- Chapter Eighty-Two -
"Also, that was one hell of a confession."

Defence Against The Dark Arts was spent in silence, Yaxley having commanded it. The class had managed to get by without the man yelling at them unnecessarily which seemed like his favourite pastime. He even carried it out into the hallways, heard from across the whole castle shouting at students who had happened to be talking  or laughing loudly as they walked past them, most students had tried to track the times that he was on duty so they wouldn't  get screamed out and deducted points for just talking to their friends and for the most part it worked, his yelling had toned down massively in the recent week and Elladora was thankful for not jumping out of her skin every time his voice rang about the castle.

They had Charms class after that where they were going over the Reductor Curse and Elladora managed to submerge herself in her work again, not paying attention to any of her surroundings as she turned several empty ink pots in need of throwing away into rubble like Professor Flitwick had instructed them to do. Since her nightmare involving Sebastian, Flitwick had kept an annoyingly close eye on her and kept coming over to ask if she was handling it well. Of course she was handling it well, it had been one nightmare and it had been because she hadn't go lot of sleep the night before. It had been blocked from her memory...mostly. It was easier said than done to forget it, especially when it was her brother involved but she tried to do what Hagrid said and not think on it.

After her two morning classes, it was first break which was 25 minutes long and Elladora knew she couldn't avoid Remus any longer. Though she desperately wished she could, wanting to avoid confrontation rather than walk right into it, she knew it would look suspicious if she sat on her own and maybe the other Death Eaters would come up to her then they'd surely know something was up. So she decided to prepare herself instead, by pacing slightly outside of the Great Hall with deep breaths to calm her nerves.

The butterflies were roaring inside her stomach savagely and she hated it, it was bad enough when they came in small swarms whenever Remus was near her, now she even got them at the thought of him and it was annoying. Too annoying. She hated it, hated how it made her feel anxious around her friend, hated not knowing something. She knew everything, that was her thing yet she had no idea what to do now; she was unprepared, indecisive, her mind all over the place and it was too different from her normal self that it unnerved her slightly.

Elladora was smart, Elladora was confident and she was never one to avoid her friends without a genuine reason. Getting stupid feelings in her stomach was not a genuine reason so drawing herself up to stand up straight, she gave a couple more deep breaths and tried to shake of her tensed thoughts. Calm, calm, calm, calm. She needed to be calm. So calmly, she stopped her pacing and turned to look into the Great Hall, seeing her friends sat at the Gryffindor Table as usual but joined by Lily and her friends too. Elladora already found herself smiling at the happiness on Lily's face compared to the sadness she had shown on Saturday.

Another deep breath and a small shake of her head  then she was walking down the hall in between the Slytherin and Gryffindor tables, eyes set on the back of James's head but occasionally flitting over the messy head of brown hair next to him who was reading a book with one hand and a chocolate bar in the other. Lily, who was facing James and therefore had a view of Elladora, was the first to spot her, raising her hand up in a wave. Elladora waved back as everyone turned their heads from the redhead to the Slytherin approaching them and the sudden attention of more people in the group made her slow slightly but she kept walking anyway.

"Finally, she arrives." Sirius grinned from across James, taking his bag off of the wooden bench and patting it in a way to tell her to sit down which she did, sliding her own bag off of her shoulder and putting it under the table as she sat. "Haven't seen you since after the match on Saturday. Where were you at the party?"

"I got...caught up." She answered slowly, shrugging her shoulders as she looked around at all the new faces, smiling politely. A small and quiet chuckle came from in front of her and she looked up to see Remus smirking down at his book as he ate a chunk of his chocolate bar.

"With what?" James asked her from next to Remus, she turned to face him and in doing so saw Lily smirking at her just as widely as Remus had been.

"I was at the Hospital Wing." She told them, narrowing her eyes into a scowl at Lily who giggled quietly and turned back to the half written essay she had in front of her. "Madam Pomfrey kept me in overnight."

"What were you sick with?" The question came from in front of her, a knowing and confident tilt to his voice that made her want to reach over and smack the smirk off of his face. But she only looked at him, their eyes meeting as he quirked an eyebrow at her and her cheeks flushed the smallest bit.

"My stomach felt weird." She said, keeping their eye contact as he smirked again and she looked away,  his confidence was making her worked up one unravel back into an awkward fidget. Maybe it would be better to find him in private later so she could talk properly.

"I'm Marlene." A hand stuck itself in front of her face and breaking her stare with Remus, Elladora found herself looking at Marlene McKinnon who was leaning past Sirius with her hand outstretched and a large smile on her face. "I believe this is the first time we're meeting for real."

"Elladora." Elladora smiled, introducing herself and grasping the girl's soft hand and shaking it before letting go, thankful for the change in subject from her absence at the party. "It's nice to meet you."

"Very nice." Marlene sent a wink her way and leaned back, letting Sirius have his personal space back as Elladora sat in momentary shock from the girl's approach. A small red hue probably made it's way to her cheeks at the comment as she smiled as she looked away from the group.

Remus took an aggressive bite of his chocolate bar from across her and Elladora glanced at him, her turn to smirk as she watched him chew and glance at Marlene heatedly from across the table. Despite the awkward start of him teasing her, Elladora was rather enjoying the current circumstances and fully intended to take advantage of it until they could speak in private.

"Alright, Remus?" She asked as he finished his chocolate and put the wrapper in his robe (which had been stuffed under the table) pocket to throw away later. He glanced at her this time and saw her smirk, smaller but just as devious.

"Fine." He shrugged with a clear of his throat, running a hand through his hair as she smiled down at the table.

Peter Pettigrew, who was sat beside Marlene and opposite Lily, glanced between the two of them with a crestfallen yet confused expression. He had seen her at the party, she had been going up the stairs with Lily and Remus had called out to her but she dismissed him and went up with Lily to the dorms. Lily had returned soon after and told Remus something that Peter couldn't hear and  then couldn't see what his friend was moving through the crowd to due to his small size. He had definitely seen her though, maybe she had gone after Lily had come back down and had gone back to Madam Pomfrey. Or maybe...he glanced between Lily and Elladora suspiciously and then to James.

No, it couldn't be. He had seen Lily pull James down into a kiss in the middle of a part crowd and he knew that someone as kind as Lily wouldn't have done that just after being with someone else. He had to keep his shudder in; the thought of anyone else being with Elladora like that made him sick, angry and sad all at once. The image of someone other than him with their lips against hers would be enough to break his heart, he thought. But he ruled that out, Lily was too nice to agree to dating James just after being with another person so he didn't really know where Elladora had run off to after Remus had called out to her.

The bell rung before he could think any further.

"Potions." Sirius sang, getting up out of his seat and grabbing his bag and cloak he had stored under the table; the whole group was just in their shirt and ties, boys and Dorcas in pants and the rest of the girls in skirts. Elladora was the only one with full uniform, reasons unknown to the rest of the group.

She grabbed her bag anyway and got off of the bench, walking with the group out of the Great Hall and around the corner to prepare for her Potions class where she was sat next to Snape and therefore under the watchful eyes of the Death Eaters. It wasn't long until she found herself at the back of the group, not talking whilst everyone else did, though Remus who was walking with Mary McDonald in front of her slowed his pace purposefully when Mary ran up to talk and link arms with Lily.

Remus and Elladora found themselves walking next to each other, no one interrupting them and the opportunity to talk presented itself.

"So, I-"

"I'm so sorry if-"

They silenced themselves, smiling amusedly at the situation. Elladora glanced up to Remus, once again cursing how tall he was. He must have at least 7 inches on her; the top of her head reached just over his shoulder, the crook of his neck and Remus was definitely the tallest out of the boys so the height difference wasn't really a surprise but it was still incredibly intimidating when they were stood next to each other in awkwardness like this.

"You go first." He said, sticking his hands into the pockets of his trousers and looking down at her with a soft smile to let  her know she was fine to say whatever was on her mind.

"Okay..." She breathed out, trying to summon her confidence back that she had outside of the Great Hall just moments ago before she walked over to the table. "I just wanted to say that I am so so sorry about what happened, I should not have- well, I mean I just...I didn't want to make you, you know, uncomfortable or awkward so yeah, that's it."

"If I was uncomfortable, would I have kissed you back?" He asked quietly, raising his eyebrows at her as she glanced up again, her having looked away when she stated rambling.

"Maybe you felt pressured-"

"I told you not to apologise. I liked it." He admitted sheepishly as they walked, his previous confidence shattering like her own had as they addressed it. "D-did you?"

"Yes." She answered quickly and shortly, it was an easy answer as the moment had been the only thing making her smile over the rest of the weekend. "It was nice...but I don't know what else to do now."

"Well, what do you want to do?" He asked her and she pursed her lips, furrowing her eyebrows slightly before opening her mouth, closing it again. "You can tell me, I promise."

"I-" She cut herself off, she didn't know. The kiss was something she really liked...a lot, but seeing couples made her feel slightly out of place. The word couple was just something she didn't like anyway, it was like being in some sort of relationship took away your individuality, maybe your freedom and she didn't want that. Not publicly anyway. There was also the looming knowledge of her betrothal to Regulus when he turns 17 just over a year away.

"Dora?" Remus asked, holding her arm slightly and stopping her from descending the staircase into the dungeons that the others did. "What do you want?"

"I..." She looked around, wondering whether she should just spill out all her feelings now or wait until they were more secluded. The group had already gone down the stairs and there was no sign of the Death Eaters and Remus' soft and beautiful brown gaze, she felt her heart exploding. "I want...to be with you, I guess? But I don't want to be a couple, that might not make sense but I really don't like the idea of being in sort of collective thing and it feels like every couple I see just spend hours with their tongues down each other's throats and I don't want that, I just want to be...appreciated."

"You are appreciated." He smiled slightly, he got where she was coming from but he was sure he felt a little bit of his heart break when she had said her last sentence.

"No, I want to be appreciated...by you." She let out, cringing at how it sounded and at Remus' silence, she just couldn't let it be awkward. "That sounds so weird, but I just want, no I need you to know that my stomach feels funny when you're around and I really enjoyed that kiss but I don't want to just kiss because it's just not what I want to reduce us to. I want to be your friend too, I want to read with you, I want to admire all the small things you do and I want to take care of you like you have me and I really don't want everyone to know because I can't deal with the pressure, the questions, the squeals. It feels so weird but I don't know what I want, all I know is that I want you to be there for whatever this is."

It was silent for a second as she breathed softly, towered over by Remus who hadn't said anything and looking around, she was happy to see that no one had heard or stopped to look at her small, aggressively whispered confession. It was when she felt a soft touch on her hand that she looked away from the hall and down at her hand where Remus' fingers were brushing over it.

"We don't have to label anything and no one has to know, I want all that too." He shrugged softly and smiled. "Also, that was one hell of a confession."

"It took a lot of breath out of me." She nodded her head and he laughed softly, his fingers starting to lace discretely with hers as they stood at the top of the stairs that lead down to the dungeons. "I'm glad I have it all off of my chest and I just want to also say, I am very sorry if it's awkward. I have never done this before."

"Me neither." Remus laughed and as the second bell sounded to signal the end of the passing period and the actual start of the lesson, he unlaced their hands. "Let's go to Potions?"

"Okay." She smiled bashfully and set off down the staircase with a new found bubble of fear and fulfilment, fear because if this didn't work out ad she was too awkward, it could ruin their original friendship but also fulfilment because the weight on her shoulders felt a little bit lighter.

Remus followed her down the stairs, smiling to himself and running a hand through his messy hair happily. He didn't expect much of whatever this was but hearing her confess to him had set his heart alight with some kind of flame he had never sought out before and he liked it.

•*•*•*•*•
A/N: pls writing this chapter made me realised that they have literally been dating since day 1 and it made me laugh because my love for Remus really shone through in the early chapters.