- Chapter Ninety-Five -
"Remus, no-"

Elladora lay staring up at the ceiling of the sixth-year Slytherin girls dorm.

It had been 9 days since the last Death Eater meeting. Tomorrow was the day. The day everything would go to shit with whatever decision she made, she hadn't slept in a week and all her schoolwork had gone down the drain which she didn't really care about seeing as she had finished all of her exams and had the scores locked in. What she did care about was the impending doom she would have to face, it came so soon and the days wasted away with nothing important.

Time was taunting her, every time a room fell silent it was the ticking of the clock that caught her attention and she stared at it with frustration growing larger and larger. She just wanted time to freeze and let her think over stuff and do whatever she wished for one day that didn't affect the rest of her life; she was miserable and slowly distancing herself from her friends.

Evan was safe, Regulus having told her in passing with an added glare. She had ignored him, rolling her eyes whilst she exited the common room to meet up with Remus, James, Sirius and Peter. It was an effort to drag herself out of bed these days but there were some nights, just like the one she was enduring then, that she just had to do something whilst the rest of the castle slept.

Her limbs didn't even scream to lie back down as she got out of her bed, sweatshirt on her torso despite the blistering heat and lounge shorts giving her legs some relief of the warmth. There was no destination in mind as she walked through the common room out to the exit, she supposed she should just find refuge in the kitchens since it was so close. Hufflepuffs were lucky she often thought, to have a common room so close to the kitchens.

It was a short walk to the kitchens from the Slytherin common room, just down the hallway that connected most of the downstairs to one another. It wasn't often that prefects roamed the downstairs corridors so she was perfectly safe just walking and trying not to jump at the feeling of the cold stone floor on her bare feet that she didn't bother to cover up.

Her wand lit up her surroundings as she walked, eventually revealing the portrait of the fruit on the wall in front of her. They were snoozing peacefully but Elladora didn't have time to spare the feelings of food on a painting, she simply woke the pear with a tickle and it frustratedly opened its eyes before opening up; Elladora smiled apologetically at it as she moved in.

Then she mentally scolded herself with a roll of her eyes for apologising to a painting

"What are you doing up?" A voice said and she snapped her head up, eyes widening at the sight of Remus sat at the table with a cup of tea in front of him and a book in his hand.

"What are you doing up?" She countered, putting her wand out with a simple spell since the candles of the kitchens were still lit whilst the house elves did their nightly chores.

"I was taking to Madam Pomfrey about the other night, you should be sleeping." He grinned up at her as she approached and sat herself next to him, feeling relief when their arms brushed softly. She could just collapse into his arms and never let go.

"Yeah well, I'm not tired." She said, looking at the book in his hands. "Gravitys rainbow. What's that about?"

"It's set in a muggle war and its about the design, production and dispatch of rockets." He said and she raised her eyebrows, tilting her head. "I don't think you'd understand this one because you'd think of it as fiction and I don't want anyone to think of these topics as fiction."

"Fair enough." She smiled and her eyes travelled over him until they landed on his cup of tea and she stared at it for a moment before glancing away.

"Have at it." He smirked.

Elladora smiled sheepishly before grabbing his teacup and tipping it up to her lips, enjoying the burn of the hot beverage as it travelled down her throat. In a way, Remus being here was slightly annoying because it got in the way of her peace but it was actually quite helpful that he was here, he made her forget about the things that plagued her mind everyday.

She stared at the side of his head as she lowered the teacup away from her and back down towards the table. At her gaze, he also turned his head, slipping a bookmark into his book before smiling amusedly with his eyes focused on her chin instead of her eyes.

Her eyebrows furrowed as she raised a hand to her chin but he got there first, swiping his thumb at the expanse of skin and taking of the drops of tea that had taken refuge there. She smiled softly at the action as his thumb lingered and he stared at her. She stared straight back, those brown glittering eyes always bringing her home.

Looking into her eyes, he fell in love with her all over again and couldn't help himself from leaning forward to press his light lips flush against hers, letting his love soak through the contact and hopefully all the way into her heart where she could feel it spreading all over her, like she was the gasoline and his love was just the match that set it all alight.

And that little match touched the fuel for a moment before it combusted and burst up into orange flames that danced around wildly, celebrating and cheering for she had finally found the thing she needed but wasn't searching for.

In that moment where their lips touched, the beating of her heart must've doubled and her stomach churned pleasantly with butterflies that were no longer plagued but instead healthy and beautiful. Her blood ran warm at the feeling of the soft skin on hers and her mind was put at ease for just a second as she practically melted against him.

This wasn't their first kiss but it was definitely their best, different from their other stolen ones behind closed doors or ones that happened when one of them or both are moments away from convulsing in sobs. With Remus in the lit and calm kitchens of Hogwarts, the whole atmosphere felt lighter, softer and overall more comforting which made suitable scenery for a tender lock of the lips.

She didn't necessarily know what to do in a kiss as different as this one, so she just let Remus take the lead, he could pull away whenever he deemed fit because Elladora had no prior experience. His eyes were closed so she let her own flutter shut too.

His hand managed to travel up and cup at her cheek, pulling her slightly closer to him as their lips pressed the littlest bit harder against each other. She didn't know where to put her hands this time so she just settled on keeping them on her lap whilst Remus started moving his lips instead of just pushing them against hers.

What was the word Sirius had used that night when they kissed to get free of McGonagall's wrath? That's right, snogging. It sounds like a rather gruesome word but the feeling in Elladora's body was far from it. It was nice, fluttering and made her want to have the biggest smile on her lips of Remus didn't currently have them trapped against his own.

He slowly began to pull away and Elladora opened her eyes slowly to see his blushing face staring back at her with a sheepish grin. Both of them at a loss for words, it was almost like that had been their first kiss when it was actually very far from it. Even after several moments of intimacy, they were still like two giddy toddlers when they were together.

"Was that okay?" He asked quietly with a small stammer, taking his hand down from her cheek and Elladora nodded with her big smile she had been craving to show.

"Yeah." She whispered back, biting her lip slightly to keep her smile from getting too big and preventing him from being able to kiss her like he had again. "More than okay."

"Can I- can I do it again?" He asked and she just stared at him for a moment before nodding her head and closing her eyes whilst he leaned in again and their lips connected for the second time with that same slight ferocity.

It was just like the first, heart pumping, blood warming and stomach fluttering all over again as he moved his lips, her attempting to do the same just like she had in their first kiss at the Quidditch afterparty but faster. His hand made his way back up to her cheek like it had never left and she began to lean into the touch whilst engaged in the kiss that was becoming slightly desperate and more intimate.

But all good things must come to an end.

A sudden searing pain shot through her left arm as a reminder that her time was running out. It ruined the mood completely like several buckets of water had been poured over the raging fire of her heart and a damp blanket had covered the small remaining flames. Remus was still kissing her, though slowed to a stop when realising that she wasn't kissing back anymore.

He pulled away slightly, his lips parting in question at the now somewhat solemn look on her face. They were only a couple of inches away from each other now that he had moved away but for Remus it couldn't be further.

"Is everything okay?" He asked in a soft and whispered voice, bringing his hand away from her cheek again.

"I-" She cut herself off, biting her lip but she wasn't keeping a smile in this time, instead conflicted. There was no lump in her throat because all the tears she could've cried had been wasted on other things; she wished she could force tears out of her eyes and maybe it would make the grief easier to deal with.  "I can't do this."

"W-What?" His stuttered, face dropping slowly and she stood from the bench they were both sat on, looking close to tears as Remus watched her actions with his eyebrows furrowed together.

"I have to go." She said, ignoring the pain in her arm for now but turning towards the door to head back to her common room with a shake of her head.

Remus scrambled out from his own seat and walked after her, calling her name and making her stop as she turned with a pained smile on her face. She didn't want to stop, she didn't want to have to break things off with him but there wasn't much she could do instead. The mood was broken, her mind was a mess and Remus didn't deserve to be as heartbroken as he would be after he learnt of her betrayal. She had been a fool to think he wouldn't find  out and stay by her side.

"Listen I know I'm not good enough," He started quickly and she furrowed his eyebrows at his startling words immediately, that wasn't what she had been thinking at all. She was the one who wasn't good enough. "I know that I'm weird, awkward, a freak-"

"No, no, no." She interrupted once she caught wind of what he was trying to say. He stopped talking as she held a hand up to him and shook her head fervently, again there were no tears i her eyes and she wished they would show so it could soften the blow she was about to deliver to Remus' heart. "Do not think for a second that this is about you. This is about me and how I can't afford something like this in my life right now, Remus. It it not about you and don't you dare tell yourself that it is because you have done nothing wrong."

"Then why are you-" He argued, cutting himself off with confusion and she bit her tongue, looking down at the floor in some sort of pain but she didn't want to tell him why it was happening, not all at once anyway.

"I'm sorry." She whispered and leant forward to press a quick kiss to his cheek, Remus trying to savour the feeling but it was gone as quick as it was there. "I'm so sorry, it was good whilst it lasted but I have to go."

She turned to walk out again and Remus was about to let her leave but stopped himself at the last minute, she need to know how he actually felt about their time together and about her in general, and not through a kiss but through his determined words that he thought she was ready to hear and he was ready to

"Wait!" He called and reached out to stop her from leaving, grabbing her left forearm and a loud yelp of pain came from her lips as she whirled around to look at his hand on her arm with wide, alarmed eyes that glanced back at him before going back to her arm. "Hey, are you okay?"

"Fine." She said quickly and practically ripped her arm out of his grasp, other hand massaging where he had grasped.

"Is there something wrong with your arm?" He asked with his eyes narrowed in concern but she just shook her head and no matter how deceiving she thought she was being, the slight trembling of her arm gave her away and Remus knew for a fact he hadn't grabbed her that hard.

"Remus, no-" She started to warn when his hand reached for her sleeve but before she could stop him or maybe swat his hand away, her sleeve was already rolled up and the cruel skull with the menacing snake was pitch black against her pale skin and moving with show for the boy to see

He said nothing and the silence rang loudly around the kitchens. Her heart hammered against her ribcage as he stared at it and she stared at him, stared at each individual hair on his head that dropped down with his tilted head. Then he only slowly looked up at her with a face no longer having a trace of affection or desire, their eyes met and Elladora wanted to cry at the look of betrayal glinting inside of them. It was an emotion she had never seen before and as his mouth tilted into a frown, she knew nothing good could come next.

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A/N: buckle up