<<would you like to play with me?>> I look up surprised, seeing the familiar young girl with black long hair and pale skin in front of me. She was smiling at me with a sweet smile on her face, and she was offering me her hand. A terrible fear grabs me, making me freeze...but then a distant voice calls me <<Riko? My sweet little bear, where are you?>> and dad appears. I widen my eyes and try to speak...to scream at him to run away, but the terror I was feeling was such that it prevented my mouth from working. So I grab his leg and shake it, but he just smiles and pats my head...then his kimono slips from my hands and he moves back.

He continues to smile at me and grabs the girl's hand...and then they just start to walk away, surrounded by the yamabuki flowers near the road. I scream as loud as I can, but neither of them turns around...and they disappear, along with the flowers. Everything becomes dark immediately after, and I fall on my knees feeling only more fear and sadness.

I scream louder and curl up on the floor, terrified by the darkness that surrounds me. I start crying...already knowing what is going to happened, but then a happy laugh pass near me. I look up shocked, seeing Riko running in the same direction dad and Hagoromo Gitsune had gone...unaware of the danger. I immediately stand up and run after him, screaming <<no Rikuo! don't go there! Please don't leave too!>> but no matter how much I ran...I couldn't reach him, and he too disappeared into the darkness like dad.

I continue to run, trying to see through the tears <<no! don't leave me alone!>> and a cold despair grabs my heart <<Grandpa! Mum! Rikuo! Someone help me! Okita! Mana! Chizuru! Shiro! Please...someone!>> and then the darkness disappears.

I look around surprised, seeing a familiar garden. it's one of the backyard garden of an old Shinsengumi headquarters in Kyoto. Ava is sitting on the engawa, and she's humming amused <<you didn't even notice that I was contaminating your friends with my blood>> and she looks at me <<silly girl, no matter how much you scream, you're alone...because you can't protect anyone. No one will come to help you, and you already know it. You don't deserve it, because you're not strong enough>> I tremble and shake my head <<you're...you're lying! I'm not alone!>> but she smirks...in the same cold and cynical way as Hagoromo Gitsune <<really? Then...why hasn't anyone come to help you yet? Could it be...that you are the one who is lying right now? You can't save anyone...and because of that you are alone. You can't do anything...only watch as everything is taken away from you by people much more strong and determined than you>>and she chuckles.

I shake my head and step back, but then someone hugs me from behind. I freeze, feeling only more frightened thanks to that cold and unpleasant hug <<so...you are their granddaughter? You look just like your grandmother>> and a shiver run down my spine. I whisper <<Hagoromo Gitsune...what are you...?!>> but her white finger touches my cheek <<do you really think you can defeat my hate little one? You think...you can kill me? No...you will only be able to watch>> and she covers my eyes with her hands <<so watch!>> and images appear before my eyes.

I scream, realizing immediately what I was watching. Four corpses...with wide and empty eyes. Dad...Rikuo...mum...grandpa. They're gone, because of me...because I wasn't able to protect them!

I try to look away, feeling a burning pain take control of my mind. It was something so...so impossible to bear that I just wanted to die myself, but I was unable to look away or move...and every second that passed made more corpses appear.

Time continued to pass...and I continued to look, seeing only more people I know dead in front of me. Mana, Shiro, Chizuru, Zen and the rest of the clan...but also the Shinsengumi appeared.

Everyone...I let down everyone I love. I didn't protect them...because...because I'm weak.

Two empty eyes find my gaze...two empty jade green eyes, and I stop breathing, refusing to accept it. My mind just shuts down and succumbs to that hell...and I fall to my knees. The tears almost covers that horrible torture, preventing me to see...but then something appears in my hand. I raise it, seeing a knife...and with tremble hands I point it toward my neck. The blade cuts my skin like butter...and then nothing.

...

I suddenly open my eyes wide, hearing my heart beats really fast in my chest...like a drum. My breath is fast, my eyes are full of tears and my body is trembling a lot. I blink a couple of times, trying to see through the tears...and I realize that I was looking at an unknown ceiling. Where am I? Was it...was it a dream?

I move my arms, feeling a soft and warm blanket against my skin, and I also realize that I'm lying in a futon. A sudden pain in my arm makes me stop, so I waited a moment and then I try again, sitting up slowly. I look at myself, seeing that I'm wearing a white yukata, and my body is covered by bandages stuck to my skin due to of the cold sweat that covers me.

I frown puzzled, but then everything comes back to my mind. Ava, my fight with her, Kaoru's trap, Okita controlled and...the last thing I remember, sounds of gunshots.

I gasp shocked, remembering also what I saw in my nightmare a moment ago. A strong fear grips me, and before I knew it I was already on my feet. My wounds immediately hurt a lot, but I ignored it and start to walk because the terror I feel is so strong that it prevents me from stopping. I run outside the room, and start looking for someone without stopping.

The corridors are elegant but bare...but there was no one around, so I keep running and searching inside every rooms I find on my way...but they were always empty. The fear growls more, making my heart beats faster and forcing me to breath more quickly. In less than a minute I feel light-headed, but I manage to reach the end of the corridor...where there is a double paper closed door. I immediately open it, but what I see inside makes me gasp surprised.

I enter inside the big hall...recognizing it immediately. This place...whole centuries have passed, but it still looks the same. This is where grandpa fought against Hagoromo Gitsune...I'm inside Osaka castle!

I slowly walk around, and stop in the middle of the hall. I stop trembling, and my breath returned normal...and I look up at the ceiling, knowing that this is where Hagoromo Gitsune tried to escape. This is where grandpa followed her on the roof and defeated her with Hidemoto Keikan. Be here in the same spot...it's so strange.

I put a hand on my chest, feeling uncomfortable...but then a voice behind me makes me jump <<I lose sight of you for a second and you run away like that. But...I knew I'd find you here>> I turn around, recognizing his voice <<Yuichi? you're here?>> and he nods. He crosses his arms <<how are you feeling? Your wounds haven't healed yet, but if you have the strength to get on your feet and run around like crazy I assume you're feeling much better>> and he half smiles.

I bit my lips, feeling my hands start to tremble again...and I lower my eyes. Even...even Yuichi was in my nightmare, he was one of the dead people I saw. Does that means...that the others are okay too? I really hope so.

Yuichi takes a step toward me <<little Nura?>> I widen my eyes, realizing that he asked me a question <<oh, I think...I'm feeling better>> and I grimace, hearing my voice trembling a little. I look at him, praying that his answer won't be bad <<what happened? The last thing I remember is the sound of gunshots after Ava and Kaoru...where are Okita and Chizuru? Are they okay? And the rest of the Shinsengumi?>> and I hold my breath...waiting for his answer. Yuichi frowns <<your friends are all alive, though I can't tell if the ones fighting in the front lines are unharmed. Your oni friend decided to stay with the Shinsengumi at the Fushimi magistrate's office, so she's not here but I assume she's alright. On the other hand, you were brought here to heal under Hijikata's orders...as well as your friend Okita, since he's injured almost as much as you are>> I widen my eyes, not believing my ears <<what?>> and I shake my head and start breathing fast again. How is possible that he's injured?! he's a rasetzu! And rasetzu are supposed to heal immediately! So why?!

Yuichi frowns more <<oi!>> and he grabs my shoulders <<calm down and slow your breathing or you'll get sick! I already told you that your friends are all alive, remember?! So calm down, because he's not going to die! Right now he's downstairs, and there are Kondo-san and Dr. Matsumoto with him...so he'll be fine. If you don't believe me then as soon as you calm down I'll take you to them, so you can see for yourself, okay? So now...try breathe normally>> and he looks into my eyes. I nod, and try to follow his instructions.

After five minutes I managed to calm down, and Yuichi nods satisfied <<good, now we can talk. Can you tell me now why did you run out of your room? I made sure that no one was on this floor so no one would bother you, but it looks like something happened to you. You're really pale and your covered in sweat...and you look like someone completely terrified by something> and he lets go of my shoulders.

I frown, already knowing that my appearance at the moment is a disaster...but I don't care <<I want to see Okita. If he's with Kondo-san I'm sure he's in good hands...but I want to see him. I beg you, take me to him!>> but Yuichi raises a hand <<like I said, I will take you to him soon...but first, don't you want to know why I'm here? Or why I'm helping you? You are a good kid, but this doesn't change anything...I'm an onmyoji and you are a gray existence. We are enemies, as you should already know>> but I shake my head, screaming <<right now I don't care about that or about anything else! I just want to see Okita and Kondo-san! So please...I'll think about everything else after I see them!>> and I glare at him. I know that he must have helped me for a reason...and it's true that he's the leader of the Keikan family and I'm Nurarihyon's granddaughter, but right now...I just want to see them. To see with my own eyes that they are still alive!

Yuichi didn't move, so I add <<I need to see him with my own eyes! I need to see...what my weakness has caused, so please! I bet he was hurt after I passed out...probably by Ava>> and I take a big breath <<we'll talk all you want later, but first take me to him and Kondo-san!>> and I step forward, ready to push him away and run downstairs without him.

Yuichi then sighs and nods <<stubborn as always. Okay, you win. If it will help you to pull yourself together, then at least later it will be easier to have a conversation. But first you need to change your yukata. Your drenched in sweat, and if you walk around like that you'll only end up with a fever>> and he points at me <<I will ask Rin, one of my subordinates, to help you change...and in the meantime eat and drink something. You've been sleeping for more than a week now...and after all this effort to get you back on your feet, if you get sick only because you don't want to take care of yourself I'm going to be angry!>> and he takes an ofuda out of his sleeve. He throws it in the air, and it turns into a little sparrow.

Yuichi raises his hand toward it, and the shikigami lands on the back of his hand. Yuichi looks at it with a calm expression <<go call Rin, and tell her that Riko is awake. And since it's lunchtime, tell her to bring something to eat for her too>> the shikigami nods and flies away.

I look down, feeling a little guilty because I yelled at him...after all, he's still helping me <<Yuichi...>> but he interrupts me <<I won't accept any more complains. If you don't do at least what I just said then I will block you to your futon with my ofuda. Like this you will be forced to rest, and you will see Okita and Kondo-san another day>> but I immediately shake my head <<no! I just wanted to thank you. I'm sorry about before, but I'm really...I can't think clearly right now. You wanted to know why I ran here, right? it's because...I had a nightmare. I don't want to talk about it, but what I saw really scared me>> and I bit my lips. Yuichi shakes his head <<I had already guessed that this was why you ran here, and...it's okay if you don't want to talk about it. Also...don't apologize, because that nightmare was not something natural. It's my fault you dreamed it...more or less>> and I widen my eyes shocked. I take a step back, but Yuichi pretends not to see it and continues to talk <<you already know what happened here. This is where your grandfather fought that fox, Hagoromo Gitsune, and this is where she was defeated by him and my ancestor, Hidemoto Keikan, so...>> but I interrupt him <<I already know this story, so get to the point>> and I press my lips into a thin line.

Yuichi nods <<the point is that...it doesn't matter if that battle happened centuries ago, because the fear generated by it was so much than even now it's still here. it's not much, so is not dangerous, but the walls of this floor are soaked with it. I brought you here because I predicted that this fear would help you heal faster, since you are a direct descendant of Nurarihyon...and I was right. Your wounds are much better, and you are already on your feet even after you have been pierced from side to side. However, you're so weakened that you are unable to fully withstand its power...and this most likely showed you what you fear most in your dreams>> I gasp, pressing my hands on my chest shocked. This is why I saw that?! What I...what I fear most...

In that moment a little girl enters in the hall, with a tray of onigiri in her hand. she's tiny, and seems to be more or less five years old. She has black hair and eyes, and she's dressed like a miko. She runs toward Yuichi with a happy smile <<i'm here Yuichi-sama>> but then she notices me and hides behind his leg. I smile a little, thinking she's cute <<let me guess, you're Rin>> and Yuichi nods <<sorry, she gets shy sometimes. But the adults are busy because of this stupid war. We have to be careful and make sure that no one try to damage the pillars, so as long as you stay here Rin will be the one helping you. Like this she will stay away from the fights>> and he caress her head <<she's too small to use shikigami, and I can't stay here much longer...and if she comes with me her life will be in danger>> and he gently pushes Rin in front of him.

I nod, and try to smile more <<okay. I'm Riko, nice to meet you Rin>> but she trebles a little <<are you...a demon?>> I stop smiling and look at Yuichi, not knowing if it's okay to tell her, but he nods. So I look again at Rin and answer <<in part, but don' be afraid. I'm not going to hurt you, I'm a good gray existence>> and she nods, less scared. Yuichi coughs a little <<Rin, I want you to help Riko change her yukata, she needs a new one. Also make sure she eats and drink something, okay? I'll be waiting downstairs>> and he goes away grabbing an onigiri from her tray.

Rin nods, and raises toward me the tray with the onigiri...offering them to me. I grab one and start to eat it, but Rin grabs my sleeve and gently starts to pull me. I follow her, and together we return in the room where I had woken up.

Rin immediately opens the wardrobe and takes a new white yukata for me...and in the meantime I drink some water. Rin waited for me to finish, and asks <<are you really a gray existence? The elders always told me that ayakashi are terrifying, but you...you're different from the monsters described in the books at the temple>> I sigh amused...she's really cute.

I begin to take off the belt that holds the yukata closed <<not all demons look terrifying, but...I'm a special case. I can transform into a monster only when night falls, and during the day I'm a normal human, just like you>> and I try to take off the yukata, but a burning pain stops me. Rin immediately helps me <<you need to be careful, or your wounds will reopen>> and after that she gives me a wet cloth. I use it to wipe off the sweat from my skin...and I noticed that I'm really a disaster. My whole abdomen is bandaged, just like my left arm...and on the rest of my body I am covered in bruises and scratches. My face is no better, because I have a split lip and a long cut on my forehead...above my eyebrow.

With Rin's help I wear the new yukata, so she also eats an onigiri and I stand up <<okay, now please...can you take me downstairs? I need to see someone>> and she nods <<yes, but if you feel too much pain tell me>> I nod, promising it...so then she grabs again my sleeve and guides me out of the room.

We reach the stairs and start to go down, but then...we notice that someone was waiting for us at the bottom. I stop surprised and Kondo-san smiles happy <<Nura-san! Yuichi-san told me that you had woken up, but seeing you in person is a real relief>> and he also smiles at Rin.

I hold my breath, noticing that his arm is still supported by a white piece of cloth tied behind his neck. His shoulder hasn't healed yet, but...he's smiling like always. I run down the stairs, stopping in front of him...but I was unable to speak because of the surprise. He waits patiently and continues to smile...and in the end I manage to find my voice again <<Kondo-san...you look...you look better>> and I put a hand on the wall...supporting myself as my legs threatened to give out from relief. He chuckles a little, and looks at his shoulder <<I'm not really healed yet, but I'm sorry for making everyone worry so much. I heard how you and Yukimura-kun ran to get medicines for me when I was shot. Thank you>> but I shake my head <<don't thank me, it was the least I could do, and I did it for Okita too...and after what happened to him during our fight against Ava I...I don't deserve your thanks>> and I look down...feeling my eyes fill with tears.

Kondo-san puts a hand on my shoulder <<it wasn't your fault. I don't know if Yuichi-san has already told you what happened after you passed out that night, but Souji protected you and Yukimura-kun...his friends. it's not something you need to feel guilty about, trust me. After all, no one knew that silver bullets prevent rasetzu from regenerate, but...I'm sure that even if he had known, Souji would have protected you two anyway>> I frown, feeling worse <<but...but...!>> Kondo-san frowns and interrupts me <<no but, Nura-san. Yeah...it's true that Souji ended up hurt, but be proud of him, because he did the right thing and he's still alive. There is no reason to despair, and you already know that, because you too were hurt because you protected your friends...and I am grateful for that. You are really a good person, and you're important to Souji...so I'm really happy that you two fought with everything you had and came back alive. You both are still breathing, and this is what matters...so be proud of your injuries, because they are the proof that you protected what's important to you...and so did Souji>> and he smiles <<right now Souji is resting...but would you like to see him? he's woken up several times in the last few days, and every time he asked how you were doing, so I'm sure having you by his side will make him feel better>> and he takes his hand back.

I wipe away my tears, feeling like I'm going to lose my composure again. I try to think about what he just said, but the only thing I manage to focus on is <<silver bullets? For fuck sake...I can't believe it>> and I take a really long breath <<then...the last thing I heard was when he was shot. Oh god...I can't...>> and I fall, finding myself sitting on one of the steps of the stairs. I take my head in my hands <<if only...if only I had been stronger I would have noticed what Ava was doing, and this whole mess would never have happened. I would have stopped her before that night and now he wouldn't be...!>> but Kondo-san stops me with a more serious voice <<no Nura-san, don't think like that. I can imagine how you feel, but this isn't right. You guys fought an ancient demon, and you did your best. Nothing that has happened is your fault, and like I said before...you, Souji and Yukimura-kun are still alive...and that's all that matters>> but I cover my mouth with a hand, trying not to sob. I can't just accept that Okita got shot because of this...not after that nightmare. I want to become stronger and prevent something like this from happening again, because the way I am now...it's not enough!

Rin calls my name, and pulls gently my sleeve <<Riko? Yuichi-sama told me what happened to you and your friend while you were asleep. I was the one who looked after you when you had a fever. I changed the wet cloth on your forehead a lot of times, and one night Yuichi-sama also stayed there and looked after you with Dr Matsumoto. They both told me that your friends are alive thanks to you, so don't cry please. Also Yuichi-sama wants to stop that horrible woman who hurt you, so you are safe now. This is why I think you should go to your friend now...because you need it, and also because he was really brave. He protected you like a hero, and I'm sure he would like to see you when he wakes up>> and when I look at her she smiles.

I look up and Kondo-san nods <<Rin-chan is right, so...come on, let's go to Souji>> and I nod, standing up. He pats my shoulder, and we start walking toward one of the rooms down the hallway.

When we arrive in front of one of the door Kondo-san opens it. I blink surprised, seeing that there are also Dr Matsumoto and Yuichi inside it. Rin immediately runs toward Yuichi, making him stands up...and only then I see him. Okita is sleeping in a futon on the other side of the room.

Dr Matsumoto widens his eyes and stands up <<Nura-san! You shouldn't be standing! you'll reopen your wounds!>> but I ignore everyone and run next to Okita, kneeling beside his futon. I look at him closely...noticing that his skin is paler than usual, and his face is thinner and marked by the pain that he is surely feeling because of his wounds. His breathing, however, is regular, and his chest rises and falls normally...confirming to me that he is here...alive.

Without thinking I raise a hand, with the intention of touching his face...but before my fingers touch his cheek I stop worried. I don't look away from his face, but I ask Yuichi <<what Ava did to him...I mean, controlling him with her blood...is still hurting him? Have I failed to help him with that too?>> but Yuichi answers with a serious and professional voice <<no, Hijikata asked me to look after you two also because of that, but...when you gave him your blood you completely erased Ava's fear from his body. You had a very good idea, and thanks to your quick thinking Okita is free from her control>> and I sigh really relieved. Yuichi also adds <<and to prevent something like this from happening again, I personally checked the castle's water supply. I also gave Hijikata a lot of ofuda to use on their rasetzu and their water supply. Ava won't be able to control Okita or the other rasetzu in the Shinsengumi anymore>> and Kondo-san thanks him.

I nod, thanking him with a silent gesture...because I'm grateful for his help, but I'm not blind. Okita is safe from Ava's control, but he's still suffering because of his injuries...and bullet wounds are very painful. I close my hand...remembering when Shiranui shot me. Furthermore, Okita drank the Ochimizu because he wanted to fight again...and rasetzu are supposed to heal immediately. This is so unfair! Now...I don't know if drinking that thing was worth it anymore!

I know that he saved us from Mikio and Kaoru, and also that he had tuberculosis, but still...this doesn't mean that it's okay to watch him getting hurt every time! Even this time I was unable to protect the people important to me and Okita got hurt!

I'm grateful to him of course, because he protected me and Chizuru from bullets, but...I can't accept it. If he hadn't done it then maybe Chizuru would have suffered exactly as Kaoru wanted, or we could also have died, but...also this is not right!

I can't let Chizuru die...and I also can't accept to die, because of Rikuo and the others who trusted me and allowed me to stay here, but still...I wish Okita hadn't done that. I wish our places had been switched, so that now I would be the one suffering instead of him...because seeing him in this state is heartbreaking. Maybe Yuichi was right...that nightmare was really my worst fear after all.

I hear Dr Matsumoto coming closer <<Nura-san, you must immediately lie down in your room and rest. Have you eaten anything yet? It would also be a good idea to check your bandages now that you're awake>> but Kondo-san stops him with a friendly but insistent voice <<I'm sure Nura-san is fine, what she needs now is some peace to reorganize her thoughts. In the meantime Dr Matsumoto-sensei, why don't you check my bandages?>> and I hear them leaving the bedroom.

Yuichi comes closer, and stops behind me <<stay here as long as you want, but when you are tired go back upstairs. You can continue to use the room where you woke up earlier until you are healed, and If you need anything ask Rin>> I nod, and he continues to speak <<upstairs it's just you and Rin, so feel free to do whatever you want even in your night form up there, because thanks to this there will be no danger of anyone seeing you in your demoniac form. And later, when you're ready...i'd like you to tell me about Ava, okay? It will be your way of repaying me for my help. With the information you give me, my men and I will be able to start hunting her down>> and he sighs tired <<a dhampir on the loose is far too dangerous, and I can't ignore it>> and he also goes out with Rin, closing the door behind them...leaving me alone with Okita.

I look at him in silence, but then my nightmare haunts my mind once again, and in no time the tears start falling from my eyes again. I press my lips into a thin line without even try to wipe them away, knowing that I wouldn't be able to stop, but then he groans and his face twist from the agonizing pain he must have been experiencing. His hands grips the blankets tightly, and he grits his teeth...so I instinctively take his hand and caress his head, hoping to help him somehow. I lean forward worried, to get a better look at his face...but then one of my tear falls on his cheek and he opens his eyes.

I gasp surprised, and look at his sleepy green eyes...so different from the empty and lifeless ones in my nightmare. He blinks sleepily, and after a moment he looks at me <<Riko...>> I force myself to smile <<hi>> and I continue to caress his head...so relieved to hear his voice again <<how are you feeling?>> and I move away, stopping stroking his head but continuing to hold his hand.

He frowns <<shouldn't I be asking you that? Why are you crying this time? Are you angry because I attacked you?>> I immediately shake my head <<no, never! It was that bitch's fault...not yours! And...it was my fault too, you did nothing wrong. If...if only I had been stronger I would have noticed what she was doing, and we wouldn't be here now. I'm so sorry>> and I look away, ashamed of my weakness. My tears don't stop, but Okita squeezes my hand...even though his grip is weak <<you're always the same...you and your urge to blame yourself even when it's not your fault is getting old, you know?>> but I shake my head, losing my composure <<no! It was all my fault and I know it! I'm never strong enough...and that's why you and Chizuru risked your lives!>> and I start crying loudly, letting go of his hand.

Okita widens his eyes <<Riko, this is not...>> but I interrupt him, covering my face with my hands <<it's all my fault! You always get hurt because of me! and no matter how hard I try...someone dear to me always get hurt. I...I was so scared that you and Chizuru could die. Please...please don't leave me alone! I don't want to be alone like in that nightmare! I can't stand it...and when I woke up Yuichi told me that you were hurt too and I'm losing my mind! I...I can't...>> I continue to cry, unable to keep talking. But suddenly Okita grabs my uninjured arm with his weak grip, and with a surprising force he pulls me down, making me fall next to him. I gasp, and without realizing it I find myself sobbing against his shoulder as he clumsily holds me with an arm...caressing my back.

I hear him groan for the pain, so I immediately try to move away...but he squeezes me tighter, preventing me from doing that. I try again, but he didn't let go and I end up with my face resting against his neck <<so you're crying because of a nightmare? Riko...you're really a strange kiddo. I'm alive, aren't I? And Chizuru-chan is fine too. So stop talking nonsense now, because you don't need to cry like that about it, got it?>> I try to answer, but I'm still sobbing <<but...but...!>> he interrupts me <<no buts, you know as well as I do that what you just said is stupid. And if this nightmare is haunting you so much, then...calm down and tell me about it, so I can prove to you that it's not real, and also that you're crying over something silly. Stupid>> and he continues to hold me close.

I squeeze my eyes shut, feeling so broken...and I continue to cry for long minutes. Eventually I manage to calm down and stop crying, and Okita says with a playful voice <<you are such a child Riko>> and he chuckles softly. I sigh tired, and hide my face against him <<oh...just shut up>> but I smile a little. I'm so glad...that he's here.

He chuckles again, but I grip his kimono feeling insecure <<Okita?>> he answers immediately <<mmh?>> I open my eyes <<can I...can I tell you about my nightmare? Or will I just look more pathetic?>> and I wait his answer holding my breath.

He sighs <<if you even have to ask then that nightmare really messed you up. Now, be a good girl and tell me about it. Or you need to cry more?>> I shake my head, feeling safe for the first time since I woke up.

I start talking, almost whispering <<Yuichi told me...that it was this place that caused my nightmare, because of what happened here centuries ago. The fear that is still soaking the walls upstairs helped me heal...but it also showed me that nightmare, because I'm weakened by my wounds and I'm unable to fully withstand its power. This is why I'm so shaken up, and I'm terrified it's going to happen again...since I'm still injured>> but Okita snaps his tongue irritated <<so that's why he isolated you upstairs...not even allowing Kondo-san to come up and see how you were doing. That bastard>> and he sighs annoyed.

I feel a little happy hearing him so angry, but I try to ignore that <<it doesn't matter anymore. Still...I'm terrified to see that horrible sight again in my dreams>> and I press more my face against him <<I saw my deepest fears...and I was unable to stop what was happening. I was helpless, and I could only stand by and watch...it was a torture>> and a shiver run down my spine.

After a long moment he asks <<did you see Hagoromo Gitsune?>> I nod <<I was a little girl...and she killed my father again. I tried to warn him, but she took him away again...and this time she...she took also Rikuo. I screamed as loud as I could, but the darkness was too dense and I was so afraid...so I ran, and then I met Ava>> and I feel him stiffens a little. I grip more his kimono, and continue to talk <<she said that I'm alone because I'm not strong enough. She also rubbed in my face the fact that I didn't noticed what she was doing...and also that I can't save anyone. I can't...I mean, she said I can't do anything...only watch as everything is taken away from me by people more strong and determined than me. I screamed at her, but then Hagoromo Gitsune...>> I stop, and start trembling. Okita stops stroking my back and puts his arm around my shoulders...hugging me more <<you want to stop?>> but I shake my head...knowing that I need to finish or I wouldn't be able to accept that it was only a nightmare <<Hagoromo Gitsune tortured me. She showed me visions...horrible visions. All the people I care about...I saw their corpses. Rikuo, mum, grandpa, Mana, Shiro...all the clan Nura and...also the Shinsengumi>> and I take a long breath...feeling also my voice trembling <<I saw you, Kondo-san, Chizuru, Harada and the others dead...it was so horrible! After that I killed myself with a knife, and then I woke up...but I was alone and...and I thought that...>> I stop, unable to continue, but Okita doesn't say anything.

After a minute he takes a long breath <<you want to kill those two, right? Ava and Hagoromo Gitsune I mean>> I nod immediately, sure about my answer <<yes...I want to kill both with my hands. I want to protect all the people I care about from them, and I want revenge. You fought Ava with me, and she did not only hurt Kondo-san with her actions, but also you, Chizuru and the rest of the Shinsengumi. She needs to pay for that, and Hagoromo Gitsune...>> I sigh <<you saw my memories, so I don't really need to explain that. She not only took our father away from Rikuo and me, but also something else>> he immediately asks with curiosity <<what?>> and he waited. I bit the inside of my cheek, trying to explain <<do you remember what my dad said to Kubinashi? Before we went to see the yamabuki flowers>> he nods <<he wanted you and Rikuo to decide which life you wanted. Human or ayakashi. So what?>> I bit my lip <<after dad's death the situation got much worse. You see...the clan is still strong, but grandpa is really old...and without a new leader the clan is doomed to decline and disappear>> and I frown <<so the point now is not what we want, but that they need us. Grandpa is not evil or selfish, but he can't understand what we are feeling...because he's a full demon, so after dad's death he just... tried to convince me and Rikuo to choose the ayakashi life. Every day he asked us to follow his steps, like that day when Gagoze attacked us...but it's not so simple. Rikuo is still not ready, and I...I admire so much my grandpa, but after coming here I started to love also my human part>> and I take a big breath <<I already choose what I want to be, but I don't know if I'm ready. After all, if we choose to give up our ayakashi's blood and live like humans...the only ones who will suffer are the demons of the Nura clan...our family. I understand this, and this is why I have already chosen what road I will follow...but Rikuo, he still needs time. He's just starting to understand what will happened if we choose our humans part...but unlike me, he see himself as a human, this is why it's so hard for him>> an I sigh worried and tired.

Okita sighs tired <<don't tell me you regret being a gray existence now, have you already forgotten what I told you inside that demon art?>> I smile sad <<forgot what you told me? Never>> and I chuckle a little <<no, I don't regret being a gray existence, it's just that...sometimes I wonder if I would have made the same choice if dad was still alive. Now I know that Hagoromo Gitsune will not rest until the descendants of Nurarihyon pay for what happened in this castle. We will never be safe until she dies...so I must become strong and defeat her with Rikuo's help. But...sometimes I wonder what it's like to be a normal person...that's all>> but then he laughs.

I widen my eyes offended <<there is nothing to laugh about! I'm serious>> and he stops <<how can I not laugh when you say such weird things? Be a normal person? Just a moment ago you were crying like a normal child after a really bad dream, right? And like a good little girl you looked for someone to comfort you. that's all too normal, don't you think?>> and he chuckles.

I gasp shocked, because his words struck me in a strange and good way. I smile without realizing it, and I cuddle closer to him...feeling sleepy <<maybe...it's also a bit...ordinary>> and I close my eyes...falling asleep.

...

<<I don't care what you have to say, and I will repeat it a hundred more times if I have to, asshole>> I start to wake up, but then a voice make me jump <<Souji! Please calm down>> and I open my eyes. What's going on?

I look around, noticing that I'm still lying next to Okita...and he's looking at Yuichi with an angry glare. Kondo-san is also in the room, and it looks like he's trying to calm everyone down. Also Dr Matsumoto is here, in the corner of the room.

Dr Matsumoto looks at me, and sighs tired <<there, see? You woke her up>> and everyone looks at me. I frown, not understanding what's going on and sit up...but I immediately notice that Okita's hand is firmly holding my wrist. He continues to look at Yuichi with irritation <<if you hadn't come to disturb her, she wouldn't have woken up>> and in that moment I also noticed that Rin is here too. She is hiding behind Yuichi's leg.

I blink a couple of times, feeling my eyes a little puffy because I cried <<mh? what's going on?>> Kondo-san looks at me and sighs <<Yuichi-san and Dr Matsumoto would like to take you back to your room. It won't be long before sunset, and you need to rest more...so that your wounds can heal better. However...Souji says that you can't return in your room, because you wouldn't be able to rest anyway upstairs>> and I get it. Yuichi and Okita are fighting because of this.

I look toward Okita's hand...still wrapped around my wrist, and a warm feeling fills my chest. Yuichi snaps annoyed <<I don't care if you can't rest upstairs, you have to go! you're doing better now, and although you might still have nightmares...you'll be able to bear them better. I can't let the other soldiers in the castle see you in your night form, and the fear upstairs will help you get your strength back in any case. So...I don't want to hear any more complains! After all I'm supposed to kill you, because I'm an onmyoji! But I'm helping you, so do as I say Nura!>> but Okita tightens his grip on my wrist more.

I sigh, and look at Yuichi <<i'm grateful for your help...I really am, but is there no other solution? We can talk about this, because...what's the point of getting better physically if that fear is going to hurt me mentally?>> and Kondo-san frowns worried <<it was so bad?>> and I bit my lips...not wanting to recall my nightmare again <<it was...a torture. I don't want to see that again>> and I look down.

Dr Matsumoto sighs <<i can understand that, but it was only a dream, not the reality. You need to heal your body first, and after that you can heal your soul>> but I yell at him in frustration <<it wasn't only a dream! It was...it was...>> I stop and grit my teeth, trying to calm down.

Then Rin speaks with a shy voice <<Yuichi-sama? Can I suggest a solution?>> and we all look at her. Yuichi looks down at her and nods <<I'm listening>> and she smiles at him <<well...the upper floor is deserted because of the big hall where Nurarihyon fought Hagoromo Gitsune. So why don't we all go upstairs? There are plenty of vacant rooms, and like this if Riko has another nightmare her friends will be close>> and I immediately sighs relieved...knowing that this is a possible solution.

Yuichi think about it, but in the end nods <<it's a good idea, and like this Nura would have no reason to go down to the other floors. What do you think?>> and he looks at us. Kondo-san nods and smiles at Rin <<good idea Rin-chan. Souji, Nura-san, is that okay with you?>> I look at Okita...wondering what to do, but he was already looking at me...probably because he was waiting my answer. I sigh and nod <<it's always better than being up there without you guys>> and I look at Yuichi <<If there are no other solution...I agree>> and in the end also Okita nods. Dr Matsumoto nods <<good, then now come...you can go immediately to rest and in the meantime we'll carry everything upstairs>> and he gestures to me to follow him.

...

I groan annoyed, knowing that it's already night although there are no windows. I'm already in my night form, and Rin is sleeping with her head resting against my leg. We're waiting in the hall where grandpa fought that fox, and Yuichi ordered to Rin to stay with me in case I felt sick. She got scared when I transformed, but I promised that I'm still me...and after a while she calmed down. After all, she's supposed to stay with me until Yuichi and Dr Matsumoto have finished transporting Okita and everything necessary upstairs...and I don't want to scare her.

Yuichi then enters in the room, but a warm smile appears on his face when he saw Rin <<I hope she didn't bother you too much>> and he takes her in his arms. I shake my head, feeling something strange seeing him looking at her with so much affection. it's...almost familiar. I frown curious <<is she...?>> but he interrupts me <<I already know what you want to ask. No, she's not my cousin or a distant relative. she's...my little sister>> and I frown...knowing why the way he was looking at her was so familiar. I look at Rikuo like that too.

Yuichi continues to talk <<but officially we are only distant cousins, because I was adopted into the main house of the Keikan family>> and he looks at me. I press my lips together <<then why? Why do you pretend she's your cousin if you know the truth? She admires you, but you give her orders like she's just your servant>> and I look at Rin, feeling sorry for her.

Yuichi frowns <<it's because of the fox's curse. If I treat her like my little sister in front of everyone...it would be like adopting her into the main house, but that would mean condemning her to an early death. Only the elders and my parents know we're siblings...and thanks to this I can protect her. She doesn't know she's my sister of course, or she would just suffer needlessly. So please don't tell anyone>> I nod immediately <<I promise>> and I make a sad smile. Yuichi nods <<thank you, now...I'm going to put her to bed. If you want you can go to your friends...Kondo-san and Okita are in the rooms in front of yours. I'll join you in a moment>> and he goes away with Rin.

I sigh, Yuichi in the end is really a good guy. If our situation had been different...we could have been friends for real. In the end we have a lot in common, and if we hadn't been an onmyoji and a gray existence we could have gotten along much more easily. I get up and walk away...toward my room.

I walk slowly, still feeling a lot of pain because of my wounds...but then I stop near my room, noticing that Kondo-san was waiting for me <<oh Nura-san, there you are>> I nod <<were you waiting for me? Okita is alright?>> he nods <<yes, I just wanted to apologize. I didn't realize that this place is hurting you so much, and there's nothing more I can do to help you. Now I understand why Souji was so determined to stop Yuichi-san and Dr. Matsumoto>> I half smile <<you don't need to apologize, and Okita was only trying to help me. I'm just grateful knowing that I won't be here alone...so it's okay. it's just strange to be here in the flesh...knowing that inside this castle grandpa fought that fox is...well, it's weird>> and he nods, looking around <<I've been here before, but after seeing how your grandfather fought Hagoromo Gitsune...well, it doesn't seem like the same place anymore>> and he looks at me <<Yuichi-san told me that you guys need to talk about that woman...Ava, right?>> I frown, not wanting to talk about her <<he's putting Rin to bed, he'll be here soon>> and Kondo-san nods <<I understand, so why don't we sit with Souji while we wait?>> and he open the bedroom door.

We enter inside, and I see Okita still in the futon...since he can't walk around because of his wounds. I bit my lip upset...knowing that he's forced to rest and can't do anything else. It must be very frustrating...but at least Kondo-san is here with him.

I sit next to his futon, and Kondo-san followed me...but Okita looks at me and asks <<so...you never came here? Not even in your time?>> I chuckle, knowing that he heard my conversation with Kondo-san <<no, I never left the Kanto region when I was little. After all, the Nura clan's territory is Tokyo and its surroundings, and this place is not really safe for me or Rikuo>> Kondo-san frowns puzzled <<Tokyo?>> I smile amused <<oh right, I only told Okita this...but Tokyo is just Edo's new name>> and I return serious, feeling nostalgic <<when dad was alive...it was different, he was often busy because he was protecting our territory, but he was always ready to go somewhere with us during the day. It was fun...but then everything changed. Grandpa did his best, and with mum and the others he raised me and Rikuo...but he made sure that we were always followed by bodyguards. Thank god that Mana and Shiro are nice, but...me and Rikuo never left Ukiyoe city since then, because we didn't want to worry anyone>> and I sigh.

Kondo-san nods <<I guess Nurarihyon was just worried about you, but I would like to meet him someday>> and he smiles <<it would be exciting to know to have in front of you the famous Nurarihyon. Also we saw how he bravely saved his wife in this castle, and you Nura-san always speak so highly of him that I would like to meet him in person. He is a man to admire!>> and I chuckle happy and amused.

Also Okita smiles amused looking at us, but then Yuichi enters in the room. He closed the door behind him <<sorry for the delay, it seems that Nura is not the only one to have some nightmares>> I frown worried <<Rin? Is she okay?>> he nods <<we onmyoji see things that would traumatize anyone, so...it's sad but it's normal for our children to have sleepless nights because of it. But it's just another way to get strong and be ready to face even the worst monsters out there>> and he sits down. We all frown, knowing he's right. After all, there are many evil yokai and Rin is also an onmyoji.

Yuichi sighs and changes the subject <<as I've already told everyone, I have agreed to help you in exchange for information...and since you two were badly injured I was unable to speak with that oni girl called Yukimura because she's not here. So...now I want you to tell me everything that happened with that dhampir>> and he looks toward me and Okita. I nod and look at Okita, and then we start to tell him everything.

When we finish telling what happened Kondo-san frowns worried and looks down <<cutting off her head didn't work either? I'm sure that you are telling the true, but it's hard to imagine it>> but Yuichi snaps his tongue <<I, on the other hand, have no trouble imagining it, though I admit it's surprising>> and he crosses his arms <<but the thing that worries me are these new rasetzu and her connection with Kodo Yukimura. If they continue their experiments with the Ochimizu...they could definitely create monsters much worse than what they've done so far. We must stop them or it will be a disaster>> and he sighs worried.

I press my lips into a thin line and nod, agreeing with him <<you're right, but the main problem is still Ava. If she wasn't around, then Kaoru and Kodo would be the only ones who know how to prepare that damn thing among our enemies...and they're not as strong as she is>> and Okita nods, looking at Yuichi <<so...how do you kill a dhampir?>> and we all look at Yuichi...waiting for his answer.

Yuichi frowns <<it's not so simple. It the western countries, humans had killed vampires using weapons blessed by their god, along with other things from their churches. It's not that it really matters which god blessed the weapons, because all blessed weapons are very powerful...but since the vampires are from Europe...>> I nod understanding what he was trying to say <<european weapons are more effective against them. Well, shit>> and I sigh frustrated.

Kondo-san asks <<and we can't make one of these weapons?>>but Yuichi immediately shakes his head <<the problematic part is not forge them, but the blessing. After all we have a different religion, and right now there is a war that makes foreign trade very difficult...so we can't do much about it>> and he snaps his tongue.

Kondo-san frowns, understanding the problem <<then...what can we do?>> but Okita asks <<couldn't we use something made by you onmyoji? After all Ava is not really a vampire, but a dhampir...so that might still work>> he smirks <<otherwise it will still be fun to tear her apart>> and I widen my eyes surprised, realizing that he might be right <<holy shit...you're right! Ava is not a full vampire, so maybe the japanese blessed weapons can work too!>> and also Kondo-san nods happy. Yuichi however sighs and shakes his head <<onmyoji weapons might work, but they certainly don't pop out of the ground like mushrooms. They are very rare, and only the best onmyoji know how to make them>> and he sighs tired <<even if I had one...I certainly couldn't give it to you, or the other Keikan would chase you all over Japan in an attempt to retrieve something so precious to us>> and he presses his lips into a thin line with a really serious face.

I frown <<so that means that you don't have one. Then there is no one who could make one of those weapons?>> but Yuichi shakes his head <<sorry, but the last onmyoji who forged one has been dead for centuries, and none of us have the knowledge or the spiritual power to do it...not even me>> and he looks at Okita <<it was a good idea, but I'm afraid it can't work...also because the few onmyoji weapons that do exist are all missing. We will have to find another solution>> but then Dr Matsumoto enters in the room. He looks at us irritated <<I know you are talking about something important, but three of you are still injured>> and he points toward me, Okita and Kondo-san <<you need to rest, and only after you have recovered more you can talk as much as you like>> and he frowns at Yuichi...probably because he's the one who wanted to talk about Ava as soon as possible.

Yuichi raises his hand <<all right, sorry but it was really important>> and he stands up <<i have to go back to the other onmyoji and monitor the situation where the pillars are. If anyone has any ideas on how to kill that woman...feel free to write me a letter. I'll try to answer as soon as possible>> and he goes away.