Better Than Revenge

 Chapter 30

"Now, don't hit me for asking this, but..." Christian smirked at me. "Was someone a little jealous, maybe?" 

I made some noise I can't even describe. I don't even know what it was, honestly. It was like a Chewbacca noise. It was quite frightening. "No, I wasn't." The calmness in my voice was actually really surprising, because I was panicking on the inside. 

"Really?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at me. "So you always trespass into people's property, eavesdrop on private conversations and then butt in when they start kissing?" 

"You were kissing back?" I blurted out. I could have sworn he was trying to push her away... damn you, darkness. Such a deceiver. 

He just laughed. "No, I wasn't, but this is just proving my point. You were jealous, Soph." 

"I was not jealous," I insisted, crossing my arms over my chest. 

"Then have fun explaining why you pushed Cassandra away from me when she tried to kiss me," Christian said, looking more amused than anything.

Ugh. He didn't believe me. The stupid cow. I obviously wasn't jealous. I wasn't sure why I jumped out and stopped her from further invading his personal space, but it wasn't because I was jealous, of course. 

This explanation had to be good or I would never get out of this alive. "I was just... just saving you... from her... tongue." 

That explanation failed. I fully realized this. But it was all I could come up with under pressure, in my defense.

He snickered, covering his mouth to hide his laughter. Putting a serious face on, he asked, "Then you'd be okay if I told you I need to go catch up to her and apologize before she hates me even more?"

My mouth dropped open. "You're seriously going back to that... that... that whore?!" 

Christian clearly had no dignity or self-respect. And he was obviously a total liar! One minute, he was declaring his undying love for me-well, it wasn't quite that dramatic, but that was irrelevant-and the next he was chasing after his old girlfriend?

This was ridiculous. 

Christian grinned. "No, but I just wanted to see what you would say if you thought I was."

I closed my mouth, which was, for some reason, still open. Damn. How had I fallen for that one? I usually wasn't this gullible. What was going on? 

"Admit it, Soph. You're jealous." He seemed genuinely happy about this.

"I'm not jealous!" I insisted, but I was starting to question myself. Had I been jealous? There really was no other explanation for my actions. What I felt when Cassandra had her hands all over Christian and was shoving her tongue down his throat was pretty much anger. It only made sense that that anger signified that I... was jealous. "Well, not anymore," I muttered, half-hoping he wouldn't hear me. 

"What was that?" he asked, and it was completely obvious that he had heard me perfectly well. He just wanted to hear me say it again. 

I sighed. "I said, 'Well, not anymore.'" 

"Not anymore what?" 

I shot him an irritated look. "Are you always an idiot? Or is it just when I'm around?" 

"It's usually just when you're around," Christian admitted. "But you know... I just don't get what you're saying. Explain?" 

I resisted the urge to wring his neck. "I said I wasn't jealous anymore." 

"But you were?" he asked with a smug smile. 

"Yes..." 

"When?" 

"You're pushing it, Ryder," I said through gritted teeth. 

Christian just laughed in response. "Oh, calling me Ryder now, eh? You must be pretty pissed." 

I hadn't realized it, but that was actually the only reason I had called him by his last name that night. After that, it just stuck. Whenever I was mad at him, I called him by his last name. 

I let out an angry breath. "Okay, this isn't why I came here! I came here to talk to you." 

"We are talking," he pointed out annoyingly. 

I gave him a look. "You know what I mean." 

Christian laughed and gave in, saying, "Alright, alright, what did you want to talk about? The voicemail, I'm guessing?" 

I just nodded. 

He ran a hand through his hair nervously, not seeming as cocky and annoying as he had just seconds before. "Well, I'm all ears." 

I bit my lip, trying to think of what to say. But then I realized that it was nearly impossible to think about this. The only way I was going to be able to get through this conversation alive was by winging it. I would just say what came to me, because after all, wasn't that the best way to express how you really felt? And at that moment, I wasn't really sure how I felt. It seemed like the only way to me. I had a feeling everything that came out of my mouth would be a surprise to both of us. 

"Well, the voicemail was certainly... interesting..." 

Christian didn't even give me a chance to elaborate. "Oh, God, you hated it, didn't you? I knew it was horrible! I was going to write down what to say, but I couldn't read my own f'cking handwriting when I tried to practice, so I figured I'd just wing it and go with whatever came out." 

I covered my mouth to hide my laughter. 

"Shit, this is embarrassing... I swear I'm not usually this un-smooth. If I was at the top of my game, you'd be begging on your knees for a piece of this." He gestured to himself. 

I just raised an eyebrow in amusement. "Oh, really?" 

"Really. I don't know. It's just something about you. It turns me into an idiot and makes me look like I have no game." 

"Or you actually have no game." 

Christian rolled his eyes but then exclaimed, "See? Normally, I'd have a comeback that would leave you crying, but my mind just goes blank when it comes to you." 

"I thought it was always that way."

He just looked at me in annoyance. 

"Sorry, I can't help myself." I bit my lip to keep from laughing. I was ruining this moment, I realized. This was probably supposed to be a dramatic, romantic moment and my clever shots weren't pertinent. 

Christian rolled his eyes but smiled, showing me that as annoyed as he was, he secretly liked my jabs at him. 

He really did have issues. 

I felt bad about being this way after the voicemail and after he had defended me when Cassandra was saying rude things about me, though, so I decided to remedy this situation slightly. "I didn't hate it, by the way. I liked it." 

"Seriously? Yes. Maybe I'm not losing my touch." 

"Oh, no, you're definitely losing your touch," I said, shaking my head. There I went again... I seriously couldn't help myself. It just came out. "That voicemail was awkward, embarrassing and dorky." 

He had an uneasy look on his face. 

I decided to put him out of his misery by finishing my statement. "But it was also unbelievably adorable and sweet." 

The uneasy look faded and was replaced by a pleased one. 

"My favorite part was probably the bullet part," I said with a laugh. "I laughed so hard at that part." 

Christian looked pretty pleased with himself. "So I'm not a total fail when it comes to the funniness department?" 

"No, you're still a fail." 

He rolled his eyes. "Come on. Give me a break!" 

"Fine! You have your moments. The part of that voicemail you left that was the most interesting would probably have to be the end, though," I said, looking up at him through my lashes to gauge his reaction. 

If it hadn't been so dark, I would have bet anyone a hundred dollars his cheeks were red. "What'd you think? About my question. And, er... you-know-what?" 

"You-know-what was cute," I said with a snicker. "And the question... Well... I... I really don't know."

"You don't know?" Christian looked really disappointed. It was kind of heartbreaking. 

"I don't," I replied weakly. "I just... I don't know what to believe, Christian." 

"I meant every word," he whispered, instinctively taking a step closer to me. 

For once, I didn't instinctively take a step back. 

"I mean it. I'm crazy about you, and I'd do anything for you. I'd do anything to have you accept me. I... I love you, Soph. I'm completely in love with you. And it's actually really hard for me to admit this because I was pretty sure Christian Ryder didn't do love. Guess I was wrong," he said with a small laugh. 

"I want to believe you," I said quietly, shaking my head slowly. "But it just doesn't make sense." 

"I know," Christian agreed, making a face. "It's so unmanly." 

I laughed and said, "No, I didn't mean that." 

"Then what?" 

"I meant it doesn't make sense that you would choose me," I admitted quietly, and by the time I started, it was too late to stop. When I had told myself I was winging it, I hadn't expected things to take a turn like this. 

"What do you mean?" 

Dear God, he was so dense... everything had to be explained to him in depth. 

I let out the air I was holding in. I hadn't even realized I was holding my breath. I was acting so nutty at that moment. It wasn't even funny. "I'm not... I'm not exactly anyone's dream girl. By any standard. I'm not as gorgeous as half of the girls you've dated, with the bright blue eyes and long, blonde hair. I don't have a perfect face or body or anything. I'm not Victoria's Secret model material. I'm not a nice person. I'm rude, obnoxious and I have no consideration for people's feelings most of time. I'm not open and I'm not exactly what you would call 'loving'. I just... I don't get why you'd choose me. You could have anyone in the world. Why me? You have to be lying, or... I don't know!" 

Christian shook his head incredulously. "I really don't get how you can think you're anything but amazing. Really." 

I covered my face, shaking my head wildly. "You don't have to say anything. I don't know why I said that. Oh, God, I'm turning into you." 

This was embarrassing. I could have given him a shorter, less embarrassing version of what I just said. But no. Of course I had to go with that. 

I didn't even notice when he inched closer to me until he was right in front of me, with only a couple inches separating us. He took my hands in his, removing them from my face. 

I kept my eyes shut tightly. 

What the hell is happening... what the hell is happening... why am I freaking out so bad? Oh, God, he smells good... I think he's finally learning how to wear cologne... why won't my heart stop beating so fast? This is ridiculous. Snap out of it, Sophia! Snap out of it! 

Christian touched the side of my face and that finally made me open my eyes. "I know you're probably going to think everything that I say is a lie, but I'm telling you right now that it's not. I mean every word I've said and I mean every word I'm gonna say. There's really no reason I can think of not to choose you. You're everything I need. You're imperfectly perfect. If that makes any sense... does it?" 

I laughed lightly, nodding. 

"Okay, good... Soph, you're beautiful. Really. How can you not see that? Your eyes, your smile, the evil look you get on your face right before you make me regret something stupid I did... They're all beautiful. You're like... a natural beauty. Yes, I remembered the word... you look amazing no matter what." 

"Even when I'm wearing a tank-top, sweatpants and sneakers with no make-up and my hair up in a messy ponytail?" I asked quietly. 

Christian laughed. "Especially when you're wearing a tank-top, sweatpants and sneaks with no make-up and your hair in a ponytail." 

He passed the test I had made up when talking to Tori. 

"You are a nice person. Maybe not to me most of the time, but I know you're a good person. You're just feisty, and trust me, I like that. You're hilarious, even though half of your sense of humor comes from making me look retarded. You're smart, witty, charming, and you keep me hooked. You're a roller coaster." He laughed, shaking his head. "I seriously don't know what to expect from you." 

I kind of was a roller coaster... I had no control over my emotions most of the time. 

"But you're right. You're not like the other girls I've dated or been interested in. You're better. I don't think I'll ever find another girl who can make me laugh, cry and feel like punching a wall at the same time." 

I was sad to inform that my eyes were watering and clouding my vision. I was seriously about to cry. What was going on with me? This was ridiculous! 

"You were wrong about one other thing, though. There was one girl out there that I couldn't have... and of course, she was the one I fell in love with." 

I, at least, was smart enough to figure out that he was talking about me. 

I fought a smile because my next statement had to be said with a serious face. "I swear to God, Christian, if you're lying to me, I'll cut your little friend off and feed it to a pack of wild hyenas." 

He laughed so hard, I thought he was going to start crying. "This is exactly what I'm talking about. Where am I going to find another girl who would say this to me? Where?" 

"You could always try eBay. They have pretty much everything there." 

He shook his head with a smile. "No, I want you. More than I've ever wanted anything or anyone else in my life... Tell me the truth, Soph. Do you still hate me?" 

"I already told you I forgave you," I pointed out.

"It's not the same thing, though." 

"I don't hate you," I replied honestly. "I like you... a lot." 

Wait. 

Did I seriously just say that? Ohmygod, it was true... I liked him... this was weird. This was beyond weird. This was weirder than the time Tori's parents got drunk and tried to go skinny dipping in their neighbor's four year old kid's kiddy pool. 

"Prove it to me," he whispered, grabbing me by the waist and pulling me towards him. "Kiss me, with no cameras around. Kiss me just because you want to." 

I didn't even think about it. I just grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him down to my level. There was a bit of a difference in our heights. He was over six feet while I was barely four inches over five. Our lips met and it just felt... right. It no longer mattered that I was going against everything I had ever sworn to myself. 

Sure, Christian wasn't perfect. He messed up when we were younger. What he did was horrible. I wasn't going to lie. But that was in the past. He had changed. He wasn't the same guy. He was an amazing guy, dorkiness, annoyingness, stupidity and meanness aside. Tori was right. I couldn't let a guy like him go. 

This kiss was better than the last three. And yes, it had just dawned on me that this was our fourth kiss. That was a lot for two people who had originally claimed to hate each other. There was no one around, unless Christian's bodyguards and dogs were snooping around. Not that it would matter if there was. We didn't even notice our surroundings. 

I didn't like admitting it, but God, he was a good kisser... he was seriously just out of this world. He made me wish we would never stop kissing. 

Eventually, though, we had to come up for breath. We both gave breathing a good run for its money, though. 

"Alright, I have a confession," I said, breathing hard. 

"What?" he asked slowly. 

"I don't actually think you kiss like a dog," I admitted with a sly smile. 

He laughed and wrapped his arms around me, holding me tight. "I don't think I've ever been this happy, honestly."

"Oh, I have one more," I said, pulling away just enough so I could look up at him. 

"One more confession?"

I shrugged. "Just one more thing to say." 

"Go ahead, then." 

"Yes," I said simply, smiling up at him. 

"Wait, what?" 

I actually... wait for it... resisted the urge to roll my eyes and slap at his head. "My answer is yes, Christian." 

Realization dawned on his features and he smiled widely. It was honestly the most adorable thing I had ever seen in my life. 

"I promise you, you won't regret it," he said, putting his forehead on mine and grinning at me. 

I laughed and said, "No, I'm sure I'll regret it... but I'm okay with that." 

He laughed with me and leaned down to kiss me again. And this time, I didn't even question the fact that I kissed back immediately.

***

The only reason it took so long for me to finish writing this was because I kept stopping and going, "AWWW." 

I have issues. I know. 

ANYHOO. 

Finally! 

The moment most of you have been waiting for. 

Hope it was as good as you hoped. :)

THIS IS NOT THE END. I always say when it is. This isn't it.