don't want to think about what might happen, because I already know the answer.

I sigh again and raise my hand, putting it on the door. He's probably asleep, but it's okay...because I wouldn't know what to tell him if he was awake, and I don't want to argue again with him. I only want to see with my eyes if he's really okay, or the concern I feel for him will never let me sleep.

I really don't get it, but even with Rikuo here, I still think about Okita all the time...and when I do that my heart beats in a painful way. It's really a strange sensation, this is the first time I feel this way...but I don't know what is it. However, I know that this feeling is what brings me here every night.

I take a big breath...and with trembling fingers I finally manage to slightly open the door. I peek inside, seeing in the center of the room a futon with someone inside of it. His dinner is still nearby the door...almost untouched. At least he probably ate a bite or two, but nothing more. I bit my lip not happy, but I know that I can't say anything to him right now.

I silently open the door, and I enter inside. I move closer, noticing that he's sleeping deeply, but on his forehead there is a white cloth.

The cloth is now dry, but he's face is still red thanks to the fever...and he also has a labored breath. I kneel next to him, and I gently take the cloth from his forehead. There is a bucket of water next to the futon...probably left there earlier by Yamazaki. I wet and squeeze the cloth, and after that I put it again on his forehead. He let out a breath of relief when the cold cloth touched his skin, and I look closer at him...seeing that he's paler than usual. it's strange...even if he's asleep he should have felt my presence, because he's a skilled warrior.

A few weeks ago I proposed to prank Hijikata while he was sleeping, but Okita explained to me that every Shinsengumi's captains learned to remain vigilant during sleep, in case someone try to attack them during the night. However he's still asleep, so...is he already so sick that he can't do it anymore?

Suddenly he gets agitated in his sleep, and he pushed away the blankets. I quickly grab them and try to cover him...but then I noticed something and stop. I widen my eyes surprised, and I put a hand on my mouth covering a gasp. Inside his hand there is an empty small piece of paper...he took his medicine!

I smile a little and look again at his dinner...now I understand why this time he tried to eat a few bits. I bet that he didn't do it because I asked him...but I'm still really relieved.

With a smile on my face I take his blankets and cover him with care...then I stand up and go away.

I close the door and run toward my room, but when I turn the corner I crash into someone. I squeal surprised, and I fall back a little...but the person in front of me did the same. Kondo-san looks at me with surprise <<Nura-san? I'm sorry, are you alright?>> I look at him also surprised <<Kondo-san? Oh, yes I'm fine thanks, but I am the one who has to apologize. I was in a bit of a hurry and I didn't pay attention>> he smiles and shakes his head <<it's not a problem, don't worry...but why are you still up at this hour? You should be sleeping>> and he looks behind me...toward Okita's room. He smiles happy <<you came to check on Souji?>> I blush, confirming his words <<well...yes. Are you here for the same reason?>> he nods worried <<yes, Yamazaki-kun said that he still has a fever. How is he now?>> I bit my lip, not knowing what to say <<he was sleeping, and...well, surely it's not pleasant to have a fever>> and I look at my feet.

He looks at me for a long instant <<you two...had an argument, didn't you? Usually you and Souji are always together, but in the last few days you're always with Rikuo...and Souji closed himself inside his room. I have the impression that you two are avoiding each other>> I sigh and scratch my head <<is it really that obvious?>> he nods and gesture to me to follow him.

We walk away from the captains' rooms...so we can speak freely, without disturb anyone. We arrive near the temple's entrance, and Kondo-san sits on the engawa. I also sit down and he smiles at me with a kind face <<thank you for what you're doing for Souji, he may be a bit difficult sometimes but he's a good guy>> I nod <<i know>> and I look at the sky <<i just wish it was easier to talk to him, after what happened I...>> I sigh, without being able to continue. Kondo-san crosses his arms <<it's always difficult to speak after an argument, especially if you are friends. Just...don't give up on him, he needs friends like you>> I roll my eyes <<no, it's not true. Believe me, I'm the first that don't want to give up on him, but...he made it clear that he doesn't need me. I bet that now he doesn't even want to see me anymore>> he hummed <<i doubt it, after all...when Souji is with you he always seems so serene>> I shake my head, feeling a bitter sensation squeezing my chest.

I clap my hands on my chest <<it doesn't matter, because he pushed me away...saying that I should just take my brother and go home. I don't want that our friendship end like this, but he was the first to abandon it...and I can't do anything about it>> and I sigh...feeling sad and helpless.

Kondo-san didn't say anything, so I smile bitter <<but how can I blame him? I wanted to protect you all, but in the end i put you all in danger...and for years I kept quiet about who I really am. I don't have the right to stand in front of him now, and I can't obligate him to see me...even though I want to spend more time with him before I go home>> and I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. I blink a few times, refusing to cry again...and I look at Kondo-san <<do you understand now? I...i can't>> my voice came out broken, but I breath deeply and continue to speak <<i can't just...face him. I'm sure that now he hates me, and I can't stand it>> but Kondo-san smiles and shake his head. I look at him surprised...why he's smiling? I'm serious here!

He continues to smile kindly and also a little amused <<ah, the naivety of youth...>> and he looks again toward the sky <<I think you both misunderstood something very important>> I frown curious and surprised <<something very important? Well, you're wrong...there was nothing to misunderstand. He did nothing but to tell me to go away...and for some reason, he even seemed angry with Rikuo>> and I cross my arms, feeling irritated and upset.

Kondo-san chuckles a little <<you see...you both forgot one thing, that's why there is this misunderstanding. You care for each other...and this simple fact has clouded your sight, making you forgot it>> I look at him puzzled <<but...of course I care about Okita! he's my friend, and the last three years we had a lot of fun together. However...everything it's over now>> and I hug myself.

I think back to all the pranks we did together...and I smile at little <<he's always been a little mean with me...but this time it was different. He wasn't joking...and he hurt me>> I look down...unable to meet Kondo-san's gaze <<maybe it's because he hates my yokai blood. I can't think of another explanation for his behavior, so I think that this is the reason. After all, demons had always caused problems to the Shinsengumi>> and I shut up, without saying anything else. But after a few seconds Kondo-san smiles again and shake his head <<haven't you considered the idea that Souji is just sad?>> I widen my eyes puzzled and look at him <<sad? for what?>> he half smiles <<because you're going away of course. You were so worried about what he think of you now, that you didn't figure out that he most likely doesn't want to lose a friend. After all, the news of your departure was quite sudden...and I believe that he didn't take it so well>> and he closes his eyes for a moment <<it was an honest mistake, because like you said before...many people don't like gray existences...but you should have more faith in him>> and he chuckles.

My heart beats quickly against my chest...making me feel a warm feeling. Hope maybe? No! I can't! If it's not true then everything will only be more painful...

I quickly shake my head <<you're wrong! If that was true...he'd be mad only with me, and not also with Rikuo. I don't care why he doesn't like my brother, but he must understand that I am his big sister, and I will protect him forever because I love him. I won't let my enemies take him from me like they did with my dad. I don't care who I have to face...we are family, and we protect each other. Furthermore...if Rikuo really want to live like a human, I have to work twice as hard to become strong, because I won't let any demons get in his way>> and I snap my tongue more angry <<like I said...i don't know why Okita doesn't like Rikuo, but If he can't or doesn't want to understand our brotherly bond it's not my problem. it's a pity that he doesn't have any brothers, but there are things that cannot be explained by words>> and I cross my arms.

Kondo-san looks at me for a long moment, like he was pondering about something. In the end he sighs and puts his hands on his knees <<Mitsu>> and he gazes up at the sky. I raise a quizzical eyebrow <<who?>> but he just makes a tiny smile <<it's the name of Souji's older sister...although, well, their relationship deteriorated many years ago, when Souji was still a child. Sometimes I write to her, to let her know how he's doing...but they haven't spoken in years>> I froze shocked. Okita has a sister?! And they don't talk to each other?!

In my head there are many question, but when I open my mouth I didn't find my voice. Kondo-san pats my shoulder <<let's just say that they don't have a good relationship, and Souji prefers not to talk about her. So, I believe that from Souji's point of view, the connection you have with your brother is incomprehensible, and he sees Rikuo-kun as the reason you have to leave. So please, don't be too hard with him>> and he stands up. I look at him astonished, without knowing what to say...so after a long moment I just nod. He smiles happy, but then Hijikata appears from a corridor nearby <<there you are Kondo-san. Nura-san? What are you two doing here?>> I stand up <<we were just talking>> and Kondo-san nods <<did you need something Toshi?>> he frowns and nod <<Yuichi asked if he could talk with us. Apparently some monks are freaking out again. they're terrified that some demons would attack the temple again in the middle of the night. The onmyoji are trying to reassure them, but if we also talk with them the situation would be resolved faster>> Kondo-san nods and pat my shoulder for the last time <<nice chat Nura-san, good night>> and he goes away with Hijikata, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

I sit down again, feeling my head full of thoughts. I look up, toward the moon...was I wrong? I don't know what to think anymore. What am I supposed to do now? I want to talk with Okita, but I don't know if it's alright to go to him like this. I'm a mess, and I don't even know what to think anymore. it's funny, I don't think twice about throwing myself into a battle, but when it comes to this I don't know where to start.

I rub my head, feeling that I'm getting a headache. Well, now I should be sleeping...i will think about this tomorrow.

I get up and walk toward the room where Rikuo, Mana, Shiro, Karasu Tengu and Chizuru are sleeping. I tiptoe inside, because they are deeply asleep, but I know they could wake up at the slightest sound. And if Karasu Tengu finds out I'm sneaking around at night...well, fuck. This is why I'll never let him find out about this...or he will never stop scolding me.

I walk toward Rikuo, who Is sleeping in a futon near the door. He still has a fever, because it seems that he still can't deal with his fear, so he is healing very slowly.

I sigh worried and move the blankets aside. I lie down next to him and cover us both with the blankets. He hugs me in his sleep and I do the same, feeling his breath against my neck. it's a sound that give me comfort...and after a minute I begin to fall asleep.

...

Mana yawns and put her chin on her crossed hands. she's lying on her stomach over a branch of one of the cherry trees in the garden. I look at her and lie down over the branch under her, putting my hands behind my head <<and that's it, so what do you think?>> Shiro scoffs and look at us from one of the highest branches. We are covered by so many cherry flowers that no one can see us, so Shiro for now removed his mask...tying it on his head. He frowns <<i say you're worrying too much, why don't you just go to him and talk?>> Mana nods <<we will distract that damn crow if we need to, but you have to hurry. After all, the day after tomorrow we will go home. You don't have much time>> I frown annoyed <<i know but...every time I try to go to speak with Okita I can't even find the courage to knock on his door. I don't know what to do>> and I look toward the temple, feeling upset and frustrated.

Mana shrugs <<if you want, we can push you inside his room and lock the door, so you both will be forced to talk. Although, I must admit that you two are behaving like children>> I blush ashamed <<hey! it's not true!>> but Shiro raises an eyebrow <<are you sure?>> and he smiles amused <<aren't you the one who was whining a second ago because she can't open a stupid door?>> I gasp and glare at him <<you jerk! that's a low blow>> but he and Mana laugh.

In the end I also roll my eyes and smile amused, but Shiro returned to be serious <<the only thing we can tell you is that...you should try not to have regrets>> Mana nods <<so hurry the hell up! or we'll force you by any means necessary>> I turn pale knowing that she's not joking <<okay okay! You win! Geez, you don't need to threaten me like that you know? Last time you said something like that we were grounded for months>> Mana grins and shakes her head <<technically...we are still grounded for that. Fortunately for us, Chizuru and Wakana turn a blind eye and ignore it, leaving us free, because at the time you were only 14 years old>> and Shiro chuckles <<i admit that turn on some fireworks inside the house was not one of our best ideas>> Mana laughs amused <<you don't say? Because of the noise we scared everyone, and as if that was not enough the common room went on fire! Luckily for us, Kappa was nearby and he immediately put out the fire, otherwise we would end up roasted>> and she chuckles.

I also smile <<well, we only wanted to cheer up a little Shoei...we meant well. Still...it's a pity that Shoei in the end decided not to live with us anymore. Ahh, I miss that idiot>> Mana nods frowning <<that fool still thinks he's human just because he has no demonic traits, but he's still a half-demon. I'm starting to think that deny a part of themselves it's a habit of you gray existences>> I roll my eyes <<oh cut it out, you love us and you know it. At least Shoei appreciated the fact that we tried to give him a farewell party, before he went to live among the humans. Well, in the end even if he lives far away he's still one of us, and nothing can change that. The only important thing is that he's happy>> and I smile.

Shiro nods <<you're right, but...don't try to change the subject. We were talking about Okita, remember? You need to talk to him...or you'll regret it. A long time ago my father told me that he's a stubborn man, with a bad temper...but so are you, so go to him and be more stubborn than him. Eventually he'll be forced to listen to you>> and Mana nods <<no matter how it will end, the important part is that you at least try to speak with him one more time...because once home you won't have another opportunity>> I try to answer, but a voice next to the tree interrupt us <oi, what are you doing up there?>> we freeze, and Shiro quickly puts his mask on. We stand up and push away the flowers, seeing Nagakura and Harada under the tree.

Harada crosses his arms and chuckles <<it's looks like you're having fun>> but Nagakura rolls his eyes <<let me guess, you're hiding again from Karasu Tengu, aren't you?>> I nod <<a few hours ago, Shiro sneezed because of some dust...and unfortunately Karasu Tengu heard it>> Shiro sighs annoyed <<he began to freak out because he's worried that I'm getting sick...so we hid here waiting for him to calm down>> Harada laughs <<good idea>> but I look at them curious <<so...why are you here? Did you need something?>> they freeze and look at each other for a moment, but in the end Harada scratched his head <<well, since Rikuo is being cared by both the Chizuru and Riko is here...Karasu Tengu started to run after every captains of the Shinsengumi, checking if we need something...but...>> Nagakura pulls his hair <<he's too insistent! He tried to put a scarf around my neck because he says the air is cold...but it's August!>> and Harada nods <<he's a good person, but...>> a yell from inside interrupts him <<where are you?! Come out!>> we turn pale. Shiro quickly hid himself again behind the flowers <<shit! it's Karasu Tengu!>> and in the mean time Harada and Nagakura start to quickly climb on the tree, and me and Mana helped them.

...

I put my hand on Rikuo's forehead <<your fever is going down...finally>> he shrugs and sit up inside his futon <<yes, but the day after tomorrow we will go home, I'm sure that Tsurara and the others will force me to stay in bed again>> I purse my lips <<yeah...i just hope that mum doesn't worry too much>> and I sigh.

He looks at me for a moment, with a pensive gaze <<but you...missed us right? I still find absurd that you've been stuck here for three whole years>> and he takes my hand still on his forehead. He takes it in front of his face, and he looks at the scar on my hand with a frowning face <<you were here all alone...and even this time I couldn't protect you. I'm so sorry big sister>> I smile and gently take my hand back <<of course I missed you all, but...i wasn't alone. As you can see...the Shinsengumi's captains and Kondo-san are fantastic. They take me in and helped me...I owe them a lot>> he looks down <<yes, but you are different now...you've changed. I don't remember but...the night I came here we fought together, side by side, right?>> I nod proud of it <<yeah, we are an amazing team, Karasu Tengu was practically crying of happiness for that. If you accept to be the third we can continue to be that team you know?>> he scoffs annoyed <<no thanks, I hate demons! All they do is scare people and mess around...and I don't want to be like that. If I became like them Kana and the others would hate me>> I bit my lip annoyed. It's okay to want to live like a human, but I don't approve that he hates the world of dad and grandpa <<suit yourself, but remember...if you really hate demons so much, then you also hate dad, grandpa, me and a part of yourself. so...are you sure you feel that kind of hatred?>> he tried to answer, but I raise my hand stopping him <<you don't need to answer me, I know you don't approve the fact that grandpa pranks every day our neighbors, but we both know that our stubbornness it's something we inherited from him...so we know he's a lost cause>> he rolls his eyes <<i know, but at least he could stop to steal sweets and candies also from us. We have to change place at our candy supply at least once a week...but at least mum and Chizuru always help us>> I chuckle and nod <<i can't deny that>> and I think of our home. I immediately feel a strong urge to be there, but I also feel a strange anguish with it.

I frown and look to the side, but Rikuo noticed that and calls me worried <<Riko? What's wrong?>> I shake my head <<it's just that...i don't understand. The day after tomorrow we will go home...and for years I have been waiting impatiently for this moment. I want to see everyone and go back to our old life, but...>> he interrupts me shocked <<wait a moment! don't tell me you want to stay here?! Are you crazy?! Somewhere, here in this time, there is a babaneko who wants you dead and an oni who wants to kidnap you!>> I jump surprised and hold my breath...how am I supposed to answer him now? But more important...why I don't know the answer?! it should be obvious!

But after a few seconds of silence Kondo-san enters in the room <<excuse me...>> and we turn toward him surprised. He has two plates of watermelons in his hands.

He smiles at us <<Gen-san bought some watermelons at the market today, would you like some?>> me and Rikuo look at each other and nod.

Kondo-san then puts a plate on the floor near Rikuo with a happy face, but then he turns toward me, and points toward the other plate with a troubled face <<Nura-san, can I ask you a favor? Unfortunately I have to finish to work, so could you bring the rest of the watermelon to Souji? The second plate is for him>> I widen my eyes surprise, but Kondo-san just puts the plate in my hands. I blink and look at the plate <<ah, i...>> but he smiles <<i'm sure he will appreciate that>> and he waits for my answer. I look around without knowing what to do, but then I see Mana and Shiro near the door. Mana is grinning, and Shiro is waiting for my answer with his arms crossed.

I roll my eyes and look at Rikuo with an apologetic gaze <<i'll come back later, okay?>> he frowns unhappy <<but we're not done talking yet, I still have so much to ask you...and you still haven't told me what happened to you in the last three years. Besides, Okita is the one you argued with, right? He made you upset, so he doesn't deserve that you bring him watermelon!>> I look at him shocked...this is the first time I see Rikuo biased toward someone he doesn't know, in fact...he looks almost angry and irritated.

I sigh and stand up <<yes, I had a fight with him, but he's still my friend. You shouldn't judge him so harshly. You've talked with him like two or three times, so you practically still don't know him...so don't be mean please. I know that probably he doesn't look like that, but he's a good person...i can assure you>> he frowns more <<it's just that...well, I don't like him. I asked everyone who came to visit me what kind of guy he is...but they said that he is the kind of people who like to cut things...and with things i mean people! He's always doing pranks and he's mean to you!>> I scratch my head sighing troubled <<well...it's not like they're wrong, but still...it's not right. it's true that Okita cuts people down, but it's his work and he's really good at that. He was also a little mean, but it was our way to mess with each other and have fun>> Kondo-san quickly nods <<Rikuo-kun, I can understand that you're worried about your sister, but I assure you that Souji is a good guy. Him and your sister always had a lot of fun together, so you don't have to worry>> I nod and smile <<yeah, we really made a lot of pranks together, and we always targeted Hijikata. It's really fun because he can get really angry in no time>> Rikuo widen his eyes surprised <<now I get it! that's why Hijikata-san said all those things about Okita!>> I facepalm <<so it was him...why you asked him in the first place?! It was obvious that he would answer like that>> and Kondo-san sighs amused.

Rikuo looks at us with a skeptical gaze, but I didn't give him the time to answer <<well, I think that I'm going now. I'll bring him the watermelon and I'll come back...so be a good kid and wait here, or I will call Karasu Tengu>> he turns pale <<you wouldn't dare!>> I wink at him <<try me>> and I look at Kondo-san <<you can go back to work if you want, I'm sure that Shiro and Mana can keep Rikuo company until I'm back>> Mana nods and enter in the room <<of course! you can count on us>> and Shiro followed her <<at least we're better than Karasu Tengu>> and he gestured me to go. I nod and quickly run away, leaving the room. The last thing I heard was Rikuo's voice <<ah! Wait Riko! we're not done yet!>> but I ignored him and continue to run with the plate of watermelon in my hands.

...

I stop in front of Okita's door and take a big breath. I need to enter inside...i can't run away this time, because if I do it I bet that the watermelon wouldn't never arrive to Okita, because no matter where I would hide it...Nagakura would definitely find the watermelon and eat it.

It's from Kondo-san, so it's important that i give it to Okita...and if I'm lucky he would eat it.

I sigh and after a minute I was able to knock, but no one answered. I frown annoyed and knock again, with more strength...but nothing changed. I growl more annoyed and open the door, but then I widen my eyes. he's not here...where is he?!

I look around worried, but then I notice that the window is open. That window is practically a door...and anyone can cross it and go in the little garden outside.

I put the plate of watermelon on the floor, and close the door behind me. I walk toward the window and peek outside...finding him in the middle of the garden.

He's gazing up at the sky, but I can't really see his face because he's giving me his back. I look at him for a moment, without knowing what to say. I though I would be angry, but right now...i'm only glad to see him. I know that he's still sick, but he's standing...so maybe his fever went down a little?

I walk toward him, but the tatami under my foot squeaks and he turns around. He looks at me for a second, but then he sighs <<oh, it's you. Are you here to yell at me again?>> I shake my head <<no I...i need to talk with you>> I don't understand...why? If I look at his face, the sadness and the indecision that have constantly accompanied me in these days become unbearable.

He scoffs <<if you want to come up with more excuses or praise again your beloved little brother...then just go away>> I bit my lip and shake my head <<no, this time...i won't run away. I have to understand something important, and I have a feeling that I will be able to put my mind at ease only if I talk with you>> he raises a quizzical eyebrow and cross his arms <<then...you only want to complain about something. Funny, you're about to go home, along with your family and friends...but you still have the guts to keep complain>> I sit on the engawa, pointing out that I have no intention of leaving <<that's the problem, I'm going home but...that doesn't make me happy. I tried and tried, but I can't accept it. I want to see my family again...but the idea of going home make me feel only sadness and guilt, and it's heartbreaking>> I look at him in the eyes, seeing that he's listening to me with attention. I force myself to keep talking <<last time...i was wrong to yell at you, and I'm sorry for that, but your words have hurt me>> I hug myself <<I felt terrible thanks to you, and I was really angry, but...nothing hurts more than the idea of leaving without be able to settle this fight between us. So I beg you...let's talk about it>> I bow my head <<and after that...if you still want it, i will leave you alone>> and I look at him, waiting anxiously for his answer.

He didn't speak for a couple of seconds, but then he sighs and walk toward me. He sits nearby and look at me annoyed <<i'm listening...not that it's gonna change anything, little vice-commander>> and he smirks. he's making fun of me again, but this time I won't get angry!

I frown and look at him...finally understanding that Kondo-san was right, he's of course angry, but he's also sad...i can see it inside his eyes. I put my hands on my lap and look down, feeling shy all of a sudden <<why do you believe that I'm pretending to care about you? it's really so strange for you? Why can't you see that It's true?>> he scoffs <<true? don't make me laugh. You've had everything from life...health, power, and a great family that loves you unconditionally. Yes, your father is dead and many people want you dead, but that's it. You're a kid who led a sheltered life until a few years ago...so don't bother pretending. All you really care about is yourself and your family, so stop being such a goody-goody and go away>> I frown confused and look at him <<do you really believe that? Yes, I'm from an important family...but I didn't have an easy life like you believe. In my time things are a little different, for example all children are obliged to go to school...a place where you have to study and learn many things. it's something quite normal for a human child...but not for us. After the incident with Gagoze, Rikuo began to hide his true nature, realizing that now humans no longer believe in the existence of demons and monsters...and not many are willing to change their minds. We were forced to lie every day because of it, and with time Rikuo began to hate demons...and I began to hate my human part. Luckily for me I had Mana and Shiro by my side...but being a gray existence is hard, and furthermore, me and Rikuo have on our shoulders the fate of the Nura clan. We are surrounded by many people, but in the end we are alone>> I shiver <<grandpa is a great person, but he's still a demon...and mum is a human. The only person who could have understood our pain was my father, but that bitch killed him...and from that moment I always felt alone and helpless. However, in the past three years for the first time i didn't feel out of place. I should have told you my true identity sooner, and I'm sorry for that...but I was scared>> I clench my fists and look down <<but I'm still me, so it doesn't matter what I am or if I had a sheltered life...i'm telling the true when I say that I'm not pretending to care about you>> he rolls his eyes <<or maybe it's just pity. Let me guess...you can't leave a sick person alone? or perhaps you feel responsible, because you're the only person here to know about my condition>> and he smirks with a cold gaze.

I sigh deeply <<no, you idiot! you illness has nothing to do with the fact that I'm your friend! Furthermore, sooner or later the others will discover your illness, so I don't care if right now I'm the only one to know about it besides Dr Matsumoto>> and I cross my arms annoyed <<even before we found out that you has tuberculosis, we were always doing pranks together...so I'm not at your side only because you're sick. So put it in your head that it doesn't matter if you're ill, I've grown fond of you before all of that...even though you're an asshole>> I smile at him <<i don't pity you, I only want to help you because I care about you. You always worked hard, and I'm sure you've trained really much to hone your skills...so it's not fair that some stupid disease blocks you in bed...i can't stand it! I know I can't cure you, but I want to help you>> and I clap my hands <<and of course I don't want to do it for pity like you believe, it's just that...you're the closest friend I have here...and friends always help each other>> I heard him hum a little, but I let my hands fall on my legs and I continue to look down toward my feet <<maybe I've been bugging you too much lately, but it's just because I want you to know that whatever happens...you can't give up. Take your medicines and get some rest. Although in the end it may be of no use, it's always better than giving up and letting yourself die>> he smirks more irritated <<who said I gave up? Just because I don't have an appetite it doesn't mean that I stopped fighting you know?>> I chuckle, remembering the other night <<i know, but I still worry about you...that's what friends do>> but he looks at me unconvinced <<nice words, but as soon as you get home they will be worthless. In your time we are already dead, right? So stop lying>> I groan tired and shake my head <<i can't stop doing something I'm not doing>> but he rolls his eyes and scoffs <<oh please, all you care about is that Rikuo is safe. it's really crazy if you think about it, that brat is so pathetic during the day...and all he does is complain. He doesn't even know how to defend himself, so you do it for him. he's so lame that he let that rat almost beat you to death, but he's continuing to say that he want to protect you. In his night form maybe he can manage to do it, but now he's only stupid>> I grimace <<well...you haven't seen his best side yet. Rikuo is much more than that...and I'm not talking about his demoniac form. In addition, what happened with Kyuso wasn't his fault. That filthy rat was kicked out of the Nura clan, and grandpa banished him...so I'm sure that Kyuso was just waiting for a chance to get revenge. He was a real coward, but his anger wasn't small...it was only a matter of time before he sought revenge>> and i sigh <<Kiku and Hisao were also like him...but luckily for us they are dead now>> I stand up and stretch my arms <<but you're right about one thing...Rikuo struggles to accept reality. He screams every time that he hates yokai, but in the end it doesn't matter how loud he screams... he can't change the fact that we are Nurarihyon's grandchildren>> I chuckle and put my hands on my hips <<at least...he saved me sometimes, like with Gagoze for example. he's a good brother>> he frowns <<mh, he's still pathetic. If he doesn't want to be a demon he should just go away>> I quickly shake my head <<we don't have anywhere else to go! I will not allow it! Furthermore...i know that he doesn't really hate all demons. For example, he's really close to Tsurara, and she's a yuki onna. There is also Kubinashi, who looked after us with care after dad's death, just like Kejoro and many others. They are yokai, but they too can love and care about someone...so it doesn't matter what they are, we're family...and I'm sure Rikuo thinks so too. I'm certain that they will never kick us out only because we want to live like humans...and on top of that my mum also lives in that house and she's human...so we can do it too>> he looks away, avoiding my gaze with a serious face <<then what are you waiting for? Go back to them and leave everything behind>> I sigh, making a bitter smile <<Geez, you really can't stand the thought of a gray existence being here? Well, I can't blame you...only few people tolerate our existence. We are not demons, but we also are not humans...we're in the middle, and no matter what we do...we always have to face this harsh reality. I'm lucky to be born into a family of yokai that accepts us without prejudice, but I understand if others don't like us>> I look toward my feet, feeling some tears welling up in my eyes...but I quickly cover my face with my arm and wipe them away.

I sigh sad <<sorry, it's appears that I misunderstood again the situation>> I bow <<if my presence bothers you so much...i'll go away>> and I begin to walk away, but then something grabs my sleeve, stopping me.

I widen my eyes surprised and turn around...seeing my sleeve between Okita's fingers. He looks at me annoyed <<you're such an idiot>> I frown without understand, so he sighs and adds <<when have I ever said I can't stand you because you're a gray existence? I don't give a fuck about it. I always knew that something about you was different...it was pretty obvious, and only a blind man would have not notice that>> I feel my legs tremble a little...and I hold my breath shocked <<you don't...?>> but he lets go my sleeve and takes his hand back <<didn't you say you wanted to talk? But right now you're running away again>> I gasp, realizing that he's right...and I quickly sit down again.

He sighs and look toward the sky, and I slowly try to speak...but my voice didn't come out so I jump on my feet, and he looks at me startled <<what are you doing now?>> but I smile at him and run inside toward the watermelon. I take the plate and go back to him.

I sit down again and raise the plate, showing him the watermelon cut into slices <<i almost forgot...Kondo-san asked me to bring this to you. I suspect that he wanted to prevent Nagakura from eating it all>> he looks at the watermelon a little surprised...but he didn't take it, so I put it on the engawa, beside him.

We didn't say anything for a long minute, but then I remember something <<you know...i asked Chizuru if I could come back here with a cure...unfortunately, she said that she now has only two flowers, so it's not possible>> he raises a quizzical eyebrow <<so, someone's gonna come up with a cure someday?>> I nod <<i'm not an expert, but I know that in my time no one dies of tuberculosis anymore. From what I understand, occasionally, you may have some relapse...but if you are treated properly, you can live most of the time as a healthy person>> but he shrugs disinterested <<i guess Chizuru wouldn't have given you the chance to take that medicine anyway, since it would change future events>> I nod upset <<i still had to try to ask, even if only for put my mind at peace>> he grins amused <<why? Do you really want to come back here?>> I half smile <<actually, it may sound crazy...but yes. I'm not really ready to go home yet, but I have no choice>> I take a big breath, feeling my chest lighter...i finally said it out loud, and it's liberating to be able to admit what I really want.

I sigh tired <<i really want to stay here a little while longer, but if I do it...i couldn't go back to my time, and I have a lot of responsibility at home. Also grandpa expects a lot from me and Rikuo...i can't let him down...not after what we saw inside those memories. He will never say it, but he needs us...he needs what's left of his family. There is also my mum, and I can't leave her knowing that dad is no longer there for her>> I chuckle without joy <<but I have to admit that, by now, the Shinsengumi is like a second family to me. This is why I will miss you, and everyone else>> he frowns irritated <<you keep talking about responsibility, but you are going home leaving at us the task to hunt and kill that Mikio, who is your enemy. There are also the oni and who knows what other demons with bizarre powers out there. I wouldn't call it being responsible you know>> and he scoffs.

I begin to answer, but then an idea came to my mind.

I widen my eyes, and clap my hand in front of my mouth gasping shocked. Okita looks at me puzzled <<Riko-chan? what's wrong with you? Have you gone mad? At this point I wouldn't be surprised>> but I ignored him, and point my finger toward his lips, feeling my heart beats faster against my chest <<say that again>> and I wait.

He blinks a couple of time even more stunned <<it's a joke? I don't know what's gotten into you, but I don't like to repeat myself>> I growl annoyed <<just do it! it's important>> he grunts <<do you mean 'I wouldn't call it being responsible'?>> I quickly shake my head <<before that>> he frowns annoyed, but in the end he crosses his arms and repeat <<mh, 'you are going home leaving at us the task to hunt and kill that Mikio, who is your enemy. There are also the oni and who knows what other demons with bizarre powers out there'>> I nod and clap my hands <<that's it! that's the one! you're absolutely right!>> and I quickly stand up happy.

I pensive begin to walk back and forth <<but...it will be risky, and it's an absurd gamble>> I feel his eyes on me, but after a moment he asks annoyed <<what the hell are you talking about? you're weirder than usual...and that says it all>> I laugh and shake my head <<I've got an idea! I was so worried about all this mess that I didn't think about something so fucking obvious!>> and I run inside the room, toward the door.

Okita's confused voice stopped me <<oi Riko? where the hell are you going now? Man, you're worse than a hyperactive puppy when you start to run and jump around like that>> he smirks <<it's rude to leave without ending a conversation you know? But at least this time you're not yelling>> and I blush embarrassed.

I chuckle and cross my arms <<where I'm going? I need to talk to Chizuru immediately of course...it's very important>> but he groans annoyed and perplexed <<i guess you mean the Chizuru from your time...what do you have to say to her? It must be really important if it makes you run away like this>> I grin and walk quickly toward him. I kneel in front of him and smile happy <<of course! I'm so happy and hyperactive because...i just found a way to stay here for a little longer>>