- Chapter Ninety-Nine -
"But did you have to kill that man?

The last half hour felt like a whole week. Perhaps it was just the amount of nerves that she was sporting which made it feel long but maybe it was just that time of year or maybe it was because she had just broken her best friends heart. She was a wreck, head spinning; chest constricting; the mark on her arm burning ever so hotly to remind her of what was to come later that night. Dumbledore would be dead, the school would probably go up in ruins before McGonagall could even start to take her place as Headmistress and Elladora would've committed yet another sin.

She was sick and tired of all of it: she had distanced herself, hurt herself and hurt others. She had screamed and yelled and shouted, yet no one ever heard what she had to say. Part of her wanted to kill Dumbledore for all the things he had done, all the secrets he had kept. She wanted to watch as the light left his eyes and his life was hers to pay for Sebastian's demise.

Yet when she thought that, she was truly scared of what she had become. She tried to convince herself that she was good, she wasn't actually a Death Eater, she was saving people and eventually she would be let free of the hypothetical shackles that were locked around her ankles.

But she knew that wasn't the case, she was a bad person and that much was clear to her. The tip of her finger was holding on tight to her morals but all she wanted to do was make people pay. They don't necessarily have to be on the bad side of the war, just to have wronged her.

But what is the bad side? Who tells the difference between good and bad? The world is not divided into good and Death Eaters, she was neither side of the society, she was just floating in her own place back to where she started, lonely and sad. No friends anymore, no Remus, no family...just herself.

A hand grasping her arm jerked her back into reality and she was pulled out of the corridor and into the courtyard by a strong hand. The clouds were a dark, stormy grey and it was quite cold outside with drops of rain still falling down so whoever jerked her out of the corridor must've had a good reason otherwise she would be mad.

"Sirius?" She looked up to her friend, though he looked conflicted, confused as small patters of rain dropped down onto them. "Be more gentle next time please."

Her fingers consciously rubbed her left sleeve where her mark hid, seeing as his fingers had gripped around the scolding ink.

He didn't reply, just stood there before her, his chest heaving up and down with heavy breaths whilst she looked up at him, concerned. She dropped her hand from soothing her arm and reached out to rub his shoulder comfortingly but his hand shot out to grab her again, this time around her wrist to stop her hand from getting any closer.

Her eyes flew wide in shock as she looked over at his grey eyes that were now boring into her brown ones, his lip quivering slightly.

"Did you kill someone?"

Shit.

Her eyes became wider if possible and she froze, feeling the shivers of the cold weather blow against her and even though she was in full uniform, it didn't save her from the bitter taste of wind. She tried to steady her breathing and her heartbeat as quick as possible, almost like he could hear them as he stared down at her, his eyes showing an emotion of incredible disbelief.

When she gulped nervously without an answer, his hand let go of her wrist like it had given him an electric shock and he took a step back from her as she took a sharp inhale and exhaled shakily.

"You did, didn't you?" He asked as some first-years ran past them in order to get out of the upcoming storm of rain, they were all smiles and blissfully unaware of the kind of world they were living in.

Sirius' eyes trailed after them as they ran down the hallways, getting further and further away before he turned back to the girl in front of him.

"...It wasn't-" She started anxiously to say but he cut her off by breathing out and running a hand through his hair.

"For fucks sake." He said, looking at her disbelievingly and she could've burst into tears right there at the raw emotion that he was showing.

The rain started to come down harder.

"Listen to me, I didn't-" Her lips started to tremble as she tried to take a step towards him but he took the smallest one back, his lips parting in surprise of his actions as she stopped in her place, images of all Remus, James and Pete coming to mind.

He was the only one she had left and she supposed Remus or James had told him about what had gone on behind closed doors. Not only was she upset that he found out from someone other than her, she was upset that it was the boys who had told him; though she reckoned she deserved the betrayal.

"For fucks sake!" He exclaimed again, the emotion on his face beginning to break her heart more than it already was from her conversation with James that morning and the argument with Remus last night and Peter not even half an hour ago. "What the hell, Dora? You fucking killed someone?"

"I-" She choked out, the tears already starting to form but as they managed to slip down her cheeks, Sirius couldn't tell if they were tears or just the rain that was splattering her cheeks.

"Listen, I get that going home was hard for you but you- you weren't supposed to do this!" He raised his voice at her as the rain hit the ground harder, creating loud noise all around them as more and more students ran past seeking refuge inside.

But the two of them stayed in the pouring rain, both heads of hair beginning to dampen.

"No one is supposed to do this!" He continued, his own tears pooling as he looked at the shell of the girl he used to know. Her breath was getting caught in her throat as she tried to strangle back her cries from the way he was shouting at her. "No sane human is supposed to do this!"

They both fell silent at his sentence, staring at each other through the thick layer of gloom. No sane human is supposed to do this. She was insane, sick in the head, corrupted and confused. She was evil, a murderer, a psychopath. Insane. James was right, she was crazy.

The two were enveloped in a silence, the rain still smashing to the ground around them as they started to cry, not seen by the other. Their hair and uniforms were both drenched with water and damaged whilst Elladora finally managed to say something.

"Do you think I had a choice?" She asked him, her voice quiet but she was sure he could still hear her by the way he perked up at the sound of her voice.

"...No once could've forced you to do what you did." He replied after a moments hesitation. Through the thick mist of rain, he saw how she adjusted her position, jaw clenching and eyes flaring. "There's always a choice."

"Yeah well I'm not like you, Sirius!" She shouted, her voice strong no matter her emotion. "I don't get any choices, I don't get any privilege that all you boys get. Sorry let me rephrase, that you non-slytherin boys get. You can't even imagine my situation no matter how horrible your parents were. I know that you wouldn't have done it. A solution would've just come to you, right?"

A humourless laugh that sounded more like a scoff left her mouth.

"I'd at least try to find one." He said back to her, nodding his head. That was obviously the wrong thing to say considering she sobbed through a sarcastic laugh before she began shouting at him again.

"Yeah cause you're Sirius Black!" She shouted at him, watching as he tried to stand strong before her. "You're the lovable runaway...the family disappointment. Well guess what, we can't all be runaways and even though we're still family disappointments, that just means they want us to prove ourselves further. Unlike you, some of us have to make mistakes."

He didn't say anything, just stood there. The family disappointment comment hadn't even made him flinch, he just took it because he knew he wasn't part of that family anymore; he had a new family that included James, Euphemia, Fleamont...Remus and Lyall, Hope if she was still alive...Peter, Penny and Paul.

Elladora had no family apart from her own dysfunctional one. Dead brother, abusive parents with a mother who tries to justify her actions.

"Some of us..." She started again, voice breaking and she forced it back up stronger as she continued, staring him right in the eyes; grey meeting brown in a flurry of emotions. "Some of us have to get our hands a little bloody sometimes."

He still didn't say anything and just stood, letting her shout at him as he trembled under her harsh gaze. He never would've thought that they would ever get into a screaming match, especially one of this extent.

After Regulus had told him how she had killed that man over summer, he expected her to just cry and allow him to comfort her once she had explained. He didn't want this...it was as if something else had happened to light a fuse and Sirius was the one to receive the explosion. He hadn't seen any of his friends since waking up in the morning apart from Peter who went missing at some point, maybe they know what happened.

"Some of us are human!" She yelled at him, another sob betraying her as the heavy weight of raindrops slammed down onto her head. Her mind was repeating the same thing over and over again whether it be to remind her or to convince her, she didn't know.

It wasn't your fault, you didn't have a choice. It wasn't your fault, you didn't have a choice.

"But did you have to kill that man? Take him away from his family?" Sirius spoke into the tense silence, sniffling as the rain came down on him just as hard as it was doing on her.

Elladora stiffened the slightest bit, she thought he was taking about Macnair whose absence had some people confused...but he was talking about the muggle-born man with the ring on his finger, a bracelet on his wrist as he lay bloody on the floor and pleaded for his life. The one who had tormented her for days on end, been there when actually he wasn't.

"Sirius...it would've killed me." She pleaded for him to listen, talk about the Unbreakable Vow and take a step forwards but he took another one back. They were both trembling, both scared and both confused. "The world isn't split into good people and Death Eaters!"

"The way you killed him!" He started to reason, his voice shaking as he watched her shiver in the rain. "There's a point where the force stops and it's all you...it was all you, he was dead and you carried on!"

She furrowed her eyebrows at him, shaking her head confusedly before narrowing her eyes again. Stopping her shouting, her voice returned to normal whilst they stared at each other. "What are you even talking about? I didn't have a choice, Sirius!"

"Regulus said-" He started and stopped when another sob came out of her mouth, her confused features had turned into ones of disbelief as she stared at him.

He cast his mind back to just 10 minutes ago when his brother had found him in the hallway and told him about everything over summer; including the man who she had ruthlessly beaten. Regulus had looked hesitant, glancing around them but Sirius chalked it up to nerves of telling him about what she done; the details had been gory and he could barely bring himself to listen.

"You believe Regulus over me?" She asked and he stayed silent again, mind turning with her last question. "Look, I don't know what you were talking about the man already being dead but yeah I'll admit it...I killed him. I stared him right in the eyes, crying my own eyes out by the way, and I killed him with a simple spell. And then I saw him the next day, and the day after that and then in my nightmares the weeks after...I didn't have a choice and if I did I wouldn't have done it!"

Another round of silence as the rain continued to fall harshly to the floor, mocking them with it's meaning. Their cloaks were sopping wet, their hair drenched and their moods dampened but the argument continued to spark. And ironically, the rain only fuelled the fire.

"You don't even believe me, do you?" She asked him, shaking her head as tears rolled mercilessly down her cheeks. How could he not believe her? She supposed she didn't sound very convincing seeing as she didn't know whether she had convinced herself, but the word he implied to her was still settled heavily in her mind. Insane.

"I want to." He said, opening his mouth to say something through his own balling tears but she interrupted him. "But-"

"Then do it!" She cried out. "Believe me! It wasn't my fault, I didn't have a choice. Yes, I killed him but I didn't want to, I wanted to stay alive for you and for Remus and for James and for Peter! I'm sorry! Whatever Regulus said wasn't true, we're arguing right now and it was probably Avery and Mulciber forcing him to lie! I'm sorry."

As she begged and pleaded, she squeezed her eyes shut whilst she sobbed through her words, Sirius looked around them and avoided his eyes at all costs. When she looked up, he was shaking his head at her disappointedly and it made her feel more inferior than she had ever felt; the look of disappointment made her give up on her grovelling, he would never listen...especially when he walked away like he did then.

There she stood, watching his silhouette leaving the place where it once stood. She was alone. Insane.

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A/N; I didn't like this chapter, I felt it was rushed again and a tiny bit forced but I didn't wanna make it too long
next chapter is the final chapter and it may take a little bit longer to come out

see you next week <333