- Chapter Seven -
"I've tried."

Trigger Warning: Suicide attempt / Mentions of Suicide

"Hush little baby, don't you cry." Elladora sang to herself in a whisper, shaking as she looked down to the ground from the astronomy tower. "Grandmas going to be there when you die." She continued. "Whether it's when your big or small, just one move will end it all."

This was a lullaby that her grandmother used to sing to her before she died, Elladora was only five-years-old back then but the song had remained in her head all her life. Grandma Alicia knew, she knew that one day, it would come down to this. She knew that her son had chosen the wrong path in life and she knew that he would force his child to do the same.

Only five years ago, her first year at Hogwarts, did she realise the meaning.

"Hush little, ba-by." She choked, putting a foot on one of the fences that stopped people from topping of the edge. "Don't you, c-c-ry." Her hands grasped the pillar next to her so she didn't fall sooner than preferred. Using her strength, she pushed her other foot off the ground and placed it next to her right on the banister.

"Grandmas going to be there when you d-ie." she looked up to the sky and saw a bright shining star that seemed to glitter more brightly than the others. Now, the only thing she knew in astronomy was the moon cycle, so stars weren't really her thing. "Whether you're big or whether you're small." The first tear of the night dripped down her face as the breeze blew her hair backwards.

"Just one move will end it all."

Her foot slightly came off of the banister, hovering in the air, if she let go of the pillar then it will all be over. She'd be dead and she wouldn't have to take the lives of anyone the Dark Lord deemed not worthy. If she didn't do this then horrible things would happen, it was either this or endanger the lives of everybody in the school because she didn't want to go home. How selfish. They would say. Her life can't be that bad. They would say. Just because she didn't want to go home for Easter, what a monster. They would say.

A leap of faith. Her grip on the pillar beside her loosened as more tears dropped down her face and she prepared to let go. Everything would be okay, her grandmother is up there, waiting. Waiting for her, they could be reunited once more if she just let go. One simple move of the hand and she'd be gone.

"Stop!"

A voice from behind her called, making her lose her balance, she nearly fell off if it wasn't for her arms also moving around the pillar, hugging it tightly whilst her foot that was in the air came back to the metal bar. "Go away!" She screamed, still facing the night sky. "Go away!"

"Just...just stop, please come down it's not worth it."

"It is worth it! I'm saving your stupid life." She cried, more and more hot tears going down her cheeks. It sounded like the figure behind her was coming closer so she turned her head to see who it was. Just as she suspected, the person was about 1 metre away from her now, holding out his hand carefully.

"Come on, trust me, it's not worth it."

"How can I trust you? I don't even know you." She croaked, loosening her grip around the pillar slightly as she stared at the boy, she only trusts one person and that's Rubeus Hagrid, she cannot possibly see any evil in him at all, she doesn't even trust her headmaster, he always has some sort of mischievous glint in his eyes. He always knows more than he's letting on.

"Uh, okay then." He replied shakily, obvious thinking hard about something. "My name is Remus John Lupin, I was born on the 10th of March 1960, I'm a half-blood, my wand is made out of cypress wood, unicorn hair and it's 10 and a quarter inches. And I'm a..." Remus hesitated for a moment, wondering whether he should tell her, then he made up his mind, if he could save her, then he would. "I'm a werewolf."

"I know." She sniffed. "Why else would you get sick every full moon? And why else would the others turn themselves into Animagi unless they needed to help you with your monthly transformations?"

"Oh- so, you know...about that, okay then." He stammered, but now is not the time to ask her about how she knows that. "So, now you know me. All you need to do, is take my hand."

"Why?"

"Because I don't want you to give up, there's so much left for you. So much, that you will accomplish, I promise."

"There's nothing left for me." She shook her head, some strands of her hair sticking to her forehead due to the nervous sweat.

"I disagree."

His hand was stretched out for her. Her brown eyes landed on it and for a moment she hated how it made her feel, like she needed someone to take care of her, like she needed to be treated like a toddler. Then she realised that she does need someone to take care of her, she's fragile and she's weak. Elladora Hargreaves is powerful, yes. But she is not one of those badass, funny Gryffindor girls that everybody loves so much. She is not Lily Evans, the redhead who constantly sticks up for Severus Snape even though he had done her wrong many times. She is not Marlene McKinnon, who can light up even the darkest of times with her jokes. She is not Dorcas Meadowes.

She is Elladora Hargreaves. The girl who did indeed take Remus Lupin's hand, reluctantly, may she add. He watched carefully as she let go of the pillar beside her and dropped her feet onto the ground, stumbling back into him. Remus carefully grasped her arms and pulled her back from the edge slowly.

Now, this next move was something that she would never have done if she hadn't just nearly died. She turned around and wrapped her arms around the boy, successfully taking him aback, but he slowly returned the embrace.

"Thank you." She whispered, pulling back and actually looking into his eyes, she wiped the tears from her own as Remus nodded. "I mean it, thank you."

"No problem." He replied, still holding onto her arms, he had no idea whether he should let go of her or not. This situation was completely new to him so he was thankful when Elladora took his arms and slowly lowered them, swallowing slightly.

"So, uh...what are you doing here?" She asked slowly, the least she could do was make conversation with the boy who had just saved her life. Most of these words felt odd on her tongue and odd coming out of her mouth, she had never once tried to hold a conversation with anybody. Let alone Remus Lupin.

"Well," he huffed, rubbing the back of his neck and sitting down on a small step. "I was just planning to come and look at the stars and the...the moon." He said, squeezing his eyes shut, the fact that he had told this girl his darkest secret scared him at first but now apparently she had known all along, how hard was it to guess?

It was silent for a moment until Elladora awkwardly made her over to sit next to the boy. Her hand raised up to the side of his face where a long scar travelled down to his chin. She had always been curious about it, then they researched werewolves in Defence Against the Dark Arts and she figured it out. Remus froze when her finger came in contact with the long mark, she would judge him for sure.

Elladora moved her finger lightly from the top of the scar to the bottom. "Who bit you?" She asked quietly, moving her hand away, now aware that he was actually a human being when she was so used to observing non-living things.

"Some guy named Greyback, I was only four." He admitted, nodding his head.

"Oh well, I'm...so-" she cut herself off. What was she doing? She had never been this open with anyone, this was her first conversation. Yes he had just saved her from dying but still, she wasn't used to this sort of interaction. Half of these words she didn't even know she knew, the word sorry had never come out of her mouth to anybody except her parents. "I have to go." She whispered slowly, rising from her place and not waiting for a reaction before she set off down the stairs of the astronomy tower.

Remus sat stunned at what had just occurred, he needed a moment to process everything. So a girl he had never talked to in his life, maybe once, had just held a full conversation with him and had known about his secret and the boys secrets for however long. He felt proud of himself though, he saved someone, Elladora could've died that night but she didn't, thanks to him. He was a hero, even if the Slytherin girl didn't see it, he did. He thought he was a hero, but of course he wasn't going to brag, what a horrible thing to do.

"Oi, Moony." Sirius Blacks voice echoed up the stairs, followed by three pairs of footsteps. His three best friends came up the stairs and sat next to him. "Why are you up here all one?"

"Oh, I jus...I was just thinking." He decided to say, despite being his best friends, he didn't need to know Elladora's business. When his head turned, he saw Peter anxiously staring at the stairs. "Wormtail, what's up?"

"Oh, he's just worried about his girlfwend." James teased, poking the small boy in the cheek. "We passed Hargreaves in the corridors," just her name made Remus freeze. "Crying her eyes out as she just swept right past us."

"In her defence, we were under the cloak and I doubt she would say 'hey boys, wanna talk for a while' if she saw us, would she?" Sirius mimicked a very girly voice, drawing chuckles from the two boys that had come up here with him, but only a small smile from Remus. "What's wrong, Moony? Don't tell us you made Hargreaves cry." The boy laughed, obviously joking.

The werewolf hesitated for a moment. "No, no, I haven't talked to her." He decided, making sure that his friends couldn't see through his lies. He felt horrible about lying to his friends but it had to be done. Elladora did not need pity, she didn't need her secrets being spilled to the whole school because one boy couldn't keep his mouth shut.

But she didn't mind that now, she didn't mind walking around the castle at night, not having a specific destination in mind as she turned a sharp corner, only to come face to face with the two boys she loathed the most.

"Hello, Elladora." Avery nodded, smirking maliciously as Mulciber stood by his side, wearing the same expression. Snape was nowhere to be seen, Elladora hoped that he had saved himself before he got in too deep.

"Go away." She walked past them, wiping her eyes free of the stinging hot tears. Their footsteps followed her as their loud maniacal laughter echoed in her ears. She wished Dumbledore could come round the corner and send them all back to bed, she wanted to get rid of these boys and she was going to, if Remus Lupin didn't convince her to stay. How could she be such a pushover? How could she let Lupin of all people convince her to not do what she wanted to do the most?

She was mad with herself, no, she was furious. No matter how much her parents tried to toughen her up, she would always be a weak, fragile little girl. Her brother was the only one who understood, they loved each other, they loved each other so much and Elladora promised she'd fight for him.

Then he died.

He passed away, just like that. But Elladora did not believe that, her father had been in the ward with Sebastian when he died and came out with an aura of satisfaction but a mocking frown on his face. Elladora made the stupid mistake of crying that day and she received a slap to the face.

"Hey! We're talking to you," Mulciber stepped in front of her, stopping her in her tracks.

"Yeah? Well, I'm done talking to you." She mumbled and tried to push past them but Avery grabbed her and forced her down to the ground so she was lying at their feet with bruises on her arms where the boy had grabbed her.

"Go throw yourself off of the astronomy tower." He spat and lodged his foot into her stomach. Seeing her curl over on the floor was enough for them to walk away with delighted smiles.

Elladora whimpered and pushed herself up towards the stone wall, leaning against it as she clutched her stomach. "I've tried," she whispered to herself. "I've tried."

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