- Chapter Eight-Six -
"Just don't go breaking my heart."

Her heart had broken, for real this time.

Like some invisible force had reached it's hand into her chest, clawing at her skin and smashing at her bones first of all which created the first wave of pain, then using her vulnerability and sensitivity to wrap it's and around her heart and squeeze tight until it had cracked and crumbled in it's grasp so there was nothing else there except for an empty space that begged and pleaded to be filled with love and tender care once more. It had been...for a while when her skin was just scratched, then she went home and it tore apart, she became a death eater and her bones fractured, she killed someone and got taken advantage of and they broke.

Then she was back at Hogwarts and the hand took a break, she was with her friends, feeling happy again. She and Remus had become some type of couple thing...she wasn't sure what. Their friend group was expanding with the new relationship between James and Lily, Elladora found herself smiling all the time once more and everything was going fine. Until she walked into Dumbledore's office and put her head down the Pensieve, seeing the thing that had caused the hand to come and harshly grab at her heart. She tried to leave, tried to keep her heart with her, but he prevented it.

That devil prevented it and now it was torn apart, savaged by a beast that had managed to break her in ways she didn't even know was possible. That beast was herself: she made the choice to stay and become a Death Eater; she made the choice to kill that man; she didn't push Macnair away, she let it happen; she was the one who kissed Remus, bringing herself to a risk and letting herself get too attached; she was the one who had put her head in the Pensieve; she was the one who foolishly tried to save herself.

She should've known what would happen to her. It was even said when she was 10 years old, talking to Sebastian whilst he showed her some muggle card tricks. She wanted to be just like him, no matter what anyone said. Her arm was branded with the same mark as his was, her friends were in Gryffindor just like his way, she had been damaged and attempted to rebuild herself just like he had. Did that mean she was going to die the same way too? At the hands of that demon back in the office? No. She'd kill him first if she had to.

She'd do to him what had happened to her, let her actions claw at his skin before ripping into his chest, smashing his bones to grab his heart, pull it right out and squeeze it tightly right in front of his eyes; watching the life drain from them slowly like sand would from a hourglass based purely on conversational quality when someone would be telling her story. The sand would run slow because the story would be deep. Deep enough to claw at someone.

She'd rip out the hearts of anyone who had wronged Sebastian, he comes first, then her own revenge. Her mother, her father, Macnair, Avery, Yaxley...every single Death Eater would fall to her feet, pleading for their lives but she'd given enough mercy. Then after all of them were dead, she'd go for the big one, the one who set it all off. She'd make Voldemort cower at the sound of her name, she'd force him to his knees and edge him to death, letting him breathe in separated breaks before hurting him in every way possible.

Then she'd see what she had left herself, whether her friends had stayed by her side, whether Remus would still want to hug her like he did after all she'd done, whether the hole in her heart had been repaired or it was just her sanity that had been fixed by the revenge. But she'd have none of that; they'd all leave her, every single one of them. They worshipped Dumbledore like he was some sort of God but if Dumbledore was God then she was going to be the Devil but this time she would beat fire with fire and win.

But she knew was too weak at the moment, her current body and mind was too frail and damaged for her to start on her revenge now. Her cards had to be played well if everything was to fall into place at some point, it would take a while...but she wanted people to pay.

She'd tried to forget, to wipe the thought of his body from her mind, she had even raised her wand to the side of her head and had the word obliviate on her tongue. But if she wanted her revenge, she was going to have to remember everything that had happened to her in order to fuel the fire. She wasn't going to make it worse for herself now, she was going to make it work. Somehow, she was going to get through this as far as she could with Remus by her side...he seemed like the one to stay the longest. When he left, she'd be on her own but she'd make it work.

Time had become non-existent whilst she was in her thoughts and she didn't know how long she'd been tucked away in a corner of the library with tears going down her face but no sobs coming out of her anymore, but it had definitely been a long time seeing as the sky was now dark and the crescent moonshine was hitting a bit of her face and showcasing the light she had left inside her.

By morning it would be gone.

"Elladora?"

His voice was unmistakable. Her eyes fluttered shut at the sound of it, maybe it was in her head, maybe it was in real life. Either way she needed him to hug her close and tell her everything was going to be okay even though he had no idea what was actually going on. She needed his arms wrapped around her, his voice in her head and his lips on some part of her just to make her feel grounded. Her head needed to come out of her twisted fantasy and back into the real world where she was just a scared little girl clinging onto the last remnants of her childhood.

"Elladora?" There it was again, closer this time and she grasped at her head, eyes still closed and tears still uncontrollably falling down her cheeks. For some reason she didn't believe he was there, just thought he was in her head because why would he stay with her after all the thoughts she had. "There you are."

A hand on her shoulder made her flinch, her head jerking up out of her hands and looking around her only to see Remus crouched next to her with his hand resting on his shoulder. His face visibly dropped when they met eyes and his eyebrows furrowed at the sight of her in a state like this. He put whatever was in his hand down by his side, Elladora took a glance and saw the marauders map. The fact he had come looking for her made her whimper quietly, why would anyone come looking for a monster like her?

"Hey, hey, hey, what's up?" Remus spoke softly, shushing her slightly as he adjusted his position and sat normally next to her instead of crouching. He still had his hand on her shoulder, rubbing it softly to try and calm her down. "Come on, Dora, talk to me."

She settled on just putting her head on his shoulder, sniffling whilst he adjusted his position and sat with his back against the bookshelf once more and managed to put an arm around her shoulders as she nuzzled her face into his shoulder. He shushed her again, running his hand up and down her arm and using his other hand to stroke her hair comfortingly whilst he planted a small kiss to the top of her head.

"I lied." She said through choked words, shaking her head with her face still hidden in his shoulder as he caressed her arm softly, attempting to calm her down and it was working. "I lied to you. My brother...he-he, he's not in America...he's d-d-dead."

Remus froze his movements on her arm, pausing for a second before resuming with a small frown on his face. He didn't know how to respond to that but what he did know is that she obviously needed comfort and he was going to give her all the comfort she needed for as long as she wanted. He kissed the top of her head again, letting her know that he wasn't just ignoring her and her slight shaking seemed to stop in his hold.

"And..." She trailed off, turning her head so it wasn't shoved into his shoulder anymore but instead facing away from him but his arm was still around her shoulders and head was still at least resting on him. "And Dumbledore killed him...he-he killed him so carelessly like he was nothing but a fly on the wall. Now I don't want to be the bad guy but if getting my revenge is what makes me it then so be it."

"It's okay." He comforted her, bringing his hand that was previously on her hair down to her hand that was picking at loose fluff on her - his - sweatpants. He laced their fingers together, frowning at how worked up she was. "It was nothing, just a bad dream."

Though she knew he didn't quite understand what was happening, those words set the fire beneath her skin alight again and her expression contorted from one of sadness into one of anger and she found herself almost shouting at him.

"It wasn't a nightmare." She said, outraged and feeling a large lump in her throat start to work up again as she furrowed her eyebrows with frustration. "It was real, I saw it! I heard it and I tried...tried to stand in front of it but it just went through me and...hit him. He didn't even apologise."

"I'm sorry you had to see that, love." He whispered, frowning at her denial. At least he thought it was denial.

He could never truly know what she'd seen so she didn't expect him to understand but at the same time, she did. Because she didn't want to be alone throughout this but with Dumbledore being who he was, it was a very large chance she was going to be alone anyway. She wasn't on either side of the war, not part of the Death Eaters who tortured and murdered muggle-borns but not part of The Order Of The Phoenix, who worked under a murderer's orders.

"I'm sorry for shouting." She murmured, sniffling slightly and realising that her tears had stopped now; she had just needed someone to comfort her and sit by her side. The fact that it was Remus helped too. "I liked what you called me."

"I thought you didn't do pet names." He said, chuckling slightly as his thumb rubbed over her arm in loving care. She smiled, for the first time in probably hours, and was thankful for Remus sat next to her. Where would she be if Lily hadn't made her speak to him?

"Yeah, you were walking on thin ice there." She attempted a laugh which came through enough to make her smile again, this time at herself in some sort of awe that she could still smile like she was after the events of the day. "But I liked it."

She picked her head up of of his shoulder and smiled a watery smile p at him, her eyes still glazed with tears and her cheeks still red from dried ones but to Remus, she still looked absolutely stunning. The way the moonlight hit the smallest bit of her skin made her look radiant and for one, he was thankful for the large rock in the sky that made his life hell. Her eyes glinted, one that didn't really have any emotion and her smile was small but he still loved it and the way it made her look.

"Just don't go breaking my heart." She whispered, letting her lips quirk into a larger smile as he breathed out a chuckle and shook his head, looking away before looking back at her and staring into her eyes.

Brown met brown and everything made sense.

"I won't go breaking your heart." He told her, hand unlacing with hers and coming up to very softly and very carefully cup her soft cheek and he used his thumb to wipe away a stray tear that slipped out of her eye. "I couldn't if I tried."

"Those lyrics don't come after each other." She said softly, subconsciously leaning her head into his hand that held her cheek. Her own hand moved it's way to the back of his neck and she played with the small hairs at the nape of his neck.

"I don't care."

He laughed slightly and used his hand to pull her forwards slightly, her hand cupping the back of his neck and holding onto it as their lips connected in a soft kiss. One full of emotion; Elladora was pouring all her secrets, things that she couldn't say into it and Remus was taking it all in, their lips working against each other and however good the kiss felt and whatever Elladora meant by the kiss, Remus would never come to realise that everything said that night had been the complete truth and there was so much more she had yet to come clean about.

But the feeling of their lips against each other was one too good to ever stop.

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A/N: it only gets worse from here guys